Need Advice - Ex Husband has the graduation tickets and will not let us attend.

[Donell]

I have a real problem that unfortunately stems from our family before Derek went into the Navy. My ex husband was abusive to me, and since I have told and gone for help with that situation, he has done some really cruel things to try and control me from beyond our marriage. Well, his latest stunt deals with Derek’s graduation from boot camp. My daughter told me that her dad (my ex-husband) has received the graduation tickets (4). Derek told me that he wanted me at his graduation, but my ex has kept the tickets for his himself, his new wife, and his (my ex’s) parents. Who do I go to for help? The tickets are supposed to go to his dad, me (his mom) his brother and sister. I don't think Derek knows what's happened yet. His sister is really surprised by not being given one of the tickets also. She and I have both cried over this. I don't know how to tell Derek that his brother, sister, and I have been uninvited or even if I should tell him while he is in boot camp. I sent him an Easter card but didn’t mention what has happened in the card, though. Since I only just got his address, I don't want my first contact with him in boot camp to be upsetting. I don't want to make boot camp any more difficult than it already is. Any suggestions? Please help.

[Karen Gallagher]

OK OK !! this is going to be easy !! believe it or not you can go to graduation!! YOU do not need to have tickets to go to the graduation that is only if there are too many recruits and that limits the amount of people in the hall. I have never heard or seen anyone ever turned away!!

YOU GO enjoy and hold your head high! you deserve it He is a wonderful man and you do not need to upset him with his dad being a total (I will be nice)

[Lori]

GO TO THE GRADUATION!!!! -Tell your son to put your name on the list - he can put only four names on the list. They will let you in without a ticket as long as you're on the list and have ID. It's true if there are too many recruits they have to limit. But the hall is huge. My son was in what they consider a big class and there was plenty of room..

[Kathy]

I'm having this same problem. My Son has sent a parking pass but no tickets. I know his Dad's family does not want me there. The bad thing is I think his Dad's parents received the tickets. Can me & his sister get in? Please help. He is graduating April 4th. I already have rooms reserved and everything, just can't imagine going and not being able to attend.

[Mary, Proud Mom of Nick]

There are not physical tickets to graduation!!! If you received the parking pass that means he has you on his list and you will be okay. Each recruit is allowed to submit 4 names for graduation but they do not mail "tickets" only a parking pass. I do know that often more than 4 can attend even if they are not on the list but as graduations go into the spring/summer months the volume of graduations grow and that could impact how many can attend. 4 is the standard allowable amount.

[Kathy]

Hi Mary, Than kyou for the information. SO I feel better now with the pass. Will my daughter be allowed in even if her name is not on the list. I know my son is torn apart over the families. His father has made things very difficult. How will we find out if she will be allowed in? We are leaving on the 3rd and I would like to get all the info now. Thanks so much!

[Robin]

Yes, your daughter will be able to attend. Just make sure she has ID. My parents went, they were not on the list and in we went. Also, you do not have to have the parking ticket. Just tell them you don't have one.

[Robin]

Take a book, a snack (granola bar, etc), and a small bottle of water. Oh and don't forget the tissue.

[Lynn "Derek's Mom"]

When is your son graduating?

Oh my God, that just made me so angry because my Derek and I suffer the same exact way with his father. The grand blessing of it all though is that my Derek finally had to come to the realization who is father was and on his own told his father that he no longer wanted him in his life. My ex- had no issues with Derek going to the Navy before but beginning of Feb (his departure was Feb 25) he began his mental abuse crap and in so many bad words told Derek off. The last 3 emails I never let my Derek see, but their saved.

Let us know when your Derek is graduating?

[Brenda Sue]

How wierd - what is there about the name Derek??? My son is named Derek, and we well could have had the same problems. Except his dad is such a (I too will be nice) - that his dad has not made any attempt to keep up with his progress. He told my Derek before he left to not bother writing - just concentrate on the Navy. I know my son had to be hurt for his dad to tell him this. I got the info for graduation - and I can only add - DON'T MISS IT MOM - Derek wants YOU there!!!!

[Donell]

What does that really say to your son when the father says for him not to write. Before boot camp, I wonder if the boys really do know just what is ahead of them. It seems to me that what your Derek heard from his dad was "I don't want to hear from you." That had to hurt...and you, too, becuase when our sons hurt, we hurt for them.
My ex won't share any of the information with any of us. Is there any information that is different from what they have posted on the Great Lakes Navy Boot Camp site? That site is how I found this site. I read somewhere that there is something going on Thursday as well.

[Jeanine #762]

Thursday is pizza night with the brass who will be attending PIR. This is for the sailors going through PIR. To my knowledge no family is invited. You don't see your sailor until they throw open those overhead garage doors and announce the divisions. Then you have to really hunt for them and then wait until all the hoopla is over and liberty is called before you can actually hug them. At least this is how it was in November 2007

[Donell]

Why do those men have to be like that? I don't know if my ex- writes to Derek or not. My Derek isn't to that point yet of telling off his Dad for good. I think he is still very confused about things. Mental abuse is a dangerous thing.