Need Advice - Ex Husband has the graduation tickets and will not let us attend.

[Donell]

I have a real problem that unfortunately stems from our family before Derek went into the Navy. My ex husband was abusive to me, and since I have told and gone for help with that situation, he has done some really cruel things to try and control me from beyond our marriage. Well, his latest stunt deals with Derek’s graduation from boot camp. My daughter told me that her dad (my ex-husband) has received the graduation tickets (4). Derek told me that he wanted me at his graduation, but my ex has kept the tickets for his himself, his new wife, and his (my ex’s) parents. Who do I go to for help? The tickets are supposed to go to his dad, me (his mom) his brother and sister. I don't think Derek knows what's happened yet. His sister is really surprised by not being given one of the tickets also. She and I have both cried over this. I don't know how to tell Derek that his brother, sister, and I have been uninvited or even if I should tell him while he is in boot camp. I sent him an Easter card but didn’t mention what has happened in the card, though. Since I only just got his address, I don't want my first contact with him in boot camp to be upsetting. I don't want to make boot camp any more difficult than it already is. Any suggestions? Please help.

[Beverly Staton]

Ok, I wanna know who's passing this EX-man around???? And why did you send him my way?? (lol) Thank the good Lord that man is gone from our lives, too. It was a horrific period in our lives & I'm so thankful it's over & he's completely out of our lives. (My son does not welcome his dad into his life at all {for other reasons}). But darned if I don't feel sorry for the next gal that gets' that EX-man! :) There is such great advice here from the other Moms, Donell, that I'm hoping you're going to be able to work it out & are planning on going. It will be one of the proudest moments of your life (and Derek's). God Bless you all.
Love and Prayers,
Bev

[Donell]

I don't know! lol But if he comes back my way again, I attend to pass him on posted with a red flag that says, "Stay away from this guy!"
There is really great advice. I cannot believe how I felt when I found out about what EX-man has done. (He would be so mad if he knew we call him EX-man. LOL) EX-man...that is just hilarious!
I hope the next gal can see what I couldn't see about the EX-man. It's that same old thing...If I knew then what I know now...I would have been able to see through "sweet, kind" behavior.
Thank you so much for the advice and laughter; it feels good to laugh.
Take care,
Donell

[Kathy M]

I had a similar situation when my 2nd sailor had his PIR. My first sailor had unlimited guests and I was able to attend with my boyfriend, my mother & one of my sisters. My ex attended with our other son, both his parents and one his sisters. Kelly's girlfriend also attended. No problem.... we even went to lunch with them all, trying to make it a special occasion for Kelly because he was limited for time... he had duty later that day.

Michael had his PIR after 9/11 and security had changed to a great degree. I did get a parking pass in the mail but it only covered me. Michael's other 3 invitations went to his father and his fathers' parents. I think we had flown into Milwaukee, near where my mother lived and rented a car. I drove down for the PIR with my boyfriend and had no idea if they would let him in or not. They never even questioned him and we had no problem getting in. If you don't have a parking pass and there are a lot of cars, go early. If they don't let your car in, perhaps they'll let you park off base and walk in. If they have your names it should be a no brainer. How horrible to have such an important event turned into a bitter game.

As it turned out, Michael ended up going with his dad's party after the PIR and we had no idea where they disappeared to and had to just drive back to Wisconsin. We still had a nice party the next day for Michael and my family treated his dad with kindness and respect as though he were still part of the family.

A funny thing happened at the party. My sister served sandwiches that had poppy seeds on them. My son took one bite, asked if there were poppy seeds and had to spit the bite out because he did not want to test positive for drugs that he was sure the poppy seeds would show up as opium in his system.

[Kimandtheboys]

Kyle graduated from boot camp yesterday. I don't think you have anything to worry about. There is no "ticket". The recruit is the one who puts the guests on his list for graduation. BUT we brought 3 extra people yesterday. This was a total surprise to Kyle. We could not fit in our Suburban (we had 9 all together, 2 were under 12 so didn't count as a seat). So here's the deal. You turn on Illinois into the gate of the base, but the next street is Ohio and you can turn in there, it is a small metro parking lot. We left a vehicle at this lot. There was a barbed wire fence and on the other side was a large building which was the graduation hall. Four of us walked about one block to the base. The 3 people who were not on the list simply had to show ID and they stamped all our hands and we waltzed in with everyone else. The extra people were not held anywhere else to let people with a guaranteed seat in first. It is first come first serve seating for everyone. So go to the graduation, and even if you ex thinks he's getting one up on you, it's not an issue. They will not turn anyone away at the gate. There was ample seating in the graduation hall even though it was crowded, and they had over 10 divisions graduating yesterday. I guess the only issue is that your recruit will have Friday, Saturday and Sunday for liberty and you will all want to spend it with your son, so as long as you can stand each other's company, go and have a great time!!!!!!

[bonnie]

Thanks for the post graduation information!

[Summer]

When does he graduate? Your son has to list his visiting people. When we went to my son's graduation, his dad had the information packet. I'm not really sure if he even had "tickets" only information on having an ID, rules, etc., If your son has listed your name you should be able to get in. I hope you get to see your son, let us know okay?

[Patricia]

There are no actual tickets. Your son puts 4 names on a list that is at the gate. Much to your x-husbands suprise he does not get to control any of it. It will be up to your son and the list has to be finalized one week prior to the graduation. When you get the form letter about gradution your son will have filled in the 4 names that he is putting on the list. Suprise the x has no control! Only what he has over your son.

Pat

[Tessie]

Go to the Graduation.. it is not your e-husbands graduation, it's YOUR son. Write to your son and tell him to put you on the LIST and would like to attend. there's no limit on how many people you can bring...When my son graduated from BC, there were plenty of seats available ... and enjoy...don't let your ex control the situation..Good luck..

[Lois]

I had the same thing with the kids growing up and divorced IT! 3 years ago but mine hate their dad so much and will not forgive him at this point I don't have to worry but I did have a question about graduation and sent an email to the ombudsman and she forwarded it to the commander and the commander wrote me back say no problem. So you can try that route but they also said whatever the recruit puts down is what goes and they never turn away. So if your sons writes you two down then go and shuttle it.

[Susan]

I'm with everyone elese. Go to Graduation!!! Just like Karen said, you do not need tickets. I was told only 4 of us could attend gradution and there were 7 of us. They let us all in without any questions. Enjoy!!

[Kathy]

Did they let all of you in even though there names were not on "the list" I really want my daughter to be able to attend. I have been really worried about this.

[Summer]

Well what originally happened was R.W. had one of the other guys who didn't have all four people coming put one of my daughters on his list, but we ended up not needing to supply his name or whatever. Of course we went in two separate groups and had our names checked by two different people.