Embracing the last few moments

[Rebecca M.]

I hugged Adam so tight seconds before he boarded the bus and sobbed the whole drive home.

The phone, for the next two days (due to his flight being cancelled into O’Hara), was my appendage. I didn’t want Adam to get a cold answering machine.

We received his last two second phone call Saturday morning at 2 am. “I’m here at Boot Camp, I gotta go. I love you.” was all he said.

The feeling of emptiness does not scratch the surface of this emotional distress. People keep telling me “He’ll be fine” or “This will be good for him”. I know all this. It does not comfort me. Nothing anyone says can comfort me. Shock to one’s physical being is the only description I can muster. I’m numb while the world revolves around me.

Will this get better with time or will it worsen as I miss him more?

I read Honor, Courage and Commitment (Navy Boot Camp). I know what is going on. I know about what he will be doing week to week. Do they keep the recruits too busy to be homesick? I worry about him being lonely.

What makes me think that Adam can’t “do” without me? Is it the feeling of not being needed that saddens me? Is it maternal?

I’m exhausted with woe.

[Shelly]

Rebecca, my son left 4 1/2 weeks ago. I didn't go with him to the airport. I didn't hug him that tightly before he left. I was in denial that he was going at all. I started to feel the twinge at the going away party I threw for him when I was watching our boys playing football in the yard and I thought about how long it might be before I ever get to watch that again. Crying now just thinking about it. So it has hit me very hard too, and lots of tears and uncontrollable sobbing. You're not along in your thoughts. I have wondered exactly the same thing, on how is it that my son is surviving without me. I always thought I was his rock. But you know what? Half way through now and he is much stronger than I ever imagined. But what you said about walking around numb... that was me yesterday. Everyone else just seems so happy. Even my friends who at first understood... or tried to. Even my husband just kind of looks at me with confusion... I know he thinks about all the times my son drove me CRAZY and thinks maybe I should be relieved that he is on his own and doing well. I AM. But there is this hole... Deeper than I ever imagined and sadder than I ever expected. I keep wondering if he knows how hard it is for me. Anyway. As the weeks go by it will get a little easier. Sorry if I rambled, I just wanted to tell you I understand and I'm sorry you are having such a tough time.

[Rebecca M.]

Thank you Shelly. You know exactly how I feel. That in it's self means alot.

[jozzeeski]

I just dropped my son off about an hour ago - It really didn't hit me until last week when they called w/the date and time - an exact time for drop off!!!!! Last week every night on the way home from work I cried. Today I sobbed uncontrollaby in the car after dropping him off - I know it is the best for him and I was very happy/relieved when he enlisted last summer before his senior year of highschool. I remember having those feelings that I couldn't wait for him to go because he would make me so angry - Now he is gone and I am empty, but trying to just focus on the positive.

[Mary, Proud Mom of Nick]

Sorry girl, it won't get better until you get his address and then it will get better when you get your first letter from him and then it will get better when you finally get a phone call or receive the graduation package and start making your travel plans.

Just know many of us have been there and there are many more going thru it right now with you - it will get easier, it just may take a couple of weeks before you see it. hang in there!

[Dianne C]

Rebecca,
You are so normal! It does get better. For him it will get better at about the 4 week mark. For you, It will get better when you get the first long phone call and then go to PIR. The relief comes from writing everyday and sending cards and pictures. You are needed. Write everyday and when you get his address...send all of those letters at once! That is the only touch from the outside world for him -- mail call every night but Sunday. Write every day. Encourage him to keep his chin up no matter what. That is your job mom. You are needed! He needs you to keep him going. Send his address to all of his favorite teachers, grandparents, God parents and friends that are close to him. Have them write also. Send him jokes and make him laugh. It is something he can share with his bunk mates and will help with the morale of the whole division. Send printouts from the internet of headlines on CNN or sport scores or whatever he is interested in. Make each letter fun, but always tell him to keep up the good work. What he is doing is for all Americans! We appreciate him and all of our sons and daughters serving. So.... get busy and keep that phone with you at all times!

[Bonnie K]

Rebecca,

My son Josh has been gone all of a week now. I am sending this to you now from work. I should be working, but I am consumed with grief and the only thing that seems to help is learning all I can about the Navy, and boot camp,and anything else I can. This site has helped TREMENDOUSLY and I am so thankful for it. I took a vacation day to see him off, then had to call in sick the next day because I could not stop crying. I am somewhat functional now, but it has been a looooong week.

It helped when we got his 'box' and I have the form letter with his address waiting for me at home. (I know it came today because my DH called me at his lunch time - he went home to check the mail). Every day gets a little better, but I am consumed with the Navy.

I don't think anyone that has not been through this can understand.

[Rebecca M.]

I called in sick Friday too. Like I said...I was glued to the phone, just in case. I've already wrote him three letters...I don't even have his address yet. Thank you for reply.

[Bonnie]

bonnie
my son cameron left june 30. I am still crying about little things. I got a letter today and when he was at home we fought about church and he said he wanted to tell me that i would be happy that god was a big part of his life now. The way he put it that it was his saving grace it made cry just like when he first left.

[Rebecca M.]

It helps knowing that the Navy is what he wanted. I think I was in denial until he got on the bus. I broke. And it hits me at the oddest times. In the produce department at Kroger to a certain way someone asks about him. Wahhhhh. I don't break easily either. It's like I worked myself out of a job...parenting.

[Tammy]

The first two weeks are by far the hardest. It's totally a mom thing. I couldn't even walk by Tyler's room without crying. I'd cry because I didn't have his laundry to do, I'd cry because he wasn't here for dinner, I'd cry when I heard certain songs. I was a tear factory. It seems that when I got his address and was able to have some form of communication I started doing better. Prepare yourself for the box. That'll make you cry to. I still have Tyler's shirts in the box because they smell like him. I wish I'd found this site sooner. He was gone for almost 3 weeks before I found N4M's. These ladies are so sweet. He graduates July 18th and I can't wait to see him. When I have to leave him again, the tear factory will be back open for business. I just got my first phone call last Saturday. It had been almost 8 weeks since I'd heard his voice. That made me cry to because I missed telling him goodnite, I love you. When they are growing up it seems like forever before they leave, then when the time comes we just aren't emotionally prepared!! If you ever want to talk we're all here for you. Hugs, Tammy

[Lynn P.]

Hi Tammy,
I can relate with all of you. I miss hearing his footsteps bouncing up the stairs and hearing him ask "Whats for dinner". I have not emptied his box either, I walk into his room intending to but then I change my mind at the last minute. I am looking forward to seeing the man that God has in his plans but it was really hard to let go of the boy that I have known for so long. My husband tells me this is what we do as a parent, we grow them up to be strong, responsible individuals and then we let them go. Easier to say than do. I am sure it will get easier as time passes. Hang in there!

[Rebecca M.]

I know....I was smelling some of Adam's shirts the other day and thought to myself, if some sees me doing this, they'll think it's weird. But, they smelled just like him. I'm glad you shared that with me. Thanks!