Embracing the last few moments

[Rebecca M.]

I hugged Adam so tight seconds before he boarded the bus and sobbed the whole drive home.

The phone, for the next two days (due to his flight being cancelled into O’Hara), was my appendage. I didn’t want Adam to get a cold answering machine.

We received his last two second phone call Saturday morning at 2 am. “I’m here at Boot Camp, I gotta go. I love you.” was all he said.

The feeling of emptiness does not scratch the surface of this emotional distress. People keep telling me “He’ll be fine” or “This will be good for him”. I know all this. It does not comfort me. Nothing anyone says can comfort me. Shock to one’s physical being is the only description I can muster. I’m numb while the world revolves around me.

Will this get better with time or will it worsen as I miss him more?

I read Honor, Courage and Commitment (Navy Boot Camp). I know what is going on. I know about what he will be doing week to week. Do they keep the recruits too busy to be homesick? I worry about him being lonely.

What makes me think that Adam can’t “do” without me? Is it the feeling of not being needed that saddens me? Is it maternal?

I’m exhausted with woe.

[Jamie]

Rebecca,
our son just left for GL this morning he had his final swear in at 9:00am he should be almost to GL now we are waiting by the phone for his 30 sec phone call

[Victoria]

(( hugs )) lots of them. you're right, there are very few words to comfort you at home.
but the more you know, the better you will be. it's in the "not knowing" that will drive you batty.
research, ask questions, stay up on the topics, and even comment now and then. it helps.

[Sonia]

yes and i found that praying alot works well for you both....Cody called first time was crying and so upset and home sick....just broke my heart,,,i thought i was going to die.....i mean i could feel my heart just coming out of my chest......all i knew was to drop to my knees and pray....i prayed morning noon and night...if i woke up cryng at night i would pray and all threw they day i would whisper prayers......it really changed things for me and for him.............

[Joni Simmons]

Hi Rebecca! It does get better, but not really until your receive his first letter which takes a week or two (it seems like a lifetime). My son and I are very close (mama's boy for sure), but you need to remain strong for his sake. I think the hardest thing for my son is worrying about me. He knows how this is affecting me, so he worries about that. Let him know how much you miss him, but also let him know you are doing o.k 'cause he doesn't need that distraction. My son is very homesick, but yes they do keep them busy enough that it's not as bad as we think.

My first legitimate phone call was 2 -1/2 weeks in and depending on how their division is doing depends on the length of the call along with when and how often, so embrace every second of the call. His call to me was suppose to be 30 min but right before he called a recruit in his division screwed up, so his call ended up being 15 min. he was pissed as was I, however, again, I embraced every second I had with him.

He will go in a boy and come out a man. A man mama can and will definately be proud of!!!

Hang in there!!!

Joni

[Carolyn Williams]

Rebecca, Hi I'm Carolyn. I (as all the other Mothers on here) know exactly how you feel. I think we all were total "basket cases", especially the first couple of weeks after our "children" left for BC. To be honest, I still am and my Son will be graduating July 25th!! The one good thing is that you found this group early...it is soooo helpful to talk to other Moms who "really" understand what you are goin thru!! I don't know how many other Mom's have experienced this, but to add to my woes, my Son called me about a week and a half into BC (he had to go thru the Chaplain to do this), crying and saying that "this is not for me" and how "homesick" he was, and that he was thinking about trying to "get out"...needless to say this broke my heart (because as Mother's we think we're always suppose to be able to "fix" things and in this situation, I was helpless). That was on a Sunday and I didn't get his first letter til the following Thursday with his address in it. I broke down (again) when I read the letter and he said "Momma, I never knew how much "home" meant to me til now"! I had 6 or 7 letters written by that time, and ran out ASAP and mailed them "overnight" (which didn't matter because for some reason, he didn't get them til the following Monday!!! :( ). Being that they send out their mail on Sunday, his next letter said he still hadn't received any mail from me and was worried that he had written his address down incorrectly...I was sooo upset being that I had sent mail overnight because he "needed" my support!!! It was a whole 'nother week before I heard from him again (and mind you, I was ready for the "psych ward" by this time). This was the first bit of relief that I had gotten the whole time he had been gone (3 wks by then)...he said things were better (still rough, but better) and he called that same day (stupid me didn't answer the phone, but he got to leave a voicemail and it sounded soooo good to hear him sounding "better"). What I'm tryin to say (in a long round about way...LOL) is that it will be rough on you and him for the first few weeks but it will get easier!!!! You'll cry and worry the whole time (that's a Mother for ya) especially (as some of the Mothers have said) when you walk into his room, see his pics or even the little things that use to get on your "last nerve"...but it does get a little easier as you start getting letters and calls. Just a heads up....after missing that phone call from Kevin (my Son's name), I now take my cell phone with me everywhere...even to the bathroom (and it's a good thing I do because on the 4th he called and where was I...in the bathroom...LOL)!!!!! Just write lots of letters (in every letter and call from Kev, he says "keep the letters comin Momma, they help so much"!!), I write to him everyday and tell him what's goin on (only the good things tho) and who all asks about him. Just keep encouraging him and when you do break down, remember you're not the only one and it is okay...after all, you're a Mother...that's our "job"!! Good Luck to you and your Son!!!!

[Rebecca M.]

Wow! I can't imagine the phone call you received from your son. He stuck it out though. He's stronger than you thought. All our children are. My prayers are with you and your son. God Bless.

[Cyndy]

My son has been gone for just over two weeks and I have to admit that it is getting easier. Still haven't heard from my son other than the box of dirty clothes and the three handwritten lines on the official paperwork. In all his years at summer camp, I never got a letter from him, but I am expecting a phone call at any time. I write Alex every day, just a page or two, kind of like I am chatting to him. That has helped me tremendously and I think it will help him feel more connected. Search this site, every one of us have been in your shoes and still are! These moms on this site have been a wonderful source of support and advice. You are not alone!

[Cindy Corpsman Mom]

My son left 3.5 weeks ago, seems so much longer. I sobbed until I thought my heart would break. It didn't take much for me to cry for two weeks. My son lived in Seattle, we live in Boise. I ended up giving him a very quick goodbye as he was leaving his travel briefing and going to lunch. It was not the goodbye I wanted to give him. We brought back his stuff in a u-haul, I looked out the window and cried knowing we were bringing his stuff home while he was on his way to boot camp. How was he going to handle being yelled at for nothing? Why do they make our children stay awake for almost two days? Whys? Whats? Ifs? It tore my heart out knowing I wouldn't be able to communicate with him until these men, who I don't know, told him it's okay. I can tell you, in all honesty, it does get better. Do those feelings of emptiness and lonliness ever go away. No. There will always be a piece of your heart and mind that stays with your son. Remember that you are not alone. Those emotions and feelings that you are experiencing, they're real, and you have every right to grieve. Our sons/daughters are becoming Navy Sailors, we know that. Most of all, we know that they are our children and we love them, we are proud of them, we raised them to go out and live the life they want. Always and foremost though, we are their Mom's no matter how old they are.

[Charlene]

We can all relate to these feelings. Keep in touch with others here at N4M site. We will keep you encouraged. You are not alone in this. It does get better, but until you see him graduate from boot camp........then, you will be so proud of him and of yourself for letting him go, letting him grow, and yes Adam will make it!!!! If you need a friend, write me.....my son has been in for three years now. I just joined this site a few weeks ago but wish I had done it earlier. Take care and write back if you need to talk.

[cold]

Oh my gosh. I understand completly what you mean. My son Pir 6-13 and is in A school now. I could not even go in his bedroom for about 2 weeks. Moms on this site all go through it differently. My therapy came in writting him. I wrote him every min. I could. Even before I had an address to send to. He jokes with me and said that letter took him all week to read due to the lenght. Writing made me feel like I was talking to him and shareing the day to day stuff. It did get better and I really had to trust in God to take care of him.

[Mary Ellen ---Red Sox Diva]

Andrew leaves tonight. The recruiter is picking him up at some point and taking him to the local ARB. He doesn't know when he leaves for the airport tomorrow, or when his flight is, so when he drives away tonight---it will be the last time I see him for 3 months. That is if i get a chance to go to his graduation from boot camp---I'm not sure if I can get the time off, or afford to fly out there. So, I can understand your pain---I am trying to keep busy rearranging the house, cleaning like a mad woman, and making his favorite dinner for tonight.
Does it get easier?
Oh---I bought two extra boxes of tissues today!

[cold]

I feel your pain. I had to leave this site earlier because I was remember my first days and it was too much. Yes is gets a little easier. Keep buying the tissues you will need them often over the next 8 weeks. Why 3 months Boot camp is only 8-9 weeks? I highly recommend going to boot camp graduation if any way possible. If he kept his cell phone, he can call you tonight. He can even call you tomorrow if he has a wait for his plane. My son called me up until he boared the plane then even gave his GF a call right when the plane landed in Chicago. I got the quick "I'm here" call later that evening. You will get a box of his stuff in about a week. I took out my sons shirt and buried my face in it because it smelled like him. Start a letter to him now. Remeber he is safe and this was his choice. He will become a wonderful man. I can say that becasue I witnessed it first hand. What these childen of ours is doing is amazing and every chance I get I tell them.
It is okay to be sad cause it is a part of you that is leaving and won't be the same. It does good to cry and get it out. Rest assured each day gets a little better and when you get the first real letter, you feel like you've been handed gold. Good luck to you and your recruit. I'm hear to listen if you need someone to talk to .