Anticipating

[Del El Bor]

My two babies are now adults and both wanted to enlist and no matter what I do, I get the feeling of emptiness already as their meeting with the recruiter is coming near. They wanted to go alone as they said they can enlist on their own. I respect their wishes but it's tearing me apart not knowing what will transpire during their meeting. Is any mom out there not present during this kind of meeting?
Just need some peace of mind and advice.

[Kathy]

Hi, Del My son was living in another state far from home when he enlisted. We talked quite a bit long distance during the entire process which was difficult. It's so much better to discuss lifechanging decisions face to face and over time rather than through phone calls. I just had to trust that my concerns and advice were being addressed whenever he had a meeting. We visited the recruiter on a trip out to visit him. The recruiter gave me his card and told me that his name would be "attached" to my son for the entire time my son would be in the Navy. This is very different from when my husband enlisted in the Air Force during Vietnam. The recruiter told me that I should feel free to contact him with questions, concerns, etc. This made me feel much better. I read in one of your posts that you recently lost your husband. I think this is at the core of what you are feeling. Be easy on yourself. I understand wanting to be strong for our children, but your feelings are real and valid. Don't afraid to be honest when you talk with your sons. Being honest with one's feelings is also a show of strength. Hang in there. I'll keep you in prayer.

[Evelyn]

I wasn't there.
He wanted to do this alone, and when he wanted advice, he asked us for it.
Letting go this way is one of the hardest things about being a mom. It makes you pray, pray, pray!

My husband supervised from afar, and instructed our son not to sign anything until he ran it by us, but we weren't at the recruiters.

I feel for you. There's a VERY helpful book on this: Feathers From My Nest by Beth Moore.
She wrote this book as her children left the nest.
I cried all the way through it.
God knows.

[Spokane Renae]

We were not present for any of our son's meetings with his recruiter. He was 20 years old and it was past time that he begin making mature, adult decisions. We'd done all we could to guide him thus far. We felt strongly that this was his deal. He is bright, and needed to learn to make decisions and live with the consequences. The hardest part for us was that his rate was only available more than 11 months down the road. I thought I might kill him during the ensuing months. We had our ups and downs, but survived. In the end we are grateful that we had that time with him. He stayed on track and entered the Navy on 6/6/06. He kept his qualification for his chosen rate and excelled in BC.
I'm glad we let him do this on his own. We pressured him to join the military for his own good. And it has proved to be a good place for him.

[Alicia Texas mother of Chris/A blue candle mom]

Del, it is hard as a mother not to want all our information,,,,now, immediately,, of the where when and why... With that being said... as a Navy moms we have learned we don't get the answers immediately, we don't always know where when or why... what we do know is our children chose what they are doing. With or without our blessings our children make decisions for themselves. We Navy moms know your feeling of uncertainty and anticipation, we know the fears and thoughts that run through your head... did we know all the answers no, did we get all the answers, no but we have walked the shoes of the mom who had an 18 year old that could talk to the recruiters by themselves and make their decisions. It is something most military personnel make themselves these days and the beauty of all this is Your sons have a choice, years ago, they didn't get a choice.. they had a draft. If your sons are talking to them praise God they have a choice whether they will serve or not. I wish we had loads of information to give you on what a Mom Can Do... truth is we can SUPPORT as we are doing on this website today. We support our children and the decision they made. Now if yours sons chose not to serve...Support them... if they chose to serve Support Them... other moms that have children going through the decision making WE SUPPORT YOU... God Bless you and remember one day at a time, one minute at a time and pray... Now that is a True Navy Mom... We Pray

[Kathy S]

Hi, Del El Bor: I was a mom of a just barely 18 year old who enlisted on his own. He had been talking about the military since he was 16 but had been in contact with the Air Force and the Army. His call at my office in the middle of the afternoon to tell me he had enlisted in the Navy came as a surprise. But, the best thing you can do is be supportive. Don't pry too much and let them be responsible for their decision. A very wise N4M once told me that once they tell you informaiton you're responsible for how you deal with it. Sometimes, the less you know the better. The Navy has a lot to offer a young man or woman so try not to look at this as a bad thing. It takes real guts to enlist during a wartime period and not take the college/job route. They will gain lifetime skills, confidence, maturity and job skills you just can't get in the outside world. I had that empty nest feeling too. I still get that feeling now and again. But I get through it and you will too. Try to stay focused on the fact that they chose their path and your husband would be proud and so should you. They've made a choice and a good one. Hang in there and remember, you'll get more information by listening than by asking questions. The best opener I can think of is...are you happy with your decision to joing the Navy? if you are-I am...then see where the conversation takes you. Try to relax. They will be well taken care of. Good luck and best wishes. Kathy S

[Pat]

I have know since Andrew was in elementary school that he would go military. We made arrangements for him to attend a high school that had an NJROTC unit. He originally considered the Naval Academy, then the ROTC unit at his favorite university, then back to the Naval Academy...he even had started the paper work for the academy, gotten his preliminary number, and had made the arrangements and driven three states away to meet a recruiter to talk the Academy (his h.s gave them three days to be used to visit college campuses)...he came back saying he was going to be a Nuke on a sub. The only time I saw the local recruiter was when he came to pick Andrew up for boot camp.
Note: All recruiters do their jobs a little differently, some are very active, others are not. Bottom line...do the research and ask questions. Best wishes to both of your sons.

[Marian]

Del, I can so understand your "emptiness", which has to be especially difficult with the loss of your husband. I am so sorry. My girls are grown now, with families of their own, but they just loved the time they spent in the Navy. I was a single mom who really didn't teach them as much as I should about being independent, and the Navy was a great decision for them. Both girls were stationed for a couple years in Rota, Spain (because they were sisters they could do that); they went to Italy, Portugal, Greece, etc. and it was an amazing experience. The people stationed with them were not just friends, they were "family". I was not a part of their enlistment process either, and worried, but they did just fine.

I hope they share the experience with you....are they daughters or sons? I suppose sons are much more concerned about doing this on their own, but I am sure they will let you know exactly what is happening. Hopefully you can explain to them your feelings and that you need to know how this whole process unfolds......

Please be comforted....these children of ours grow so quickly and it is never easy to let them go..

Take care...you must be so proud of them!!

[Trish]

Hey Del,

I do know what you mean about not having your husband there and your babies leaving your side. I lost my husband in 2001 and my son was only 11.
But when he went to talk to his recruiter he went alone. The second time I went with him and asked his rec all kinds of questions. His recruiter seemed nice and answered all of my questions. My son ships out Jan 7,2009 and I am counting the days. I wont see him on the 6th or the 7th. I am sad but it is time he spreads his wings and makes his own way in life, but mom will always be there to catch him if he needs it ! :)

[Jim Gramza]

Del,
It will be ok. Trust us...

[Kimandtheboys]

Since one is wanting a SEAL contract...he will take the ASVAB to make sure he scores high enough to qualify for SEALs. Then they will enlist him under a different job that he picks. After that, he will take a PST test. Once he passes the PST, they will change his contract to one for SEAL. They will most likely hook him up with a SEAL motivator who will work out with him. Our son enlisted at 17 and was in DEP and took the PST once a month and had meetings at the recruiter's office, too, until he shipped to boot camp. They keep the Special Ops guys separate from the other recruits in boot camp.
Our recruiter contacted us and set up a meeting with my husband and I. He came to our house and offered to answer any questions. I don't know if that is because my son was not 18 yet or if that was just common practice.
We went to MEPS both times my son was sworn in (first for DEP, second time to ship out).
We have a group for SEAL Moms, also PreBUD/S Moms on this site. You might like to read through old posts. Our son is in BUD/S Class 273.

[Misty ProudMomOfASailor- Blake]

My son is now 18 and signed up for the DEP program in May, when he was 17. We went with him to see the recruiter and I was very apprehensive. At first he had said he was thinking about the Marines. So, needless to say, I was a bit relieved (as a mom) when he changed it to the Navy. After learning about the opportunities the Navy has to offer, including being able to take classes for college with a professor on board the ship, was awesome! That isn't something many other branches can offer while on duty. Now, will he take classes? He says he will and I certainly hope he does!

He leaves June 09 for bc and I am apprehensive, but at the same time excited for him.

I learned in a bible study class a while back that a mom is to let her sons leave and begin his new family. At that point he is expected to head his household and his wife. As a mom, it is heartbreaking to let them go. But, I know we did a great job raising him and letting him go will be a true testament to that. I will pray for him and look forward to visits and phone calls. How much more proud can we be though knowing they are making decisions for a rewarding career where all this support for us and them is there and waiting?!!? **Tear**
Love you guys ~ Misty

[Cheryl Proud to be Allen's Mom]

Hi Del,

I wasn't at my son's meeting either. As a matter of fact, I didn't even know that he was enlisting until AFTER he called me to inform me that he had already talked to a recruiter. My son did "allow" me to meet and talk to the recruiter at a later date. This helped to aleviate some of my fears. It is very difficult to allow them to do this, but just remember that this is their life and their decision to make. Whether they were going to go to college or in the service we can't make this decision for them. It was something that I had to realize that I had to let my "baby" grow up and live his own life. Believe me it was(and still is) something that I struggle with. Prayer also is something that I do continously. I will also pray for you to get through this. Remember that you have the right to be PROUD of them also. That is another thing that helps me to get through each day. God bless and my best to you and yours, Cheryl