Convincing my son to join-right or wrong?

[snoozymom]

Hi everyone. Here's my problem. We saw a recruiter with my son (who is 17 and now a senior in High School) early last summer. At first he was reluctant but my husband and I (plus the recruiter) explained all the benefits of joining. He got an 82 on his ASVAB and is maybe interested in the CT rates. They also may test him for Nukes. He ended up going to MEPS and got all the way through the physical and then had problems because of his eyes (nearsighted). So we waited on a waiver which took a few months. It just recently came through (finally). Unfortunately since we had to wait so long that it seemed like it would never happen, my son got cold feet and felt like we were forcing this on him. He says he is not "psyched up" about it. After a lot of fighting and misunderstandings I took him to the recruiter's office to talk to them again yesterday. He wanted to quit, but they really talked him into thinking about it again. The timing is perfect-He is scheduled to swear in on Nov 3. The recruiter said there will be all jobs open at that time but may narrow down considerably if he waits a while. They are trying to tell him all the great opportunities the Navy affords but he just wants to do nothing. I think he is lazy and afraid and just wants to stay home and hang with his friends. My husband and I think this would be great for him-awesome opportunities, everything paid for, great job potential after he gets out, etc. But as a mom, I still feel he shouldn't be forced to do this if he really doesn't want it. I am worried he will stress out and lose it. My husband thinks it will make a man out of him. The problem is he doesn't want anything else either. He sort of wants college but we could never pay for that. We practically live paycheck to paycheck. And then what? Lots of kids that have degrees can't even find jobs or are working at Target, etc. because they can't find jobs in their field. Then they have trouble paying off their loans. I know this is long but we are really having a hard time with this. I am completely torn. The recruiter asked him to come in today after school and attend a DEP meeting. He will run with the others and exercise and do all the other Navy stuff they do. He reluctantly agreed to go. I hope he will talk to some of the other people in DEP and realize that this will be great for him.

This is causing a big problem between my husband and I. He feels that our son should do this no matter what and would be crazy not to do it and I feel that it is awesome, wonderful and the best thing for him but still don't want to force him. What would you do? I am afraid if he doesn't do this he will not have a good life. Everything will be very hard and take way longer if he doesn't do this. This is tearing me up. I really don't know what is right. Anyway, thanks for listening. I just needed to get this out. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Sheila

[Paula]

Bottom line, who will be serving you, your husband or your son? It has to be your son's decision, you guys may give him pointers but don't force anything on him. He needs to be in the right state of mind to do this. The ones who want to do this are psyched up but also scared. Give him his space but then again your the parents, you know what works best for your child.

[Suzanne]

What is your son doing now? Has he completed high school? Does he have any plans if he doesn't join the Navy?

When my son was in his senior year of high school, I spoke with often about his plans for life after graduation. I told him he had 3 choices: go to a college, trade school, or technical school, join the military, or get a full time job (or a combination of part-time jobs to equal 40 hours a week). There were NO other choices. I was fully supportive of any of the options that he was interested in looking at. He chose the military.

I've seen too many young men and women who have been pushed - hard - into joining the Navy, with disasterous results. Bottom - like he has to really want this.

Good luck!

[snoozymom]

Paula, that's a good way to look at it: Who will be serving? I hadn't looked at it quite that way.

Suzanne, He is in his senior year. I have told him he needs a plan but we can't afford college. We talked about a trade such as plumber (my FIL was one). He would like to maybe do that or work and go to community college which I think we may be able to swing. The problem is my husband insists he will be a total loser if he doesn't join the Navy. No if's ands or buts. It really bothers me and doesn't seem right but when I go to the recruiting office they even convince me how great it is. I don't understand why my son doesn't want it but he just doesn't. It would be so much easier on us if he did go but what kind of life would that be for him? I like your 3 choices you gave your son. Mine would like to do college but like I said no way could we afford it besides we are too late to apply for this year. I don't get why he would want to pay off loans for years instead of having it paid for by the Navy but I do think it should be his choice. This is causing a huge disagreement between my husband and I. I wish I knew the right answer. Thanks again.

[Hoppi aka Angie]

Was your husband in the USN? Where you in the USN?

Food for thought...can your son put up with below and than some....

Being away from family and friend for months on end.
Not having control over what you get served for chow.
Having to take 1,2 or 3 people out on liberty with you at all times.
Getting screamed at for not ____.
Getting in trouble for ______.
Being sick and told to take these and go back to work.
Being told what to do and how to do it.
Being woken up in the middle of the night for drills.
Not being able to drive your car when and where you want.
Watching your friends slowly go crazy due to the lack of contact with the outside world.
Hearing one of your Shipmates went U/A.
Hearing one of your Shipmates are in the hospital as they tried to kill themselfs.

As far as the Recruiter saying all the jobs will be open when they go for the swearing in. The recruiter has NO idea what will be open at that time.

What if your son joins and than decides he doesn't like it and does something stupid to get out? Than what will happen?

[Anti M]

Good list, Hoppi. You forgot thew super-strict dress code.

One thing though, staying at home and doing nothing should not be an option.

[Hoppi aka Angie]

oh-yea and peeing in a cup on demand. That one is always fun :~}

I have a choice on my dress code now. I can pick if I want to wear black socks,black shoes, and a black purse or brown socks, brown shoes, and a brown purse. LOL!

[Anti M]

LOL, monitoring those peeing in cups... adventure indeed.

[Hoppi aka Angie]

I hate doing that, the story's that could be told about that. LOL!

[WaywardGypsy]

Ponders your list..... I served for 12 years and I am shaking my head at your list.
You are making it sound like some kind of prison.
Are you currently enlisted?
Sorry .. you need to get some of your facts straight, before you post such things on here, for people who really dont know how the service is.. your "list" makes it sound horrid. I am not saying its all peaches and cream.. its what you make of it, it can be the best time of your life.. or it can be the worst.

Watching your friends go crazy for the lack of contact to the outside world???
Not being able to drive your car when and where you want to????
Not sure what countries Navy you are talking about here.
Some of the things apply to Bootcamp...but not totally when you are out in the fleet.
I could go on about your "list" ... I think I said enough about it.

I got out in 94, and yes some things change... but not like you are portraying it.

Just my humble opinion on your post.... and nothing against you personally.

[Pam Mom of Justin]

That sounds absolutely horrible. Why does anyone ever want to do it. My son is leaving very soon and i really deep inside wish he would change his mind. Now after reading this I really want him to stay home.

[Mom25]

Pam, I hear you, and am sorry you ran across such extreme posts at this point in your journey.
After spending many years as an Army wife I was still really upset when my son enlisted in the USMC ten years ago. It has all worked out for the best. If it was your son's decision, I encourage you to support him and be proud that he is willing to serve. There are pros and cons to life in the military, but we have found over the years that the positives out weighed the negatives many times over. Keep supportive people around you during this time and avoid the nay sayers. Yes, you will miss him this Christmas, but you will be giving him wings, too. - Chris

[Pam Mom of Justin]

That is exactly what my son and husband said. My daughters friend just got out of basic and he looks great. strong and healthy. Sometimes people always want to be negative. Thanks for setting things straight and helping me after getting the bejesus scared out of me.