Daughter having second thoughts..... HELP!!

[apassios]

Hey everyone! My daughter is 17 and will be starting her Senior year this fall. We recently met with a Navy Recruiter and she took a practice ASVAB test, scored a 73, and was to be sworn in this Thursday. Needless to say, she isn't being sworn in, yet. She said she got REALLY nervous thinking about being away from home for so long. I completely understand how she feels. That is a HUGE decision to make at her age. We have a wonderful relationship and I am afraid that because of that, she is second guessing her decision. I personally would feel horrible if it was because of me she chooses not to go. She has been thinking about it off and on for about a year. I told her no matter what her decision was, I would stand behind her. On a personal level, I want to see her join. She is a very intelligent young lady and I think the Navy would give her so many opportunities and I would hate to see her pass them up. She said she can do it physically and I know she could do it mentally. She is a very strong person. She is just nervous about leaving home. I have even talked to her about the option of the Navy Reserves. She seemed interested in that as well. I am hoping that in the next 6-7 months, she matures more mentally and decides to join. Regardless, she has and always will have, my full support. She wants to be a homocide detective. You have to be 21 to join the Police Academy. She talked to her recruiter about being an MA and he said she would be great at it. I just don't know how to be supportive and yet not push her decistion away from the Navy entirely. She has not said yes or no, just I'm not sure yet. She has time, she doesn't graduate until May/June of 2010. My question to you Moms out there is... have any of you gone through this with your sons/daughters? I really want her to go and I don't want to PUSH it on her because she will steer away from it. I just don't know what to do. I know ultimately, it's her decision, but I think she would do great! Any suggestions? Thanks to you all for listening.

[Nicholas]

Amen, I could not have said it better myself. And no, enlisted recruiters do not get credit for officers coming in, that is a different recruiting department.

[Nicholas]

I agree that the NAVY provides a lot of opportunities for young men and women, but there are also NAVY programs that pay for college tuition and provide for allowances while attending to obtain a bachelors degree.. With that she would be making a 4-5 year commitment as an OFFICER in the NAVY, which is a much better deal than going straight into boot camp and having to bust butt to work her way up into rank and good evaluations, only to start over in the civilian world with college and a new career.... I wish people would have told me about programs like this before I joined, I would have done it this way rather than go enlisted... I graduated top of my high school class and attended college before going into the NAVY, and still these programs were never brought to my attention. You just need to talk to an officer recruiter, the enlisted recruiters really won't help you going this way.. And even if she has already taken the oath at MEPS, she doesn't take the real one until the day she leaves for boot camp, she can change her mind no matter what they say. Hope this helps.

[Catherine Melton]

Your daughter sounds like a bright young lady. Speaking as a mom and a high school teacher, I don't see why she has to rush to make a decision. She has her whole senior year ahead of her. and a lot of maturing takes place during this time. I think you are wise to let her know that you will support any decision she makes.

[Linda]

Hello there!!!
I also agree that your daughter should first focus on her senior year. Tell her to enjoy each day and continue to do well in school. Yes, still think about the navy, but not make it her focus. My oldest son talked about the navy when he was in his first year of college, but I did not feel it was for the right reason ( he was frustrated with some of his teachers) He later finished & got his degree in animation and then decided to join the navy. (this time for the right reason) He is currently a CS on a sub & loves it. He later hopes to cross over to mass communications. Granted he was 26 yrs. when he enlisted but he is so happy he did it. Sorry, I'm rambling; my advise to you---stay supportive (I know you will) don't bring up the subject of enlisting unless she brings it up. Help her focus on the present--if it is meant to be, she will make the right decision. Good luck to you both!!!

[Leah]

Dear Mom,
I just joined Navy for Moms as a way to try to pass on information and help young people make educated decisions about military service. I am a female retired Navy veteran (1980-2000).
First of all, I urge you and your daughter to look closely at the enlistment document. Notice I did not call it a "contract." That is because a contract is legally binding on both parties--the enlistment document is not binding on the military--only the enlistee. So, no matter what the recruiter promises your daughter (MA school, duty station, etc.), there is NO guarantee that those promises will be fulfilled, EVEN if you have it in writing. Paragraph 9.b. of the enlistment document states: "Laws and regulations that govern military personnel may change without notice to me. Such changes may affect my status, pay, allowances, benefits, and responsibilities as a member of the Armed Forces REGARDLESS of the provisions of this enlistment/reenlistment document."
Secondly, if she joins through the DEP program, she can still change her mind. All she has to do, is not show up--there is no penalty. But once she steps foot on base, it will be a lot harder to get out, although it can still be done.
Thirdly, she might be thinking she is making a commitment of only 4 years, then she can get out if she doesn't like it, but that is not entirely true. For all enlistees, you must serve a total of 8 years (whatever is not active duty is served in a reserve status, but you can be recalled). (Para 10.a.) Furthermore, "In the event of war, my enlistment in the Armed forces continues until 6 months after the war ends, unless my enlistment is ended sooner by the President of the United States." (Para 9.c.).
Lastly, the job of MA is NOTHING like being a homicide detective. I urge her to do some more investigating.

[Audrey Pipal]

My daughter was 21 when she decided to join and she still had cold feet at the last minute. She signed up last October and went to bootcamp in March, when we were in Great Lakes for her graduation in May she was a totally different person, more respectful, mature and self confident and she has not regretted it once. She was mostly interested in the Navy as a way to pay for college, but she is finding it to be so much more. She is an HT and is doing things now that she never thought about, like welding and loving it. So I guess, I wouldn't push too hard because she has to make up her own mind, but let her know that she has your full support and encourage her because I think it could be one of the best decisions she has ever made.

[Jan, (A Southern Belle!)]

My humble opinion is that if she has second thoughts, she shouldn't do it!!! She is soooo young and she has plenty of time to re-think things. I just think 17 is so very young to be making such life changing decisions. My son went in at age 24 and it was after a LOT of thought and prayer! Even at his age, there has been lots of adjustments. And he's a guy!...Just my thoughts, for what they're worth! LOL!...Good luck and let us know what she decides! hugs! jan

[Melissa (Carlye's Mom)]

This is an exciting time for you and your family. My daughter signed up in her Junior year of HS and attended the DEP program. My daughter had concerns about enlisting, when it came down to the wire, but is overall pleased with her choice. What also helped was she talked to another young woman who was currently serving in the Navy to see what to expect at boot camp and beyond. Then BC was not as big a shock for her. She went to BC in 2006, now works as an OS, operations specialist, doing navigation and tracking, and loves it. She has recently completed her first deployment and the Navy continues to send her to classes to improve her skills. My daughter is enjoying the travel, has aquired life long friends and is actually considering re-enlisting for another 4 years of active duty. I'm extremely proud of her and all she is doing.
Let me know if your daughter wants to talk to mine and I can see if we can make it happen.

[Brandy JP's mom]

I guess I would let her lead the conversations regarding the Navy. Have you two looked at the RTC website? My son left 8/4 for bc. I did a lot of research about bootcamp on this forum and others. I found the entry by Becky (mom of Adam) on May 10, 2009 in the bootcamp forum to be very helpful. There are also several places that give you week by week what to expect at bootcamp that I found helpful. Also swearing in for DEP is not swearing into active duty. The nice thing about the DEP program is it is designed to help build up the potential recruit leading into the actual swearing in for active duty. One can be a Depper but change their mind at anytime and drop out. My son swore into the DEP program 10/08 and left for bc 8/4/09. He went to monthly DEP meetings which allowed him to be around other deppers who were all in the same boat as him. It helped keep him motivated, it also helped keep him on the straight and narrow his senior year (not that he would have strayed to far). He was in a terrible car accident in Feb and almost lost his ability to enlist due to retained hardware in a severely fractured knee. He almost lost his dream (one he's talked of seriously since middle school). I would definately encourage you and your daughter to use the internet and google to research jobs in the navy to find one that is suited to her future plans.

[Cheryl]

I think this is something that she needs to think about all through her Senior year and not something to be rushed into. My son graduated in May and started college in late August with tuition paid for by various scholarships. In Oct. he decided that he didn't like college and joined the Navy. Then he came home and told his Dad and myself what he had done. Shocked is definately an understatement for what we felt and I was very proud of his decision but also sad that he would be leaving home. He did not have to leave for basic until April of the next year so, we did get to get used to the idea before he left. Of coarse I cried when he left, but when I saw him at PIR (grad. from basic) it was almost like meeting a different person. It is like seeing your child all grown up and acting like an adult. It really changes them for the better. I like to think that we raised him right but, the Navy matured him in a way that I never could have. Also my niece joined after 2 years of college and loved it, my nephew joined right out of high school and liked it also. Whatever you do don't push. It will usually come back to haunt you later. We urged our son into going to nursing school and that just didn't work, he had to do what was best for him. It may take several talks and even career couseling for her to decide what is her best "fit". Good Luck and best wishes whatever she decides.

[apassios]

Thanks again to everyone for their thoughts and advice. I have let my daughter read all of the posts on here. She also appreciates all of the information. Although I have not been on here in a while, shame on me, I am happy to announce that my daughter has been sworn into the DEP program. She leaves for boot camp in July. After my post and her on here reading everything, she FINALLY did a pro/cons list. She said she had 12 things on her pro list and only 2 on her con. With the two being her family and me. I am seperate from the general family I guess. heehee. She said she really wanted to do and she was 110% positive about it. I stand behind her, whatever her decision may be from now until July. She is going to the PT every Tuesday and the once a month meetings. She said that she loves it and it makes her feel really good about herself because everyone is cheering each other on. She said it really makes her feel like she is part of the team. Her self esteem was really low there for a while. I have noticed a major improvement in here just in the last month and a half. It's like I have my daughter back. She is also really excited about her job with the Navy. She is going to be with the Aircrew. She did score high enough on her ASVaAB that the Nuke guys were talking to her. It's just not something that she wanted to do. I am VERY proud of her. There were a couple of people asking about college. Yes, she did apply to a couple, she did get accepted. She just doesnt want to do it. She is so excited about being in the Navy. I honestly think she would leave now if she could. : ) I know she will get nervous as July gets closer. BUT, I know she will leave knowing in her heart this is what she wants to do. And I know in my heart she does. I also know thta I am going to miss her so much that thinking about it even now is bringing tears to my eyes. She is my first born child and we have the best relationship. I am having a hard time with her getting ready to be 18 in a couple of months. Time goes much quicker than you want it to. Except when they are about 4 going on 16. Then you can't wait for them to get out of the house. LOL I am having a much harder time with her leaving than she is. I would not dare tell her how hard it is for me. I don't want her to have 2nd thoughts because mommy is upset and will miss her like crazy. She is that kind of person. She cares so much about other people's feelings. I don't want her to worry about mine, I want her to worry about her own for once. She is going to make a great mom one day. haha. Again, thanks to everyone for all your kind words and thoughts. It all really has healped, both of us. I really do need to post her pictures and her DEP swearing. A mother's job is never done! Thanks everyone!!!

[Beath]

I'm glad that your daughter made a right decison in joining the Navy. She has chosen the right path way. Good luck for her and to you. God Bless