Daughter having second thoughts..... HELP!!

[apassios]

Hey everyone! My daughter is 17 and will be starting her Senior year this fall. We recently met with a Navy Recruiter and she took a practice ASVAB test, scored a 73, and was to be sworn in this Thursday. Needless to say, she isn't being sworn in, yet. She said she got REALLY nervous thinking about being away from home for so long. I completely understand how she feels. That is a HUGE decision to make at her age. We have a wonderful relationship and I am afraid that because of that, she is second guessing her decision. I personally would feel horrible if it was because of me she chooses not to go. She has been thinking about it off and on for about a year. I told her no matter what her decision was, I would stand behind her. On a personal level, I want to see her join. She is a very intelligent young lady and I think the Navy would give her so many opportunities and I would hate to see her pass them up. She said she can do it physically and I know she could do it mentally. She is a very strong person. She is just nervous about leaving home. I have even talked to her about the option of the Navy Reserves. She seemed interested in that as well. I am hoping that in the next 6-7 months, she matures more mentally and decides to join. Regardless, she has and always will have, my full support. She wants to be a homocide detective. You have to be 21 to join the Police Academy. She talked to her recruiter about being an MA and he said she would be great at it. I just don't know how to be supportive and yet not push her decistion away from the Navy entirely. She has not said yes or no, just I'm not sure yet. She has time, she doesn't graduate until May/June of 2010. My question to you Moms out there is... have any of you gone through this with your sons/daughters? I really want her to go and I don't want to PUSH it on her because she will steer away from it. I just don't know what to do. I know ultimately, it's her decision, but I think she would do great! Any suggestions? Thanks to you all for listening.

[Jan, (A Southern Belle!)]

My humble opinion is that if she has second thoughts, she shouldn't do it!!! She is soooo young and she has plenty of time to re-think things. I just think 17 is so very young to be making such life changing decisions. My son went in at age 24 and it was after a LOT of thought and prayer! Even at his age, there has been lots of adjustments. And he's a guy!...Just my thoughts, for what they're worth! LOL!...Good luck and let us know what she decides! hugs! jan

[Melissa (Carlye's Mom)]

This is an exciting time for you and your family. My daughter signed up in her Junior year of HS and attended the DEP program. My daughter had concerns about enlisting, when it came down to the wire, but is overall pleased with her choice. What also helped was she talked to another young woman who was currently serving in the Navy to see what to expect at boot camp and beyond. Then BC was not as big a shock for her. She went to BC in 2006, now works as an OS, operations specialist, doing navigation and tracking, and loves it. She has recently completed her first deployment and the Navy continues to send her to classes to improve her skills. My daughter is enjoying the travel, has aquired life long friends and is actually considering re-enlisting for another 4 years of active duty. I'm extremely proud of her and all she is doing.
Let me know if your daughter wants to talk to mine and I can see if we can make it happen.

[Brandy JP's mom]

I guess I would let her lead the conversations regarding the Navy. Have you two looked at the RTC website? My son left 8/4 for bc. I did a lot of research about bootcamp on this forum and others. I found the entry by Becky (mom of Adam) on May 10, 2009 in the bootcamp forum to be very helpful. There are also several places that give you week by week what to expect at bootcamp that I found helpful. Also swearing in for DEP is not swearing into active duty. The nice thing about the DEP program is it is designed to help build up the potential recruit leading into the actual swearing in for active duty. One can be a Depper but change their mind at anytime and drop out. My son swore into the DEP program 10/08 and left for bc 8/4/09. He went to monthly DEP meetings which allowed him to be around other deppers who were all in the same boat as him. It helped keep him motivated, it also helped keep him on the straight and narrow his senior year (not that he would have strayed to far). He was in a terrible car accident in Feb and almost lost his ability to enlist due to retained hardware in a severely fractured knee. He almost lost his dream (one he's talked of seriously since middle school). I would definately encourage you and your daughter to use the internet and google to research jobs in the navy to find one that is suited to her future plans.

[Cheryl]

I think this is something that she needs to think about all through her Senior year and not something to be rushed into. My son graduated in May and started college in late August with tuition paid for by various scholarships. In Oct. he decided that he didn't like college and joined the Navy. Then he came home and told his Dad and myself what he had done. Shocked is definately an understatement for what we felt and I was very proud of his decision but also sad that he would be leaving home. He did not have to leave for basic until April of the next year so, we did get to get used to the idea before he left. Of coarse I cried when he left, but when I saw him at PIR (grad. from basic) it was almost like meeting a different person. It is like seeing your child all grown up and acting like an adult. It really changes them for the better. I like to think that we raised him right but, the Navy matured him in a way that I never could have. Also my niece joined after 2 years of college and loved it, my nephew joined right out of high school and liked it also. Whatever you do don't push. It will usually come back to haunt you later. We urged our son into going to nursing school and that just didn't work, he had to do what was best for him. It may take several talks and even career couseling for her to decide what is her best "fit". Good Luck and best wishes whatever she decides.

[apassios]

Thanks again to everyone for their thoughts and advice. I have let my daughter read all of the posts on here. She also appreciates all of the information. Although I have not been on here in a while, shame on me, I am happy to announce that my daughter has been sworn into the DEP program. She leaves for boot camp in July. After my post and her on here reading everything, she FINALLY did a pro/cons list. She said she had 12 things on her pro list and only 2 on her con. With the two being her family and me. I am seperate from the general family I guess. heehee. She said she really wanted to do and she was 110% positive about it. I stand behind her, whatever her decision may be from now until July. She is going to the PT every Tuesday and the once a month meetings. She said that she loves it and it makes her feel really good about herself because everyone is cheering each other on. She said it really makes her feel like she is part of the team. Her self esteem was really low there for a while. I have noticed a major improvement in here just in the last month and a half. It's like I have my daughter back. She is also really excited about her job with the Navy. She is going to be with the Aircrew. She did score high enough on her ASVaAB that the Nuke guys were talking to her. It's just not something that she wanted to do. I am VERY proud of her. There were a couple of people asking about college. Yes, she did apply to a couple, she did get accepted. She just doesnt want to do it. She is so excited about being in the Navy. I honestly think she would leave now if she could. : ) I know she will get nervous as July gets closer. BUT, I know she will leave knowing in her heart this is what she wants to do. And I know in my heart she does. I also know thta I am going to miss her so much that thinking about it even now is bringing tears to my eyes. She is my first born child and we have the best relationship. I am having a hard time with her getting ready to be 18 in a couple of months. Time goes much quicker than you want it to. Except when they are about 4 going on 16. Then you can't wait for them to get out of the house. LOL I am having a much harder time with her leaving than she is. I would not dare tell her how hard it is for me. I don't want her to have 2nd thoughts because mommy is upset and will miss her like crazy. She is that kind of person. She cares so much about other people's feelings. I don't want her to worry about mine, I want her to worry about her own for once. She is going to make a great mom one day. haha. Again, thanks to everyone for all your kind words and thoughts. It all really has healped, both of us. I really do need to post her pictures and her DEP swearing. A mother's job is never done! Thanks everyone!!!

[Beath]

I'm glad that your daughter made a right decison in joining the Navy. She has chosen the right path way. Good luck for her and to you. God Bless

[egvolpe]

We will all keep her in our prayers. I have a daughter that just left the Navy after serving for ten years and a son looking forward to going in. Don't forget you have friends that know how you feel.

[Mr. & Mrs. Fig Ship 11. DIV 335.]

My son went in when he turned 17 as well and was in the DEP program. Just keep incuraging her. Just to let her know my son says its not as bad as everyone makes it out to be. On a scall of 1-10 he says its a 7 at Boot Camp. He has never been the sports person and he was over weight when he first got in the DEP program. He lost 30 pounds before he left. He is now the AROC for his Div. in boot camp and loves its, says he is having the time of his life. The first week is tuff but worth it. Plus tell her this, if she does the DEP program she will be an E-4 straight out of Boot Camp. Our son will out rank his recruiter when he graduates boot camp. You need also need to be in the recruiters office once a week with her for support. If they know they have the support at home they will do anything they can to help you.

[NavyDCmomma]

You know what, your instincts are right on mom...my son wanted to go in since the age of 12. Everyday it was different, for eight years!...each branch of the military, different jobs, you name it. I just had to let it go and not emotionally or rationally invest in any one place for him.

In the end, when he would start the conversations, I would listen, he would tell me what he is thinking and I would say, "Well, if I had to play devil's advocate, then..." and, "On the other hand, the good thing about that is...you are better suited for...such and such...its more your thing and you are more likely to be successful"...and there is always, "Well would you like to hear my objective and honest opinion on that one?" A very calm and frank discussion without being a win/lose, right/wrong debate is the best way to handle it with a teenager.

Just be the sounding board...

Many times the immature ones that can't handle it are culled out at bootcamp.

Also, be sure to tell her that everyone there is away from home and when you get her address you will send her letters,pictures (not of parties please) and postcards from home...and, the reason you go to bootcamp and to classes is to get the training and learn. Many of them want to know everything before they get to their ultimate job.

Do you have US Navy Sea Cadets near you? That is a great way to test herself.

http://www.seacadets.org/public/programs/nscc/

Good luck and I hope she goes for it!

[sharpie558]

I can relate to you. My daughter signed up on her 17th birthday. We spent a year on the DEP program. It was hard some days she was going some days she was not. She did leave July 7, 2009 and just graduated last week from basic. It is hard to keep them motivated when they are involved in a weak DEP program. I did not push and she made the descision to go on her own. I too think it is a great thing to do. There are a few resources on the web that provide some good videos to watch. I think the best thing for my daughter was finding friends that were inlisted and talking to them. She became really serious about going when she talked to more serving individuals. I am not a fan of facebook or myspace but this is where she met them and she began asking questions. My duaghter was a four year cheerleader, this was not the path we thought she would take. We came from a small northwest Colorado town that did not have a lot of support for students joining the service. When she got to basic her confidence grew and she was selected to be RPOC. Which means she was in charge of the division. This position generally changes hands a few time throughout basic..in this case it stayed with her the whole time. Alyssa was scared about leaving home also. We too are very close. She made friends at the hotel before they shipped off to Great Lakes. A couple of the girls were in her divison, so she made some connections. It was strange for me to leave Great Lakes last week to see a confident and beautiful young woman and not my football cheering little girl. Good luck.

[kpmom]

My son (oldest now 31) enlisted in the Navy through the DEP 13 years ago. He did it with the agreement he would get the school he wanted (Corpsman), which he did. He's been a Corpsman for 13 years and was recently accepted into a commissioning program. He's going to college full time as an active duty E7, and is doing great. The Navy has been a wonderful experience for my son. He said it's the best decision he could have made. He sees his fellow classmates from 13 years ago and the majority of them are feeling the effects of the current rescession. He says he almost feels guilty because he really has not felt much.

My younger son is in the Navy Reserve and is at a Federal Service Academy currently. So I have 2 Navy boys :)

[Jonyboy1988]

I think your daughter should go to college and see what is out their first. She has lots of time to decided wheather or not she wants to enlist in the Navy. My nephew was 22 when he joined the navy. No regrets waiting.