Daughter having second thoughts..... HELP!!

[apassios]

Hey everyone! My daughter is 17 and will be starting her Senior year this fall. We recently met with a Navy Recruiter and she took a practice ASVAB test, scored a 73, and was to be sworn in this Thursday. Needless to say, she isn't being sworn in, yet. She said she got REALLY nervous thinking about being away from home for so long. I completely understand how she feels. That is a HUGE decision to make at her age. We have a wonderful relationship and I am afraid that because of that, she is second guessing her decision. I personally would feel horrible if it was because of me she chooses not to go. She has been thinking about it off and on for about a year. I told her no matter what her decision was, I would stand behind her. On a personal level, I want to see her join. She is a very intelligent young lady and I think the Navy would give her so many opportunities and I would hate to see her pass them up. She said she can do it physically and I know she could do it mentally. She is a very strong person. She is just nervous about leaving home. I have even talked to her about the option of the Navy Reserves. She seemed interested in that as well. I am hoping that in the next 6-7 months, she matures more mentally and decides to join. Regardless, she has and always will have, my full support. She wants to be a homocide detective. You have to be 21 to join the Police Academy. She talked to her recruiter about being an MA and he said she would be great at it. I just don't know how to be supportive and yet not push her decistion away from the Navy entirely. She has not said yes or no, just I'm not sure yet. She has time, she doesn't graduate until May/June of 2010. My question to you Moms out there is... have any of you gone through this with your sons/daughters? I really want her to go and I don't want to PUSH it on her because she will steer away from it. I just don't know what to do. I know ultimately, it's her decision, but I think she would do great! Any suggestions? Thanks to you all for listening.

[Jer'sMom]

Just let her know that you stand behind her whatever decision she makes. My son went into the DEP when he was finshing his junior year, attended all the meetings and everything and now is finishing up his 12th year on Active Duty! He was one of the screw ups in his high school, I couldn't begin to tell you the number of times I met with his principal!

Our local newspaper did an article on him the first time he went over to Iraq in 2003 and the principal called me to come and meet with him! He wanted to show me the display featuring the article that was put up in the school lobby. He said that he always knew that he ws destined for great things.

Your girl will gain the confidence she needs to make her way in this big ole world and make you even prouder of her than you are now.

[apassios]

Congratulations!! You must be so proud of him. And she knows I stand behind her. I have expressed it to her numerous times. Maybe to much. : ) She is actually doing great in school. All of her teachers love her. She was in a law enforcement class her junior year and will be taking an EMS class her senior year. She has a GPA of 11.49 out of 12. She is WAY smarter than she will ever give herself credit for. That's her biggest downfall, a very low self asteem. People tell her all the time that she is smart and she doesn't believe anyone.

[Jan Fahy]

Why does she have to decide now? Why not wait till closer to graduation then decide what she wants to do. The Navy will still be there if that is what she wants.Good Luck

[Kathryn]

If she swears in now, the recruiters will tell her she "can't back out," but she can. There are two "swearing in's" one in to the DEP program and the final, "official" one. As long as she doesn't swear in the second time, she technically CAN back out. There are also other fields that you can get into that would be useful for being a homicide detective. If you guys are close enough to a Navy base, see if she can actually TALK to some Navy MA's. Best of luck

[apassios]

I'm not sure if we have a Naval base here or not. I will have to do some research. Thanks for the suggestion.

[navywoman16]

apassios

Kathryn had some excellent advise. If you do live near a base or reserve center have her talk to someone. First hand information is worth everything.

[Barbara (Derek's Mom)]

First of all, I'm the mom of two sons that joined the Navy, one signed at the beginning of his senior year in HS, the other was at a vocational college and followed his little brother because it gave him the courage to do what he had wanted to do all along. My opinion is that kids don't get to be kids anymore, they're forced into making career choices when they're still teenagers. If she wants to put off joining then let it lie. BUT if she really wants to be a police officer she either needs a college degree or military service for most city or state police. My son served 4 years as a culinary specialist, tried to reenlist as an MA (Master at Arms), there wasn't anything available at the time for his rank. He got out and has been applying to police depts., state and country sherrifs, etc. Hasn't made it yet and has gone through some frustration.
Let her make up her mind after she starts her senior year. Is college an option for her? If not, this may be the only way she'll get into that line of work and give her a college education too! Ok, I'll stop rambling now!! Best of luck to both of you!

[Viki]

In todays econony, it makes so much sense.
My daughter loves it..

[apassios]

AMEN!

[Wendyloo (HM A-School Mom)]

Hi,

I had a question. Does your local law enforcement agency have a program like ours does where civilians take minor reports and such? We have a program at our local Sheriff's Office that is the CSA's progam. That stands for Community Service Aide. They can get hired at 18 and work that program until they are 21 and can go off to the Police Academy. That might be something for her to look into to get her foot in the door. It's easier to be placed in an academy that way. Also with the economy being what it is, Law Enforcement Academy's are very difficult to get into right now. Some of the agency's around us have had to start discussions on possible lay-off's. I guess what I'm getting at is this .. there has been a ton of good advice given in the comments on this website. I would keep the lines of communication open and gather all the information that you can on police academy's in your area, how are they during these financially difficult times, and also have her read postings on this website as well. Have her talk with as many people as she can so that she is as informed as she can be. Also, a lot of police departments and sheriff's office's have what they call "Veteran's Preference" when hiring so the military background is also very helpful. My daughter just left for boot camp a few days ago and I know it wasn't easy for her as we are also extremely close. For her the 4 years in NJROTC helped prepare her for that day, but I don't know if anything ever really prepares you for leaving home for some place far away for the first time. We're all here for you if you ever just need to talk. In the meantime take care.

[Carrie Stephens]

Hi, just a note and a quick reply. Just support your daughter the best way you know how, and let her know that you are there for her no matter what which you are already doing. You have expressed that you think she will do well in the Navy, and I'm sure she will, but also even if she chooses to not go in, just remember that its her choice. If she does decide to go in, continue to support her 100%. If she chooses to not do it, will she attend college somewhere? If so support her 100% there as well. Just don't let this get you down. Kids, especially girls, and I have one myself that is going to graduate in 2010 as well, wants to go to college, but wants to attend Annapolis. Its her dream, and if she does get in, what an exciting journey, but if she doesn't get in, then I'm afraid its going to crush her. I've encouraged her to look at all options, NROTC programs at different colleges as a whole, and also to explore every option out there. Having a 17 year old daughter is a bit of a challenge! I'm with ya on this...Cyber hug! PS...Your daughter made a great score on the practice ASVAB.

[Kathy]

My daughter knew she wanted to be a state trooper since 7th grade, when she was old enough to sign up for Camp Cadet
she had her application all completed and told her Dad I need you to sign something for me. We took her to camp about 1 1/2 hours away and two days later we got a phone call they had to take her to the hospital, the deputy that was in charge of her group was so upset he could not give my husband directions to the hospital! It is a one time camp but because the hospital was not sure when she was release what was wrong she could not go back to camp to stay, however we had to go back to pick up her belongings, I could not believe how everyone surrounded this child like they knew her for years. Because she could not finish the camp they invited her back the next year and she recieved the Top female cadet award which entitled her to attend the Honor Camp at the State Police training facility in Hershey, PA the following year. Needless to say she is a MA about ready to start her eighth year. It does scare me when you hear of bad things happening and knowing she is carrying a gun, however I also know she can take care of herself.
All I can say is "follow your heart" she will have so many exciting ventures with the Navy.
Best of Luck
Kathy