Daughter having second thoughts..... HELP!!

[apassios]

Hey everyone! My daughter is 17 and will be starting her Senior year this fall. We recently met with a Navy Recruiter and she took a practice ASVAB test, scored a 73, and was to be sworn in this Thursday. Needless to say, she isn't being sworn in, yet. She said she got REALLY nervous thinking about being away from home for so long. I completely understand how she feels. That is a HUGE decision to make at her age. We have a wonderful relationship and I am afraid that because of that, she is second guessing her decision. I personally would feel horrible if it was because of me she chooses not to go. She has been thinking about it off and on for about a year. I told her no matter what her decision was, I would stand behind her. On a personal level, I want to see her join. She is a very intelligent young lady and I think the Navy would give her so many opportunities and I would hate to see her pass them up. She said she can do it physically and I know she could do it mentally. She is a very strong person. She is just nervous about leaving home. I have even talked to her about the option of the Navy Reserves. She seemed interested in that as well. I am hoping that in the next 6-7 months, she matures more mentally and decides to join. Regardless, she has and always will have, my full support. She wants to be a homocide detective. You have to be 21 to join the Police Academy. She talked to her recruiter about being an MA and he said she would be great at it. I just don't know how to be supportive and yet not push her decistion away from the Navy entirely. She has not said yes or no, just I'm not sure yet. She has time, she doesn't graduate until May/June of 2010. My question to you Moms out there is... have any of you gone through this with your sons/daughters? I really want her to go and I don't want to PUSH it on her because she will steer away from it. I just don't know what to do. I know ultimately, it's her decision, but I think she would do great! Any suggestions? Thanks to you all for listening.

[apassios]

Yes, my daughter too graduates in May 2010. I stopped bringing up the Navy in fear that "nagging" her would only make her decision to not go. I do not want her to make the wrong decision for the wrong reasons OR think that this is what she wants because she knows I think it is a great opportunity for her. She actually came to me last night and asked if we could talk about it. She did as I suggested and made a Pro and Con list. She said she had at least 12 things on her list that told her she should go and only 2 that told her to stay. One was her family and the second was me. Our relationship is so strong. Not that you can have a "to strong" relationship with your kids, but I think in this instance, it is keeping her from being positive about her decision. I will say that her recruiter has been a wonderful man! His wife was also in the Navy, since retired, but wanted to speak with my daughter about any questions she may have, from a woman's perspective, ONLY when my daughter is ready to do so. Her recruiter can only answer basic questions, not "girly" questions. So, she called her recruiter yesterday and told him she wanted to meet "The Admiral", that's what her recruiter calls his wife!! Haha!! He was so glad to hear that she was ready to speak with his wife. I am proud of her for doing so. I will be proud of her no matter what her decision may be. I have reminded her of that several times. This is her life, her future, HER decision. I think we are all nervous of the unknown. This is my first born child. I am scared out of my mind. But extremely supportive. I think it would be great if our daughters talked. I think they would be able to be more open about their fears and concerns since they both have the same feelings right now. Does she have a Facebook account? If so, Email me at [e-mail] and let me know her screen name, I will give you my daughter's and they can become friends. That is a really great idea if they are both up for it! Thanks so much!!

[apassios]

I first have to say THANK YOU!! to each and everyone of you that has responded with so many encouraging things. This is one of the biggest decisions of my daughter's life and it is nice for her to see that she is not the only one, male or female, that has gone through the same fears and concerns. Again, she is a very intelligent young lady and just wants to make the right decision with no regrets. This forum has helped both of us. You are all very strong, supportive Moms and I hope I am just like each and everyone of you if she decides to go. In my heart, I really think that she will. I have not mentioned the Navy at all to her in fear she will not want to do it because she is feeling rushed into it. She actually came to me yesterday and asked if she could talk to me about it. Of course, I said yes. She said her feelings are 80% she will and only 20% she won't. I think the 20% is pretty normal and may only lower a little since I know she will miss her family and friends. Her recruiter is such a wonderful man. He told her to call him when she was ready. He has not contacted her but only once since she decided not to go and that was only to make sure she was doing ok. His wife is retired from the Navy. He calls her "The Admiral"... smart man!! Haha! When he went home the night after he met my daughter, he was so impressed with her that he was talking about her with his wife. His wife said she wanted to meet with her and answer any questions my daughter might have, from a woman's perspective. I feel we are very lucky in getting the recruiter we did. When his wifefound out that my daughter was having second thoughts, she said she would talk to her when she was ready. Well, my daughter called her recruiter and told him that she was ready to talk to "The Admiral". It's just one more step that my daughter is taking the makes me so very proud of her. She hasn't said yes, she isn't sworn in, but she has taken a big step considering where we were when I first posted this discussion. YAY!! Again, Thanks to you all for responding. It has really helped. A couple of them brought tears to my eyes because I am not the only Mom out there that is scared out of my mind. Thanks for letting me "vent" on here as well. It really gets a lot of of your chest. Phew! I will definitely keep everyone updated!!! Oh, and she had a big smile on her face when she was talking about joining.

[Barbara (Derek's Mom)]

She sounds like a very mature young lady and you have every right to be proud. Best of luck to you and we hope that if the Navy is the right thing for her we will see you back here at N4Ms!!

[apassios]

UPDATE..... As of June 29, 2009, My Daughter has decided that she is DEFINITELY going into the NAVY!!!! I am SOOOOO proud of her. We talked for a long time last night and she said there, other than family, isn't any good reasons she shouldn't go. She said she's 110% positive this is what she wants to do it. I believe I asked her about 5 more times through out the evening if she was still sure. YAY!!

[Texas Mom of 2]

What wonderful news! This is first time I've read this blog,,,,,been reading along and thinking "ohhhhh, I hope she works through this!" How nice to come to the end and see that all is okay. My oldest is already in the Navy. My youngest son has been a Depper for a year and leaves tomorrow...........this coming year will be really good for your daughter. Best of luck!

[Theresa Pace]

When my son first told me about joining the Navy the first thing that popped out of my mouth was "No". Then I looked at his face. I realized this was a big decision that he had made on his own. He was looking for support from me and I blew it. I talked with him later and told him that I would support his decision. He knew/heard what was coming out of my mouth but was watching my body language as much as I was saying I would support him he knew me well enough that he saw what he had just put me threw and came up to me and said he understood that I would miss him and worry about him. He explained all the reasons why this was a good move for him. He was trying to make me comfortable and told me that when I said that I would support him he felt that I was just saying this because I did not want to disappoint him. I guess what I a trying to say is that our children know us as well as we know them. He did join and when I went to his graduation I was so proud of him, although I missed him terribly and still do. He told me at graduation that he felt that he knows and feels comfortable that I am supporting him and his decision. Let her work this threw and she will make the right decision.

[Twidget]

Apassios:

See my post in THIS THREAD. It may be helpful. Or not.

[Chris'mom-Brandy]

My son felt the same way, at first. He graduated this year!!! But has changed his mind and decided the Navy is what he wants to do. I am not certain if he wants to join because this is what he wants or if it is because there is no work here in Michigan. He has looked for jobs everywhere and there is nothing here. I pulled up information about the Navy and the jobs that are offered and placed it on the kitchen table for him. It was not to push him but to show him his options. He was greatful for the information I gave him, thought about it for a couple of days and informed my husband and I that the Navy is his best option and that he is ready. Every child is different and every parent wants what is best for their child, it will not hurt to pull up information on jobs that she is interested in and leave it lay somewhere for her. She still has one more year of High School, I wouldn't push the issue but would listen. A year can make a BIG difference in anyones decision, she still has a lot of things to accomplish this next school year. I would not recomend her to sign anything until afer she has completed high school. Do they offer a cadet class through your daughter's school? That might be an option too? Just suggestions, just remain to be supportive of your daughter, who knows she might surprise you. Our son did. At this point in time with everything going on it is scary I think for all of us, not just our children. Keep your head up and stay strong, you are doing great.

[Blondie]

my daughter has been in for 2 years. she's my youngest, she just decided one day. we had more second thoughts then she did, because we knew we'd miss her, her sister would get married and have children ect... and we're dealing with that now! She's been in the middle east for 15 months. her advice to friends back home: don't run to the Navy to get away from anything, Run to the Navy to get somewhere. She's an IS, so slways deploys and travels alone, can be very lonely, you don't make friends or have shipmates or anything like that but she LOVES it. sure there's tears, but you'd have those if she was in college. just let your daughter know you'll support and love her no matter what, and turn to God to guide her dission. Let go-let God!

[Blondie]

second thoughts could be a good thing, it means she's taking it seriously. and she must if she wants to survive and succeed.
let her know you'll back her no matter what she decides. but it's her decission. and pray for her and with her.

[amanda nevius]

as a daughter of a mother that has been threw the same thing i didnt want to join because i didnt wanna leave my family but once she leaves and experiences what i have she will like it its always hard going home and leaveing agian but the navy is such an amazing experience so many places to travel shell love it and shell mature so much more then the next time she comes home shell have great stories to share she shold earn enough leave that if she balances it out she can make it home every 6 months if shed like to talk to me just have her send an email and see what else other jobs she can qualify for the asvab is pretty high

[Seabee85]

I am new to N4M, but I found the posts under this topic intriguing. My daughter is due to leave for the Navy in September, and it was 100% her decision after a great deal of parental guidance. Although my husband and I were former Navy and had successful and enjoyable years in the military, we made sure that she was examining all of the options that she had to choose from; that was our only objective.
A young person of 17, 18, or even 21 may not be fully aware of their options both with the military and outside of it. There are numerous college-centered options (again, both with the Navy and outside of it) for a young person with good grades and intelligence. I am truly surprised, with so many scholarship programs available for smart high school students, that your daughter would not be applying to these first.
As I read the posts here, I did not find one person who asked what this young woman's options for college were, nor did I read any mention of the many Navy options for college (NROTC, for example). Would this young woman qualify for them? Has she taken an SAT or ACT? Is enlisted Navy the best option for an intelligent young woman with great potential? I am not making a judgment, I am simply asking the questions that I would ask for my own children. Unfortunately, a recruiter will not suggest these options, and I do not know why. Do they not get "credit" for an officer candidate? My daughter's recruiter did not ask any of these questions, even though he was fully aware that she had a substantial record of college credit and a high ACT score. As a parent, I would thoroughly investigate (or better yet, have my child determine) all other options available for her. Use the guidance office at school, search the internet, exhaust all channels of information gathering. It is a great deal of work, but for me, my child was worth it, and it gave us something to do together to help her determine the best path for her future.
My personal experience is that I did not find out that this was my own option until I was enlisted; only then, I was asked (by current officers that I served with) why I did not go that route based on my GPA and SAT scores, which were very high. By then, it was too late. For my daughter, who already had more than 2 years of college credit, but had taken too much time off in between her transfer to a second college to qualify directly for these programs (such as the BDCP), it will be the enlisted route with a focus on eventually entering one of the commissioning programs during her Navy career (such as the ECP or WO programs). However, for a young person who is still in high school, I would urge you to really investigate these options before you sign anything for an enlisted program, or you will do your child a disservice. It is a parent's duty to build a child up to achieve more than what they themselves think they can. Be your child's best advocate; do not leave it to someone else, including a recruiter.
~with respect and regards.