How to tell my three year old that Daddy is going to be gone for a while...

[NavyWife]

Hi everybody! I know I haven't posted here much. I read a lot of the posts though, to learn and keep myself informed. :) My husband leaves for Basic in 9 days. I was wondering, for those of you that are married to Sailors, how do you explain to your kiddos that Dad (or Mom!) is going to be gone for a little while? I have casually mentioned it to my son, Beckham. I know that 3.5 is really young, and possibly even too young to "get it" or grasp the fact that the morning after my husband's plane leaves he won't wake up to Dad. What do you think we should tell him?

[Tanya]

Sesamie street does a deployment episode which u can get thru i believe its militaryonesource.com my son likes that one! and it helps with getting them prepared.

[Janis Kay]

You ought to tape record your husband reading a couple of books. And at certain intervals throughout basic, you could have daddy read the bed time story!

[Mary, Proud Mom of Nick]

Sydney, here is the information that I was looking for this morning (A big thanks to our Ombudsman group for making it easy!)




Elmo made a video on deployments, you can go to www.militaryonesource.com and order it for free. Its a great visual aid for the kids. Also, the Navy has a program where the sailors can read books while being taped and send them back home to the kids, its United Through Reading, two great programs for the kids. The fleet and family service center has all kinds of information for our children.

[Kim, mom of 2 sailors!]

Hi Sydney, A friend of mine didn't have kids when her husband was in bc, but when he was out to sea for 3 months at a time, he would tape record himself reading short stories from the books they had. The girls really liked hearing his voice and reading along in the books at bedtime. It also seemed to help them recognize daddy when he came home. Good Luck!

[Beth hokiemom]

Here's another website with books about deployment - http://www.weservetoo.com/ - I agree with the advice already given, so I won't reiterate it. My husband did 21 years active duty and still travels as a civil servant. My three kids survived all the separations - and most of those were pre-email!! When we got to that point, I would print out the emails so they could put them in a special box or even under their pillows. For one cruise we had a container of chocolate kisses, one for each day of cruise * when homecoming day gets changed, just add more kisses! One thing we did do that I didn't see mentioned was to have pillow cases and Dad's t-shirts printed with a picture of Dad (could use the Dad and me picture, too). There's a place at the local mall that can do that (they do mugs and wall hangings, etc.) Now you could even make a real book of family/daddy pictures by uploading your pics to Ritz or Kodak or Walgreens and making a hardcover or paperback photo book. We did make a big deal out of homecoming day - everyone in red, white and blue on the pier as the ship pulled in. It's funny, sometimes I miss those days...but not much :-) Don't be surprised or disappointed if/when either or both of your children do not want to go straight to Dad when he gets home. Remember, they have been used to seeing a small version, or a flat version, or whatever - and the real Dad is going to seem larger than life! Your ombudsman and Navy Family Services should have all kinds of information about deployment that you can and probably should read at some point.

[louise fischer]

Hello, I am the mom of a sailor who has a 4yr old son and thought I would share with you. My grandsons mother and the rest of us told Brandon his dad was going to Navy School to learn to be a sailor. We encouraged him to draw pics. for him and enclose them in the letters we wrote. Also have your husband write a seperate little note in each letter just for your son and read it to him. We also had their picture taken prior to boot camp and had a framed 8X10 over by his bed that he kissed and said goodnite to. He wont "get it" totally but the comunication helps. We also made a sticker calander to count down the days until he would see daddy at graduation. It's been difficult at times but once boot camp is over and your husband goes to A school he can call often and eventually have weekend liberty to come home. So hang in there and know it will all be worth it.

[Moving To Chicago With My Sailor]

Hi, My husband is in basic right now, he left April 27th so i totally understand how you are feeling right now. I have a 3.5 year old daughter as well as a one year old. This was a thought that crossed my mind but never really thought about it. I have told my daughter that daddy has a new job and he has to go to school and learn stuff. Its not something they really understand. My husband before he left was a firefighter, so my daughter would constantly ask are we going to the fire station, are we taking daddy dinner at the fire station. She just didnt quite get that he didnt work anymore. One day we were driving to the store and my daughter asked me if we were going to go get daddys plane so he can come home. broke my heart and just starting crying. (This took place about a week after he left for basic) I kept telling her that daddy has a new job and that he still loved us and missed us but he has to work really really hard and he is always busy. One thing that has helped alot is getting on line and showing her picture of RTC and showing her Videos of basic that you can find online or on the RTC website. She has a little more understanding on where he is and what he is doing. Home videos and pictures do wonders a couple times a week we sit around and watch any home video my husband is in so that both of the kids just see his face and hear his voice. Once you get his address and are able to write is gets easier you feel alittle more connected again. My daughter loves to color pictures or "write a letter" and send it to him. Just keep telling your son daddy has a new job and he has school he is working really hard you you will be able to see him soon. I know alot of people are probably saying it will go by quick and your probably thinking yeah right. Mu husband only has a few weeks and I thought when he left that his Graduation was never going to come. The letter you get will help alot but just show your son picture or videos of not only where he is but of just him, it will help alot. anymore questions feel free to ask i dont mind at all.

[Anti M]

I don't remember this from my childhood, I was too young, but mom told me the story often enough I know it. Dad went to sea as an E-6, which meant his uniform was crackerjacks and the dixie cup hat. He looked like a sailor! He advanced to chief while they were underway, and came home in khakis. When we met them at the pier, I burst into tears and screamed, "I want my REAL daddy!" Mom was mortified.

The moral of the story is try to get a picture of them in uniform, and if that changes, try to get an updated picture.

[Achseh]

LOL, too funny but I can see it happening.

When my husband returned from one cruise my daughter was about 3 and we were waiting on the pier. She ran up to the first pair of "blue legs" she saw, wrapped her tiny arms around and screamed "Daddy!".

Then she looked up, saw this sailor who couldn't look more different from my husband than he did and screamed "You're not my Daddy!"

My husband came up around that time and jokingly said to me "Honey, do you have something to tell me?"

The sailor was mortified, looked at me and said "Lady, I've never seen you in my life!" Poor guy!

[dragonwhalemom]

hello! your little guy is not too young to get it. We went thru the same thing when my son went to basic, with my grandson. Both you and your hubby have to have a big boy talk with him. Talk to him about what is going to happen, answer his questions when he asks, be patient when he gets upset or sad....they get more than you think, truly. The initial absence will be hard for all of you, help him make a calender to graduation day, let him color and make the pages, and every morning let him remove another day from the calender so he will know how many more days til he gets to see daddy!!! Hope this helps.

[JDCMom]

Daddy going to work is the best way to go. I agree with Anti M 100 %, if your son see's you're strong, he too will be strong. Kids really do adapt easily. Help your son to be proud of his father's choice to serve. Ditto: Routine is very important! Write to your husband, have your son draw him some pictures. Daddy dolls are an excellent idea!! Recorded messages also. Anchors away party!!! WOW!! I wish I had thought of these ideas 19-20 years ago!! The ladies on this site are truly Amazing!!! Stay Strong Synney!!!

[MaggieG]

www.hugahero.com
These are stuffed dolls that you can put a picture of Daddy on and the child can carry around with them. We also do a count down until Daddy gets home from deployments where we make a string of candies or paper rings or what ever for each child and they get to remove one ring or eat one candy a night and they know that when the paper rings or the candy runs out then daddy will be home. Some sort of routine like that seems to help. We also talk about where he is and what he is doing, keeping it age appropriate of course.