How to tell my three year old that Daddy is going to be gone for a while...

[NavyWife]

Hi everybody! I know I haven't posted here much. I read a lot of the posts though, to learn and keep myself informed. :) My husband leaves for Basic in 9 days. I was wondering, for those of you that are married to Sailors, how do you explain to your kiddos that Dad (or Mom!) is going to be gone for a little while? I have casually mentioned it to my son, Beckham. I know that 3.5 is really young, and possibly even too young to "get it" or grasp the fact that the morning after my husband's plane leaves he won't wake up to Dad. What do you think we should tell him?

[Anti M]

"Daddy's going to work". Don't fuss about it too much and the kid will deal with it better. Wail and moan in front of your child and it will upset them very much. Kids are adaptable, more so than some adults.

I was raised in the Navy and dad would deploy for months at a time. When I was little I'd forget him a bit, but always came around. I'd suggest a picture of him, a big one, a "flat daddy". Maybe a daddy doll, I'll look for the link, the company makes sailor and soldier dolls with the parent's face printed on them.

[Cynthia (#410)]

Try this site - www.herobuilders.com - they make custom action figures. They're cool and would have Dad's face. They will do a sailor outfit from them. They have a talking one that is $300+ for the first one then only $40 for copies. But they should have a non-talking one too. Check out the website to see if you can get a non-talking sailor. We got Sarah Palin for about $40, I think. Hope this helps!

Hugs,
Cindy

[Mary, Proud Mom of Nick]

There is a book for children and I will try to find the link for you but it's all about deployment. It's provided free, I think by Military One Source. I'll try to dig up the link and send it to you, it looks like it was very well done.

[Kathy]

I'm with Anti M: "Daddy is going to work. His new job has him traveling away from us for a while but he'll be back soon." I've been a Navy wife for 25 years and raised three sons. Though we all missed their Dad while he was gone, it was understood that he had a job to do.

I always reminded them that even though Dad was gone, he still thought of them and loved them. We said good night to Dad's picture. We've kissed the stars goodnight [since the same stars were looking over Dad too.] We've sent paper hugs. When he wrote home, he included special notes just for them. As long as you don't stress out about your husband being gone, neither will your son.

[Tricia - Steve'sWife]

My husband left on May 19th. We have a 4 1/2 year old daughter and an almost 3 year old son and we just told them that daddy was going to Chicago for while for his new job and that we would write every day and maybe talk on the phone but that in 2 months we'll get to go to Chicago and stay at a hotel and visit. They are just fine. They ask how he's doing and tell me they miss him all the time, but we just make sure to write every day. I told my husband that the letters he gets from our daughter I type word for word so sorry if they don't make any sense. The letters he gets from my son are my interpretation of what he's talking about. The kids have really adapted quote well from having their dad do pretty much everything for them while I'm at work to just having me. When I spoke to my husband on Saturday he said he really appreciate the letters.

[GULDAN]

hi there ,my husband graduated on june 5th ,09 .My son was the same age as your son he was very close to his dad .I told him everyday that daddy went to work sometimes he understood sometimes he didnt ,he was cranky waking up through the nights .I wrote my husband everyday and i made my son write make pictures whatever he could .He mailed all those letters to him .Its very hard specially seeing the little ones cry but you have to be very strong .We were there for my husbands graduation my son didnt believe me till he saw his dad he didnt let him go .not for a sec .Coming back leaving him again wasnt easy either .Be strong all my prayers are with you .Good Luck.

[Achseh]

I'm going to reiterate what everyone else has said.

And make sure that if you don't already have a routine, get one! Kids love knowing exactly what will happen in their day, especially if they aren't so sure if Dad's going to be around. It really does make things run smoother when you have them on a schedule.

We would also schedule half way parties for each cruise and have a count down calendar that the kids could put stickers on to count down the days.

He'll do fine, I'm sure! Good luck

[Tanya]

My son just turned 2 when my husband left for basic, at first he would ask "where's dada" and whanot and i would tell him that daddy went to work for a little while.. Then I got a poicture of the 2 of them together and put it in a frame with the glass taken out and had put it in his room for him to always have a picture of him with him, the first night i put it there he put it in his bed and it never left.. he slept with it every night hugging it, look st the pics on my page and u can see..

I notcied that when I cried he noticed something was wrong so if i ever felt the urge that i was going to cry, (like when he looked outside at daddys car and said "daddys home") yeah i would have to go into another room where he wuldnt see me cry suck it up and get back to parenting. lol... it is kinda difficult, the first few weeks wil be hard until u uderstnad and grasp the whole consept of single parentng for a little bit but it gets better! I promise!!! my son and I were away from daddy hubby for 6 months... it was a long time, but towards the end it was better.

Tell him daddys going to work for a while and that he is always thinking about himn and remind him every day that daddy misses and loves him.. tell your husband before he leaves to try and write to your son as much as he can or even if its a little bit in your letter, even tho my son was only 2 he LOVED his 2 letters and card from his daddy!!!

I also had my son draw pictures and i would help in some of them (writing what my son said they were) i got cards from hallmark (they have specia military cards for deployed parents from young children if they aren't out ask front desk) and had my son draw pictures put pictures in them of my son and write about my sons day... something else tht was pretty fun that my hsband loved was that i wrote as if it was my son writing like "Hi daddy, i have been a pretty good boy lately, I miss you!, I got into your old legos today in my room and spilled them all over the floor mommy came in stepped on one and wasnt very happy" it just asically went on something like that the lego thing is true and that was in fact in there) lol hmm... like i said before pictures... if u ever need to talk or if i think o any other things for when daddy was in BC what my son and I did I will let you know. Ask your son what he wants to tell daddy for that day and write it in a letter like our son told me to tell you this and even in a seperate letter, its fun for everyone and gives your husband an idea of whats going on and how your son is and what hes thinking aboiut. = )

just remind himn every day that daddys at work and that he loves him and you'll figure out what is right to say once the time comes, i promise!!!!
u'll both get thru it just be strong!!!

[Denise Purdy]

My sailor son, Bryan, has two "Daddy's girls", so I knew it would be bad when he deployed. He planned ahead. He recorded himself reading books to the girls, recorded messages, etc. The daddy dolls are an excellent idea. I've seen them, and the little ones clinging to them.
You could plan a little "anchors away" party with your little one, complete with sailor hats, as you plan for Daddy's return. As the days count down toward his return home, get down on the floor with your son and create some welcome home banners. You can even "make a little ship" out of a cardboard box to "play Navy" with him. He'll have these little adventures to tell Daddy when he sees him again.
Good luck to you, and be sure and let this group know how you're doing.

[Mary - wife of a sailor]

I had the same fear and concerns about my kids (1 1/2 yr old and 3 1/2 yr old) missing their daddy when he left for BT on March 29th. I videotaped my husband giving both children a short personal message. Both my kids light up when they watch it. Your 3 1/2 year old would act up on some times. But they do that because they don't know how to express their feelings about daddy not coming home at night. Just make sure you stick to a schedule and be consistent with discipline and give lots of hugs/kisses and say they are from daddy. It is what kids need at this age to feel secure. My 3 1/2 yr old son is doing surprisingly well. And my 1 1/2 year old daughter kisses daddy’s pictures all the time. The videotapping helped her to remember daddy's voice. And when she saw him on graduation day see remembered him (remembered his voice). Good luck to you. God bless.

[stefansgirl]

Hi Sydney, My name is Rachel my husband left for RTC on April 7th! Had his PIR on May 29th. Anyway to answer your question, I have a 5 and 3.5 year olds. We found it very helpful to be upfront with them and tell them exactly where daddy was going for 7 weeks. I took pictures of each of my children with their father and framed it for their bedrooms. I also showed them the RTC website so they could see where daddy was living. My 3.5 year old is daddy's girl and is having a hard time but only at night, but now that he is at A school and can talk on his cell from 1600 to 2200 she seems to be getting better. My son I think gets its, he always wants to listen to the Village People song "In the Navy". WHich can be very annoying after the 5th time. I sent my husband a bunch of the recordable cards from Hallmark so he can send them to the kids. They love them! Another idea, get a Navy Build-A-Bear and have your husband record a message in the voice box and he can give it to your kids before he leaves. Hope all of this helps. Rachel M

[NavyWife]

Thank you so much for all of your wonderful replies! I am going to try a bunch of the different things you've all listed! :D Starting with taking pictures of Dad with each of the kiddos. (My little one is 8 months.) :) When you talk about recording dad's voice, what did you use to do that? Just a tape recorder and a blank tape, or a computer microphone? :) Thanks so much for your kind and oh-so-helpful advice! *hugs*