I am not sure if my son should join just because I don't know how emotionally strong he needs to be.

[Nancy]

My son was raised well protected,he is a good guy, kind of shy. He thinks that if he goes to the Navy this will give a boost to his life for the best. All I wonder if he will be able to live the Navy life, I don't want him to fail and come back feeling depressed or unhappy because he couldn't get his goal accomplished. He is unemployed at the present time, so his decision concerns me. Since military life is not for everyone I want to make sure that is going to fit him well. How can I know?

[Nancy]

Kathy, I am trying. I wished he joined right after high school, I proposed him to join ROTC and he said no, the same when he went to College,I wanted him to go away, to make him more independent but he stayed home. Now he is 25 and I don't know if he will adapt easily, but I am willing to support him on his decision, I understand is his life what we are talking about here. I just hope is not too late for him for such a dramatic change. Thank you!!

[maria]

Nancy,
I don't know how old your son is. But the Navy has so much to offer and I'm sure he will over come his shyness. Joining the navy is a decision he can explore and it would be a good one. Let him and you go get information and educate yourselves on Navy life. My son is twenty five went to college and after that decided to serve his country. he loves Navy life and he loves his job in the Navy, but that's him. This is not a decision easily made so please, get informed, talk to a recruter or the other moms here , they are so smart and so helpful. Good luck and be positive and support him in every way. Hugs to you , Maria

[Nancy]

Maria, my son is 25 years old, he is never been away from home, not even when he went to
College. He lives a home life, now with these new events he is working out. I guess everything goes by individual. Hopefully he will be able to fulfill his dream of getting more productive and independen. I will be there
for him always. Thank you!!

[Nancy]

Well, it might sound to you that I don't want to let go but this is not the case. I divorced my son's father in 1997
when he was 12 and my mom helped me to raise him and my daughter. My son did not have my full attention at all times, his father is a good man but locks skills needed to father his son. My son graduated from College and work for close to 2 years, but now he is unemployed and had lost confidence to find a job, so he decided to look into the Navy which is fine with me. What I am afraid of is that he is a peaceful computer guy and at 25 is not easy to adjust and co-live with a bunch of men, specially if he has never been exposed to that kind of lifestyle.
I don't want him to mentally breakdown. But I am willing to work with him every step of the way. Thank you for your help.

[Vikki]

Hi Nancy -
Think of it this way...your son is 25, been to college and worked on his own. He is far more mature and patient than many of the 18 year olds heading in so he may find a lot of confidence by being a role model and mentor for them.

Your original post said "Since military life is not for everyone I want to make sure that is going to fit him well. How can I know?"

What I would say to that is you can't "know" and you can't make sure it will be a fit. Only your son can make that decision and that determination.

I know you will support his decision and that is very cool, but also try to get your head wrapped around the idea that he can and will be successful. Forget worrying about if he can take it - that is his job. Forget worrying about him mentally breaking down - that is his job and he will figure out your lack of confidence in him and that won't be helpful.

It sounds like he does have the confidence to check out the Navy and how it will fit into his future...let him. You just be ready to write tons of letters and get on this site for the support.
God Bless you both ~ Vikki

[Nancy]

Vikki, I don't know why he wants to go now. He is not that type, he is lay back, like to sleep in the morning, doesn't rush not even to eat. I am afraid the he has the wrong reason to consider the Navy, he needs to go back to work soon and he had lost confidence trying to get a job. All I know that someone who does not make an effort to workout, get out of the house,do normal stuff as part of his age, where could he possibly get an instant will of power to folllow the Navy Life and succeed. I don't trust that.If he fails it will not only be on top of his shoulders, I will be dragged into it because he counts on me for almost everything. Yes, he is an adult but adults need to act responsibly and not just by impulse.

[Anti M]

He'll be older than the average recruit, so "living with a bunch of men" won't be much of an issue. No, really, quiet guys do just fine in the Navy. My opinion is that it would be better to try, because he probably will succeed. The Navy wants the guys to do well!

[Nancy]

Hopefully it will work out. I am as afraid if he decides not to go, I will be worried either because I know he needs to do something and If this is what he is choosing I will go along with it. Thank you!

[Nancy]

I am just concerned that the other will pick on him, I've heard is very common and that won't be able to take it. I know him.

[Vikki]

Hi Nancy -
Think of it this way...your son is 25, been to college and worked on his own. He is far more mature and patient than many of the 18 year olds heading in so he may find a lot of confidence by being a role model and mentor for them.

Your original post said "Since military life is not for everyone I want to make sure that is going to fit him well. How can I know?"

What I would say to that is you can't "know" and you can't make sure it will be a fit. Only your son can make that decision and that determination.

I know you will support his decision and that is very cool, but also try to get your head wrapped around the idea that he can and will be successful. Forget worrying about if he can take it - that is his job. Forget worrying about him mentally breaking down - that is his job and he will figure out your lack of confidence in him and that won't be helpful.

Don't worry about guys "picking on him." Guys pick on each other, give each other crap and move on - that is what makes them guys and I would guess he has already experienced this in high school, college and work. It just happens. He will deal with it.

It sounds like he does have the confidence to check out the Navy and how it will fit into his future...let him. You just be ready to write tons of letters and get on this site for the support.
God Bless you both ~ Vikki

[Achseh]

Nancy, I'm going to be blunt--you're not helping your son at all.

You use a lot of terms that help place doubt in his head. You may not say these things to him, but I'm sure he knows you think them- believe me, children know what their parents think of them.

Stop saying you're afraid, that you don't want him to fail, that you think it will depress him or that they will pick on him. These are the things the mom of a elementary school child says and he knows you think these things, even if you think he doesn't.

He's a grown man, it's time for him to go. Be excited for him, but frankly, mom, it's not your decision. He needs to do this and it's good for him.

You can do it--I know you can and I know he'll be just fine. Trust me, you both will be ok.

[Nancy]

Well, he has some mild environmental depression and that's why he thinks that if he goes away everything could be peechy for him. And we all know it is a little more complicated than that. Parents are supposed to be sincere and give children constructive criticism.