I AM SO PROUD BUT STILL MISS MY ONLY SON

[PATSY]

OK Well my son has been in the navy since 2006. This is the hardest thing I have had to go thru. I am a proud mama but I miss my son so bad. He went in right after high school so I feel my time as being his mom got cut short. He is definatly a man now.Well he is onboard a ship out to sea. He sent me a e-mail from the ship stating that a fellow sailor walked to close to the intake of a jet engine. He almost got sucked in, MY BOY SAVED HIM !!! I laugh when I think about how much it probably scared my son as much as the guy who almost got sucked in. My son is a man but he has always been real weak stomached when it comes to accidents or blood or stuff like that. LOL He got a couple of medals for that and Plane Captain OF THE YEAR !!!!!. He is pretty proud of himself but I am extra proud. Today is Christmas. It is the third Christmas without my son. It is horrible to have gifts and see my daughters open their gifts and know that my son is out to sea somewhere alone with no family. I hate this. I hope he does not reenlist. Other mamas do not hate me for that but I am a selfish mama and I gave my son for a few years now I want him back. He is my best male friend now that I lost my daddy the same year my son went in.I love this site and am so glad I found it

[Janis Kay]

It's so hard, Patsy. I know. My son is home right now and I could just cry thinking that he will be leaving again in a few days. It's ridiculous. Why can't I just enjoy the time?

You should be very proud. He did a great thing. Good for him. Our kids are really amazing for the things they do on a daily basis, aren't they?

[PATSY]

Hey Janis,
Thanks for the reply. Yes it is amazing what our kids do. He called Christmas eve and day. He spent Christmas in port at Dubai. WOW. I cannot help but be sad that he was not here but coming from a middle class family in the state of Georgia I cannot think of any other way he would get to see the world the way the Navy has shown it to him. He sounded really good. He said his wife sent him lotsa packages and the sailors got lotsa care packages, they had phone cards in them so that is how he called two days in a row. I put money in his bank account so he can get the things he needs but I think he spends most of that calling his wife. I am a lil jealous but also happy he has love in his life. I feel more sorry for her. She spent Christmas with another Navy wife and they went to the movies on Christmas. How sad is that? I think my sons Christmas might have been a lil better than hers. I wish she would move back home. She has spent so much time alone in Washington State. I begged her to move back home , she said there will never be a day that Aaron's feet are on Washington State soil that hers will not be there too. She said there is no way he will be there without her. I admire her for that but it really is putting alot of stress on her being away from family like she is. I do not know if I could be a military wife. It is hard enough being a Navy mama. Just another lil thing Janis, honey it has been two years and I still CRY. My son said mama please stop crying. I said I am getting better but son I have a hole in my heart that seeing you can only fill it. He said mama you have to accept this, I have. I am gonna do my time and be home soon. Crying is not gonna make it better. I said well if you were a girl you would know that sometimes crying is all that makes it better.
Try to enjoy what time you have. I always do, then when it comes time to say good bye I lose it. I try to be strong but sometimes the only thing that helps is a good cry. So honey cry is you need to but also do things that are happy so you can remember them till you see him again.

[Becky]

Hey again Patsy!! Yup, now I know Aaron & Lee went on shore leave together in Dubai. In the "Sandbox" as Lee calls it. LOL. Lee volunteered time to sell beers at the Navy's beer stand. Several years ago when they had shore leave at the same place, some of them, my son included, rode their snowboards down the sand dunes, Lee said it hurt pretty bad when they crashed, lotsa sand burns. Some sailors went for rides on camels there. Well, the sailors had to be put in quarantine on the ship because they contracted camel flees!! Lee laughed so hard when he told us about it!
Lee's an emotional person too. After almost 13 yrs I STILL cry, Lee always says: "It's ok Momma." No matter what the situation is. He cries too, so do his Dad & sister. We're quite the 'leaky' bunch at times. LOL and that
It's all good, No worries" to quote my son. I've got more to share. If I can remember all of it at the same time it'd take up a LOT of space here.
Lee's 21st birthday was spent in Australia. His bday is in July, that's winter in Australia. He & several other sailors shared a condo for a few days on a beach. They woke up to a foot or more of snow! They couldn't get back on the ship until the snow was cleared. Gee, they were so sad about that. ;-) They had a great time regardless. Lee's been able to pack his golf clubs &/or his snowboard &/or other 'toys' if he knows where they're headed & definitely his fishing equipment. He's fished off the back of the ship, fished from port on docks for barracuda. It's pretty cool. It does take a while to get there though. We're excited for him being able to do so much & all the way around the world. He absolutely loves travel & exploring.
But Patsy, let's keep in touch. Our boys work together & they play together too. My son, Lee, is very conscienceous(sp) regarding his crew. He's like a mother himself.
Where do you live? It's very strong of Erin to stay where Aaron is stationed. Sounds like she's an awesome Navy Wife! Not all of them can handle it. My ex daughter-in-law couldn't hack it. I won't go into it, yet, about what she did, it was very cowardly. I'm a Momma & my sailor son was hurt deeply. We Mommas never forget when our children are hurt in whatever way or means. I'll save all that for another time. It's just more of a Navy Mom's experiences. Thanks Patsy, I already feel so close to you. Becky

[Amy - TJsMom]

Patsy - I think I know how you feel - my son is the most important person in my life and I am not sure what I'm going to do when he leaves for A-School. He too went in right after graduating high school.

After his graduation in October (the 24th), I got to take him home for a month - he had major surgery the Monday after his PIR and spent the next month at home on Convalescent Leave (I was laid off in June from my job so I got to spend the time with him thank God!) and just recently went back. He got to come home for Christmas (we live 30 miles from Great Lakes) and yesterday I dropped him off for the last time I may see him in years. I'm still shook up thinking about it. Well that and finding a job in this economy but that's another story for another day. Unless you're hiring. ;-)

My heart breaks for you not having him home for the holidays and hearing the pain you're going through - let me know if you want to talk, sweetheart - I'm only on line every few days but I'm here if you want to. :)

From one selfish mom to another (and it ISN'T SELFISH TO WANT YOUR SON WITH YOU!!!!) I'm sending you big hugs!!

TJsMom (Amy)

[PATSY]

Thank Amy, I feel for you too honey. Maybe it won't be years before you see him again. OMG I could not imagine that. I am sorry about your job as well. I am a waitress at a lil bar and grill and at least three to four a week come in and talk of being laid off. I hope it all gets better for you. If you lived in Georgia we could use another waitress. I make really good money, but I babysit my very first grandchild now so I only work 2 days a week, I am very very grateful for those days. LOL Not that I do not love my grandson but it has been a long long time since I have had a wee one to take care of. I am enjoying him tho. I will be glad when my son's navy time is over. He promised no babies till then so I can babysit them as well. I just hope and pray his baby is not a cryer like he was LOL.....
Thanks for the hugs and I am sending them right back to you honey.

[Alice]

Hi Patsy. Even though my son has been in the navy for +4 years, this was my first Christmas without. He came home in the summer for reschooling at GL. I was, what I thought, was the worst mom because I suggested he not come home for Christmas. The first 4 years he was stationed in Japan and when he came back to GL everyone thought there was no way he could be that far away again. Boy, was I wrong...now he is stationed in Guam. That is 5 hours farther to fly than Japan. I know what you are saying about reenlisting. In some of our calls, my son would ask about the job market and price of gas and trying to get a feel about what was happening here. That made up his mind. He wasn't very excited about his first job which was payroll and travel vouchers, things like that but when he reenlisted, he changed to Hospital Corpsman. the excitement in his voice when he told me about stitching someone up by himself is worth it. The only family I have left in town is my father and he said something that has sorta suck in my brain. After our Christmas call,my dad commented about how my son sounded different, you know all grown up. All I could think of was my boy went into the Navy and they made him a man. And I am proud of him. So to get back on track of what I wanted to say in the first place, on holidays the Navy will take care of our guys. They have all kinds of things going on. On Thanksgiving, the commander of the clinic where my son works, took all the single sailors to her familys home and fed them a homemade dinner. My son enjoyed it (he said my pumpkin pie was better) and on Christmas the USO and MWR have big bashes. I have to keep in mind this is my son's life now. What he does is his decision. All I can do is hope I raised him right and by the sounds of your letter, you have nothing to worry about, Your son has a good mom.

[PATSY]

Thanks Alice, I am trying to get use to this. Most days I do very well. It seems the holidays are the only time it gets to me. I am so very thank ful for places like NFM.It is the best place to go to vent where other mothers really understand where I am coming from. Thanks to all of you and yours for the wonderful children we all have raised.. I appreciate all of your replys. Yes my son had an amazing Christmas in Dubia(sp). He said the only thing really missing was all of us. LOL

[Sheila Clark]

Hello to All Here,
I just was reading this thread and had to comment...I know it was started a few weeks ago, but wanted to add my two cent's worth. We all have a lot to be proud of in our sailors, and no matter what they find themselves doing after the military, these will be years we all (including our sailors) will be able to look back on with pride....they gave their entire future to the defense of their country for the length of their enlistment. Sure, they are being paid, earning benefits, having educational opportunities, and all the "extras" too, but the bottom line here is: They are doing something that only a FRACTION of the generation they were born in are willing to do, and for that, they deserve all the honor and pride we can give them.

Also, back around the holidays, somewhere on this site, a very wise Navy Mom said this: (I'm paraphrasing, because I can't find the exact quote anymore)...."Heck yeah, it feels like our heart is being ripped out of our chest everytime we say goodbye, because it IS.....our sailors are taking it with them, because they need it to keep them strong while they are away"......that statement really helped me understand a little more of what my son is going through emotionally. I decided right then, that my pain is worth it, because he'll never doubt for one second how much I believe in him, and how very proud I am of him when he sees my tears. I admit I try to hold back as much as possible, because I don't want him to think I'm a total basket case, but, I've never been good at putting up a front, and he'd see right through it anyway. So, my advice is to include LOADS AND LOADS of support, love, and pride with everything that's in your heart, and you can never go wrong....

I apologize to him sometimes for being so selfish, and he'll say, "Aw, Moma, it's ok, I know it's just because you love me so much, that you lose it sometimes." Ain't he the cutest?!

Hope this helps in a small way....

[PATSY]

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING THAT QUOTE: That helped me so much and is so true.

[Becky]

Hi again Sheila! I think I wrote to you somewhere in here. I think I'm in the twilight zone & keep getting lost. Like this room moves around to make me nutzer.........
I love what you said, about what another Navy Mom said, About our hearts being ripped out & that they kind of are because our sailors take our hearts with them. I know my sailor is permanently stuck in mine. He's 32 & still calls me "Momma" & that's all good. I remember when he first started growing in height, he'd pat me on the head and say: "Hi little Momma!" We all have to remember the times our sailors have made us smile. All the accomplishments they've achieved both in their lives & in the Navy. Remember too that there are ways our sailors do some fun, funny stuff when they aren't so busy. Most of them do anyway. My son's such a character but definitely a hard worker. As all sailors are. Just keep smiling. Try to never tell them anything NEGATIVE, it can interfere with their thinking, with their jobs & can cause problems. I learned that very early in my son's Navy career of 13yrs. I've done a lot of searching for any & all Navy information I could get. It's helped me a lot. Now that my son's a father, he KNOWS exactly how it feels to not be able to be with his baby girl. So he's on the other end of the spectrum now. And this will be his last cruise, YAY! He'll be on shore duty after this dep & we couldn't be happier! Thanks for letting me ramble on, Becky, Lee's Momma

[Michelle (Ethan's Mom)]

Patsy,
I certainly don't hate you. My son just went in, signed on for 5 years. He hopes to come back and be a P.E. teacher. He was able to come home for Christmas this year as he was still stateside and got leave, but this will probably be the
last one until he is done. He is my only child, so it will be especially hard next year. My mom is 80, and we lost my dad in '88, so we don't have much family left. His father died in '02, and we are not close to that side of the family (ugly divorce many years ago). You have every right to be proud of him, and to miss him. This site has been a real help to me and I am sure it is to you as well. God Bless You, and please--the next time you talk to your son, tell him "thank-you" for his service from me!

[Becky]

((((Patsy)))), I know what you're going thru dear lady. I felt the exact same way as you do about not having your son at home very long before he went into the Navy. We did have Lee home for a year, he traveled a bit before reporting to the DEP. The Navy definitely makes Men our of our Little Boys doesn't it? I'm so glad I found you here!
I understand about being selfish & wanting your little boy back with you. Especially after losing your Dad the way you did. I'm so very sorry about that. We have some military history in our family. My Dad served in the Army in WWII, my father-in-law served in WWII in the Navy as a pilot. My husband served in the Army in 'Nam, now our son is a 3rd generation military member.
I won't lie to you, it's dam scary what our sailors put their Mama's through. Lee still calls me "Momma" even tho he's 32 now. We've become so much closer, more than ever now that he has a little girl, he knows exactly what it's like to miss his child due to his service in the Navy.
About your son being named "Plane Captain Of The Year" is FANTASTIC Patsy!! It's another notch in his belt, he's become a much better sailor in the eyes of the Chain of Command. He'll get his name printed on the Fighter Jet he works on! I hope his 'boss' takes a picture of it to send to you. It's a printable picture, print that puppy & hang it on your wall!
My son made Plane Captain Of The Year a few years ago, it was so cool! Then it was "Sailor Of The Year" & just recently was awarded as the #1 E-6 out of a few thousand others. So, yes, we are every bit as proud as you are, you'll have many more proud moments to share with your sailor Patsy. Yet, in their own hearts they are still our babies.
I sure understand about not having him home for Christmas. There's only been 3 Christmases out of 12 that Lee wasn't able to come home. We've been very lucky. I guess their ability to be home for the holidays depends on their jobs & when, during the year, they are deployed. I think with your son being Plane Captain Of The Year will have some bearing on that, which is great!!
What ship is your son on at the moment? Lee is on the U.S.S. Roosevelt, currently, in Lee's words: "Floating around the Atlantic doing what we do best." Which is to get the Fighter Jets out where they need to go. He's served on the Roosevelt 3 or 4 yrs. He's been on the Stennis & the Eisenhower as well.
Think about all the opportunities your son has now Patsy, he's in the same shoes as my son's was! Lee's been around the world 4 times, he's been in 10% of the world's countries. He applies for & gets whatever Navy job opening is pertinent to his abilities & his job.
Lee just tested for E-7 in January & is now doing the job of an E-7, without it being officially on paper. It's a good sign. A couple years ago he applied for a position in Southern CA at the China Lake Naval Weapons Center just outside of Ridgecrest CA. It's between Lemoore Navel Air Station and the Mojave Desert. He'll never have to serve on a ship again unless the unthinkable happens.
To back track a little, Lee got married in April '03, they had a little girl in '04, his wife has a son from a prior relationship. Her son asked my son to be his Daddy. Lee adores children, he has since he was just a child himself.
His wife wasn't cut out for the military. They split up in '06, tried to get back together, they split up again. When Lee was in Iraq, the winter of '05-'06 she decided to leave him, she packed up the kids the dogs all their stuff & left my son when he was 10,000 miles away & couldn't do a dam thing about it. Then my Mom died right after that. Lee was able to seek counsel for all of that. He told us he didn't know if he'd been able to make it without counseling. They got back together one more time, then she decided to split up again when he was in Japan, in yet another country where Lee wasn't able to do anything about it. So their divorce was finally finalized over a year ago. His ex & the kids live in Sacramento CA. Lee's new post is only 3 hours from his daughter, she'll be 5 in April. I'm hoping to be there to see her too. I haven't seen her in over 3 1/2 yrs because of his wife's inability to stay in one place. I'm in Montana & a person can't just make last minute trip plan chanes ya know?
So, that's the story behind Lee getting the job he applied for. He used to be over 1,000 miles from his baby girl when he was still at NAS Whidbey Island WA.
Anyway (((((Patsy))))), hang in there ok? You can ask me anything at all & I'll try to be of any help I can. I've been exactly where you are now & know what your'e going through. Again, I'm terribly sorry you lost your father the same year your son went in. This is a great site, I'm glad I found it. Take care dear lady, Becky