I have a question about my sons behavior and I wonder if its normal before they leave for boot camp

[Cindy Quick]

My son is going to graduate highschool in may and then in july he will be going to boot camp. this the first time that he will be away from home. He will be leaving his family and girlfriend and I know it will be hard on him. The other day he went and bought a dog that we told them not to get and I told him he had to take it back. He got so upset that he was crying like he lost his best friend and his comment was that it was going to be his even though he wasn't going to be here it was still going to be his. I think it was a link between him and his girlfriend and him and home and he is starting to get scared about leaving. I don't know what to do for him to help him through this and its breaking my heart.Can anyone give me an idea of what he may be going through right now and how I can help him before he leaves and when he is about to leave. It is breaking my heart and it is going to be hard on me when he does leave but I want to be strong and supportive and not let him know that so it will be easier on him to be able to go. I know that this is a great opportunity for him and once he gets over the first couple of months I know he will love it. Please give me some advise, Thanks Cindy

[Melissa (Tucson)]

Well for starters Cindy you did the right thing with the dog. Wait till he gets over the trauma of the dog and THEN sit down and talk with him. He needs some time to think. It will sink in. You need to remember he hasn't experienced the 'real' world yet. My son was 25 when he left for boot camp a year ago and he had a lot of anxiety the last week. Now imagine what son is feeling being only 18. Hang in there and be patient with him, he'll go through a whole range of emotions between now and May. We are here for you.....anytime.

P.S. He may even love boot camp, mine did. The first 2 weeks are rough and then it was smooth sailing.

[Karen Gallagher]

Cindy

it is not uncommon for them to be scared of the unknown. Going to boot camp is hard on everyone, family, gf's and most of all mom and recruit.
I know that when each of mine left they did not have any gf's in the picture but it was hard on all of us, they would do things that would either "bond" them to home or " cut the bonds" to home all at the same time.
Each person goes through this and I remember that each of them (yeah I have had 3 go) would do things that I would think what are they doing? but this is a rite of passage for them as well as us. They are no longer kids but not quite adults either. The emotions that they as well as we have are all over the place. My son did write a nice blog about boot camp from a sailor's perspective and it may help if he reads this.

http://www.navyformoms.com/profiles/blogs/1971797:BlogPost:652900

God Bless

[Justin's Mom aka Angie]

Just be there for him and Melissa is right, after he has had some time to think things over, he will be fine. My son wanted to go and he got there (boot camp) and it was a huge wake up for him. My son had a girlfriend and I could tell that bothered him more than anything leaving her behind. They are not together anymore (thank heaven)! He even tried to go AWOL when he first got to Norfolk. He called me, finally, I was beginning to worry but things, from what he is telling me there ok. Your son will be fine it will make a man out of him. I think for me the toughest part was Christmas. He always has loved the Holidays and I know it bothered him not being here but its just part of being in the military. I am really glad to have found this website I am looking forward to getting to know everyone and you sailors. Just don't worry he will be fine and when you see him you will be amazed! Angie

[Cindy Quick]

thanks so much for the replies and the support I will definiatly need friends and people that went through it to talk to. Thanks for the advise, Cindy

[Heidi Lenzini]

My dad was in the Navy, so we got used to moving around, so for me, joining the Navy was not a traumatic experience. My parents put me on a bus (I was 18, too!), and I didn't see them until 6 weeks later when I finished Plebe Summer at the Naval Academy. However, I know of plenty of others who had separation anxiety, and guys who were crying about the
"stress." There were even people who bailed from the training before they even started, or even left during the initial training. The important thing to remember that the recruit training is to assist in making the transition from being a civilian (where the focus is usually on yourself) to being in the military (where you are expected to put the needs of the military before your own). Once you get past that, you are part of a tremendous extended family, so hopefully that should be of comfort. I have been in the Navy for nearly 18 years (if you count my academy time), and I have a husband and two great kids...I wouldn't stay if I didn't love being a part of this wonderful organization. Hang in there!!

[Karen (Robert's mom)]

Hi Cindy,
I just read your e-mail today. I can definitely empathise with you. My son Lucas is also graduating in May & going to boot camp in July. He will be going in the Nuke program after boot camp. I'm glad I found someone who is going thru this also. You don't live in Missouri by any chance do you? The people on this site are great. Good luck to you & your son.
Karen

[Joyce Campbell]

While none of us know your son, we pretty much can identify with the entire picture. My son went right out of H.S. also back in 2003. He was "ready to go" but didn't have a g/f at the time and I do think that helped. I also believe your son brought home the dog for a connection emotionally. Its hard when they haven't been away before. My son loved, absolutely LOVED boot camp. He had the right attitude-do what you are told exactly. Question nothing, just suck it up, and know you will be better off at the end. His letters called it "Capture the Flag for grownups". The first week, P week, is the worst. Its all processing (hence the P). They stand in line to stand in line and wait to wait. After P week they begin training. The first week, they learn they are nothing without their team. From there on, its all gravy as long as they listen. They get strong, learn that everything is possible through preparation and cooperation and before you know it, they are in Battlestations - the final challenge before graduation. I don't know where you live, but I encourage you do to everything you can to attend PIR - Pass In Review which is graduation. Its an amazing ceremony and you won't ever forget it. Afterwards, you will see your son as a man. And hug him (he won't let you, its pretty funny) My son is about to re-enlist for another 4 years which was never his intention when he joined. He's been to Lisbon, Cypress, Dubai 3 times and Rome. Right now he is serving a year in Bahrain and loves it there. So many opportunities. He never liked sitting in a classroom but the Navy has taught him more than he'd have learned in college. If you can, make a date with your son. Go out alone for breakfast and tell him how proud you are of him. I have so many "sons" now - I feel very blessed! OH, start writing to him as soon as he leaves. When you get an address start mailing him. They get mail Monday thru Friday but can only write back on Sundays and not the first week at all. I had a page of address stickers that I carried around and wrote every day. I also gave out the stickers and had lots of people write to my son. You can't enclose anything in the letters or they get in trouble, so just send letters. I had our Congresswoman write him, some rock stars that are friends wrote him and just about anyone else I could find. Also, ask if your son has shipmates who don't get mail and write them too. Its lonely at bootcamp and letters are important. After about 3 weeks, you should get a phone call that they have to earn as a team, so carry your cell phone everywhere. Sorry for going on so long, but my heart is with you :-)

Joyce
PNM of AT2 Scott

[Cindy Quick]

thanks to everyone for the encouragement and advice. I live in florida, Karen but I do agree it is nice to find other mothers that are going thru the same thing. I find it very helpful to here your stories about your children also.I do believe that when my son gets there he will love it also and I will miss him terribly but I will help him to see that he is loved and that I di think he is making a wonderful choice and that I am proud of him.

Cindy

[Gabby (Devons Mom DIV 339)]

Your letter provided great encouragement! Thank you! My daughter will graduate in May and she is scheduled to leave Aug 4th. I hope her experiance is as good as your sons. I'm very proud of her. Im not looking forward the the emotions for the next few months, because I know there will be a lot of them.
Thanks again,
G Cook

[Sherrie]

Cindy,

My Honor Student, Scholar Athlete, and all around good guy..........got in to the 1st fist fight he ever had over his GF 6 days before he was due to report for delayed enlistment. The Navy made him wait for a month even though his hand was not broken. To say the least this was new behavior for this kid. He was not perfect, but had a history of making good decisions and being a leader to his peers. He went off to boot camp and when I got a call on the 6th day I was suprised...I got my obligtory I arrived and did not expect to hear from him for several weeks....the phone call started well but he began to cry right away! He had been demoted from division leader to sqaud leader, because he smiled too much???? and he had to get shots because he did not go to his MD and get his records before he left like I told him to do.

The details of this may be unique but the jest is the same in someway they all make a break and then beg to go back!!!!

That was in 2006. I have made some great friends. I also have learned alot about my family and my kids. The moms I have gotten to know have supported me thru alot of things and visa-versa. I have a renewed faith in our younger generation and the things they have planned for their future!!!

Goog luck to you and your family and remember the good and bad times are all part of the journey.... don't forget to enjoy the sites along they way.

[Jill I]

He is so young Cindy! Somethimes the best way to take care of our sons is to take care of ourselves (keep good boundaries). You are smart not to be talked into taking on a pet just to keep the peace! This is not fair to you or to the dog, and it is not good for your son.

[Bratsmom]

Hi Cindy, I am on my 3ed year as a navy mom. Boot camp I think was more horrible for me than my daughter she was looking foward to going she had signed up at 16 and spent 3 years in ROTC she graduated may 28th and left july 4th. I was so glad to see her at the graduation ceremony. She looked so grown up and than off to A school she went . She lost the loser high school boyfriend 2 weeks into A school. a year and a half later she met her husband he he a wonderful guy who is going career navy. I now have a granddaughter and another on the way. she has been very busy these last 3 years but one thing is she now knows what she is going to do she is going to be a teacher for pre school. Just let him know that as tough as this seems now just try and look for tomorow, he will have so many changes in his life over the next 4 years that today will just be a memory.