I'm just so sad!

[Renee (Jacob's Mom)]

I knew my heart would hurt but I didn't know it would be like this! I cannot stop crying. I didn't want to get out of bed today. I don't want to clean my house. All I can think about is the negative:

He is cold
He doesn't have his comfy pillow
No one to say sweet dreams and kiss him goodnight
No hugs
They have to eat fast
People yelling at him
Scratchy blankets
He has to iron his own clothes

It goes on....

I missed his phone call last night. My stupid phone doesn't ring when it is on the charger. I waited up late but thought surely he won't call after 11:30. I was sound asleep at 11:59 when he left the message. While I was sound asleep in my comfy warm bed, I could hear someone yelling in the background of his message.

After we left MEPS yesterday our family went to the Olive Garden (me, my hubby and our two sons). The lady at the door said how many and I said 5 - just out of habit. Then when they all looked at me and I realized what I had said, I fell apart. Right there in Olive Garden. I'm sure they thought I was insane.

Thanks for letting me whine to you... Being strong for my family is hard when I am just so sad!


The last I saw him. (That's my boy with the backpack):

[Renee (Jacob's Mom)]

Oh my goodness! Thank you for all of the insight, laughter and kindness!!! I am feeling much better today - still bouts of weeping but overall better. I work in a church office so there were lots of people coming and going asking how I was doing. I finally put some words to it...

I have never been PROUD and SAD at the same time. If ever I have been sad with my children, I probably was not proud of what they did. And when I have been proud, sadness is long gone. So those two emotions bottled into one is making me feel like I need to be institutionalized.


Amy, I certainly will remind you next week! Teehee weight loss program! I'm eating everything in site - not good!

Carlotta, thanks for the sweet Cheer Up graphic!!

Intheknow & Hoppi - Thank you for reminding me that a scratchy blanket and eating fast won't kill my son. I got a good laugh out of that!

BethB - "Something I was told that helps is that I should be very greatful for my sorrow - it means that there's a closeness there that so many parent/child relationships are missing, where the kids' leavings are a "good-bye and good riddance!", and that somewhere along the way, things turned out right." - Thank you!! This statement blessed my heart!!

Hoppi - "But if they think BC is hard, just wait it gets worse." - Awwww GREAT! Now I have something else to worry about...nah, just kidding. I know the Navy life is hard for the family sometimes. It really isn't new to me. Just seeing the milestone my son is passing is extremely emotional.

Thank you to all of you!

[BethB]

Amy - my son is leaving next Tuesday as well, so we can both use the emotional tissues together! (Actually, he is being picked up by his recruiter Tuesday for the swearing in and plane ride Wednesday morning). I am taking Tuesday off to spend time with him and to take care of any loose ends. Will then be doing the boo-hoo thing at work after the ceremony. What this also means is that we can possibly hook up at PIR - where we can be proud of each other's kids, and congratulate each other for getting through all of this!

To all - Let's also be very glad that we are being allowed to take part in this step of our childrens' lives. When my brother went in the Air Force (oh- so long ago) he didn't tell my parents until 2 days before his departure, and didn't want them at his swearing in. I guess he couldn't handle the basket case that my mom was sure to be, watching him leave. Hopefully I will be able to handle it with grace and dignity, at least until the car drives away!

[Kay]

My son was only gone overnight to MEPS for his physical and everything and I cried all the home 11/2 hours and most of the next day. Reading N4M's so I can only imagine how I will feel when he goes to BC. I know that this is what he needs it was my idea. There are no jobs around here, and he can get training, college and work all at the same time. Plus belong to the World's Finest Navy. I too am very proud of him but will be sad when he leaves. This site is great because us moms do not have to feel alone when all of this happens. Dads will miss their sons but they just do not understand a mother's love for her "little boy." I am thinking of you but everyone says BC will be over before you know it. Good Luck!

Kay Sebring, FL

[Debbie (George's Mom)]

The tougher part for me was when the box came with his stuff in it, that is when i really lost it. And that 10 sec call was so hard. Hi Mom, I am here, , I love you, see you soon Bye... wow

I was lucky I got to be with him for 3 hours at the hotel they had them at before they were leaving in the morning. I drove over an hour to go see him but it was worth it. I got to meet a couple other recruits that sat with us in the lobby and they were telling their stories of the crying mom as they left MEPS. I was strong. I got up to leave and my son left for a sec and came back with a box of kleenx and said ok guys watch this. I started crying right their. And they all hugged me. Your son will meet new friends and it will be a Navy Family, but Mom is Mom and we will always be number one in there hearts.

Write to him every day. He told me that is all he has. Send pictures 4x6. (no cards). They share all there pictures with their friends. Actually they are bidding on his sister, my daughters hand in marriage LOL They all want more pictures of her. Send small envelopes, stationary and stamps. He will only get to write on sundays after the 2 week mail block out. He told me yesterday that he can write every night now. He he left Dec 15th. He looks everyday for letters.

Keep your chin up and smile that is what your son would want. He will be home soon.

But keep your phone next to you at all times. I also missed the first real call, luckily he got to try back in an hour. But I was beating myself for walking not grabbing my cell phone while running into Blockbuster for a sec. That is when the calls come, when you least expect it.

Thank your Son for Serving.

Debbie

[Renee (Jacob's Mom)]

Debbie,

Thanks for the encouragement! It means alot to me. Hey, what did you mean by this...

Send pictures 4x6. (no cards).

Can I not send him cute cards in the mail??!!

[Sue in Spokane]

Hi Joyfulheart--your feelings and reactions are right on, honey! My middle child, our only son, decided to leave college at age 20 and join the Navy. I was outraged and completely hysterical for the five weeks until he left for boot camp, then I like you couldn't even think of life outside of the misery he must have been living. When he called and said his graduation was Dec 24, we immediately made reservations and our entire family, grandparents too, spent the week of Christmas in Chicago with our sailor!! It was amazing, but it was truly ONE DAY AT A TIME while he was gone.

I'm pleased to let you know he is now safely and happily in Monterey California where the sun is shining and he has a million things to do and learn. He couldn't be happier, so that makes me happy for him. Another bonus, we're already making Spring Break plans to go visit sunny California and hug our sailor again. These boys don't consider what it does to us Mommy's, but we're tougher than they know and there are so many of us out here who have lived through it, we just know you can too! Keep posting your feelings and read, read, read everything on this site! I know it saved my life when I didn't think that was possible.

Hang in there, Mom! Sue in Spokane

[MaryHelen]

Debbie P,
Was so right on..When the box came no one was home and and went across the street to my neighbors to cry. It's like he had died and they were giving me his belongings..It got better, we always knew he would go in the military we though Seals but then he went EXplosive Ordinance Disposal/Navy Diver. He is on his 4th tour over there. I pray every day for him. But every othere day I still send funny articles and jokes etc.. Once or twice a week I send care packages.Hang in there girlfreind...Be positive. When our son left for bc in 7/02. Our home was so empty. Our other son was at College. But when both my son and my husband went to Iraq talk about Empty Nest..Get out volunteer..It will make your heart full.. When I am down I have to remmber this is part of his journeya nd ours adn at least he is still on this earth...
Hugs,
Mary Helen

[MaryHelen]

Oh, for those of you that have your last names on the page. I so would take them off for security reasons. Read my story on Molly's adopt a sailor page..
Mary Helen
Proud mom of a EOD sailor/Ret. USMC officer's wife and a CPA's mom

[Renee (Jacob's Mom)]

Hi Sue!

I'm feeling much better today! My Jacob has always been a fan of cereal. So when I went to the grocery store today and walked down the cereal isle, here came the water works. It is funny what triggers it :0)

We are already planning a summer vacation to go see Jacob in A School in sunny Pensacola. Which, by the way, I'm certain will be a warm treat to the weather our poor sailors are enduring in GL!

[rosemary]

Joyfulheart, I was where you are on Jan. 5th, when my son left. I never thought that it would affect me in the way that it did. I cried for two days, took a day off from work, and when I returned to work, if anyone asked me anything I just broke down. I started to feel better when the form letter came in the mail, and I was able to write to him. Hang in there. I was worrying that he doesn't have a hat, and it's so cold out...imagine that.

[Viki]

Don't be sad. Fear is the opposite of faith. He will become a man and have a great career. When you write, only say positive things to him per any Navy advice.

[Renee (Jacob's Mom)]

Viki,

Thanks for the encouragement. I don't so much have fear about what Jacob is going through as much as a sadness for what is now behind me. In my heart I know that Jacob is safe, warm and learning so many new things! And the fact that the boy that I sent the Navy is the same one that they will use to turn into a American Hero - well that builds my faith each and every time I think about it!