I'm just so sad!

[Renee (Jacob's Mom)]

I knew my heart would hurt but I didn't know it would be like this! I cannot stop crying. I didn't want to get out of bed today. I don't want to clean my house. All I can think about is the negative:

He is cold
He doesn't have his comfy pillow
No one to say sweet dreams and kiss him goodnight
No hugs
They have to eat fast
People yelling at him
Scratchy blankets
He has to iron his own clothes

It goes on....

I missed his phone call last night. My stupid phone doesn't ring when it is on the charger. I waited up late but thought surely he won't call after 11:30. I was sound asleep at 11:59 when he left the message. While I was sound asleep in my comfy warm bed, I could hear someone yelling in the background of his message.

After we left MEPS yesterday our family went to the Olive Garden (me, my hubby and our two sons). The lady at the door said how many and I said 5 - just out of habit. Then when they all looked at me and I realized what I had said, I fell apart. Right there in Olive Garden. I'm sure they thought I was insane.

Thanks for letting me whine to you... Being strong for my family is hard when I am just so sad!


The last I saw him. (That's my boy with the backpack):

[Renee (Jacob's Mom)]

nhimic,
I agree, sadness & lack of faith are not the same. The Bible says in Hebrews 11:1 (NLT)
"What is faith? It is the confident assurance that what we hope for is going to happen. It is the evidence of things we cannot yet see."

I truly have faith in my son and his success in the USN. I know that is is getting the best education possible. That he is learning to do things and having experiences that he would never have anywhere else. And that the man he is turning into to is a man that will glorify God with every ounce of his being. Even though I cannot see these things developing...I have faith that they are.

And likewise, the Bible tells us this about sadness in Ecclesiastes 7:3 (NLT)
"Sorrow is better than laughter, for sadness has a refining influence on us. "

I know I want to always be refining and growing as a mom. And the words of God are comforting to me as I know that sadness is an emotion that is intended to grow me. And it is okay to be sad.

So with that said, praise God He loves me too much to let me be the same!

Blessings,
Renee

[Renee (Jacob's Mom)]

Kathy,
Oh don't get me wrong...there is a small part of me that is saying, "That's right, iron your own laundry!" Jacob was an extremely challenging child to raise and I KNOW without a doubt it was the right decision to go!

I look forward to the day when we hear the boot camp stories and laugh too. Thanks for the hugs!

[Amy bamk]

Hi, my son left for Great Lakes bc on Jan 13th & I so miss him so much. He sent me a text message the night before & left a message for us on his wall & I must have read them at least on 100x's in the 5 days he's been gone & cry anytime someone ask me about him. We were in the middle of my daughters gymnastics awards ceremony yesterday when I received a cell phone call from him. When I answered I was surprised & happy to hear his voice. He let me know he only had 2 min. Of course the minute I heard his voice I started to cry & mouthed to my husband it was him to call his sister over so she could talk to him (in the meantime all the other kids & parents started to stare at me because I was crying). Yesterday was his birthday, & in the mist of everything that was going on, knowing we only had 2 min & making sure that his dad & sister also got to talk to him I forgot to tell him happy b'day. His sister did tell him but I feel horrible because I didn't. Amy

[Renee (Jacob's Mom)]

Amy,
What a precious 2 minutes that must have been! For all of you!! Everyone on here has said it is going to get easier, and they were right...I am already feeling better. I catch myself having a few moments of anxiousness not knowing how he is, what he is doing, and not being able to tell him I love him. But God is good! Those moments are far & few between.

Hang in there friend!!

[MaryHelen]

Ladies,
Please remember to NOT post your last names..For security reasons..
MH

[Kelly]

Renee,

I am crying just reading this! That is the image I had the morning the recruiter picked Kevin up on the last day he was a civilian. It reminded me of his first day of kindergarten. I cried then too. Today I got Kevin's box with his belongings in it and I felt like a piece of my heart was being ripped out. I am so thankful that we got his phone call over the weekend (well, we didn't, but my parents did) to know that he is doing well. Someone else wrote to tell us that they dress them very warm there and that eased my mind to know that he is keeping warm. I know what you mean about wanting a table of 5. We have five in my family too and now I have to set only 4 places and we had to move one of the chairs to the corner of our diningroom for when guests come. The box was the hardest for me...

Try to think on these positives:

They are transforming into what God wants them to be...
God never lets his children go hungry...
They are safest when they walk in the steps God's ordained them to walk in...
The Navy is teaching them to be responsible young men...
The Navy is developing their talents to be the best that they can be...
They are getting the best training there is...
Our sons are our country's future heroes...
They have a job with benefits :)
They are being provided for...
They are realizing not to take their loved ones for granted---every moment is precious
They are learning to be thankful for everything , yes, even a scratchy blanket to keep them warm.
They are learning how much they are loved :)

Well, I could go on and on, but you get the picture. Keep your chin up and hopefully you will get that address soon. :)

Kelly

[Renee (Jacob's Mom)]

Kelly,
Thank you so much for your words. They were so sweet! When I look at the picture I attached in my original post, I can see the little boy that I sent off to kindergarten with his backpack on his back full of wonder.

Thank you for reminding me of the positives! It is hard in my sadness to see them all but thank God my days are getting easier!

I got the form letter today! I was so excited! Thanks for the encouragement!!! It really means alot to me!!

Blessings,
Renee

[Mitzi]

The grocery store was hard. You see something they like to eat and it gets you so upset because you can't buy it for him! Or you go to grab it forgetting that they are not home... It gets better but there are still certain reminders that get the waterworks going!

[rubi]

OME YOU are in my head. the same thing happened to me with the phone calls! I've received 3 letters and cry everytime. I can't seem to get anything done, Cam left December 3, christmas was a downer, I still have my tree up. this whole having to be strong thing is to draining!!!!!!!!!!
just remember he is safe in boot!!!!! Im told its OK to cry!

[Mitzi]

Yeap! I finally took my tree down last week. It just felt that as long as it was up he was around... I have a 3 weeks old helium balloon we bought for his farewell party and it will be up as long as it stays up!!!!!!

[Linda Jarrett]

Renee,

Hang in there. It gets better each and every day. Try and remember that 800 sailors graduate every Friday. They eat very well, my son said the food is really good and he loves my home cooking. I know he misses his quilt that I made for him when he was 4 years old. It was actually suppose to be my fathers quilt but he took it from him. He's carried that with him all over. We found out that 2 years ago when we went to see my in laws in Delaware in JULY that he had tucked the quilt in his suit case! Other than that he's only missing us but he said he's so busy that he really doesn't get to think of us as much as he thought he would. You hang in there. Each and everyone of us mom's have won your shoes. It's a perfectly natural feeling but it will get better so chin up. Were all here for you.

Linda

[Victoria Dillon]

Dear Renee,

I am so sorry that you are so sad. I understand how you feel because I felt and I am still feeling sad since my son left on the 22nd for boot camp. I decided to write to him every day and to be positive in my letters. I realized that being positive for his sake has really helped me to feel better and made me stronger and more positive for my other sons. I wish you luck and peace.

Hugs and kisses.

Victoria (Rocky's mom)