Jacob's Best Friend was Killed at College Last Night

[Renee (Jacob's Mom)]

Jacob left for BC back on January 12th and I found out today that his childhood best friend was killed last night in a random act of violence.

I know that I cannot (and should not) contact Jacob to let him know. But when he finds out after PIR he is going to be so upset with me that I didn't tell him.

Any advice is so greatly appreciated!!

Blessings,
Renee

[Sues]

Karen/Chris: Good way of looking at it.

Renee: I did the blog almost a year ago when I joined the site. I'll have to see if I can dig it up or if I deleted it.

[Martial]

Renee I am sorry to hear this has happened. It is tragic for the family of the victim, the family of the assailant, and also for your son who has lost a friend. It has been said that bad news is best delivered immediately and in one dose. True, it will probably upset your son and cause him to be held back (ASMO'd) from graduating with the group he started with. But, the sooner he begins the grieving process, the sooner he can get back on track with the business of living his own life. I don't believe it is possible to ever completely forget the grief that comes with losing a friend. But, the sooner he finds out, the sooner he can get past the crippling part of grief. Whatever your decision, I am sure your son will understand that your actions are based on your love for him.

[John]

Renee, I would recommend that you speak with his recruiter, who can then contact the Chaplain's Office at Great Lakes and convery the message to your son. Hoppi don't they usually have a Chaplain assigned to each Ship, one who knows the RDC's and the Recruits? If they could get a hold of him, he might be able to offer his/her advice, at least this way he would get to know Jacob, or any of the Recruits, and offer an ear to listen, or a should to cry on. Just my thoughts.

[carols_kitchen]

Please know that our thoughts and prayers are with your son's friend's family. We did not think to go over this scenerio with our sailor before boot camp. Because there were others in his brother ships from the same area, we finally decided to mail him the information about his church friend's death during a missionary trip. The chaplain let him call his home church and go over the friend's facebook pages. In retrospect, we would not have told him until after PIR, as there was nothing he could do about it.
Do let us know how everything goes with you son. We care.

[Renee (Jacob's Mom)]

Thank you everyone for your wonderful words of wisdom! I am blessed by each of you and your caring heart!

I will keep you posted on what we decide and how it goes.

Blessings,
Renee

[intheknow]

I advise against giving recruit bad news such as a death notification if you know upfront your recruit will not be authorized emergency leave. There is nothing your recruit can do to change the situation and he/she has nothing but time to think about all of the what if's and they have little access to information to help answer the questions. Your recruit will lose sleep, concentration and may feel overhwelmed and frustrated>

To those parents who have chidren in DEP work out an agreement for these situations beforehand. Go over pets, grandparents, aunts, family friends etc. That way everyone is on the same page.

Chaplains make all notifications at RTC for deaths.

[Frieda]

I am so sorry to read this, I also agree that for right now you don't say anything to him until after he finishes. Bootcamp is difficult. He needs love and encouragement and positive thoughts. Definitely tell him when he finishes. But ultimately this is your decision. I will keep that young mans family in my prayers and also you and your son.

[Ringtone's Mom]

Renee, I am so sorry to hear this. I can understand how you feel about this tragedy, but Jacob has enough on him trying to get thru basic. I wouldn't even tell Cody about every day problems worrying about his mind not being on what he had to do. The thing is, and you can explain to him, even if you told him he wouldn't be allowed to come home for the funeral, so instead of telling him and his heart being broken during this very serious training, you kept his wellfare in mind and for that reason waited to tell him about the loss of his friend. Hard decision, I know. It probably makes you feel like you are in a sense telling him a lie, but it would just make basic more difficult for him and he doesn't need that, I would figure his friend wouldn't want it either if he could have a say in the matter. My prayers are with you, Jacob and the young man's family in this horrible loss of life.

[P'nut & JAM]

Dear Renee, My prayers are with you and your family, and with that friends family. It is so hard to lose some one close to you and harder when it was through violence. I think Brenda Sue is right that the Navy chaplain would be the one who could best counsel your son in his loss. My son goes to Texas A&M, he didn't mention anything, was this the college your son's friend went to? May God gran tall of you peace and comfort in your time of loss. Louise

[Renee (Jacob's Mom)]

Louis,
Thank you for your thoughts. Our friend went to college in Philadelphia.

Blessings,
Renee

[Lynn Winfree]

Hi Renee;
I was wondering under the circumstances being he is going to have his Passing In Review, do you think you
can call Great Lakes and maybe speak to a Chaplain there and see what he thinks, before you mention it
to your son. I am not sure if that is the way you would like to go, but you are surely in my thoughts and my
prayers.I added you as a Friend..in the Friend REquest.......

Lynn

[Patty]

Not sure if things have changed at all,but my nephew is currently in the Navy,he is making a career of it and when my dad passed away ( it has been close to 12 years now) my sister went through the red cross to get a message to him-he was out to sea at the time.But she was told they are only allowed leave time for a funeral if it is an immediate family member,but he did make it home and like I said not sure if it is any different now,but my heart goes out to you and your son and you will be in my prayers.