Mom is getting cold feet!!!

[Rebecca-Jordons mom]

My son is meeting with the recruiter this morning to take his 'real' test and spending night for his physical, etc. I've been encouraging him to do this, in fact, I'm the one who suggested the navy would be a better option for him as he wasn't doing the best in college, and he is so unsure about what he wants to be. He started going through mild depression because he's one year out of high school, and still no idea what he wants to do and plays ALOT of video games. No drugs, no alcohol, no partying, just video games with his friends constantly when he wasn't working!!! He's always worked for our family business, so has not even ever had an outside job. He's been so wishy washy, and didn't have a very good recruiter the first time, which made him decide against it actually 6 weeks ago. Well, now he's ready to make the decision, and I'm so proud of him, but honestly, I didn't realize how much this would hurt me inside. He's the oldest of four, and we all depend on him so much, and I don't want him to go. I would never tell him this, as I know this is hard enough for him, but I just wanted to see if any of you have had these feelings. I'm not sure how it all works, and how often I'll see him in the next 4-6 years, depending on what job he goes for...Is he gone after he leaves for bootcamp depending on his job??? Do they change that much after leaving??? Will he be a different person? Sorry for ranting. I guess it just hit me since I feel like I"ve been pressuring him to make a decision to do something and now I"m not sure if this is something he really wants to do, and if he even realizes how much his life will be different after leaving here, and that 4-6 years is a LONG time...you guys have been a tremendous help to me the past couple weeks, so just thought I'd see if any of you went through this, or if I'm just being a wimp...

[Nancy S]

All the stories I've read about are the same, yet they are so very different! A child floundering in school, no sense of purpose, video games til all hours, lack of motivation to change, not a bad kid, etc. As a parent we sometimes have to point them in the direction we feel they need to go. I doesn't matter the economic status, or whether they come from a "traditional" or single family background. It's about them learning to take responsibility and being able to support themselves. I could have let my son sit on the sofa playing video games and supported him for the next 20 years. Yes, I would get to see him all the time, but I'm sure eventually he would either get in trouble or I'd resent his free-loading. I recently attended a HS reunion, and when asked about my family and discussing theirs, I was able to state with pride. Yes my son is educated and employed. He works for the US Government -Navy. How awsome does that sound! Sure beats saying he's struggling at college or is trying to find a job in these difficult economic times. Did i want to send him away-NO. Did I do the right thing by steering him to his decision-Absolutely!

Nancy

[Bettyboop65]

Rebecca, Reading this I thought that I had wrote it. My son left on May 13 and next week on the 17 is his graduation. I can't believe how fast time went. I had all the mixed feeling that you are having. It's ok and it's normal you love your son and you should feel this way. It's always hard to let go but remember he will always be your son and you will never let go, he is just going away to better himself. It was hard for me at first but when I received his first letter that made things a whole lot better for me. Once he gets to base he will call you to tell you he got safe. It might take few weeks for him to write but please don't worry he will be ok. One thing it helped me alot was that I spend time writing to him and that's how i felt connected to him. You can send him small pictures so I sent him pictures of the family and of him when he was a baby. He loved the pictures. You can write to him everyday if you want to. You will see how ease you will feel ones he starts writing. Don't get me wrong, after he left I cried, cried and cried. Then I joined here and got so many answers to lots of my question and I was able to feel that I was helping him thru the process of bootcamp by understanding the process. If you ever need anything please let me know. You hang in there and trust me, if they change is for the best. You will be proud of him. You are not alone we are with you.

[Ellenrg62]

Rebecca...For my son, going into the Navy was the best for him by far!!! He is not different just better at being him. However, as his mother, the day I dropped him off at the recruiter to head for boot camp was the single most difficult day of my life!!!!!! He was both excited and scared to go to Great Lakes. Of course I held it together (almost) until after I left the recruiters office as I knew that if he knew I was "ok" he would not worry about me as much and he could concentrate on his job at hand. Remind him of the fact that he will be seeing the world! Going and doing things that none of his friends will ever do. Going to places that only the Navy can take him. The more we learned about the Navy the more excited BOTH of us got. Hang in there!

[Elena (Erika's mom) Perez]

I am a proud mother of a beautiful daughter that took the plunge and flew away. I am not going to lie it was very difficult the first year. But I had to realize she was becoming an adult and I had to let go. I see her about every 4 - 6 months even if we have to go and stay at a hotel on base or near base. She has changed for the better, she is and always will be our little girl but now she is an awesome sailor and we thank God every day for her. I daily think and pray for her but I need to remind myself she is just at work, she has and always will have a home here with us.

[Sandi]

Hi Becky, Your feelings are perfectly normal. I felt the same way. I knew this was the best thing for him but I didn't want him to leave. I knew I could very easily have talked him out of it so I kept my mouth shut and just gave him all the love and support he needed. It's been about 16 months now and I still miss him terribly but it's much easier to get past that because I have seen the changes in him and how happy he is and that's all I could want for him. You will definitely see changes. He will be more mature, more responsible and much better at ironing his clothes :-) but he will be the same person inside..the same son you know and love.

If at all possible, go to his bootcamp graduation. It will be one of the proudest moments of your life...and his. You may get to spend the weekend with him or just a couple of hours - depending on where he is going - but, no matter how long you see him that weekend, it is worth it. Most come home for up to a couple of weeks after A school on their way to their next location. After that it will depend on where he is but you will be surprised at how much easier it gets as times goes on though I know that's impossible to imagine right now.

Four years doesn't seem very long once they are in. On most days I will tell you I can't believe how fast it is going by. The memory of his recruiter picking him up at home to take him to MEPS the night before he left still feels like yesterday, I can't believe it was well over a year ago! Even his 7 month deployment seemed to go by fairly quickly. The only time, now, that four years feels long is the day he goes back after being home on leave when I'm feeling sorry for myself and don't think I can go another 2 1/2 years. It never really gets easier to say goodbye...but you do recover from it more quickly each time.

Every emotion you will experience throughout this journey is 100% normal. We've all been there so don't ever feel like you're being a wimp. You're being a Mom and there is nothing stronger!