Mom is getting cold feet!!!

[Rebecca-Jordons mom]

My son is meeting with the recruiter this morning to take his 'real' test and spending night for his physical, etc. I've been encouraging him to do this, in fact, I'm the one who suggested the navy would be a better option for him as he wasn't doing the best in college, and he is so unsure about what he wants to be. He started going through mild depression because he's one year out of high school, and still no idea what he wants to do and plays ALOT of video games. No drugs, no alcohol, no partying, just video games with his friends constantly when he wasn't working!!! He's always worked for our family business, so has not even ever had an outside job. He's been so wishy washy, and didn't have a very good recruiter the first time, which made him decide against it actually 6 weeks ago. Well, now he's ready to make the decision, and I'm so proud of him, but honestly, I didn't realize how much this would hurt me inside. He's the oldest of four, and we all depend on him so much, and I don't want him to go. I would never tell him this, as I know this is hard enough for him, but I just wanted to see if any of you have had these feelings. I'm not sure how it all works, and how often I'll see him in the next 4-6 years, depending on what job he goes for...Is he gone after he leaves for bootcamp depending on his job??? Do they change that much after leaving??? Will he be a different person? Sorry for ranting. I guess it just hit me since I feel like I"ve been pressuring him to make a decision to do something and now I"m not sure if this is something he really wants to do, and if he even realizes how much his life will be different after leaving here, and that 4-6 years is a LONG time...you guys have been a tremendous help to me the past couple weeks, so just thought I'd see if any of you went through this, or if I'm just being a wimp...

[Sara AKA JayandJeremysmom]

My feet are getting cold too!! LOL My son just called and said that the recruiter wants him to go tomorrow to have his physical, just one step closer! He's my youngest so i am really having a hard time now, everything is becoming real.
But I know that this will be a good experience for him! Whenever I get nervous about him signing those papers I just come to the website and find someone who has been through this and read what they have to say about getting through the process one step at a time. Us new Navy moms we all are learning together and we have some pretty good teachers to help us along the way.

[Nate's Mom (Wendy) ;P]

Your not being a wimp..just a loving MOM!! Nate was the driving force for his dad to retire from the Navy. He wanted "roots". And then he goes and signs up in his Junior year of high school. When he asked me to sign the papers, the first thing I asked him was "You know they have to make their beds!!" I honestly dont think he ever did. His bedroom was up stairs and well honestly, with four kids...it was just easier to shut the door. But I tell you..he went in a wonderful boy and came out a wonderful young man!! It is hard, no lie. I have cried a many of tear in the shower but we have to allow our kids to fly. And out of all his friends he is the only one that has a life plan. The rest of them have gone from job to job, apartment to back in mom and dads house. I dont second guess what he wanted. I know he feels good about joining but on the same hand misses the mundane things he took for granted and left a sweet girlfriend here. But he is finally out of the class room and getting ready to deploy and the excitement in his voice...well...makes a moms heart swell with pride. So dont think your being a wimp..your not. Be strong and know there is alot of support here. I still lose it when I take him to the airport...I try to be strong..but that is too much for me..and he does see my eyes swelling with tears...and as hard as it is on me...understand it is hard for them too. Good luck!! You will get through this I promise you! :)

[Rebecca-Jordons mom]

YEP, my son's bedroom is also upstairs with his 3 siblings, and there are a lot of shut doors too!!!

[Twidget]

I cannot imagine how anyone could get "cold feet" about the prospect of having their child stand up to their full height and reach their full potential. It's about letting them go. It's kind of the point of raising them.

I didn't push my daughter either way. She came to her decision on her own. They'll always be our babies, but once they're adults, our role changes from "advise and consent" to merely (!) "advise." They have to make their own decisions and live with the consequences.

All we can do is offer our love, advice and support, and learn to step aside as they learn to run their own lives.

[Twidget]

I concur. It is wrenching to see our children struggle with these decisions. We cheer their successes and we weep when they fail. Both occur frequently. We get frustrated when they don't act and we get anxious when they do. It is a mother's fate. After all is said and done, they're still our babies.

But stand up on their own they must, so it is our task to learn to let them. We cannot protect them any more. Wisdom that helped me through all of this:

" . . . grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. . ."

[Chris A.]

The only thing I can tell you is, you'll send the Navy a boy, and they'll send you back a man. It makes that much difference in their lives. Let him go and spread his wings, you won't be sorry. What would you rather have, a kid who's underfoot all day playing video games? or a man who, although you don't see him very often, can iron better than you, clean better than you, is more polite, mature, gets a steady paycheck and has health care? !

[jeanette*andysmom]

Ditto on everything you just wrote. My son is in his 5th week of boot camp, I am a basket case but he is doing great(except he has been sick since day one) he says he loves it which makes me feel better. He is also my oldest of four, trouble in college, worked for us at our family business for almost his whole life and played video games to the extent that he was to tired to get up in the morning. I have struggled and will struggle with this for a long time but from reading his letters he is becoming a man and a proud one at that. We are from a very small town that didn't offer him anything more than working for us, which I loved dearly but it wasn't taking him anywhere. In every letter he tells me how much he loves me and thanks me for everything I have done for him and he is beaming with pride when he writes about his graduation. The one thing I do notice in his letters is the amount of confidence he has gained in the past four weeks. I don't know what the future will be like, when I will get to visit him, will he come visit us, but I do know now that It was the best thing for him to do. And believe me if I can visit him while he is in A school, I definantly will!

[huntress]

Yes I have been through all of these feelings.My son played a lot of video games, no drugs, occasional party with girl friend who is also a recruit. I hurt every day, especially when I get a letter and he says he does not like it.
I write when I can as much as I can. I don't write that we are doing anything fun, I don't want him to feel left out. It is very possible that you will see a man and not a boy.when you do see him .Oh and how PROUD you will feel, when you see your son in uniform at graduation (pir) Joshua has been into his 4th week. Y ou definitely will need tissues.
Now he has joined it is hard on me but in the long run it is a very noble and honorable job to uphold. Of course I didn't want him to go but I kept my mouth shut and let him chose. It still brings tears to my eyes. We do have to let go and it is difficult. We raised them, we should be so proud that this is their own choice. From what I've heard the navy is the best choice.Stay strong, you're a mom not a wimp and soon to be the mother of a United States Sailor.cheers!

[Rebecca-Jordons mom]

Thank ya'll so much. I've come to terms with it, and actually after I wrote that post yesterday-I had. I was just having a little breakdown, and actually writing the post was helping me let it out. I'm hoping others felt the same way, and all these posts are helping them. My son came home from processing today, and will meet with NUKE recruiter tomorrow for addl test and interview. He scored 89 on test, and although he won't go into detail on the physical, he laughed and said it was horrible ... He's pretty well decided on NUKE program, but did take an addl test for aircraft tech, which he passed and did well on. It's so funny how much some of us have in common, and I feel like I'm writing to people that I've known all my life!!! My son is 100% he will sign next week (according to recruiter NAVY's not signing anyone up this week), and planned on BC in August. Nuke school doesn't start til spring. He's already talking about only using a small portion of his paychecks and putting the rest away, and is talking about his future. This is awesome in the fact that the past year, he's been so depressed about what he was going to major in, what college to transfer to (he's going to a community college), etc. Now I don't know if he's thought out about what the next six years will bring, but today he's happy, and thats enough for me! Thanks for all your support!!! (by the way, as soon as he got back, he ran to his laptop that we bought him for college and got on Warcraft! Some things never change!!!)

[gonemad]

I understand how you feel. My son was in the samecycle. he graduated last year, moved to Texas cause he thought he wanted to marry his girlfirend out there, came home after 6 weeks, went a semester of college, decided that was not for him, sat around waiting to leave for the Navy for 7 months. Could not find a job.........he is in BC now. it has been very hard for me but i know deep down this is the best thing for him. i know he is going to grow so much and when we see him in August he is going to be a changed person. it has been hard letting go, but we all have to do it at some time. i think now the hardest thing will be when he gets stationed somewhere and when he get deployed but I know we will survive that too. so many people have told me how wonderful all this is going to be for hiim and i truely believe it will be. its just hard not being able to pick up the phone and talk to him.............
Hang in there....I am sure this will be a great thing for your son

Sharon

[Viki]

The son needs to become a man..

[Pam in VT]

Hi Rebecca,

Funny, I'm right there with you. My son is 25 in August, and just now making a firm decision to do something to further himself. He's really been a slug besides working his job. He wanted to go back to school, but it just never seemed to work out. He had wanted to join back in high school, but in his senior year, 9/11 happened, and he got scared off. Had he joined then, he'd be 7 years into it by now! Tomorrow, he signs on the dotted line with an expected date to leave for bootcamp being November. Do you know when your son will be leaving for bootcamp? Well, keep me posted. I am just now diving into the great website. Lots of good info. Have you watched the videos describing bootcamp? They helped to take some of the mystery away.

Best of luck!

Pam