Mom is getting cold feet!!!

[Rebecca-Jordons mom]

My son is meeting with the recruiter this morning to take his 'real' test and spending night for his physical, etc. I've been encouraging him to do this, in fact, I'm the one who suggested the navy would be a better option for him as he wasn't doing the best in college, and he is so unsure about what he wants to be. He started going through mild depression because he's one year out of high school, and still no idea what he wants to do and plays ALOT of video games. No drugs, no alcohol, no partying, just video games with his friends constantly when he wasn't working!!! He's always worked for our family business, so has not even ever had an outside job. He's been so wishy washy, and didn't have a very good recruiter the first time, which made him decide against it actually 6 weeks ago. Well, now he's ready to make the decision, and I'm so proud of him, but honestly, I didn't realize how much this would hurt me inside. He's the oldest of four, and we all depend on him so much, and I don't want him to go. I would never tell him this, as I know this is hard enough for him, but I just wanted to see if any of you have had these feelings. I'm not sure how it all works, and how often I'll see him in the next 4-6 years, depending on what job he goes for...Is he gone after he leaves for bootcamp depending on his job??? Do they change that much after leaving??? Will he be a different person? Sorry for ranting. I guess it just hit me since I feel like I"ve been pressuring him to make a decision to do something and now I"m not sure if this is something he really wants to do, and if he even realizes how much his life will be different after leaving here, and that 4-6 years is a LONG time...you guys have been a tremendous help to me the past couple weeks, so just thought I'd see if any of you went through this, or if I'm just being a wimp...

[Rebecca-Jordons mom]

WOW! How'd he get the Hawaii gig? My son is trying to talk his cousin into joining. His cousins planning on going to University of Hawaii this fall, and he is exactly like my son. Video games, no motivation, no goals, etc. His sister goes to an Ivy School, so actually the University of Hawaii is a step down for their family, but I keep telling my brother that if his sons not motivated, he should check into the service. My brother is worried about them spending the $30k for this first year, and his son not doing his part. He's exceptionally smart, all advanced classes, but almost didn't even graduate! I thought it'd be funny if my son ended up in Hawaii in the navy while his cousin was at school there. At least my son would be well fed and maintained! Of course, I think they also frown on the military...we'll see what happens! Good luck to your son and thanks for the words of wisdom!

[Jeanine #762]

Congratulations on those scores. Of course we know our child is smart but to have it reinforced by such an important test as the ASVAB, it is especially rewarding to your heart. Your family gave him excellent values and coping skills so let the Navy hone them and the sky is the limit for him. Congratulations once again and welcome aboard.

[DC - G'mother of My Fav Sailor]

Rebecca, I taught at the university level for 21 years and during that time I also advised students. I don't know how many times I have told students to leave college and "go dig some ditches." Way too many of these young people get into college with no direction and flounder. Many do serious damage to their GPAs in the process. I believe the military offers so many opportunities for young people to grow up and yet be in a semi-sheltered state. What I mean is that they have their lives directed. As we know they really have their lives directed. But on the other hand they are learning skills both about life and work. In addition they are earnng money and making independent decisions. As many have said, you are sending the navy a boy and will end up with a man.

After his enlistment, he will have funds so go to college, should he choose to do so. That is so valuable. Too many of our youth graduate from college with staggering debt loads.

Personally, I sometimes wonder if I feel the US should have manditory service, either military or public. It is a great transition for these people.

My granddaughter graduated from college before enlisting. She just had her PIR in May but the positive changes I am seeing in her self confidence really pleases me. She is very bright but reticent to step forward to take jobs she can do. Then she is frustrated when someone does but does not do the job well. Now she is stepping forward.

Is it hard to let go? ... absolutely! Will you feel pain when they are down or frustrated? .. you bet. Will you be proud of them? ... I can't imagine it any other way!

[Rebecca-Jordons mom]

Dori,
everything you say is right on the mark! He's very smart, actually just got accepted into the nuke program this morning!!!, but at college, he had no direction, and his gpa dropped to 2.2 after failing 'theater' of all things!!!! I agree with alot of what you're saying. I have a sixteen year old that is complete opposite of this son, does awesome in school and has already picked out his college and law school to be a lawyer! How two boys can be so different, I don't know??? Actually, if this goes well with my first one, thought about encouraging my second one into joining :LOL

[DC - G'mother of My Fav Sailor]

Rebecca, if you ever figure out how two children can be so different, you will become rich! Our older son decided at age five that he wanted to be a vet. Everything he did from then on was geared towards allowing him to achieving that goal. He even dated very little because girls were a distraction from studying. He was one of the younger students in his vet class. Our other son was 180 degrees from that. School came easy but he barely passed high school. We would tell him he wasn't going to graduate. So he would study five minutes and ace a test to bring grades up to passing. I did the happy dance when I realized he didn't want to go to college. Eventually, after a stint in the air force, did go to college, earned two bachelor degrees and a master's degree. He was in honor societies and had excellent grades. But he did not go to college until he was ready to attend.

[Lisa]

I agree completely with you Lily AJ!!! My son left the end of June for BC. He wasn't supposed to leave until October but there was an opening. We had 3 weeks to get ready. I came to realize that the pain of childbirth was NOTHING compared to letting go!! As everyone has said I have my breakdowns but not as often as I thought I would. I received the letter about his graduation and with his address last week and have written non-stop. My son has always been very independant and I'm sure he is doing fine. As I told his recruiter, I'm the one having the tough time without him. I haven't been "independant" in 22 years! LOL!! It was SO good just to see his hand writing on the letter!!! Talk about silly feelings, I carry that letter with me everywhere I go! I have the voice mail he left me as soon as he got off the plane and even though I spoke with him as soon as he left it I will not delete it from my phone just so I can hear his voice!! LOL!!! I am counting down the days until I get to see my son. I don't write much on this website but I do want everyone to know how much it has helped me. I wasn't handling my son's decision to join the Navy very well and I felt bad about that. But just knowing I wasn't alone or the only one having those feelings made it better and helped me come to terms with his decision. Now after a couple of weeks, I still worry about and miss him terribly but I can honestly say I know he made the right choice for his life and I am SO happy for him!! I have been and always will be proud of him but it is something totally different to be happy for him. I think I even shocked my son the day he left. He didn't really want me to go to the recruiters office to see him off cause he thought I would break down. I did break down but not in front of my son, thanks to one of the recruiters!! LOL!! He was so sweet, he started talking about funny things my son had done when he would visit their office! When I went to thank my son's recruiter for everything he did for us the other officer was there. When I thanked him he said he could tell I was trying really hard not to cry and that was why he started with the funny stories. That also helped because I knew that the recruiters were not just there to "sign people up". They actually formed a relationship with him and care what happens to my son. Then I cried cause they were so sweet to me!!! LOL!! Thank you Navy For Moms!!!!

[Maggie]

well of course you don't WANT him to go .... no one does. my husband I were married for 2 years before he finally left for boot camp, and of course I was sick inside, depressed over it, etc, but that's a normal reaction. we're only human, and it's natural for us to want to keep our loved ones by our sides forever.

but, since I'm not a mom, and my husband was already 28 when he left for boot camp, I can't really answer any of your other questions. my friend's younger brother is in the Navy, he's in his second enlistment, I think he's around 22-23 years old. right now he's in Japan, for quite awhile I think. but, his parents were able to go visit him recently. of course they had to pay for their own airfare and hotel, so that's not an option for everyone. if they hadn't been able to go, it would have been months between times they saw him.

as for how much they change - he's at an age where he would change a lot in those 4-6 years anyway. I remember what I was like at 19, vs. what I was like at ages 23-25, and I just had college and marriage to change me, not the military.

[Sailor Baylor]

My son will be off to BC 7/21/09. But after reading the replies below it helps me feel more confident that my son has made a very good decission. I am so very proud of him and he is so excite. He is the oldest of 3 boys he is really setting a great example for the younger 2. Thanks again and I am so blessed to have found N4M

[Nancy S]

All the stories I've read about are the same, yet they are so very different! A child floundering in school, no sense of purpose, video games til all hours, lack of motivation to change, not a bad kid, etc. As a parent we sometimes have to point them in the direction we feel they need to go. I doesn't matter the economic status, or whether they come from a "traditional" or single family background. It's about them learning to take responsibility and being able to support themselves. I could have let my son sit on the sofa playing video games and supported him for the next 20 years. Yes, I would get to see him all the time, but I'm sure eventually he would either get in trouble or I'd resent his free-loading. I recently attended a HS reunion, and when asked about my family and discussing theirs, I was able to state with pride. Yes my son is educated and employed. He works for the US Government -Navy. How awsome does that sound! Sure beats saying he's struggling at college or is trying to find a job in these difficult economic times. Did i want to send him away-NO. Did I do the right thing by steering him to his decision-Absolutely!

Nancy

[Bettyboop65]

Rebecca, Reading this I thought that I had wrote it. My son left on May 13 and next week on the 17 is his graduation. I can't believe how fast time went. I had all the mixed feeling that you are having. It's ok and it's normal you love your son and you should feel this way. It's always hard to let go but remember he will always be your son and you will never let go, he is just going away to better himself. It was hard for me at first but when I received his first letter that made things a whole lot better for me. Once he gets to base he will call you to tell you he got safe. It might take few weeks for him to write but please don't worry he will be ok. One thing it helped me alot was that I spend time writing to him and that's how i felt connected to him. You can send him small pictures so I sent him pictures of the family and of him when he was a baby. He loved the pictures. You can write to him everyday if you want to. You will see how ease you will feel ones he starts writing. Don't get me wrong, after he left I cried, cried and cried. Then I joined here and got so many answers to lots of my question and I was able to feel that I was helping him thru the process of bootcamp by understanding the process. If you ever need anything please let me know. You hang in there and trust me, if they change is for the best. You will be proud of him. You are not alone we are with you.

[Ellenrg62]

Rebecca...For my son, going into the Navy was the best for him by far!!! He is not different just better at being him. However, as his mother, the day I dropped him off at the recruiter to head for boot camp was the single most difficult day of my life!!!!!! He was both excited and scared to go to Great Lakes. Of course I held it together (almost) until after I left the recruiters office as I knew that if he knew I was "ok" he would not worry about me as much and he could concentrate on his job at hand. Remind him of the fact that he will be seeing the world! Going and doing things that none of his friends will ever do. Going to places that only the Navy can take him. The more we learned about the Navy the more excited BOTH of us got. Hang in there!

[Elena (Erika's mom) Perez]

I am a proud mother of a beautiful daughter that took the plunge and flew away. I am not going to lie it was very difficult the first year. But I had to realize she was becoming an adult and I had to let go. I see her about every 4 - 6 months even if we have to go and stay at a hotel on base or near base. She has changed for the better, she is and always will be our little girl but now she is an awesome sailor and we thank God every day for her. I daily think and pray for her but I need to remind myself she is just at work, she has and always will have a home here with us.