My son is supposed to enlist on Tuesday and I am not doing well with it!

[Laurie]

My son is 19 and in his second year of college. He has always hated school, even at elementary level. He has alot of friends who are going no where in college life, and the party scene is getting old to him. He is my youngest and my only son, very adventurous and worldly. I am a single mom and have a very close relationship with all my kids, but Johnny has always been the peaceful, easy to raise kid. After several meetings with the recruiters (which I am sure I have made crazy), the physical and signing is supposed to happen Tuesday. I can't sleep, and I can't stop talking about it. I am sure everyone is sick of hearing me, but I have so many concerns and worries. My kids are my life, and I have always been there to help them through things but once he signs I will not be able to save him or help him if he needs me. The helplessness of that is killing me. The recruiters are willing to help him get qualified for Dive School and he would not leave until this semester of college is done, but I still have so many questions. Will he end up in Iraq? Will he make it through Dive School or will he end up with some job/school that he hates? How much studying is there (since he hates long lectures or writing papers)? Is most training hands on or will he really have to hit the books? Will he lose his personality or change who he is (my daughters concerns)? How do I help him? I just want my kids to follow their dreams and will always support them 100%, but I do not want him to regret his decision or be let down by broken promises or unrealistic expectations. My daughter and I are going to be there on Tuesday when they want him to sign and I know I will probably make it harder for him. I have heard that he should take the contract home and go over it for a few days before signing. Is that true? Wow, I definitely need some reassurance! HELP!

[Susan R]

My son graduated 9/12 is now in Pensacola, FL for "A" school, he is my oldest but only boy. I think we all have had the same concerns and worries. What I have learned in this short period is "yes he will change.........our little boys, wont be little forever and once you see them in uniform at PIR you will be seeing a young man looking back". If you think about all our concerns we have had they never stop............will he make the team, will he get a GF, will he pass his drivers test, will he graduate, will he make a good dad, can he change a diper at 3 A.M, as moms we never stop worrying, thats are life time job. He seems to be growing up since he dropping the party scene/crowd. My husband is ex-army, and we figured Doug would join the service. He wanted the Marines, but after dad and I both told him we would break his legs 1st, he settled on the Navy. He was always a computer nerd and now he is getting the training he needs in that field. He is scheduled to be assigned to Pensacola for about the next "3 years" according to the orders he has seen. Now if something happens that may change.........but thats out of all of our hands. We never completely cut the apron strings......but sometimes we have to loosen them a bit.

[Anti M]

>>>My kids are my life, and I have always been there to help them through things but once he signs I will not be able to save him or help him if he needs me.<<<<br />
That really struck me. Whether it is the Navy or life, there will come a time he has to save himself. The Navy provides a young person many tools and resources to do just that in this world. I was at loose ends when I joined; I didn't change who I was but I did learn how to manage my life, make decisions and get organized. The Navy gave me purpose and direction. I think your son may find the same opportunities for growth.

The Navy will let him know if he's qualified for the diver program. As for academics, yes, there is some hitting the books. Most of the training programs are geared toward success, so it isn't like college. I never once wrote a paper in the Navy! The Navy doesn't want to enlist kids just to have them fail.

I know you are concerned about Iraq, every mother is. Less likely with the Navy, although not an impossibility. He'll be in school for a good long time before that first set of orders. I know there's sites about where divers may be stationed, perhaps I can find that for you to look over. Being a diver is pretty elite, my hubby wanted to be one, and the SEALS wanted him too, but he was locked into his advanced electronics contract!

You can help him by being positive and supportive. I know this is hard, but the moms on here have a lot of good advice about how to accomplish that. Best of luck to you both, and many hugs!

[carols_kitchen]

We are here to help you through whatever comes you way.
My son has found more direction and purpose in life since joining and leaving for boot camp in June. He really likes what he is doing, even though there is a lot to learn. It pushes him to try even harder. He has found what I would call a profound friendship with his shipmates.
I can't worry about the future, even though it creeps in to my thoughts. I was worried when he went to school in a not so nice area as well as his job over in St. Louis.
To think that he picked Tuesday, and election day, is quite remarkable.
I feel very fortunate that we had such a trustworthy recruiter. He helped guide our sailor to a new way of life in what he qualified for! When his DEP date had a chance to be moved up, the recruiter came to our home and answered our questions about his contract, his boot camp, and his A school.
Looking back, I should have trusted myself more to "let go and give it all to God" for I feel God has been even more strongly in our lives than ever before.
I am proud of your son.

[Ruthann]

Hi Laurie,
I had to respond to you since you are a "mirror" image of me about 7 or 8 months ago. My son, Danny, sounds like your son a year ago. He was accepted to Norwich on a football scholarship. It was the school of his dreams. He was there the first semester. He LOVED the military part of the school...he actually excelled in that, he was amazing on the football team...the coach LOVED him...however, the "time management" thing was quite an issue! Between football, Corp of Cadets, studying and ROTC...he just crashed and burned. Needless to say, he left Norwich and got a full time job without any sort of education. Well....one day, he called me and said "Mom...I'm DONE with working a job with no future and I've joined the Navy, and I'm going to make a career out of it. I have researched the military for about 5 months now, and this is what I've chosen". Well..you could have blew me over and I cried a river. (I didn't let on I cried about it to him). It's been THREE weeks since I've said goodby to him in Boston as he left for boot camp. I am so proud of him......and I have always told him I support him fully in his decision. He has never sounded so happy. (I got my first phone call this weekend) Laurie, support him fully...it will make it so much easier for him...and isn't that what us Mom's do? Far be it for us Mom's to figure out what's is good for them....it's hard to let go, but we have to know that we brought them up to make decisions on their own....and quite frankly, I believe my son has....and so will you. Good luck to you and your son! Please feel free to respond to me at any time since my son is brand new into the navy..only 3 weeks!

[Nan Pearl mom of Matt]

Being a single parent too, I can understand how you feel. My son's father never even met him. My son was all I had for many years and My entire life was centered around him. Matt also was not a fan of the school thing, he never liked doing school work and had no interest in going on to college. After high school graduation he worked at a few jobs, Burger king, stock boy etc.. He found that he was not making much money, hated the hours and felt he was going no place. Matt decided to enlist in the navy march 07, something he talked about off and on since he was a little boy. He is so happy and he is doing great! I missed and I still miss him every minute of evary day. But I can say now that while I miss him I am not lonely for him. I know that he is happy and following his dream that he has become a strong confident man who has a plan for his life. The love a single mother has for her son is very special, be proud of him and be proud of yourself for raising such an amazing young man. While the pain of missing him will hurt a-lot at first it will change and the pain will be replaced by an amazing pride.

[jean]

Thanks for writing here.

My son enlisted last November and left for Boot Camp June 22 and was like your son. Not doing well in college and yes we went through alot of ups and downs with him.

Tell him to work out for it is easier at Boot camp when they work out before going to bc.

Tell him to go to church and have a good bye party for him

No he will not go to Iraq unless he is in the Marines/Navy Medical part and then he might go but things are changing so far over there and who ever is going to be our next US President things may change again.

BC is really nice. and tell him to go to the chapel every Sunday he is at BC it sure helps them during the week.

My son is in Sub School in CT and grad in Oct and is waiting to go to Electrial school and is trying to get home for the hoildays if he does not have to do duty for the hoilidays. The base is like the hopsitals that stays open during the holidays.

Jean

[FC3 Thomas]

The only personality trait that I've seen change in my friends or myself is that we're more self confident. We stand a little prouder. He won't change that much. As far as the signing, definately take it and look it over. Also, there is a 72 hour period where he can void the contract - cover that with the recruiter. Here's the part the recruiter doesn't want you to know: If he changes his mind, he doesn't have to go. He's not enlisted for real until he takes the oath of enlistment the day before or the day of his trip to boot camp. (Also, for you since you're the proud momma, the oath of enlistment is taken at meps and parents and cameras are allowed in.) Where he ends up and what his school is like depends on what job he picks. Does he know what job he's interested in?

[Renee (Jeff's Mom)]

Hi Laurie...I was in the very same place you are just a little more than a year ago, except my son decided to enlist before he finished high school. So he enlisted and then I had about six months to get used to the idea -- and it was tough. The best thing I had to hold on to at that point was reminding myself that it was an honorable thing he was choosing (even though it was scary for me -- I was a single mom for most of his growing up years too, and we are very close). We talked about it a lot and I got a good understanding of why he was making the choice he was -- it was really more about patriotism than anything else for him, and I didn't have an argument for that...as I said, its an honorable choice (but a tough one for us moms).

Anyway, he got into the program he wanted, but then got shifted out to a program that he's not so crazy about, but he knows he'll get to go back to his program of choice in February...so that's good and he's got something to look forward to.

As for changing personality, what I noticed the most was how much my son was growing up. Somehow the Navy managed to teach him how to make a bed, how to neatly fold his clothes (when I didn't seem to be able to do that in the 18 years I had him!) and how to balance his checkbook, All admirable things. Along the way they also taught him to be an expert sharpshooter and how to sew up gaping chest wounds (I was far more excited about him making his bed!). All that to say, the Navy is like a lot of other life experiences -- it becomes a part of your child and will always be a part of him -- but that's not necessarily a bad thing...it's part of life.

I still miss my son terribly -- thankfully, he's pretty good about texting me on a regular basis. But I have say that I'm very proud of the man he's becoming (I'm about ready to cry as I'm typing) and while I like to think I laid the groundwork for that, I know the Navy has also been a big part of that. He's been in for almost a year-and-a-half now and I would say that we are closer than ever -- even though he's far away.

My heart is with you, I know what you're going through...supporting your son is important. I can almost gaurantee you there will be disappointments for him, but that's part of the growing up experience too. I would say just stay close to him (after he's out of boot camp!) in whatever ways work for you -- like I said, texting and email works for us -- you'll figure out what works for you.

Take care...and my thoughts will be with you tomorrow.

Renee

[Bobbi]

I've told my story in other discussions so I apologize to those of you who have heard it before. My son walked up to me one day during his senior year of high school after he had received his acceptance to the University of Washington and said" I think college would be a waste of my time and your money". He was and is definitely a social butterfly, and was mature enough to understand that even if he had a test on Tuesday, he'd be up all Monday night partying. Six years later he is an EM2 (nuke) on a fast attack sub and is just a terrific young man. The Navy has been so good for him - he discovered he flourishes within structure, but still is free to be himself. He still has his wonderfully dry sense of humor - it seems all of his good qualities have been enhanced, and he embraces responsibility. There comes a time in everyone's life where they have to perform without a net, and the Navy is a great way to get started. You will cry because you miss him, but you will also cry when the voice on the other end of that phone call is so much more a man than you could have imagined. You will really understand the meaning and emotion of pride. Your job won't be to save him, but to support him, and that brings satisfaction beyond words.

Practically speaking, I'm sorry I don't know anything about Dive school except that we know a guy who did that and was in the Continental U.S. his whole time in the Navy. He is now trying to get hired as a fireman and his Navy experience has propelled him to the top of the interview list.

[Laurie]

I am simply amazed at all the support and kind words from everyone! Thanks to all who have helped me cry for most of the day! I think I needed it. My son has been texting me as he waits for the recruiters to pick him up and take him to the hotel, and then Meps in the morning. He is a little apprehensive, but only because of the unknown things. He said they told him to wear underwear since he would be standing around in them for quite a while! I thought that was funny because those are the things that worry him the most! Once again thanks to everyone, it helps to know I am not alone.

[Tanya]

He will change for the better... But just remind him that Navy has A LOT of schooling before going out to sea. some longer than others depending on what he wants to go into. My hubby has 3 prep schools and then his A school which is like 7 months long. He also said that it's basically like college with the classes and tests every week.

[Tanya]

Oh yeah, If he doesn't get into Dive school, then yes, he will be assigned another job.