My son is supposed to enlist on Tuesday and I am not doing well with it!

[Laurie]

My son is 19 and in his second year of college. He has always hated school, even at elementary level. He has alot of friends who are going no where in college life, and the party scene is getting old to him. He is my youngest and my only son, very adventurous and worldly. I am a single mom and have a very close relationship with all my kids, but Johnny has always been the peaceful, easy to raise kid. After several meetings with the recruiters (which I am sure I have made crazy), the physical and signing is supposed to happen Tuesday. I can't sleep, and I can't stop talking about it. I am sure everyone is sick of hearing me, but I have so many concerns and worries. My kids are my life, and I have always been there to help them through things but once he signs I will not be able to save him or help him if he needs me. The helplessness of that is killing me. The recruiters are willing to help him get qualified for Dive School and he would not leave until this semester of college is done, but I still have so many questions. Will he end up in Iraq? Will he make it through Dive School or will he end up with some job/school that he hates? How much studying is there (since he hates long lectures or writing papers)? Is most training hands on or will he really have to hit the books? Will he lose his personality or change who he is (my daughters concerns)? How do I help him? I just want my kids to follow their dreams and will always support them 100%, but I do not want him to regret his decision or be let down by broken promises or unrealistic expectations. My daughter and I are going to be there on Tuesday when they want him to sign and I know I will probably make it harder for him. I have heard that he should take the contract home and go over it for a few days before signing. Is that true? Wow, I definitely need some reassurance! HELP!

[Lynn aka R's Mom]

Hi Laurie, welcome to N4M, this is a wonderful site, you will have more support than you ever dreamed of! My son Ronnie is 17, and in the DEP program. When he told me that he wanted to join the Navy, I was terrified. This decision is normally tough on a parent, but in this day and age, it is particularly scary. I am also a single mom to 3 great kids (all boys) and had many sleepless nights after he made his decision. The first meeting with the recruiter was not as bad as I thought it was, he was very patient and understanding with my questions and concerns. The best piece of advice I can give you, is to stress to your son the importance of picking an A school that he will like as much as Dive school.My son has a SEAL contract, and that is all he can think about. He didn't want to consider any other school. The recruiter tried to tell my son that it didn't matter what he picked for his 2nd choice, but I argued (not always quietly) against this. In the end,while at MEPs, they had to hold up the shuttle to bring the kids back to the recruiters office 2 1/2 hrs, while he pushed for the school he wanted for his 2nd choice. I wish you good luck, and I will be praying for you and your son! Lynn

[Mo (Shane's Mom)]

Laurie,

Having your child sign into any military branch is a very big and scary deal! There a mom's all over this country who are or were in the same boat you are now...but believe me...your son will be the better for it. My son left for Boot Camp on September 8th and just graduated last Friday. It was the most awesome and prideful experience that me and my family have ever felt. I know that it's hard right now but like your son....my son went to college and it wasn't for him....he talked to many people including some retired naval officers who told him exactly what navy life would be like...and I felt that he covered all the bases before he signed on. When he came to visit me at work after he signed his contract...I cried and cried hard. He is my baby and I felt that I was losing him but you know what??? He has become more of a man than I ever thought he would or could be. I'm so proud of him that my heart is about the explode. He got engaged to his high school sweetheart over the weekend and I couldn't be happier. Life has definitely changed but I know now that it has for the better. I truly mean that.

Know that you will have every mom on this site to support you and to help whenever you need.

Take Care and if you have further questions or concerns....let me know.

[Cari Shiveley]

I just have one thing to say....You have to let him go. There is nothing you can do about it AND YOU WILL GRIEVE TREMENDOUSLY. I am very close with my son who was 19 when he enlisted. It absolutely killed me. We went to boot camp graduation in Chicago and when we came home we left him at Ohare airport. We had an 11 hour drive home and I literally cried all the way home. It hurts!! But it does eventually get a little easier. It has been 1 1/2 years for me now and when he has a problem I still want to go there and fix it. He is now in Groton, CT assigned to the sub, USS Hawaii. Last night I talked with him for 45 minutes starting at 11pm. You need to always be there for him and really encourage him......and listen to him. They will change.......grow up. Become men. I know that it is good for them. They will alway be your little boy though. Alway be there for him. He will need you. Pray and be strong for him. He is really doing something good!!!!

[margee estelle gearhart]

My son, Richard, now 27 joined the Navy on his own record after going thru a very difficult year in his young life. He had no direction, didn't want to go to college and decided to enlist. Today, he is a PO 2nd Class, working on his first class and married with two young boys.
As a mother, I understand how you feel when you say he is your life, but as a mother it is our jobs to raise our children so that they can spread their wings and fly. Sometimes that direction is away from us.
I went to the Great Lakes to see my son graduate from Boot Camp on Sept. 9, 2001, and two days later the US was attacked. I had no chance to worry about whether his personality would change or whether the bookload would be too much. I now worried about where would they send him and would he come back alive. Prayer and more prayer got us thru.
My son had a tough time adjusting at first, as they all do. It is a completely different way of life, but it was the road he needed to take to become the man, officer, husband and father he is today. I am so proud of the man he is and will be.
Give your son all your support and love and he will then feel free to become who he is to be. If he feels guilty about leaving you behind then he is not doing what he needs too.
As a mom and a woman, use this time to discover who you are and what you love to do. Rediscover your interests and passions and you will have so much more to offer your children as they watch you develop and grow. What better example for them is to see you develop yourself and to take on new challenges in life.
This is a great website and i wish it was available 7 years ago for me.
Margee
NJ

[Jeanny Garrett]

Finally a reply that I might really help with...I know exactly how you feel and when my son Zach joined the Navy he was 17 and still in Highschool. The recruiter came to my door, and I wanted to say No so bad, but Zach had told me he wanted to be a part of this and I just had to give him that freedom. At Zach's graduation I cried, but I cried even harder when I realized he would be leaving for bootcamp in June. Zach and I are very close. I have three children, and I am very close with all of them. Zach always hated school and I was so scared that he would hate the Navy and get in trouble and I couldn't help. So your questions I can answer since Zach has been in for a year now and really seems to have found his nitch in life.
I defnitiely felt the helplessness as soon as Zach left. When I got his address and his first letter I cried and read it so many times that I was sure it would fall apart, and he sounded a little homesick, but not terrible. BC was tough on him, the exercising and he did get homesick and when he called I tried so hard to be strong and sometimes I didn't make it, but he made it through and he really learned alot and grew up alot. "A" school was long for Zach because of the profession he chose, so he was in Great Lakes for about a year. We talked on his cellphone then alot, and he had all weekend off unless he had duty so he was able to call and talk. It was a little more rigid in BC. I know the schooling is self paced at points, which was perfect for Zach, and most of the classes were really hands on training. Zach never had trouble with the school part and he really never liked school. I have no answer on the Iraq question, because I still ask Zach that one on a regular basis and he just tells me not to worry. Zach ended up in exactly what he went to school for and loves every minute of what he does. Zach has not lost his personality at all, he is still my little clown and a good hearted guy. He has grown up alot and has more of a grasp on living day to day life now, but he hasn't changed or lost his personality one bit.
I hope this helps. I do still feel helpless every once in awhile, but by the time Zach calls me back he has already fixed the problem. They really learn how to think on their feet and make it through and it has made Zach a better person, and if you knew how much i tried to talk him out of it you would realize how hard it is for me to realize how much he has grown.

Please let me know how things go and keep me posted. I will be right here to help with whatever anytime. I don't think anyone has posted yet about the helpless feeling so I really identify with what you are saying.

[Peggy]

Hi Jeanny:
My son is at MEPS today and am I already have that helpless feeling. He needs some direction too as he
did not want to go to college. He has never really committed to anything of this magnitude in his life. Blake is really easy going and nonchalant about everthing. He is just one of the guys everybody likes. The reason I am so concerened is that he doens't really strike us as the kind of person that would adhere to such a strict way of life. I have tried to explain the dedication he will have to commit himself to in this lifestyle, but all he sees is jumping out of helicopters and saving people for a living and that seems like fun!!! It sounds like your son is a little more mature than Blake. I do agree that this is better than what he has been doing since graduation but as you said I feel helpless and that Really Sacres Me!!!!!!!!!!!! You can e-mail me direct at pbgrolltide1 @att.net.
I look forward to chatting soon. Thanks for your support. Peggy

[Peggy]

Hi Laurie my son is joining tomorrow. I am terrified. He is also my youngest and I'm not doing so well with this decision. I am trying to hide it from him but I feel like I am going to come unglued any minute. He seems really excited and is only looking at the positive side. I can't say I have been trying to talk him out of this but I can say I have been trying to help him make a more informed decision. He still says it sounds like fun!!! He is not crazy about school either he is much more hands on. When is your son supposed to leave for Boot camp???
Peggy

[Jan Sherman]

HI

Every parent , especially moms go through what you are goign through. You aren't alone! But As hard as it is to let go- The Navy will help your son. My son didn't even ask what we thought about joining the Navy! He signed up and took the big test and then told us! I guess that was the way to do it!
The Navy really has been good for him . Boot Camp was really rough . But he said once you understand why they have to break you down , then The Navy will bring you back up!
Yes he will be deployed. My son was in the Navy months and was sent to Iraq. He came back last january. He will go back out next November. His Ship- The USS Gunston Hall , is in dry dock.
Your son will be sending a few letters while in Boot camp. WRITE him back! He also while on deployment will call and will have email! Write emails everyday! My son said that is what got him through a lot.I sent him a quick email everyday. He usually responded once or twice a week.
The Navy takes care of their Sailors! My son is in the SWAT team now. They deal with the Pirates around Africa. He also is thinkign about being a DIVER.
Prayer takes on a whole NEW meaning when you have a child in the Military!

[jacki]

Hello Laurie
I was in the same boat that you are in now,
my son did the same thing 5 yrs ago.
he was 20 at the time ,living at home
and my only son, we did everything together, even fought fires
me and his dad are firefighters
when my son went to boot camp I got a few letters from him,
I felt like I won a million $$$
write him back ,we sent a letter once a week ,
that's what got him thru boot camp
he sometimes he called home when he could
yes it's hard , but the next time you see him
in his Sailor suite there's no explaining how Proud you will feel.
& yes I still cry when I see him he's 26 now
I just wished I found Navy for Moms back then,
I didn't have anyone who understood what I was feeling,
now , it's nice to know other moms know what you are going thru
here you can leave me a message any time ,
& I'll get back to you ok
our prayers are with you & your family