My son left today for BC and I feel lost

[Colleen]

Today was the hardest day I have had to deal with. My eyes are swollen and I feel lost. I had to let my boy go off with his recruiter. AJ did not want us to drive him to the hotel. He wanted to leave from home. As he kissed me goodbye and said I love you, I thought...How do I handle the grief. My heart felt like it was breaking. Real Pain! I know this is what he wants to do and he will be safe but not with me. I am So Proud of Him! He knows what he wants and he is determined to get all that he can from this experience. He is excited and has been anxious for days. I went in his room to put some laundry away and just about feel apart. This pain hits in waves and I have to say, it is so uncontrollable that I fear losing it in a place like the grocery store. I will deal with it one day at a time. I keep telling myself, he is fine. He is warm and happy. He called once he got to the hotel and was laughing. He had met a young man and made friends. Last I heard they were playing hockey.That made me feel better. I know he will be fine but getting my heart to understand what my head knows are two different things. These holidays are going to be rough. We had Thanksgiving dinner yesterday. But Christmas...WOW that's gonna be tough. I am sure I will get through. Anyway, anyone out there who has a child being sworn in tomorrow to spend their first day in boot camp, please let me know. Thanks,
Colleen, Proud Mom of AJ

[Connie in Alaska]

Hi Colleen. What you did today, letting your son go to have this big adventure is the hardest thing a mom has to do. It's okay to cry. I cried when my daughter walked to the airplane [she arrived at GL on 10/28), and I cried the whole way home. It hurt a lot. It's okay to feel sad today. You have raised a wonderful son. It's okay to miss him and to cry when you need to. My husband thought I might never recover at first, and that's okay. I got through it in the way I had to. Your son is fine and warm and he will be so happy and proud of himself when he graduates from boot camp. He will come back to you and you will be so happy to see him so proud of what he accomplished on his own and as part of a team with his division. Our children are doing what they want to do, and what they want to acomplish is something so much better than a lot of young people are doing. He will come out of this strong, proud of himself, self confident, and with a career. My youngest brother is 20 year career navy, and was one of the youngest Navy chiefs at the time. Everyone in our family respects him so much and looks up to him (we jokingly call him Admiral). The Navy played a big part in who he eventually became.

When my daughter, who was still in high school at the time first told me she was joining the Navy, I was upset and scared. It IS scary for us moms, the thought of being apart from them, the thought of so much we don't know and can't control anymore. Kelly was in the delayed entry program, finished high school, and flew out to boot camp just about a week after she turned 19. I didn't get that first call from her, some moms don't. I started writing her that night, and I saved up the letters until I got her address from her recruiter [he was able to look it up online]. Since then I've received several precious letters and phone calls, and I can hear the change in her already.

It helped me to write, find funny cartoons [I even had her cat write her a letter, but she said she got razzed big time for that so "NO MORE LETTERS FROM THE CAT MOM." LOL. But it helped ME to do it, and to know that I was making her smile. And no, you can't write too many letters. I've heard from my mom's that the recruits say even if they had to do extra PT for getting a lot of letters, its WORTH it to them.

He'll be homesick, and that just means he had a good home with you. Wenever I write or talk to Kelly, I do my best to let her know I miss her but that I KNOW she can do this; that she is strong and we believe in her. It will get better after the first few weeks, after the first call or letter. Before that, I can guarantee you will be stalking your mailman daily and frisking him for mail. LOL. Just get through it one hour at a time, one day at a time, one week at a time, and before you know it, he will be graduating boot camp. Kelly graduates in 28 days.

I still get sad and teary sometimes, and that's okay. I miss her, and that's okay too. Your letters to him will everything to him. IKelly wrote and said to me...mom, what I need from you is CONTACT...write me, tell me what is happening at home, send me pictures of family/friends and our hometown that I can share with my friends. I also called and wrote and emailed friends and family and said if they wanted to pass messages onto her, that they could email them to me or tell me and I would pass it along. She's loved that.

Give yourself permission to get through this the best way you can. It's an experience you have to go through to understand. Come in here when you need to, even if it's just for a hug because you are having a bad day. Make contact with moms who are a few stages ahead of you as far as when their children went to boot camp, as they can give you good tips, information and advice. Make contact with moms who are in the same stage as you as far as when their children went to boot camp, and with moms whose children are in your son's division so that you can share what is going on. Who knows, your children might even become friends! And then, make contact with moms who are a few stages behind you, who need your support, your advice, your understanding of what they are going through. I promise, it will help you AND them. And you can always ask me for a hug :-) Connie

[Caroline]

I'm one of those Moms who is a few stages ahead of you. My son will be graduating from A-School soon ...It's almost a year to the day that he first left. Your post makes me cry,and makes me remember the initial grief so vividly , ( I warn you, there are still some rough moments ahead,...like when the box with his clothes arrives, or when you think he's going to call and can't....for us it was Christmas Day...Ugh! ) But I promise, it really does get better....I think Connie's post is beautiful and I'd like to make the same offer....If you need any advice, or just want a hug, you can come to me as well...We've been there...Carrie