New Navy Moms....For when you are struggling....

[OOHRAH MOM]

I was in your shoes about 3 years ago when my only son, and my oldest child left to go to Navy Basic Training. I, like you, felt as though my heart had been ripped out of my chest. But on a board similar to this one I posted the time away and when I wrote to him I told him about the board and how some other moms with Sailors in his division were on there. While on the site a member of the Navy Moms Organization was posting and saw my rants. She ask me who my son was and what division he was in and my email address. I gave her all of my information and a few more post went back and forth between us that day. Little did I know she was in Great Lakes at the time visiting the recruits, on behalf of Navy Mom Organization and delivering care packages. The next evening when I got home from work I checked the board and then on to my email. I saw a strange address in my inbox but the title was "I met your son Jonathan and he is a fine young man." My heart just broke....I immediately began to literally sob.. And this is what I read.
Dear Leah,
I have been reading your post and you seem to be struggling. You seem angry and hurt by your son's choice to defend our great nation. I just thought if I could give you some peace, maybe this last 5 weeks will be easier. I found your son this morning and when I sat with him, introducing myself I began telling him of our message board / online support group. As I was talking going through the formalities of the introduction he politely excused himself for interrupting and said.."Mam if you could will you see if there is a lady on there from Georgia that goes by the screenname hisbiggestfan. That is my mom and when I left she didn't seem to be dong so well. I know my mom and she has always worried about me and my sister. Heck, I am 18 years old, and up until I left home she would come in and cover me up during the night. She never missed not one baseball or soccer game, and now I just can't imagine what kind of a mess she might be. So if you could mam would you please try to find her on there and tell her, I love her to the moon and back again, and I am ok. I sure would appreciate it." He is a fine young man and is doing a great job from what his chief tells me. He is 2nd in command of his division and is enjoying his training. I have never spoken to a young man who seemed to have so much direction and so much faith. Leah, this child depends on you to be his strength. And I will pass on to you what a very wise and seasoned Navy mom passed on to me a few years ago when my daughter first went to basic training. If you feel like your heart has been ripped from your chest....it has....it went with Jonathan....he needs it more than you. And if you get down and you need me I am never more than a message or a phone call away. Love him, be proud of him, cherish your memories of the time you spent with him, but do not grieve the child he use to be for he is now a fine young man.
My prayers are with you and yours,
xxxx

Well as you can imagine I was a hot mess by this point in the email but when I read the poem she attached....a calm came over me. And from that day forward...even through 2 deployments I have been able to pull up that email and draw strength and find peace in it. Maybe you will too. When I asked Judi what I could possibly do to repay her. (knowing there was nothing I could give her that would be half a precious as her gift to me) But then she told me...there were many before you and there will be many after you.....offer them comfort and peace as often as you can...just as I have done for you....just "pay-it-forward". And so I do.....


Mom Be Bold
I may clutch a picture of my child
Wander into his room where the memories run wild
Thoughts come with me wherever I go
Prayers often lead my way, you know
My young one has left to be so brave
The hero of my heart, gone to save
At times I want to reach out and hold
But I know his answer, "Mom be bold."
The love of my child is part of me
So strong and good, it will always be
Nurtured in life by a caring heart
This child to me is a work of art
Dear God you know my love is true
I've prayed for my soldier, more I'll do
And to mothers who live their life and I
We'll grow in support, with our flag raised high
Together we'll get through each new day
Becoming great friends, God Bless our way.

I hope this helps you all as much as it helped me.

OOHRAH!!!!!!
My Son, My Sailor, My Hero!!!!
Leah

I have added the following" Part 2" February 13, 2009... I thought this might help some of you with kids getting ready to come out of boot...

Paying it forward part 2

Your sailor can draw strength from your prayers and faith....and when it is coming from their mother they can feel it even when we are miles apart...I want to share this with all of you...and these words came DIRECTLY from my daughter's boyfriend who just graduated from Marine boot on October 3 (OOHRAH India Company Plt 3083).....he said that he thought, just as did every other Recruit...he was ready for but too tired to do that last leg of the Crucible (the Marne equivalent of Battlestations to our recruits....only the crucible is 72 hours long and extremely physically and mentally taxing as it is reinactment of a full fledged combat zone and they are pushed to the very limits of their breaking point...) ...On the nine mile run back...with a 125 # RUK sack on his back, blisters on his feet, elbows bleeding, tired, hungry, and thirsty (still trying to save last bit of water just in case), still dark, and the most alone he had felt since he had arrived at Parris Island....he was waiting for the excitement that he thought he would feel at this point and that second wind to push him on through. Saturday morning he had struggled in the dark, but when he caught site of the smallest glimpse of a sunrise...he started thinking about home and just like we had promised in our last letter ... he felt us one by one starting to fall into step with him and taking every step right by his side all the way back in and he said at that very moment it was like God reached down and lifted the RUK sack off of his back, every thought of pain, hunger, thirst, and much needed sleep just disappeared. When my son who is in the Navy (ooohrah Jonathan...sorry had to get in an atta boy for my Sailor...lol) went to boot, in every letter he sent home...he would close with this... "I love you Mama, keep those letters and prayers coming...your boy needs them now more than ever..." and I did.....and you know what? Only one thing has changed since then....the word letters has been replaced with emails.... and so it goes as with each new military mom before you ..... on to the next chapter of this brand new life…Most likely while your Sailor was home on that first leave (or for when he comes home...just put my mistakes in the back of your mind for future references lol)...you felt as if he had forgotten all the love and nurturing you had given him as a boy that enabled him to become the man you just met. I know I did the first time Jonathan came home...it has taken us two years to come to an "understanding", which goes as follows. I understand he is grown, and he understands he is still my heart. I understand he has friends...and he understands while he is home I will bring them to him. (My house resembles the movie "Animal House" while he is home...lol), I understand unless he is being deployed he expects there is to be no crying in baseball, he understands this is one time he has to fold instead of me. I understand he knows my love is unconditional, he understands that I know he feels the other loves of his life are not, therefore lies his time managment priority. It took us almost two years of, angry words, hurt feelings and countless tears to understand where those of us left behind fell into a pecking order. For the few years of his military career he was immediately placed in a war zone…by me ....where he felt his mother was the enemy. . It was a life lesson I would not wish on anyone. That is why I want you all to be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel that took us so long to find. I can tell you this not once did he fail to show his love for me... I just had to learn where to look, not once did he leave me out, I just had to join him (and he always made me feel welcome), in retrospect, you ask, the hardest part of it all? Looking at the months and months of time I LEFT MYSELF out of HIS LIFE, the life I spent 18 years preparing him for...Have I liked or agreed with every decision he has made thus far? No, absolutely not...Have I refused advice or help when it was ask of me? no, I have not....Have I regretted for even a one minute the MAN AND SOLDIER he has turned out to be (taking mistakes and all into consideration)??? And again...no, absolutely not. So it looks like we have it all figured out right? Not a chance....but we have learned how to make it work. Instead of us giving them rules and opinions...we now have to choose words carefully turning them into suggestions and acquired knowledge from our own mistakes....True enough a lot of it is in the wording...that's easy enough to fix...but the part that is in your heart that stirs you to feel the emptiness is the hard part to fix... This is the second half of the "pay-it-forward" debt I owe to the very wise Navy mom who helped me and these were her words that came in answer to the frazzled, irate, "off the chain", psychotic mother (ummmm that would have been me) on the other end of her phone at 3am almost a year ago...when she picked up the phone I got no hello,... no preface at all before this "Leah I know this you,. Number one no one else but you calls my house at 3am , and Number 2, I have gotten caller ID since we have become acquainted...(this is where I thought uh oh.) so what is it now Leah? Is that boy of yours causing you problems again??? (very sarcastic tone in her voice here...lol should've see it coming right there...) Well I am just about all out of advice for you...and now I need his phone number....(secretly I was laughing thinking Jonathan was just before meeting his match with this tough old broad....) So gladly I gave it to her...and I waited and waited....nothing (I am talking for days). But as i waited patiently I noticed one thing that was becoming all to apparent, my usually very eager to call home son was no longer calling every day.... but he would never fail to text me at least once during the day to tell me he loved me. About a month into this, I could no longer stand it the curiosity was killing me...what had she said?...why didn't he call as much?...and I was just about to call Jonathan to find out what the ole "battle axe" had done to turn my son against me when I remembered a post on the message board a few months back. So I searched her user name and went through one by one until I found it, (I was too scared to call her now and ask anything…lol...the near complete silence from her and my son had me a bit on edge)
DearXXXXX,
Yes I do believe I can help with your new soldier's attitude problem. That indifference you see when he is home and you are asking him not to stay gone too long him is telling you "Mom you should come too". That quick hug and kiss you get as he is slinging his smelly sea bag full of dirty utilities, underwear, and socks at you as he is running out the door is the confirmation you are looking for that YES he still realizes you are his mother (not to mention the only one he is sure that loves him enough to dare to even come close to the contents in that sea bag!). And that tear that you said he always wipes off your cheek as he bends over to kiss your forehead as he leaves....that is his way of returning your heart that he took with him everywhere as a boy. But now that he is a man, he knows the road home can only be illuminated with the love his mother holds in her heart for him....and by returning a mother's heart it will make that light shine so bright, that a child could never get too lost to findtheir way back home...Last, if you will keep in mind that he owed you none of the things that you have ask of him as a man, but you will always as his mother owe him everything, well then you both will find the peace and insight to heal that broken heart. This time ma'am it is not about you."
As always
xxxx

Now….don't ask me what comes next because, each of you have caught up with me…. The only thing I can tell you is yes…I have been through deployment….twice as a matter of fact…do I have any peace I can offer you??? No I don't ….but I will share this with you...it is what gave me the strength I share with each of you every chance I get…

A few months back I called my mentor's home to ask her some questions and a man answered the phone and I told him who I was he just said "I know….I mean...I don't really know who you are or what your name is but before I picked up the phone I knew your were a military mom, it is only 10 am here and there have been 7 calls just like yours already. I am sorry, but xxxx was killed in a car accident last week…but she left us a short handwritten note at the bottom of her will that told us to tell each of you that we might have any contact with that "today you must fly"…she said you would know what it meant……. and I do…until I hung up the phone I had forgotten one of the very first of many phone conversations I had with her, when I asked if the pain and constant worry would ever go away and how long it would take to get a hold on and make the best of this military mom thing like she had…..and she told me "one day you will fly….for now we'll just walk".

Truthfully....some days I still walk.... but the days I am able to fly are coming more and more often....stay busy and remember you raised a hero.....;-)

[Laura]

We used to read that too when my son was little. I cried every time. I have tears in my eyes right now remembering that book. I feel bad for you that you and your son are on the "outs". Hang in there and let him know that you love him....he will come around. My son had told me when he was a high school freshman (ok since he was 5) that he wanted to go into the Navy. He never brought it up again until he told me that he was going to MEPS for his physical. I was suprised but proud. He was afraid to tell us at first, although I am not sure why. We have supported his decision from day one. My son leaves for BC is a few short weeks and he has said he isn't sure he wants us there when he graduates but we will be there.

[Cristine Kennedy]

That was my kids' favorite bedtime story when they were little....my son (a DEPPER right now) still knows it by heart. It must be so sad for you to be "on the outs" with your sailor...but keep him in your heart and in your prayers...it's where he belongs, whether he knows it or not. And he'll come back to you. You're his mom, and we only get one. Stay strong, and be proud.

[Robyn]

This is still one of my sons favorite stories. Before he left for boot camp, we found the book and sat down to read it one more time. Keep him in your prayers always. You will both find your way back together.

[Joanne]

Hi Leah,
My son, Geoff, leaves for BC next week so your above message has really hit home for me. I, too, feel like my heart is slowly being ripped from my chest. Both my brothers served in the military many years ago and since Geoff was born, this has been my fear. When he enlisted in the summer, although I was very upset, January seemed like a long way off. Now that the time is here, I can't stand the thoughts of him leaving. I have tried to be strong for him and thought I was doing a great job. Then last week we were talking and I asked if he was getting nervous. He said no, that the worst thing about it was how it was tearing me up. I couldn't believe it, especially when I thought I was hiding my true emotions from him so well. I told him I knew he was going to do well and as long as he was happy, so was I. Now, having said that, I am just dreading the next few weeks until I receive my first letter from him. I just want to know that he is OK. Your message and the attached prayer will give me strength through the long weeks ahead. Thanks again!!! Joanne

[Proud Navy Mom Sue]

Hi Leah, That was just beautiful. I haven't cried like this since my son left. He is now in Great Lakes waiting to start school. Loved the poem. What an inspiration for all us Navy Mom's. Hugs to you!

[Judy (shelly's mom)]

wow... that was amazing... yes i am struggling really bad... I know i have been bold but it is getting harder and harder. My daughter and my only child PIR nov 26th. was Grad n go and has been in mississippi. She did get to come home for the holidays for 2 weeks. she told me she tested out this week from her A school and her next mission is to be in washington State. I am in North Carolina that just seems so far away! yes it is better after BC.. you can talk to them everyday but, sometimes at night when it is curfew time, i still find myself listening for her car to pull in the drive way! sigh
BC is hard, but i seem to think as the days go by it gets harder and harder. I sit and think.. damn i am here all alone!
ok i shut up now.
Thanks for sharing Leah

[Karen (KC's mom)]

This was very beautiful and thank you for sharing.

[Tammy]

Thank you for sharing such a touching letter. I think I need to print it out and carry it with me, even though I am lucky my son was stationed back home, and am able to see him alot, I forgot sometimes that he is growing up.

[Renee (Jacob's Mom)]

"If you feel like your heart has been ripped from your chest....it has....it went with Jonathan....he needs it more than you."

Jacob leaves on Sunday and every time I think about it, I begin to cry. This single line could not have said it better!

[Kathy]

This is the same line that got me the most. Oh, my.

[Wendy Gunter]

WOW that was so beautiful. My son left for boot camp on Tuesday. I have been a mess. It did help :)

[Barbara J.~Proud Mom of Mike]

Sheri - you said it all so well. I, too, have been in the same situation as you....a long time Navy Mom (11yrs!) and so proud of the Son we raised and his unselfish service to America. Navy4Moms has been such a tremendous support to me and I only discovered this site last fall. I've tried to be encouraging to new Navy moms too, but admit that at times I let my guard down and feel the anxiety rising. But, it's always so important to refocus and get back on track. It's interesting to me that when reading the posts of the new moms as their kids are about to head to bootcamp or go on their 1st deployments, how those old feelings can so quickly surface and how much I can relate to their feelings. I am very proud to be the Mother of my USN Sailor! May God continue to bless you and your sailor, and all our great big Navy Family.