New Navy Moms....For when you are struggling....

[OOHRAH MOM]

I was in your shoes about 3 years ago when my only son, and my oldest child left to go to Navy Basic Training. I, like you, felt as though my heart had been ripped out of my chest. But on a board similar to this one I posted the time away and when I wrote to him I told him about the board and how some other moms with Sailors in his division were on there. While on the site a member of the Navy Moms Organization was posting and saw my rants. She ask me who my son was and what division he was in and my email address. I gave her all of my information and a few more post went back and forth between us that day. Little did I know she was in Great Lakes at the time visiting the recruits, on behalf of Navy Mom Organization and delivering care packages. The next evening when I got home from work I checked the board and then on to my email. I saw a strange address in my inbox but the title was "I met your son Jonathan and he is a fine young man." My heart just broke....I immediately began to literally sob.. And this is what I read.
Dear Leah,
I have been reading your post and you seem to be struggling. You seem angry and hurt by your son's choice to defend our great nation. I just thought if I could give you some peace, maybe this last 5 weeks will be easier. I found your son this morning and when I sat with him, introducing myself I began telling him of our message board / online support group. As I was talking going through the formalities of the introduction he politely excused himself for interrupting and said.."Mam if you could will you see if there is a lady on there from Georgia that goes by the screenname hisbiggestfan. That is my mom and when I left she didn't seem to be dong so well. I know my mom and she has always worried about me and my sister. Heck, I am 18 years old, and up until I left home she would come in and cover me up during the night. She never missed not one baseball or soccer game, and now I just can't imagine what kind of a mess she might be. So if you could mam would you please try to find her on there and tell her, I love her to the moon and back again, and I am ok. I sure would appreciate it." He is a fine young man and is doing a great job from what his chief tells me. He is 2nd in command of his division and is enjoying his training. I have never spoken to a young man who seemed to have so much direction and so much faith. Leah, this child depends on you to be his strength. And I will pass on to you what a very wise and seasoned Navy mom passed on to me a few years ago when my daughter first went to basic training. If you feel like your heart has been ripped from your chest....it has....it went with Jonathan....he needs it more than you. And if you get down and you need me I am never more than a message or a phone call away. Love him, be proud of him, cherish your memories of the time you spent with him, but do not grieve the child he use to be for he is now a fine young man.
My prayers are with you and yours,
xxxx

Well as you can imagine I was a hot mess by this point in the email but when I read the poem she attached....a calm came over me. And from that day forward...even through 2 deployments I have been able to pull up that email and draw strength and find peace in it. Maybe you will too. When I asked Judi what I could possibly do to repay her. (knowing there was nothing I could give her that would be half a precious as her gift to me) But then she told me...there were many before you and there will be many after you.....offer them comfort and peace as often as you can...just as I have done for you....just "pay-it-forward". And so I do.....


Mom Be Bold
I may clutch a picture of my child
Wander into his room where the memories run wild
Thoughts come with me wherever I go
Prayers often lead my way, you know
My young one has left to be so brave
The hero of my heart, gone to save
At times I want to reach out and hold
But I know his answer, "Mom be bold."
The love of my child is part of me
So strong and good, it will always be
Nurtured in life by a caring heart
This child to me is a work of art
Dear God you know my love is true
I've prayed for my soldier, more I'll do
And to mothers who live their life and I
We'll grow in support, with our flag raised high
Together we'll get through each new day
Becoming great friends, God Bless our way.

I hope this helps you all as much as it helped me.

OOHRAH!!!!!!
My Son, My Sailor, My Hero!!!!
Leah

I have added the following" Part 2" February 13, 2009... I thought this might help some of you with kids getting ready to come out of boot...

Paying it forward part 2

Your sailor can draw strength from your prayers and faith....and when it is coming from their mother they can feel it even when we are miles apart...I want to share this with all of you...and these words came DIRECTLY from my daughter's boyfriend who just graduated from Marine boot on October 3 (OOHRAH India Company Plt 3083).....he said that he thought, just as did every other Recruit...he was ready for but too tired to do that last leg of the Crucible (the Marne equivalent of Battlestations to our recruits....only the crucible is 72 hours long and extremely physically and mentally taxing as it is reinactment of a full fledged combat zone and they are pushed to the very limits of their breaking point...) ...On the nine mile run back...with a 125 # RUK sack on his back, blisters on his feet, elbows bleeding, tired, hungry, and thirsty (still trying to save last bit of water just in case), still dark, and the most alone he had felt since he had arrived at Parris Island....he was waiting for the excitement that he thought he would feel at this point and that second wind to push him on through. Saturday morning he had struggled in the dark, but when he caught site of the smallest glimpse of a sunrise...he started thinking about home and just like we had promised in our last letter ... he felt us one by one starting to fall into step with him and taking every step right by his side all the way back in and he said at that very moment it was like God reached down and lifted the RUK sack off of his back, every thought of pain, hunger, thirst, and much needed sleep just disappeared. When my son who is in the Navy (ooohrah Jonathan...sorry had to get in an atta boy for my Sailor...lol) went to boot, in every letter he sent home...he would close with this... "I love you Mama, keep those letters and prayers coming...your boy needs them now more than ever..." and I did.....and you know what? Only one thing has changed since then....the word letters has been replaced with emails.... and so it goes as with each new military mom before you ..... on to the next chapter of this brand new life…Most likely while your Sailor was home on that first leave (or for when he comes home...just put my mistakes in the back of your mind for future references lol)...you felt as if he had forgotten all the love and nurturing you had given him as a boy that enabled him to become the man you just met. I know I did the first time Jonathan came home...it has taken us two years to come to an "understanding", which goes as follows. I understand he is grown, and he understands he is still my heart. I understand he has friends...and he understands while he is home I will bring them to him. (My house resembles the movie "Animal House" while he is home...lol), I understand unless he is being deployed he expects there is to be no crying in baseball, he understands this is one time he has to fold instead of me. I understand he knows my love is unconditional, he understands that I know he feels the other loves of his life are not, therefore lies his time managment priority. It took us almost two years of, angry words, hurt feelings and countless tears to understand where those of us left behind fell into a pecking order. For the few years of his military career he was immediately placed in a war zone…by me ....where he felt his mother was the enemy. . It was a life lesson I would not wish on anyone. That is why I want you all to be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel that took us so long to find. I can tell you this not once did he fail to show his love for me... I just had to learn where to look, not once did he leave me out, I just had to join him (and he always made me feel welcome), in retrospect, you ask, the hardest part of it all? Looking at the months and months of time I LEFT MYSELF out of HIS LIFE, the life I spent 18 years preparing him for...Have I liked or agreed with every decision he has made thus far? No, absolutely not...Have I refused advice or help when it was ask of me? no, I have not....Have I regretted for even a one minute the MAN AND SOLDIER he has turned out to be (taking mistakes and all into consideration)??? And again...no, absolutely not. So it looks like we have it all figured out right? Not a chance....but we have learned how to make it work. Instead of us giving them rules and opinions...we now have to choose words carefully turning them into suggestions and acquired knowledge from our own mistakes....True enough a lot of it is in the wording...that's easy enough to fix...but the part that is in your heart that stirs you to feel the emptiness is the hard part to fix... This is the second half of the "pay-it-forward" debt I owe to the very wise Navy mom who helped me and these were her words that came in answer to the frazzled, irate, "off the chain", psychotic mother (ummmm that would have been me) on the other end of her phone at 3am almost a year ago...when she picked up the phone I got no hello,... no preface at all before this "Leah I know this you,. Number one no one else but you calls my house at 3am , and Number 2, I have gotten caller ID since we have become acquainted...(this is where I thought uh oh.) so what is it now Leah? Is that boy of yours causing you problems again??? (very sarcastic tone in her voice here...lol should've see it coming right there...) Well I am just about all out of advice for you...and now I need his phone number....(secretly I was laughing thinking Jonathan was just before meeting his match with this tough old broad....) So gladly I gave it to her...and I waited and waited....nothing (I am talking for days). But as i waited patiently I noticed one thing that was becoming all to apparent, my usually very eager to call home son was no longer calling every day.... but he would never fail to text me at least once during the day to tell me he loved me. About a month into this, I could no longer stand it the curiosity was killing me...what had she said?...why didn't he call as much?...and I was just about to call Jonathan to find out what the ole "battle axe" had done to turn my son against me when I remembered a post on the message board a few months back. So I searched her user name and went through one by one until I found it, (I was too scared to call her now and ask anything…lol...the near complete silence from her and my son had me a bit on edge)
DearXXXXX,
Yes I do believe I can help with your new soldier's attitude problem. That indifference you see when he is home and you are asking him not to stay gone too long him is telling you "Mom you should come too". That quick hug and kiss you get as he is slinging his smelly sea bag full of dirty utilities, underwear, and socks at you as he is running out the door is the confirmation you are looking for that YES he still realizes you are his mother (not to mention the only one he is sure that loves him enough to dare to even come close to the contents in that sea bag!). And that tear that you said he always wipes off your cheek as he bends over to kiss your forehead as he leaves....that is his way of returning your heart that he took with him everywhere as a boy. But now that he is a man, he knows the road home can only be illuminated with the love his mother holds in her heart for him....and by returning a mother's heart it will make that light shine so bright, that a child could never get too lost to findtheir way back home...Last, if you will keep in mind that he owed you none of the things that you have ask of him as a man, but you will always as his mother owe him everything, well then you both will find the peace and insight to heal that broken heart. This time ma'am it is not about you."
As always
xxxx

Now….don't ask me what comes next because, each of you have caught up with me…. The only thing I can tell you is yes…I have been through deployment….twice as a matter of fact…do I have any peace I can offer you??? No I don't ….but I will share this with you...it is what gave me the strength I share with each of you every chance I get…

A few months back I called my mentor's home to ask her some questions and a man answered the phone and I told him who I was he just said "I know….I mean...I don't really know who you are or what your name is but before I picked up the phone I knew your were a military mom, it is only 10 am here and there have been 7 calls just like yours already. I am sorry, but xxxx was killed in a car accident last week…but she left us a short handwritten note at the bottom of her will that told us to tell each of you that we might have any contact with that "today you must fly"…she said you would know what it meant……. and I do…until I hung up the phone I had forgotten one of the very first of many phone conversations I had with her, when I asked if the pain and constant worry would ever go away and how long it would take to get a hold on and make the best of this military mom thing like she had…..and she told me "one day you will fly….for now we'll just walk".

Truthfully....some days I still walk.... but the days I am able to fly are coming more and more often....stay busy and remember you raised a hero.....;-)

[kim ann]

What a touching piece of art! As you can see, it worked it's magic in so many hearts! Yes, I can bet that mom has no idea just how many she has touched. Just as you, too, Leah. You have done very well in your part of "Paying it Forward" (I have Always loved that movie, more for the story line 'behind' the scenes than the movie itself) so you can rest assured! Thank you for being so brave in sharing this emotional and heartfelt story, and putting your lives out there like that. And I SOOooo agree, the comment about how it feels like your heart being ripped out is because it is, and how he needs it more- just drives home! Made me think differently, they do need it more! God Bless all of you, God Bless our sailors/soldiers!

[Theresa{SAILOR COLE'S MOM}]

Oh my gosh I need to hurry & reply I know my husband is over there on the couch sayin oh no here we go again as I am reading this the second night & sobbin again,I don't know why I love readin this over & over...I guess I will print this page & frame it ...Also does someone have a kleenex I could get... Thoughts for your SAILOR & my soon to be SAILOR....
My only son & also the baby will PIR on 2/13/09....Thank you for the story and I never thought about it like ...He took my heart with him...Once agian >>>>THANKS<<<<....

[theresa proud mom of Nick]

The poem was just so beautiful!! My son will also PIR on 02/13/09. He's is great lakes, illinois. He is my only son, and we are so very close. I told myself I would not cry. I did really well until the bus came for him and he gave me a big hug and said, "I love you mom so very much,I'll miss you and I'll be just fine" Then the tears just started. I waited until the bus pulled away before I left. He called me from the nex about 4 weeks later. I was at work and my co-worker answered the phone and told me I had a phone call. I answered it and all I heard was "Hi mom!" I cried all over again, but this time a happy cry!!! I am so excited to see him and spend time with him. And I know what you mean by "He took my heart with him"

[Debra-Joseph's Mom 070]

Just wanted the thank you again, I printed out the poem and placed it in my purse where it is with me always. I have a friend at work, who is a single mother, and her son has went into the Army. I gave her a copy and she was overjoyed. So she wanted me to thank you for her. Regardless which branch of military it is--it's the same UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.

[Norma]

Touching,but strong-

Norma

[Michelle]

Oh My God I'm in TEARS. That was wonderful. I sure wish i would have had this 12 weeks ago cause My son leaving was real hell for me. it actually felt like death.
I cried all day long I couldn't go past his room with out opening the door and expecting to see him sitting in his chair reading the computer or playing a game. I couldn't even sleep in my room cause i would have to pass his to get there He came in every night and gave me a kiss and hug goodnight with a I Love You Mom and Vice Verse. With my Husband being a truck driver it made it even harder no one to talk too. Sure I had my animals and the kitty he adopted for me before he left. But I just felt numb i felt like i couldn't go on to me it was worse than death because with death you knew you would never see him and he would be in a far better place. But with him being in boot camp with not being able to hear his voice touch his face and get his strong gentle hug and not being able to talk to him when you wanted was just more than i could imagine.

You know I think I went off track I forgot what i was saying. I better go to bed.
So i ended up semi clearing his room turning into a little den (the dog den) His Computer and chair is still there and deer Head and his navy flag still hang on the wall. I put in a recliner and a couple rockers and now go and relax I picked up my bible again and started to read it curled up with his King size NAVY Blanket and felt he was there with me. I think it took me about 2 1/2 weeks before that emptiness started to subside. Then I started feeling guilty that i was being selfish by not sharing him with the great big world. I feared and still fear for what can happen in the future but I know in my heart he would die to save my life and his country. He is , My Son My Friend, My Life, My Hero
I can tell you BC Moms You at least found N4MOMS (i didn't even know it existed). And to remember to look forward to the letter that you receive every week and a possible phone every Saturday. BUT know that when this is all done and they go on to their next stage there will not be any walls you will hear from them. I know that this new stage that My son has started he has called me every night. I hope and pray that your Son's or Daughters will be able to do the same.

[Jill Leonard]

OMG, thank you soooo much!!! Jill :)

[Kim]

Thanks Leah! That about sums it up. You are so inspirational. My son leaves in 4 days for his first deployment. I am so very proud of him. This has been my ultimate goal to raise my children to be independent, self sufficient and content. I will let a part of my heart go with Erik to experience new adventures and to never forget the reason he is defending our country.

PS- I'm from Brunswick. Hey from a fellow GA gal!

[Barbara J.~Proud Mom of Mike]

Hi Kim... I'm a GA Navy Mom too! I live in Statesboro GA, and my son Mike's been in the USN for 11 yrs. Have you joined the GA Navy Moms group? We're slowly discovering more of us living in the southeastern area of GA. Perhaps some of can get together sometime this spring. Our son is stationed on USS Stennis, an aircraft carrier based in Bremerton WA. They will deploy very soon for the western pacific.

Where is Erik stationed? Best wishes to Erik, you and the family.

[Jenny aka Brad's Momma]

This hit home....I have survived cancer, and i live with Lupus everyday...but they were nothing compared to the pain i felt in my heart the day my son, and my only child, left our small home town to join the Navy. He was my life and reason for 18 yrs. Now hes stationed in Guam, almost 22 yrs old...and everyday I see what a great man he is and altough i would like to think it was all because of me, I know what the Navy has done for him. When hes not on the sub he calls me almost everyday to say he loves me....those words mean more to me than anything because i know that i did my job well and no matter where he is, he knows I love him to the moon and back!

[Denise Prettyman]

Wow,Thank you for that.My son is in Iraq.He is a reservist,Acb1 out of SanDiego and is attached to the Ski-bees out of Maine nmcb27.They have been assigned convoy security,my son is a gunner in an Mrap nights.I usually hear from him every 2 weeks,but haven't heard from him now since Christmas day. I try to leave him in Gods hands,but I can't help but to feel all the stuff us moms do when our children are away form us ,out of touch.Please ,will you all pray for our navy kids in Iraq and Afganistan,and all our men and women over seas.Thanks,Denise

[Barbara J.~Proud Mom of Mike]

Hi Denise.. I live in Statesboro GA, and my son Mike's been in the USN for 11 yrs. Our son is stationed on USS Stennis, an aircraft carrier based in Bremerton WA. They will deploy very soon for the western pacific. However, last spring, Mike volunteered for the IA program (individual augmentee) and completed intense training for deployment to Iraq. At the end of their training, half of the group went on to the middle east, and the other half returned to their current duty stations. While we were so thankful that Mike didn't end up in Iraq, I have been diligently praying for those who have gone. I firmly believe we must pray diligently for all of our military personnel stationed around the world. May the Lord give you strength and courage for each day, and may He surround your Son with protection. I hope you hear from your son soon. Best wishes.