New Navy Moms....For when you are struggling....

[OOHRAH MOM]

I was in your shoes about 3 years ago when my only son, and my oldest child left to go to Navy Basic Training. I, like you, felt as though my heart had been ripped out of my chest. But on a board similar to this one I posted the time away and when I wrote to him I told him about the board and how some other moms with Sailors in his division were on there. While on the site a member of the Navy Moms Organization was posting and saw my rants. She ask me who my son was and what division he was in and my email address. I gave her all of my information and a few more post went back and forth between us that day. Little did I know she was in Great Lakes at the time visiting the recruits, on behalf of Navy Mom Organization and delivering care packages. The next evening when I got home from work I checked the board and then on to my email. I saw a strange address in my inbox but the title was "I met your son Jonathan and he is a fine young man." My heart just broke....I immediately began to literally sob.. And this is what I read.
Dear Leah,
I have been reading your post and you seem to be struggling. You seem angry and hurt by your son's choice to defend our great nation. I just thought if I could give you some peace, maybe this last 5 weeks will be easier. I found your son this morning and when I sat with him, introducing myself I began telling him of our message board / online support group. As I was talking going through the formalities of the introduction he politely excused himself for interrupting and said.."Mam if you could will you see if there is a lady on there from Georgia that goes by the screenname hisbiggestfan. That is my mom and when I left she didn't seem to be dong so well. I know my mom and she has always worried about me and my sister. Heck, I am 18 years old, and up until I left home she would come in and cover me up during the night. She never missed not one baseball or soccer game, and now I just can't imagine what kind of a mess she might be. So if you could mam would you please try to find her on there and tell her, I love her to the moon and back again, and I am ok. I sure would appreciate it." He is a fine young man and is doing a great job from what his chief tells me. He is 2nd in command of his division and is enjoying his training. I have never spoken to a young man who seemed to have so much direction and so much faith. Leah, this child depends on you to be his strength. And I will pass on to you what a very wise and seasoned Navy mom passed on to me a few years ago when my daughter first went to basic training. If you feel like your heart has been ripped from your chest....it has....it went with Jonathan....he needs it more than you. And if you get down and you need me I am never more than a message or a phone call away. Love him, be proud of him, cherish your memories of the time you spent with him, but do not grieve the child he use to be for he is now a fine young man.
My prayers are with you and yours,
xxxx

Well as you can imagine I was a hot mess by this point in the email but when I read the poem she attached....a calm came over me. And from that day forward...even through 2 deployments I have been able to pull up that email and draw strength and find peace in it. Maybe you will too. When I asked Judi what I could possibly do to repay her. (knowing there was nothing I could give her that would be half a precious as her gift to me) But then she told me...there were many before you and there will be many after you.....offer them comfort and peace as often as you can...just as I have done for you....just "pay-it-forward". And so I do.....


Mom Be Bold
I may clutch a picture of my child
Wander into his room where the memories run wild
Thoughts come with me wherever I go
Prayers often lead my way, you know
My young one has left to be so brave
The hero of my heart, gone to save
At times I want to reach out and hold
But I know his answer, "Mom be bold."
The love of my child is part of me
So strong and good, it will always be
Nurtured in life by a caring heart
This child to me is a work of art
Dear God you know my love is true
I've prayed for my soldier, more I'll do
And to mothers who live their life and I
We'll grow in support, with our flag raised high
Together we'll get through each new day
Becoming great friends, God Bless our way.

I hope this helps you all as much as it helped me.

OOHRAH!!!!!!
My Son, My Sailor, My Hero!!!!
Leah

I have added the following" Part 2" February 13, 2009... I thought this might help some of you with kids getting ready to come out of boot...

Paying it forward part 2

Your sailor can draw strength from your prayers and faith....and when it is coming from their mother they can feel it even when we are miles apart...I want to share this with all of you...and these words came DIRECTLY from my daughter's boyfriend who just graduated from Marine boot on October 3 (OOHRAH India Company Plt 3083).....he said that he thought, just as did every other Recruit...he was ready for but too tired to do that last leg of the Crucible (the Marne equivalent of Battlestations to our recruits....only the crucible is 72 hours long and extremely physically and mentally taxing as it is reinactment of a full fledged combat zone and they are pushed to the very limits of their breaking point...) ...On the nine mile run back...with a 125 # RUK sack on his back, blisters on his feet, elbows bleeding, tired, hungry, and thirsty (still trying to save last bit of water just in case), still dark, and the most alone he had felt since he had arrived at Parris Island....he was waiting for the excitement that he thought he would feel at this point and that second wind to push him on through. Saturday morning he had struggled in the dark, but when he caught site of the smallest glimpse of a sunrise...he started thinking about home and just like we had promised in our last letter ... he felt us one by one starting to fall into step with him and taking every step right by his side all the way back in and he said at that very moment it was like God reached down and lifted the RUK sack off of his back, every thought of pain, hunger, thirst, and much needed sleep just disappeared. When my son who is in the Navy (ooohrah Jonathan...sorry had to get in an atta boy for my Sailor...lol) went to boot, in every letter he sent home...he would close with this... "I love you Mama, keep those letters and prayers coming...your boy needs them now more than ever..." and I did.....and you know what? Only one thing has changed since then....the word letters has been replaced with emails.... and so it goes as with each new military mom before you ..... on to the next chapter of this brand new life…Most likely while your Sailor was home on that first leave (or for when he comes home...just put my mistakes in the back of your mind for future references lol)...you felt as if he had forgotten all the love and nurturing you had given him as a boy that enabled him to become the man you just met. I know I did the first time Jonathan came home...it has taken us two years to come to an "understanding", which goes as follows. I understand he is grown, and he understands he is still my heart. I understand he has friends...and he understands while he is home I will bring them to him. (My house resembles the movie "Animal House" while he is home...lol), I understand unless he is being deployed he expects there is to be no crying in baseball, he understands this is one time he has to fold instead of me. I understand he knows my love is unconditional, he understands that I know he feels the other loves of his life are not, therefore lies his time managment priority. It took us almost two years of, angry words, hurt feelings and countless tears to understand where those of us left behind fell into a pecking order. For the few years of his military career he was immediately placed in a war zone…by me ....where he felt his mother was the enemy. . It was a life lesson I would not wish on anyone. That is why I want you all to be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel that took us so long to find. I can tell you this not once did he fail to show his love for me... I just had to learn where to look, not once did he leave me out, I just had to join him (and he always made me feel welcome), in retrospect, you ask, the hardest part of it all? Looking at the months and months of time I LEFT MYSELF out of HIS LIFE, the life I spent 18 years preparing him for...Have I liked or agreed with every decision he has made thus far? No, absolutely not...Have I refused advice or help when it was ask of me? no, I have not....Have I regretted for even a one minute the MAN AND SOLDIER he has turned out to be (taking mistakes and all into consideration)??? And again...no, absolutely not. So it looks like we have it all figured out right? Not a chance....but we have learned how to make it work. Instead of us giving them rules and opinions...we now have to choose words carefully turning them into suggestions and acquired knowledge from our own mistakes....True enough a lot of it is in the wording...that's easy enough to fix...but the part that is in your heart that stirs you to feel the emptiness is the hard part to fix... This is the second half of the "pay-it-forward" debt I owe to the very wise Navy mom who helped me and these were her words that came in answer to the frazzled, irate, "off the chain", psychotic mother (ummmm that would have been me) on the other end of her phone at 3am almost a year ago...when she picked up the phone I got no hello,... no preface at all before this "Leah I know this you,. Number one no one else but you calls my house at 3am , and Number 2, I have gotten caller ID since we have become acquainted...(this is where I thought uh oh.) so what is it now Leah? Is that boy of yours causing you problems again??? (very sarcastic tone in her voice here...lol should've see it coming right there...) Well I am just about all out of advice for you...and now I need his phone number....(secretly I was laughing thinking Jonathan was just before meeting his match with this tough old broad....) So gladly I gave it to her...and I waited and waited....nothing (I am talking for days). But as i waited patiently I noticed one thing that was becoming all to apparent, my usually very eager to call home son was no longer calling every day.... but he would never fail to text me at least once during the day to tell me he loved me. About a month into this, I could no longer stand it the curiosity was killing me...what had she said?...why didn't he call as much?...and I was just about to call Jonathan to find out what the ole "battle axe" had done to turn my son against me when I remembered a post on the message board a few months back. So I searched her user name and went through one by one until I found it, (I was too scared to call her now and ask anything…lol...the near complete silence from her and my son had me a bit on edge)
DearXXXXX,
Yes I do believe I can help with your new soldier's attitude problem. That indifference you see when he is home and you are asking him not to stay gone too long him is telling you "Mom you should come too". That quick hug and kiss you get as he is slinging his smelly sea bag full of dirty utilities, underwear, and socks at you as he is running out the door is the confirmation you are looking for that YES he still realizes you are his mother (not to mention the only one he is sure that loves him enough to dare to even come close to the contents in that sea bag!). And that tear that you said he always wipes off your cheek as he bends over to kiss your forehead as he leaves....that is his way of returning your heart that he took with him everywhere as a boy. But now that he is a man, he knows the road home can only be illuminated with the love his mother holds in her heart for him....and by returning a mother's heart it will make that light shine so bright, that a child could never get too lost to findtheir way back home...Last, if you will keep in mind that he owed you none of the things that you have ask of him as a man, but you will always as his mother owe him everything, well then you both will find the peace and insight to heal that broken heart. This time ma'am it is not about you."
As always
xxxx

Now….don't ask me what comes next because, each of you have caught up with me…. The only thing I can tell you is yes…I have been through deployment….twice as a matter of fact…do I have any peace I can offer you??? No I don't ….but I will share this with you...it is what gave me the strength I share with each of you every chance I get…

A few months back I called my mentor's home to ask her some questions and a man answered the phone and I told him who I was he just said "I know….I mean...I don't really know who you are or what your name is but before I picked up the phone I knew your were a military mom, it is only 10 am here and there have been 7 calls just like yours already. I am sorry, but xxxx was killed in a car accident last week…but she left us a short handwritten note at the bottom of her will that told us to tell each of you that we might have any contact with that "today you must fly"…she said you would know what it meant……. and I do…until I hung up the phone I had forgotten one of the very first of many phone conversations I had with her, when I asked if the pain and constant worry would ever go away and how long it would take to get a hold on and make the best of this military mom thing like she had…..and she told me "one day you will fly….for now we'll just walk".

Truthfully....some days I still walk.... but the days I am able to fly are coming more and more often....stay busy and remember you raised a hero.....;-)

[Richard and Aarons mom]

Thank you that was so wounderful to read, and my heart is with both my sons and your sons and daughters. This is the hardest thing I have had to go through, I miss them both so much. I will stand by them and there wishes, I pray that all our kids are safe and well. Thanks to all of you

[Debra - Jason's mom!!!]

Thank you. My son just left for BC on the 8th, & I do feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest. What an amazing letter & poem, it touched my heart. That had to make you proud to know what a fine young man you raised. I pray that God gives my son strength, wisdom, courage & everything else me may need. I hope during this time he is keeping his faith & prays hard. I can't wait for that first letter & for a real phone call. Thank you again!!!
Debra

[Sheila Clark]

Leah,....can't type much before blowing my nose.....ahhh....major tissue alert!
Truer words were never spoken. Thank you for sharing something we call have felt, and will continue to feel as long as our children are in the military. For us, the goodbyes have been torture (four total, including the initial one to bc) with the first being the worst. He was not home for the holidays and that was an experience for the record books....we made it through pretty well, but it definitely takes a toll on your strength and emotions.....he missed us terribly too, and that was the hardest part to take. In the midst of all the conflicting feelings (happy, joyous, and full of pride that they are doing something great, and that they love......and so very sad about missing them and needing them close, plus the fear of danger they could be [or are] in) I've attempted to focus on the facts: Our relationships with our children are not bound by time or space...our love does not stop at a state line or continental date line, or any line that man has drawn. And when I can hold on to that truth, the reminder that no boundaries also means LIMITLESS.....no matter how many meltdowns I have, my love for him will never lessen, and my support and prayers for him will not either. I think that is exactly what happens when they take that piece of our heart with them. That unbreakable bond that we cherish, is activated and grows stronger . Our individual journeys have some parallels with our sons, but they don't have all the other years of experience to fall back on like us, and they are doing a fine job of coping. We have to fight to be bold and strong for them, because they deserve that from us, and because it's just the right thing to do. That's our job now...and just like them, we have a group that's got our backs, N4M....what a blessing!

[Barbara J.~Proud Mom of Mike]

WOW - you said it very well! Thanks for your encouragement too! I totally agree that we do have a job to do, and yes we sometimes have to fight to overcome our emotions. Honor, courage, commitment are their core values....but I think they can also apply to our roles/jobs as Navy Moms.Keep up the great job!

[Linda E./Justin div 161]

Perfect poem! and oh yeah.....OOOHH RAHHH!!

[Mary Piersanti]

As I sit in my hotel room in Great Lakes, nearing the end of my visit with my sweet son after his graduation from basic training last Friday, I have come to the sobering realization that basic training is not the end of the worry. I have spent so much time praying for him to get through basic that I have not realized until now that this is going to be a challenging process for a long time to come. I feel exactly like my heart has been ripped out of my chest, and being on base and seeing all these fine young men and women who are so bravely giving of themselves for their futures and for their country is such a bittersweet thing. I really just want to take him home with me. This is the plight of the mother I suppose. Anyway, as the tears flow, I read the poem and it gives me the strength I need to be strong for him. He is a wonderful person with a limitless future, much like all the other young men and women I've had the priviledge to meet during my last few days here. Please pray for my son, as I will pray for all you and your sons and daughters who have chosen this righteous path. God be with you all always!

Mary (most proud mother of Mark)

[Grace]

Wow, This hits right to the core! thank you! thank you! thank you!
As a mother we can relate to all your emotions, our son's and daughters stand 10feet tall in my eyes.!! lets lift them all up in prayer and ask thoe One and Only who can bless them and protect them and recieve God's favor. LOL

[Debra-Joseph's Mom 070]

Yesterday I took my grandson to the Monster Jam in Atlanta, Ga. As soon as they started out with the American flag my husband and I were on our feet. I have always been proud of our flag and country, but yesterday was different. I couldn't even sing all I could do was cry. I thought of this group and everyone's children and thought of the poem in my purse. I am so proud of all our sailors and future sailors.

[Barbara J.~Proud Mom of Mike]

Debra, I can surely relate to your comments here. Since my son Mike joined the Navy almost 12 yrs ago, I have never looked at the US Flag as I did before he joined. I have always thought I was patriotic, but being a Navy Mom and supporter of my Son through his Navy career is one of the most patriotic things I have ever done. Thanks for posting your comments! Best wishes for your Sailor and Family.
Barbara James, Statesboro GA

[Barbara J.~Proud Mom of Mike]

Thanks Leah for sharing this and for your encouraging words! I'm fairly new to N4M, but not new to being a Navy Mom. My son's been in the Navy 11yrs and plans to be a career Navy guy. But, until I found N4M, I had no idea that so many moms faced the same challenges and anxieties as I faced along this Navy journey. When I read the posted comments about grown kids leaving for bootcamp, it most certainly takes me back to that time in our family's life. I took a week off work when Mike left for the Navy. The first couple of days were spent here at home with him as he packed up every single thing he owned except for the clothes he was wearing the day he left for bootcamp. As he took boxes to the attic, he would pass by my chair and lean over and give me sweet little kisses and hugs. I was trying to be so brave, but he knew how difficult this was for me. I don't know why it hits mothers so hard - I don't think anyone else in our family felt the separation pain like I did. But, with each passing hug and kiss, I realized I was storing those as precious treasures in the storeroom of my heart - and that one day, whenever my Sailor would be far from home, I would be able to reach into that storeroom and hold one of those precious treasures to comfort my heart. I must admit I've done that a lot over the years. Those treasures, and additional memories placed there since he began his Navy career, are more precious to me than jewels or other expensive items. Just as our Sailors mature over the course of time at bootcamp, so too do Navy Moms learn to mature as we continue our personal journeys as Navy Moms. I'm so thankful for the many Navy Moms on this site, and for the understanding they show to one another, and the way they encourage one another. May God continue to bless all of our Sailors and their families is my prayer. Barbara James, Statesboro GA

[Roxanne]

You hit the nail right on the head when you said you don't know why it hits mothers the hardest. I was trying to be brave also, up until he got ready to get on that bus for them to take him, and then I just let it go. Not to the point of boiling over, but the tears just fell, but when I got home to myself thats when I just layed on the bed and got into a fetus position and let it all out. I still find myself picking up the phone to call him on his cell to see where he is (I did this on yesterday). Your words makes me more encouraged to accept the fact that my baby is a man now. God where did all the years go to. WOW the tears are falling now. I started writing a letter to him the night before he left. I am just waiting on the address now. I am thankful for this site. May God bless the mothers here on this site and our Navy Men.
Roxanne, Guyton, GA

[Leah]

Hi Sheri, I forgot to mention, I did get one of Justen's T- shirts while he was here. it's now in a freezer bag in his closet.. I know he would think I am crazy if he knew I had it..
I read your message about this before Justin come home this time..

Thanks so much for the T- shirt tip for Navy Mom"s missing their babies so much...

Great Great idea!!

Hugs my navy sista!

Leah