New Navy Moms....For when you are struggling....

[OOHRAH MOM]

I was in your shoes about 3 years ago when my only son, and my oldest child left to go to Navy Basic Training. I, like you, felt as though my heart had been ripped out of my chest. But on a board similar to this one I posted the time away and when I wrote to him I told him about the board and how some other moms with Sailors in his division were on there. While on the site a member of the Navy Moms Organization was posting and saw my rants. She ask me who my son was and what division he was in and my email address. I gave her all of my information and a few more post went back and forth between us that day. Little did I know she was in Great Lakes at the time visiting the recruits, on behalf of Navy Mom Organization and delivering care packages. The next evening when I got home from work I checked the board and then on to my email. I saw a strange address in my inbox but the title was "I met your son Jonathan and he is a fine young man." My heart just broke....I immediately began to literally sob.. And this is what I read.
Dear Leah,
I have been reading your post and you seem to be struggling. You seem angry and hurt by your son's choice to defend our great nation. I just thought if I could give you some peace, maybe this last 5 weeks will be easier. I found your son this morning and when I sat with him, introducing myself I began telling him of our message board / online support group. As I was talking going through the formalities of the introduction he politely excused himself for interrupting and said.."Mam if you could will you see if there is a lady on there from Georgia that goes by the screenname hisbiggestfan. That is my mom and when I left she didn't seem to be dong so well. I know my mom and she has always worried about me and my sister. Heck, I am 18 years old, and up until I left home she would come in and cover me up during the night. She never missed not one baseball or soccer game, and now I just can't imagine what kind of a mess she might be. So if you could mam would you please try to find her on there and tell her, I love her to the moon and back again, and I am ok. I sure would appreciate it." He is a fine young man and is doing a great job from what his chief tells me. He is 2nd in command of his division and is enjoying his training. I have never spoken to a young man who seemed to have so much direction and so much faith. Leah, this child depends on you to be his strength. And I will pass on to you what a very wise and seasoned Navy mom passed on to me a few years ago when my daughter first went to basic training. If you feel like your heart has been ripped from your chest....it has....it went with Jonathan....he needs it more than you. And if you get down and you need me I am never more than a message or a phone call away. Love him, be proud of him, cherish your memories of the time you spent with him, but do not grieve the child he use to be for he is now a fine young man.
My prayers are with you and yours,
xxxx

Well as you can imagine I was a hot mess by this point in the email but when I read the poem she attached....a calm came over me. And from that day forward...even through 2 deployments I have been able to pull up that email and draw strength and find peace in it. Maybe you will too. When I asked Judi what I could possibly do to repay her. (knowing there was nothing I could give her that would be half a precious as her gift to me) But then she told me...there were many before you and there will be many after you.....offer them comfort and peace as often as you can...just as I have done for you....just "pay-it-forward". And so I do.....


Mom Be Bold
I may clutch a picture of my child
Wander into his room where the memories run wild
Thoughts come with me wherever I go
Prayers often lead my way, you know
My young one has left to be so brave
The hero of my heart, gone to save
At times I want to reach out and hold
But I know his answer, "Mom be bold."
The love of my child is part of me
So strong and good, it will always be
Nurtured in life by a caring heart
This child to me is a work of art
Dear God you know my love is true
I've prayed for my soldier, more I'll do
And to mothers who live their life and I
We'll grow in support, with our flag raised high
Together we'll get through each new day
Becoming great friends, God Bless our way.

I hope this helps you all as much as it helped me.

OOHRAH!!!!!!
My Son, My Sailor, My Hero!!!!
Leah

I have added the following" Part 2" February 13, 2009... I thought this might help some of you with kids getting ready to come out of boot...

Paying it forward part 2

Your sailor can draw strength from your prayers and faith....and when it is coming from their mother they can feel it even when we are miles apart...I want to share this with all of you...and these words came DIRECTLY from my daughter's boyfriend who just graduated from Marine boot on October 3 (OOHRAH India Company Plt 3083).....he said that he thought, just as did every other Recruit...he was ready for but too tired to do that last leg of the Crucible (the Marne equivalent of Battlestations to our recruits....only the crucible is 72 hours long and extremely physically and mentally taxing as it is reinactment of a full fledged combat zone and they are pushed to the very limits of their breaking point...) ...On the nine mile run back...with a 125 # RUK sack on his back, blisters on his feet, elbows bleeding, tired, hungry, and thirsty (still trying to save last bit of water just in case), still dark, and the most alone he had felt since he had arrived at Parris Island....he was waiting for the excitement that he thought he would feel at this point and that second wind to push him on through. Saturday morning he had struggled in the dark, but when he caught site of the smallest glimpse of a sunrise...he started thinking about home and just like we had promised in our last letter ... he felt us one by one starting to fall into step with him and taking every step right by his side all the way back in and he said at that very moment it was like God reached down and lifted the RUK sack off of his back, every thought of pain, hunger, thirst, and much needed sleep just disappeared. When my son who is in the Navy (ooohrah Jonathan...sorry had to get in an atta boy for my Sailor...lol) went to boot, in every letter he sent home...he would close with this... "I love you Mama, keep those letters and prayers coming...your boy needs them now more than ever..." and I did.....and you know what? Only one thing has changed since then....the word letters has been replaced with emails.... and so it goes as with each new military mom before you ..... on to the next chapter of this brand new life…Most likely while your Sailor was home on that first leave (or for when he comes home...just put my mistakes in the back of your mind for future references lol)...you felt as if he had forgotten all the love and nurturing you had given him as a boy that enabled him to become the man you just met. I know I did the first time Jonathan came home...it has taken us two years to come to an "understanding", which goes as follows. I understand he is grown, and he understands he is still my heart. I understand he has friends...and he understands while he is home I will bring them to him. (My house resembles the movie "Animal House" while he is home...lol), I understand unless he is being deployed he expects there is to be no crying in baseball, he understands this is one time he has to fold instead of me. I understand he knows my love is unconditional, he understands that I know he feels the other loves of his life are not, therefore lies his time managment priority. It took us almost two years of, angry words, hurt feelings and countless tears to understand where those of us left behind fell into a pecking order. For the few years of his military career he was immediately placed in a war zone…by me ....where he felt his mother was the enemy. . It was a life lesson I would not wish on anyone. That is why I want you all to be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel that took us so long to find. I can tell you this not once did he fail to show his love for me... I just had to learn where to look, not once did he leave me out, I just had to join him (and he always made me feel welcome), in retrospect, you ask, the hardest part of it all? Looking at the months and months of time I LEFT MYSELF out of HIS LIFE, the life I spent 18 years preparing him for...Have I liked or agreed with every decision he has made thus far? No, absolutely not...Have I refused advice or help when it was ask of me? no, I have not....Have I regretted for even a one minute the MAN AND SOLDIER he has turned out to be (taking mistakes and all into consideration)??? And again...no, absolutely not. So it looks like we have it all figured out right? Not a chance....but we have learned how to make it work. Instead of us giving them rules and opinions...we now have to choose words carefully turning them into suggestions and acquired knowledge from our own mistakes....True enough a lot of it is in the wording...that's easy enough to fix...but the part that is in your heart that stirs you to feel the emptiness is the hard part to fix... This is the second half of the "pay-it-forward" debt I owe to the very wise Navy mom who helped me and these were her words that came in answer to the frazzled, irate, "off the chain", psychotic mother (ummmm that would have been me) on the other end of her phone at 3am almost a year ago...when she picked up the phone I got no hello,... no preface at all before this "Leah I know this you,. Number one no one else but you calls my house at 3am , and Number 2, I have gotten caller ID since we have become acquainted...(this is where I thought uh oh.) so what is it now Leah? Is that boy of yours causing you problems again??? (very sarcastic tone in her voice here...lol should've see it coming right there...) Well I am just about all out of advice for you...and now I need his phone number....(secretly I was laughing thinking Jonathan was just before meeting his match with this tough old broad....) So gladly I gave it to her...and I waited and waited....nothing (I am talking for days). But as i waited patiently I noticed one thing that was becoming all to apparent, my usually very eager to call home son was no longer calling every day.... but he would never fail to text me at least once during the day to tell me he loved me. About a month into this, I could no longer stand it the curiosity was killing me...what had she said?...why didn't he call as much?...and I was just about to call Jonathan to find out what the ole "battle axe" had done to turn my son against me when I remembered a post on the message board a few months back. So I searched her user name and went through one by one until I found it, (I was too scared to call her now and ask anything…lol...the near complete silence from her and my son had me a bit on edge)
DearXXXXX,
Yes I do believe I can help with your new soldier's attitude problem. That indifference you see when he is home and you are asking him not to stay gone too long him is telling you "Mom you should come too". That quick hug and kiss you get as he is slinging his smelly sea bag full of dirty utilities, underwear, and socks at you as he is running out the door is the confirmation you are looking for that YES he still realizes you are his mother (not to mention the only one he is sure that loves him enough to dare to even come close to the contents in that sea bag!). And that tear that you said he always wipes off your cheek as he bends over to kiss your forehead as he leaves....that is his way of returning your heart that he took with him everywhere as a boy. But now that he is a man, he knows the road home can only be illuminated with the love his mother holds in her heart for him....and by returning a mother's heart it will make that light shine so bright, that a child could never get too lost to findtheir way back home...Last, if you will keep in mind that he owed you none of the things that you have ask of him as a man, but you will always as his mother owe him everything, well then you both will find the peace and insight to heal that broken heart. This time ma'am it is not about you."
As always
xxxx

Now….don't ask me what comes next because, each of you have caught up with me…. The only thing I can tell you is yes…I have been through deployment….twice as a matter of fact…do I have any peace I can offer you??? No I don't ….but I will share this with you...it is what gave me the strength I share with each of you every chance I get…

A few months back I called my mentor's home to ask her some questions and a man answered the phone and I told him who I was he just said "I know….I mean...I don't really know who you are or what your name is but before I picked up the phone I knew your were a military mom, it is only 10 am here and there have been 7 calls just like yours already. I am sorry, but xxxx was killed in a car accident last week…but she left us a short handwritten note at the bottom of her will that told us to tell each of you that we might have any contact with that "today you must fly"…she said you would know what it meant……. and I do…until I hung up the phone I had forgotten one of the very first of many phone conversations I had with her, when I asked if the pain and constant worry would ever go away and how long it would take to get a hold on and make the best of this military mom thing like she had…..and she told me "one day you will fly….for now we'll just walk".

Truthfully....some days I still walk.... but the days I am able to fly are coming more and more often....stay busy and remember you raised a hero.....;-)

[Marti (Matt's Mom)]

This Friday, 2/27, I will see my son for the first time since Jan. 5th. He's graduating from boot camp, then on to A school for another long absense from me. He's 21, and although he's "tried his wings" before, and left home for 4 months, this time is different. Your letter was very inspirational and makes me feel good about myself for the fact that I've supported him and told him how proud I am of him since the day he started DEP.

I can't wait to see him! He's familiar with my emotions (I cry at sappy commercials, for goodness sake), so I know he's expecting a waterfall from me...and he'll get it! LOL

Thank you for the inspiration and the confirmation that I'm doing the right thing!

[LoriR]

It was so hard to send my son off to boot camp, but I felt ok knowing he was in the U.S. and safe, We were not only mother and son but wonderful friends so the sudden loss of him was a huge hole. Then he went to Wa DC to the honor guard for 2 years... clear across the country but yet I clung to the fact that he was safe and now I face on Friday his deployment to Afghanistan. I struggle to find a way to see it in a good light - that it can be ok and we will make it thru this also. He will be a security for convoys - a gunner in an MRAP - and he is looking forward to the experience. So far I have not cried on the phone - managing to be strong supportive and happy for his excitement. My insides however, as Friday approaches are turning upside down. I guess its the first time to truly let go and put my son in God's hands. I would like to hear from others whos sons are deployed or going to deploy. I feel so alone in this journey. Thank you for all you have written here... best wishes to you all.
Lori
Snohomish, Wa

[Melissa A. G.]

OMG still crying from this. I am speechless and soooo feeling like a faucet. tears streaming endlessly. I know its going to get worse before it gets better. He leaves August 12th 2009. I want to skip all the hurt and go right to the flying. Maybe this will bring out something good for the both of us. I dunno, just grabbing at the air here, thanks a bunch for the caring support.....

[Elsie mother of navy kids]

just need some help with these emotions im having a hard time letting go i want so bad for him to come home ..................why im so greedy.....................i lost there father a year in march we had 34 great yrs 2 beautiful kids and then he died of a sudden heart attack then my kids left to make there own life my son is in great lakes so is my daughter her husband is on the same base .......................and now they are so far away it hurt i just cant go see them im in oregon .......................i wish i had the money to go see them when my first grand child will be born but S.S denied me so i just need some kind of encourgement or help me to get thru this lost feeling with my son going way.... and it was for the best tho he is such a man(wow ) so if you have any words of strength please let me know i need all i can get thank you Elsie

[LoriR]

Dear Elsie,
I know its so hard. I am a single mom and have been for years and my only child, my son - has been gone for 3 years now. It has been bearable knowing he was in the states. Now he leaves Friday for Afghanistan. This I struggle with finding peace and a way to not let the fear and pain take over. Every day I have to talk to myself and say " you raised him to be independent, strong, to make choices for his life, to be happy, to have goals and strive for them" Don't be sad that he has accomplished exactly that!! One day we will be gone and it is good to know our children are ready to launch into the world bravely on their own. They are doing what we had always dreamed for them - being a successful adult. The emotions get the better of me at times. I have not slept for 2 nights now.. anticipating his deployment Friday but its an hourly discussion in my heart to myself that this too, can be ok. I am finding more things to involve myself in to keep my mind distracted and create new "life" for me. Hugs to us all ~

[Kimberly-AR Alex]

Dear Elsie,
LoriR gave you the perfect advice. Get busy with your new life. My eldest child left the nest three weeks ago (Navy) 2nd born is joining (Army) in July. My baby wants to join asap upon graduating in 2012(Navy). It hit me that I will be an empty nester like a ton of bricks. Since then I am working on my life puzzle - putting the pieces together of what will keep me busy and happy. Do something for others - that is what you have been doing and you loved your job or it would not be hurting so much. I feel for you and will pray for you! Kimberly

[Kimberly Parmer (Anthonys mom)]

I know what you're going through. My son has been in the Navy and in the states for almost 2 years. He is leaving in June for Afghanistan. It is just killing me. I miss him so much, even though I can call him on his cell phone, or email him, it is just not the same as him here. We have gone through a lot as, I was a single parent living with my parents. My son was the APPLE of my moms eye. 10 years ago my mom died suddenly, and Anthony, my son, has not been the same. I have remarried and have a 5 year old son. My 2 boys get along great, but we just miss him so much, and I am so afraid.

[Brenda S., aka, Sailor Moon]

Elise, I don't think you are greedy. You are a mom. You carried and nurtured those children. Trust me, I feel as someone on the board quoted "Gutted". I have 4 boys. My younger son went to the Great Lakes a little over a month ago. We do have mixed emotions as moms, parents. grandparents, siblings, on a daily basis. I miss my son so much, I want to tell him to come home. Especially when he told me they pulled his three wisdom teeth. He was not complaining about mouth pain. I am like, what is this about. I wrote him a note, and I cried as I wrote. The note was one maybe I should not have sent him, as I told him not to let them just do anything to him. I feel he can't be protected by me. I have to ask the Lord to protect him and save me also. I can hardly think straight. I started having anxiety attacks and was almost hospitalized on Saturday with blood pressure problems. I believe in the Lord and ask for guidance on a daily basis. Without him, I could not go on. I was ready to throw in the towel, as he is my son, my buddy, my friend. Something about the last child. I always knew he was designated for greatness. I worry about everything about him. He loves to sleep. He told his dad he was not sleeping well he did not tell me but I knew this was a different kind of ball game for him. I know this is a different life for them, as they will be more mature and will be able to have a great life for themselves, one we wanted all our children to have. I get scarred, even paranoid, thinking, what if I never see him again, he is so far away from home. My finances are not there either as I do not work and I am ill. I have to trust in the Lord to protect our children and I ask that you trust in him too. He is the one that knows how you really feel inside. Stay strong and hold on. Everything is going to be alright, you'll see. Stay on the board writing, keep busy. That is what I was told to do upon entering this website, I pass that on to you.

Blessings.

[ElisaBeth M Bender]

Elise It is so hard to watch them walk away but I'm sure harder for them as they take that walk. I have been through 2 deployments now, 1 to Okinawa and the other Iraq (he returns to Gulfport this Saturday) .He is my oldest son and my best friend. He is always strong for both of us, telling me that he is happy and healthy. Thank God for that because if he was miserable I don't think I could bear it. Just stay strong....trust in your faith and know this..... there are thousands of parents just like you going through this. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! You just keep keep going.This is the perfect place to find extra "hands on deck" as it were. Keep posting and look for the small blessings each and every day. You will find them . Congratulations on your first grandchild! As an aside, I think there are a few Militery charitable organizations that could help you find your way to see them. Just look online or maybe someone here knows how to contact them.

[Caroline]

Hello everyone, I'm a new Navy mom and I just signed up. And the first discussion I clicked on is this one, OMG my heart fell to my feet and I can't stop crying. My only son, who is my oldest child is due to leave in three weeks for Great Lakes. I have mixed feelings about him leaving, I really don't know what to feel actually. Every time when I'm alone I just start crying. When people ask me questions about him leaving, my eyes just tear up and I get this huge lump in my throat that won't let me speak. So they just smile at me, give me a hug and walk away. I won't cry in front of him. Every day he talks to me about him leaving and he is so anxious to go. He know this is a big desicion and is so ready for it. I just wish I was.

[ElisaBeth M Bender]

Caroline We all have been through this. (I still go through this) Be proud of your young man! Everything you feel whatever you feel is normal. I still get choked up everytime someone comments on my Navy lapel pin or my service star pin that I wear every day. It is somewhat humbling however when people thank me for our family's service to our country. I am soooo proud of not just our son but of every service member and their familiy's sacrafices they make to enlist and serve our great country! Spend all the time you can with him and make wonderful memories to keep you until he can call you about 4 weeks into basic. Try to make it to graduation. It was such an incredible experience to see! He will be fine. You will be fine. Have faith and stay strong for your son! And whatever else you do, keep posting here. It is therapeutic!

[Brenda S., aka, Sailor Moon]

Hello Caroline......It is hard. Just the anxiety that leads up to that day is so overwhelming and it hurts so bad. Crying is good, it's from the heart, from the soul. Things will get better with time. Look to the Lord and ask him to guide you in making peace with your son's decision to serve our country. Stay on this board as we are all here for the same thing. As the days go by and you start to receive calls and letters, some of the pain can go away. I wrote my son 1-2 times a day. I mean a novel, as well as picked up cards of inspiration and encouragement, knowing he is homesick, and missing his life with family and friends. and under a whole new lifestyle, to try and get him through this transition in my own way. He said he had no more room in his rack for the letters and cards as fast as I was sending them, so I try to send less. He said he loved me and did not want to throw anything away. He did not understand, in the moment, writing to him, praying for him, picking out cards, stationary, and being on this board seemed to kinda move me in and out of the sorrow I am feeling and I still kinda felt in touch with his life and life choices. The worrying, sleepless nights, crying, hurt and anxiety I was feeling needed to be dealt with. Talking with others who have been where my heart is gives me strength, it will be okay. Keep the faith and be proud of your son. It will get a little easier.

Stay busy, focused and look forward to the graduation as I'm hearing how beautiful it is and how proud we will be of our sons. I feel I am going to fall apart all over again, so the feeling is gonna be bitter sweet, as he will be traveling further from home after graduation. A mom is always gonna be a mom. Hang in there. I know about people trying to feel you out about them leaving, not a good feeling. Those who mean well will support you as in their hearts they know what you are about to go through as well as your child. Be strong for your new Hero, as your son is now one of them. Blessings.