Rules on spousal living in "A" school?

[Andi-Justin's wife Ship6/Div904]

We've heard that although it is not encouraged, they will let a spouse live off-base in the area of the "A" school. We are from Michigan and I will be going to Colorado to stay with family until he is settled into "A" school in San Diego. What's the procedure for as to when he will be able to get off base? Will he be able to live with me and our daughter because we are married? If so, is it after a period of time? Can anyone give me some helpful information on this?

[Achseh]

You are free to move about the country anywhere and anytime you wish.

That said, unless this school is of a certain length (probably over 6 months but which may have changed since I knew last) you will not get any funds to make this move, nor can anyone guarantee that your husband will be allowed to visit or live with you while he's at school. That will be up to the school.

A schools are for learning and some can be VERY strenuous. He needs to learn what he's there to learn because someday it may save his life or someone elses. The gazelle intense focus (to steal a phrase) needed makes it hard/stressful on the family because he can't divide his attention well (nor should he). Given that, YOU may find it better to stay with family and accept their help with your child during this time because Dad isn't likely to be able to be much of a help.

Good luck!

[Andi-Justin's wife Ship6/Div904]

I realize that he won't (nor do I expect him to) be of much help... We just wanna be together as soon as we can after bc

[kendra1850]

We are doing through this same situation. My husband was told that his A school will last so long that the navy will pay for us to move there, but we still don't know if he could live with us or what kind of time he could spend with us if we moved. I don't want to move if it will cause any problems with his education, but it is hard being so far away. It would be nice, even if we couldn't see him, to just be nearby.

[Andi-Justin's wife Ship6/Div904]

I was told by the recruiter that since we are married with a child that he would be able to live off base after some time... so I want to look into this- I just don't know where to start...

Justin was going to attend an A school that was 52 weeks, but it fell thru due to his debt/income ratio for TSI. The job he picked that he has now only has A school for 14 weeks... but I still wanna be close. If I can't live with him, we may just stay with his parents in Colorado which would be a lot closer than Michigan and then I could fly to see him on a few weekends.

[Arwen]

Keep in mind how expensive San Diego (and most of California) is. Expect to pay double the rent you would see in Michigan, and *expensive* gasoline, etc. As for a one-bedroom apartment in San Diego, expect to pay at least $1,500/month in a not-so-great neighborhood, or, as we did, find a place for $900... 30 miles out of town.

[Andi-Justin's wife Ship6/Div904]

Cost of living is not an issue- that's what the adjustment in BAH is for. Justin and I are minimalists- we don't need a lot of room to live in.

In any case, I don't care what the cost is, it's being close to my husband that matters. I'd pay the extra to be closer if that's what it meant.

[Hoppi aka Angie]

Just because "The recruiter told you" dosen't mean it is true. Each "A" School is different on the rules when someone can live off base or even if hey can live off base while attending "A" School.

Where to start is have your husband talk to the staff of his barracks or "A" School. They will be able to give him the policy of that command and base.

[Andi-Justin's wife Ship6/Div904]

"Just because "The recruiter told you" dosen't mean it is true ......"

First, I realize this. That was unnecessary. Although I went to school and grew up with our recruiter, I understand he doesn't have all the answers. However I do trust him enough to believe what he says, at least enough to look into it and find out more for myself.

Second, these new military wives- myself included- can be ultra sensitive to words, therefore it would be considerate of them (and me) to be kinder in how you choose to say something, as it came off very condescending. I may be a new wife, but I do know some things relative to the military. What I don't know I am saavy and resourceful enough to find out.

Sorry to be blunt, but you didn't sound very nice in your reply. I'm trying to handle packing for a cross country move with a three month old while working all with my husband in BC... the last I need is someone knocking what I say. Things are uber- sensitive this week and I hope you understand this. I do truly thank you for your advice and will have him do that.

[Anti M]

Hoppi is a chief in the Navy, she's a busy woman and gives concise answers. I was in myself, and understand the blunt way of talking. I did not read it as offensive, there are many people here who take the recruiter's word as gospel. No way to know you were different. Don't read too much into it.

A personal insight: we were stationed in California, when hubby retired, a friend offered us BOTH jobs at $50K+ each, and that was over 12 years ago. We declined because even on that salary we didn't think we could afford a decent way of life there. 14 weeks is what, three and a half months? It is hard to find a place in San Diego which gives month to month leases. You may have to consider being roomies with another sailor who lives offbase, or one of those residency hotels. I'm not saying don't go, but begin thinking outside the box.

Are you going to hold off on the move until he can talk to his new school in person? I would recommend it. That way you don't find yourself in a bind in California.

Best of luck.

[Andi-Justin's wife Ship6/Div904]

Thank you Anti M. I understand and respect Hoppi's response. Unfortunately my mother taught me that you can say the nicest things but it doesn't mean anything if it is in the wrong tone. I'll consider this my lesson learned and from here on out, my skin will be a little thicker.

In regards to your "thinking outside the box"- I have been doing a lot of research in the meantime for temporary housing and have so far been pretty successful in finding furnished placed. Yes, 3 1/2 months is not a lot but I also think it is harder because we have an infant. If it were just him and I, I would say no problem, but things change with a baby... I know he misses her, and we miss him. I think we'd all benefit from being together, even if it means not living together for the time being.

And yes, I plan to have him talk to someone at Pt. Loma before we even go to California. If it is not beneficial for us then I will just stay with his family in Colorado until we get our PCS (maybe flying to San Diego for the weekends every now and then to see one another).

Thank you for your kind response. :)

[Anti M]

Ah, don't be fooled, I am pretty crusty too.

My sailor bud in SD isn't communicating, so I can't ask him much right now. I do know other folks in SD, not Navy, but good people. Weird, but good. I'll see if I can find any leads.

[Andi-Justin's wife Ship6/Div904]

lol- should I take advice from the weird ones?