The First Good Bye

[CS Jerry's mom]

Well, my son was dropped off at the recruiters office about an hour ago. I tried not to cry in front of him because I know this journey into the next step of his life is something he is looking forward to completing. I did not want to make him feel bad because I am sad, but I wasn't as successful as I wanted to be during our "good bye". I know I will get a call tomorrow from boot camp telling me (I hope) how excited he is to be there, and the events of his travels. I cannot wait to hear from him - but know that the phone calls will be few and far between.

Does this get easier? Is it only the first good bye that hurts so much? Please share your experiences with me and let me know the best way possible to handle my son's leaving. I had one year to prepare for this day . . . never thought it would be this hard to see him go away.

[maria]

Dear CJ,
Hi, my name is Maria my son has been a sailor for a little over two years. I remember the first goodbye vividly. Just know he is doing what he wants and please be prepared. The first call will be great but short, don't be alarmed and then the box comes with his belongings, "that's tough" so hang in there. Then you wait and chase the mailman. LOL So get ready to write and write him alot, encourage him alot and love him alot.Remember, this is new for both of you, but we are here and there are so many seasoned moms here just waiting to help you through. I don't concider myself seasoned but just a mom. Our son has been deployed twice, but there are moms and wives out there , oh, and daddys too, lets not forget the dads, lol there just as scared as we are, they just handle it better, i guess. Anyway, just wait for the ceremony and those doors open and your son walks through a United State of America Navy Sailor. Bring lots of tissues. What pride you will feel. Anyway, we are here for you so just holler. Hugs to you and thanks to your son, Maria

[BethB]

Every Good Bye hurts - from that first one off to Boot Camp, to the ones where your sailor is home for a visit, they are all hard. It does get easier, but be prepared for the next 8 weeks to be just as tough on you as your son. Boot Camp is not easy - it's not supposed to be. Being in today's military is serious business, and no matter how meaningless the "chore" might seem, there is a reason and purpose behind it, even if the answer isn't obvious in your face at first. Your first phone call will last maybe 5 seconds - "I made it, gotta go, bye" was all I got. I do think that the "black wall of silence" those first 8 weeks are the most agonizing. You are completely in the dark, with no contact other than letters. Look at it as training for not just your son, but for you as well. There are things in the military that your son will not be able to tell you about, for the obvious security reasons. There are times of deployment where you won't have a clue what's going on either. You both will survive this, and become stronger because of it. He will be able to write home on Sundays (My letters came in on Thursdays, so I stalked the mailman those days!) and he will look for his mail call as if his very life depends on it, so write often. I wrote almost every day, full on nonsense things, little tidbits of things in the news and sports, just anything at all. I typed the letters and adjusted the fonts so that I was only sending one page at a time - you don't want to draw attention to your son by having too bulky letters, and please don't send postcards. The RDC's (the guys in charge of your son in Boot Camp) can, and sometimes do, read mail to the whole group. Before you get upset about that lack of privacy, remember that if your son is in a position where he is deployed, you never know what or who might intercept things, so it's a good practice to learn now about that. Keep up the encouragement in your letters. Yes, he misses you, yes, it's hard, and thankfully I never got the "I made a mistake doing this" kind of letter, but if you do, keep letting him know how proud you and everyone else is of him, and that he has to keep the faith and will be surprised at how much he CAN do. Focus on the positive - of which there are so-o-o many.
Once you learn what division/ship he's in (from the address you will eventually receive) look around on this site for other moms with sons/daughters in the same one. I made many friends with the mom's in my son's division/ship, and we still keep in touch even today. That way, we shared news with each other that one son might write home about that the other did not. Don't be afraid to be sad, we all are at this time. I would not have survived without the support and knowledge from this site.
Make sure you umderstand that this is a public forum, and everything you write can be seen by anyone - including the RDC's - so learn to be sensitive to the unseen audience. This is also another thing for us moms to learn and remember, because there could be those with no-so-good intentions readking these posts. You will make tons of friends who will support you, even if its a personal struggle you are having.
I suggest you go on the Boot Camp discussions - a lot of questions and "what's to come next" tips are there. If at all possible, try to make it to his graduation (PIR) - you will be so very impressed with the ceremony, and at what good qualities your son will have.
Yes, this is the hard time - but these guys make life-long friends in Boot Camp. They will stand by each other in support too, when the holidays roll around and all they have is each other.
I know you will make it through. Keep positive, keep encouraging, keep writing - remember, he will ALWAYS be your son, and you are ALWAYS his mom - nothing the Navy does or teaches takes that away from you - it only makes it better. If nothing else, it certainly makes him appreciate all the things you have done for him (laundry, making beds, sewing on buttons, cleaning the bathroom) - he will not take you for granted after this!
I still miss my son terribly, but after Boot Camp, they can have cell phones and you can talk as often as his schedule permits. That definitely makes life better! Your son made a good decision, and I'm proud that he did it - it is a volunteer service.
I can never thank Navyformoms enough for getting me through this. You will too. Definitely check out the Boot Camp stuff. Oh, and there might be a lot of "horror stories" but I found from my son that 1) while the RDC's may be extremely tough, they are very well respected by their recruits, and deservedly so, 2) They sill have time to form friendships, and 3) sometimes they even play pranks and have som warped sense of fun - just wait - it's a badge of honor to come through it!
My thoughts are with you.

[ProudmomofaCMSeabee]

Hello CS Jerry's Mom, I don't think it gets much easier, I have already cried that road now I am headed for a new one he's being deployed my son is a CM and this will be even harder for me since there will be no contact until he contacts us... I remember when the recruiter picked him up at the house and took him..Boy! was that the hardest thing...I was like OK...then we went to the hotel room were they were staying at to say our Good Bye's...I said, I won't cry, i'll be strong but me, my daughter, and son and husband! We couldn't contain ourselves the waterworks came like an open faucet! You will receive that 1 minute call that all is ok. "luv yah!" and then click! I can tell you when I discovered Navy4moms that was the best thing I was hooked on it! All these ladies have gone through exactly what you are going thru and the same feelings apply! These are our babies and I dont think they ever stop being our babies! You'll soon get your call and then those letters will start rolling in and as soon as you know it.. it will be time to see him graduate! I was there! That was the most proudest moment my husband and I could have had! Things get better you'll see you don't worry any less there always on your mind! But the letters you will receive from him will be worth the wait! Stalk the mail man I've read some of our moms do that! LOL But you hang in there! You'll be OK.. I'm proud to be a sailors "MOM" thank your son for me, for serving this great nation!

[CS Jerry's mom]

Thank you for the replies - and I will now officially be a mailman stalker. I am proud of my son and I already have my boss on notice that I am going to Graduation - wild horses cannot keep me away. Bless our children and the choices they have made and thank you for your support. I look forward to making friends on N4M's. Thank you.