Trying to save my son from making a big mistake......

[Shelly Sowell]

My son continues to fail in school and has an iq off the boards. he hates school, doesn't apply himself at all, and has basically told me he uses school to see friends and pickup girls. recently he told me he was interested in joining the navy. i am all for it. all my uncles are or have been in the military. i am backing him all the way. about a week ago, he's talked about quiting school and just going to work. i do not want him to quit. he's a junior now and should be a senior. he is going to fail again this year so that will make him 20 when he graduates. he just doesn't want to be there. i wish he would at least get his ged and join the navy than quit and end up living in a box somewhere without an education. at least by joining he could get an education and i feel like he could learn a whole lot of responsibility that he needs. any advice on what you would tell him. he's 1 1/2 month shy of turning 18 and i'm afraid he's going to quit before i can talk him into joining and doing what's best for him.

[Linda]

Been there -- done that -- with my son as well. Honestly, I believe they are bored with school because they are better and smarter than the others they are surrounded by everyday. My son was never interested in joining the military (my daughter, however, has been in for over 4 years). We assisted Jason in getting his GED and he went to a technical school and now has a degree in Automotive Technology. He did great in the technical school.

It's really no sense in forcing him to be at school if he is failing -- just help him get out as quickly as possible with his GED. My son and I were fighting all the time about school. Basicly, all I wanted was my son to be happy and have the skills he needed to survive in this world. But without at least a GED he was headed nowhere. I truly believe that any branch of the military will give your son many opportunities and valuable education (I'm partial to the Navy though). He'll be getting paid and have medical & dental benefits from the very day he leaves for boot camp. And, he'll have a career (with benefits & retirement) for as long as he wants.

The Navy has been great for Jenn. She is financially secure, has traveled all over the world, has friends from everywhere, and a job that will also support her when she decides to leave the Navy. I'm glad your son is investigating his options and considering his future. I wish you both well and can truly understand what you're going through with him. Good luck and I'd love to hear how things progress.

Linda

[birdlegs]

Shelley,
Our nephew was allowed in the Navy and he has a GED. However, he was not able to get into the NUKE program because he had a GED.

My son also was not interested in High School, but is very smart. He finally decided when he was a junior, perhaps he should study a little. It was a hard struggle for me. I lost many nights sleep, and spent many hours dealing with school. He went to summer school. I told my son he was going to finish if I had to take him there every day myself :). He did graduate, and did 2 1/2 yrs of college before joining the Navy. He didn't say this, but I got the feeling that he figured that he really needed the discipline if he were going to get anywhere in this life, and joining the Navy would force him to do it. My son is a MM now on a nuclear sub. All you can do is keep trying. The rest is up to him. My son also met a girl and got married, and I think that is something else that made him decide to join for the benefits.

I feel your pain. We never give up on our kids no matter what. You might point out to him how bad the economy is right now, and the chances of finding a decent job are not good. Evening school is a great idea to help him finish.

[Donna]

Shelly, I feel for you as I was there with my son. All I can say is hang in there tell him you love him and find little things to tell him that your proud of him for, they add up. My son felt the same way about school had an Iq that would make me screem, he finished high school at 21 he had alate start because of age then took 5 yrs to finish high school. But after much grive and agravtion he did grad. Then worked full time and went on to college full time for 2 years then on his 23rd birthday headed to bootcamp and just passed his exit exam for seal training, so you see there is hope. I know its very frustarting but keep a smile and he'll make it in the end to where he needs to be. my prayers are with you, wish you the best

[Sue-Pillowcase lady]

Hi Shelly,
I was writing a nice email and lost it yikes!!! Check into a couple of things:

1. does his high school have an alternate high school program? my son sounds very much like yours-he spent 3 years in that program, which allowed him to play on the baseball team and really was a life saver! He was also a 5 year high school student.

2. Check out the DEP program with a Navy recruiter. Make an appointment and take your son along. DEP is delayed entry program. My son did that-took 10 months. He had gone to college for 2 years, but didn't want to anymore. So on his own, he joined. He just worked until he left. Funny part, he has done very well in his studies/training in the Navy-but he was 21 when he went in and did it for himself and his future.

So hang in there mom. Stand firm. And don't let him run over you. and tell him you love him, but don't like what he is doing with his life.

[Veteran Navy Wife & Mom]

Dear Shelly,
It sounds like you have a typical teenage rebellion going on in your home, although your teenager is a little older than the normal 13 or 14 year-old who acts out like this. My first question to you is does he have a father figure and if so perhaps you both could have a family meeting, a sit-down with no one else present. Ask your son what he wants to do with his life, where he wants to end up, where would he like to be in five years? Do a lot of listening not a lot of talking. If you can get him to llisten to you and open up perhaps you can make it seem like his idea to go to his local Navy recruiter and let them have a meeting with him. Sometimes our children listen to other people before they will listen to us, although they might be saying the very same thing you have been saying. I know you feel helpless and frustrated and you might even be trying to put some of the blame for his behavior on yourself, but remember you have raised this child and the choices he makes now are his own.

Does he know what type of income he will make without a high school diploma or a GED? If his lifestyle is important to him let him know that he won't even be able to afford to buy cool clothes to pick up chicks, working at a fast food restaurant. His local Navy recruiter will know what to do and say to this young man.

My nephew was in about the same position, acting out at home and at school, disrespectful, and he did not strive to complete anything he started. My husband, career Navy officer, sat down and had a man to man with him for about 45 minutes and afterwards he took him to the Navy recruiter's office. The recruiter gave him the run down of what he could achieve with his life and how proud he would feel of his accomplishments! They certainly don't sugar-coat the alternatives.

As of today, 5 years later, my nephew finished high school, joined the Navy, and now holds the rank of Petty Officer. He is working as a recruiter himself. My husband has since passed away, but my nephew always tells me that Uncle Al saved his life. He told me that the only thing he thought about going through his training and A school was that he wanted to make his family proud and to serve his country.

I talked to him the other day and he is the most respectful young man, he is proud of what he does and he told me that his heart has softened over the years to the point that when they raise the American Flag he gets chill bumps and tears form in his eyes, just like his Uncle Al told him they would. My husband was a 30-year career officer, 6 ft 4 inches and 295 lbs, and this big man always cried when he saw the American Flag raised or lowered or even pass in a parade. The Navy takes our boys and makes men out of then, men with a heart and soul. So save your son's life and get him to the Navy recruiter.

Hang in there
The best is yet to come

[earlzagurl*Flip'sMom*]

Yes the navy does accept GED, my twins (one of whom is a sailor) were home-schooled their junior and senior year, and graduated before traditional school, they also attended the local community and technical school, my sailor rec'd a high score on the ASVAB, signed up Oct. '06, left for GL March '07,graduated BC April '07, he's at present on a West Pac tour, but he was 23 when he joined so age and some tech. school may be a deciding factor, good grades, a high ASVAB score and a clean background check are determining factors according to his recruiter, thanks for listening, E.

[Quadralene]

Seems like your son needs a dose of reality. Do he really know how important a good solid education is in this decade? Looks like he needs a strong male role model to speak with him. We as parents can only do so much for our children. We can't hold their hands throughtout life. Continue to do all that you can to help push him in the right direction. Pray for deliverence for him. I pray that God guides him.

[Emily]

My son is much like your son. he hates school and he turned 18 in Oct and is a Jr. and he is failing his classes, however the school he is attending has a high rate of drop outs and so they are trying to get these kids to graduate and have them not quit and are offering programs like if they go and get a part-time jobs they earn credits,and also they are offering night classes and saturday schools.
we told our son that the school is offering him to graduate as a Jr because of his age and so he got the part-time job which he was doing well at first then his grades started to slip so now he will attend the night school for 1hr for 4 days and 2 saturday schools to get the credits he needs.
The school is attending also considers 69% and below is failing.
In our hometown they also have alternative school for kids who dropped out and decided to go back to school.
Do you know if your home states offers any other programs?
It doesnt look good for the schools to have kids dropping out left and right so they are trying everything they can to get the kids to graduate.
We tell our son he is lucky that the school is offering him a chance and that he should take advantage of it. and my son unlike is sister wants to join the Marines and they wont except GED's.

[Tammy]

I am sorry to tell you that you need to let him make his mistakes. If he joins the Navy he still has to get his GED. If you keep pushing you will only make it worse. My son too is very smart and stopped applying himself. His answer was he was tired of hearing how smart he is. I finally backed off and let him follow his own path. He took the SAT's while still in junior high through the Northwestern Talent search. He has a Presidential acedemic award but when he hit high school he shut down. He was not making honor roll and just sqweaked by. He joined Cross-country his Sophmore year and got a job his junior year. He is really a great young man but I had to realize I could not make him do what I wanted. He has to find his own path. Get together with a recruitor and talk to them about it. Maybe someone can help you get on the right path and you can find the right words to guide him, but you have to remember, it's not your life. He has to learn to fail and then get back up and go again. I have learned this and believe me it is not easy. Be there for him and above all always love him. Remember that even if he is in a cardboard box he still has a purpose and is your son. God has a path for all of us and you may not understand it of even like it but everything happens for a reason.
Good luck to you and your son.

[Linda Allen]

This sounds EXACTLY like my son. His experience in the Navy was not too good but it could have been better if he had known what he knows now. He quit school first, got his GED, and then wanted to join the Navy. Of course, the GED was a problem. There are a couple of ways that a GED kid can get in the Navy. One is to take a certain number of college hours before being accepted. These rules change all the time so please check with your recruiter about this.

My son was also one of those high IQ kids who scored in the top 4% on his ASVAB. When this happens the recruiter will get REALLY excited and start talking about all kinds of special programs that he is eligible for. Please don't let them talk your son into a high paying and high profile Navy job without telling him how long he will be going to SCHOOL. It is still SCHOOL!!! If they hated high school, they will hate school in the Navy just as much!!

My son and his recruiter made this mistake and had him placed into the electronic warfare program in Florida. He got through basic without any problems and earned the requied top security clearance, but when placed into the very intensive educational environment, he was miserable. Long story short, he didn't make it through the school and ended up on a ship performing basic labor tasks that did not challenge him in the least. It was not an overall good experience.

In addition to being very intelligent, he also has a very high mechanical aptitude. He would have been much better suited for one of the mechanical-related fields, etc. After leaving the military, he has excelled as a custom bike builder and has even won a best of show trophy for one of his bikes. What I am trying to say is this, the Navy is a good thing, but make sure your son chooses a Navy job that fits his aptitude and personality, not one that the recruiter may think fits his high IQ.

I pray that God blesses you son's career path and that He will keep him safe in whatever he chooses.

~Linda

[Anti M]

Many kids actually like learning if they feel there's a rhyme and reason to it. High school curriculum is a mystery to students at times, and seems pointless ... but in the Navy the education is very specific and goal-oriented. True, they may still hate it because it is school. But for some of us who were adrift as teens and young adults, the highly scheduled and specific training made sense. You could ask him how he feels about that ... and perhaps not even the Navy, there's many other options.

Just encourage him NOT do what my brother's eight kids did ... most of them dropped out, and they ended up in dead-end minimum wage jobs, living paycheck to paycheck, except for the kid who got a CDL and is a bus driver. Seven of eight of them are miserable and move back in with mom and dad now and then. Some of them haven't even tried to get their GEDs because they think they don't need it. Yeah, go ahead, work food service for $7 an hour and try to raise a family. It doesn't work.

[Linda Allen]

I do agree that Navy school might just spark some interest that wasn't there with high school, especially if they go into it knowing what they are getting into. It just didn't happen with my son because he was somewhat misinformed about the length and intensity of EW school. Had he been placed into a mechanics program, he might have been career Navy. You never know.