Trying to save my son from making a big mistake......

[Shelly Sowell]

My son continues to fail in school and has an iq off the boards. he hates school, doesn't apply himself at all, and has basically told me he uses school to see friends and pickup girls. recently he told me he was interested in joining the navy. i am all for it. all my uncles are or have been in the military. i am backing him all the way. about a week ago, he's talked about quiting school and just going to work. i do not want him to quit. he's a junior now and should be a senior. he is going to fail again this year so that will make him 20 when he graduates. he just doesn't want to be there. i wish he would at least get his ged and join the navy than quit and end up living in a box somewhere without an education. at least by joining he could get an education and i feel like he could learn a whole lot of responsibility that he needs. any advice on what you would tell him. he's 1 1/2 month shy of turning 18 and i'm afraid he's going to quit before i can talk him into joining and doing what's best for him.

[Karen Gallagher]

Please encourage him to finish school!! I know how much young men and women want to get out of school but...... no matter what he does (navy or civilian) he needs to have that diploma!! it is so hard for them to understand that they can get by... but he really needs to finish that diploma !!
a GED is not the same and if he joins the navy with a GED he will not qualify for the same jobs as he would if he had that diploma

Good Luck

[earlzagurl*Flip'sMom*]

I agree 100 percent w/ Karen, i wish the twins had graduated traditional school and had that diploma in hand, my sailor's job qualifications were limited as Karen has said, (my twins were star basketball players when they left school and were looking at scholarships) so i would encourage your son to get that diploma if at all possible.

[Tim Talbott]

The Navy does accept GED applicants, however, there are some stipulations. The first and biggest hurdle is that the Navy must be accepting them at the time. Secondly he needs to be pretty much free of any police or drug issues. Finally, he needs to score above a 50 on the ASVAB. There are some other things as well but those are the largest. My advice is to have him talk to a recruiter and get "pre qualified" ASVAB, physical, background check. That way he is ready to go when they do open. The program by the way is called Tier II. Please let me know if you have any other questions.

[karen]

That is similar to our situation except our daughter had at least gotten through high school (barely) and was about a month in to community college classes and already failing them. She was getting into so many bad situations- guys, parties, etc.. We just explained to her that she would no longer have health insurance after the semester ended, she would have to get a fulltime job, pay us rent and some bills and still follow all our household rules. We screamed, yelled, cajoled and pleaded!!! It was hell and it seems like we are walking in eggshells till her departure date (2-17-09), but I think alot of what convinced her was making her understand that she wouldn't be getting any free rides and not much freedom at home and kept telling her how much freedom she would have in the Navy. We also told her how much her little brother (5) and sister (7) would be proud of her and look up to her. All in all A LOTof tough love, which I am really bad at so I had to let my husband do alot of that but for us that was our only option. I feel your pain, I hoped this helped somehow! Good Luck!!

[Sherry James]

Karen, hats off to you and your husband!! I will make you a bet, within a few months your daughter will be tipping her hat to you two as well. Congratulations on helping your daughter make the transition to adulthood.

[Karen]

My son was not sure what he wanted either. And when he was 16 he said that he wanted to oin and so My husband and I went straight to a recruiter with him. thank god the recruiter was great. he talked with him and kinda took him under his wing, giving him a view of what his life would really be like (something most moms don't want there sons to hear.) My son is now is for almost three years. and has grown beyond what I thougnt I could do for him as a man and I could not be any more proud of him. hang in there and good luck

[Anti M]

There are many paths to careers and educations ... I was a high school drop-out ... moved too many times, missing too many credits, and IF I went to summer school, I could graduate at 19. I left when I turned 18, took the GED, did well on the ACT and enrolled in the state college up the street. Ended up at the University of Utah, but things weren't working out (insert Bad College Boyfriend saga) ... so the recruiter took me down to the community high school and used my college credits to get a high school diploma. He really wanted me, I'd aced the ASVAB. Now, decades later, I have two BS degrees, courtesy of tuition assistance and the VA. (I was on the old VEAP and not the GI Bill).

That first degree only took me 20 years of chipping away at courses when and where I could! But I finished!

Don't lose hope, talk to him and try to map out what will work for him.

[Laura]

Shelly,
I would suggest having you son talk to a recruiter and his guidence counselor. There may be an option for him for an independant study (in my state they have this for kids with many different types of problems, ie; missing credits, medical or mental problems or problems that for some reason they can't go to school) program that might help make up his credits. Maybe the recruiter can inspire you son to get it together to graduate high school. Is there another person that he looks up to? a teacher? someone away from his parents. Good luck to both of you.

[Emily]

Shelly, have you thought about sending your son to a school like the Sylvan Learning Center where he can basically work at his own pace and graduate with a diploma. I have a friend who did that for her son and he excelled because he was no longer bored and was held to a higher standard. She says it is the best money she ever spent on him.
The Navy will take a GED, but not always. His high school grades will play a part as well. It will also depend on his ASVAB scores. If he has a diploma (not a GED) and high test scores he could possibly enter the Navy at a higher rank which equals more money. I wish you and him well.

[P'nut & JAM]

My heart goes out to you, I'm raising 3 grand children. The youngest has a high IQ + he has ADD. He is a junior and age 17&1/2 (Have you had your son tested for ADD) Because of the ADD he can't stay focused, every thing pulls his attention some where else and because he is so smart he gets bored. He actually does his homework( with a lot of mom in his face) but doesn't remember to hand it in. I informed the teachers and keep track with them about his progress almost daily! It's the only way I have found that keeps him from failing. I don't want to nag him but I keep reminding him that if he wants to go to college he needs to do what it takes to get there.I cant do the work for him. He takes some Pre-AP classes so those challenge him. He wants to go to collage like his brother and he is proud of his sister who just graduated as a Sailor.He wants to succeed like them. Does your son have a goal he wants to achieve? In todays economy without a degree or special training it will be almost impossible to make a living for himself, not to mention a family. I keep stressing these things to my child, the choice is his- I will pray that God will give you guidance. He knows your child and He has a plan for his life. Don't give up on your son. Just Pray extra hard for him. Hugs to you, Louise

[Lori]

I have a son in the Navy who also hated school, but had a high IQ...he went to JR. College and got his credits that way...however his best friend who lived w/us got his GED and also went into the Navy a year later...U need to talk w/recruiters though, as I understand that they only accept a certain amt of GED's...also, they're are more people joining due to the economy..I would call the Recruiters and maybe your son would be open to talking w/them and getting their advice....Mine has been in 2 yrs and is very happy w/his decision, his friend has been in abt a year and is also doing well. Good luck to you...let us know what happens

[Virginia = Sam's Mom]

Oh Shelly I feel your pain. My son has a very high IQ. When we were in a larger school district he was in gifted programs but since moving to a small district where what they called a gifted program amounts to a class a couple of times a week..well, it has been complete and udder pain. He says he hates school. Does the work but doesnt' hand it in. Passes all exams with A's but gets his grades drastically dropped because of missing homework, or not showing his work. We even had a couple of teachers admit to us that they know he is smart and that they have no idea how to teach him.
This fall we took him out of public school and he now goes to a private school. He is a sophmore. He was making D's and F's in public and we are back up to our A's. He said the work is harder and he has to really make sure he gets his homework turned in, But, the classes are 1 1/2 hours instead of 50 min. so he gets a lot of his work done in class after the lecture. Some of it is computor based so he works at his own pace which he also likes. Even the teachers here have mentioned that he should be in a school for gifted but I can't afford that.

He still says he wants to drop out from time to time and we tell him that is not an option in this house. We have had many a nights talking and feeling like we were at the end of the road and he was giving up but somehow he keeps trudging along. He does not want to join the military.

I know this isn't much help...all I can say is tell him you love him but that you are not going to allow him to throw away his life. Our daughter tried the dropping out thing once with us...I told her she had to leave with nothing more than the clothes on her back...I had bought everything, including the phone and car. They are not required to work during High School but staying in school and living by the rules are required for staying in this house. Sounds harsh..yes, but she understood that dropping out was a big decision that I would in no way support. She graduated...not at the top of the class but did graduate, went to college for a semester and joined the Navy.

So I guess what I am saying is hang in there, be patient but firm, and pray a lot....