Very Curious!!!!

[Tracy (Andre's mom)]

I wanted to know how many moms out here have children that before enlisting in the Navy may have left home for college. The question I have is: When they left to boot camp were you more stressed than when they left for college or was it the same?

The reason I ask is because after my son graduated from high school about a year later he decided to go into the Job Corp. to learn a trade. He did not like it and came home after about five months. We had contact with Andre and in those five months he got to come home for a leave a few times. I was fine with him going to the Job Corp., I was not worried at all. Since he has been in boot camp this was stressful to me because it is wwwaaayyy more intense than college or Job Corp. as far as mentally and just the rigidness of boot camp. Andre PIR's on 12/05, however due to letters I have written and the way I have express myself through different means to Andre since he has been in boot camp, I recieve comments from his father and Andre himself saying "You didn't act like this when he/I was in Job Corp." like as if I didn't care and now all the sudden I do. I try to tell them there is no comparison between the two. So I am just wondering if any other mom experienced a child that was in or currently in boot camp left for some other event that did not stress them but they have been stressed with the boot camp thing.

Thank you to all who reply.

[Marissa]

I have a son who is in his first semester of college located 3 hours away. I remember the drive home after we dropped him and his belongings off in his dorm. I cried but I was able to call him everyday for 2 weeks until he finally said, "mom, you are limited to one call a week. I have a lot of studying to do." Now, I wait for him to call me usually on weekends. I think that knowing he's just 3 hours away and the fact I cant contact him is a big difference.
I can only imagine what my son is going through in BC. This site has been helpful by moms who have shared their letters from their child during BC.
Tracy- I know you what you are going through because I've given myself a sense of guilt for feeling more stressed out of my son in BC.
My situation is eerily similar to Vicki's.

[Judy (Tom's mom)]

My son went to college and did well until he fell in love and "they" decided to live off campus. Needless to say my son ended up taking two jobs, and not finishing college while his fiance graduated with honors. They split up after that and he ended up in debt and more or less wandering, not knowing what he wanted to do. So while it was stressful during the college years, I knew he was never more than a text message or phone call away. I too was very happy that he chose the navy, and while I'm quite content with his choice, and I know he's doing fine, it's simply the lack of contact that stresses me this time around.

[Diana]

My son went to college for two years before joining the navy and it is hard to compare the two but yes I would say I was more upset when he left for BC. College was different because we could call each other and take the drive and see each other whenever we wanted. Now we are at the mercy of the navy and their timing. On the other side I was use to him not living at home any longer so the house didn't feel any more empty. Either way, we miss them and keep them in our prayers.

Hang in there, it does get better after BC.

[Debbie Brown]

Hi Tracy,
My son PIR'd 9/12/08. Boot camp was hell for me. Pat had completed 2 years of college and lived away from home. The major difference and what is so extremely difficult is they are isolated and the unknown. Leaving for college was exciting. Leaving for boot camp was terrifying. You will get through it, but it is not easy. Send lots of letters and cherish the letters from your son and you phone will ring before PIR. Take care. I will keep you in my thoughts. Good luck to you and your son.
Debbie

[Ellen A. Putnam]

Hi, Tracy! I'm Glen's Mom, Ellen. I know exactly what you mean! When he left for college, I was wound up, but knew we could be in touch with him and he with us, so it was somewhat tolerable. It was still very difficult, and I was (surprise!) extremely emotional, but as soon as I knew he was o.k., so was I. When he left for boot camp I was completely terrified! I knew we would not be able to communicate easily, that he was going to be treated differently than he was used to, and that he must sink or swim - all on his own. Yikes! I still have very emotional moments, fall apart at the drop of his name, and worry about him, BUT I have talked with him, have read his letters and know he is doing well. What a relief! I truly understand exactly what you mean. Hang in there. Andre and your husband cannot possibly understand - they are not 'moms'! I consider myself to be in a kind of denial - its not a bad place to live! I write many letters, wait with bated breath for every phone call, and can not wait for graduation! Feel free to be back in touch! Ellen

[Cindy Corpsman Mom]

My son moved to Seattle Aug. 07 for college and gymnastics. I was stressed, but I talked to him almost everyday and we managed to fly him home a few times. He left for bc on 6/15/08.....I lost it and was stressed the whole time. I agree with Brenda Sue, the no contact was awful. As Paula said, do not second guess yourself. This is different. Congrats on Andre's upcoming PIR. If you're going to it, what an awesome experience you're about to have! I bet you are getting really excited.

[annmarie collins]

i think that college was way more stressful. They are children who are out on their own and making decisions... being in situations that they may not be ready to deal with. With the navy, i wasn't stressed about our son being there, but mostly a little sad because it meant that this is his adult life now. He won't live at home again... he has moved his life forward. When the kids are in college, they are back and forth alot, they come home for long breaks, they really need you still. but the military takes them out of childhood and catapults them into adulthood. How long do we keep their room for them? We don't get to see them very much and this goes on for years. Our son has enlisted for 6 years and is thinking of making a career of it. So from now on, he will never be home again except for a few weeks now and then. As parents, this is our goal for our children, but with college they ease into it, with the military they zoom into it.

just my thoughts as i am missing our son this thanksgiving. THis is the first time one of our 6 children won't be with us for a holiday.

[Joanne]

AnnMarie-well put; that's exactly how it is & I was wondering the exact same things-how long do we keep there room?

[Maureen]

LOL, the "keeping the room" part was a no brainer for me! My son was the prototypical young male whose room should have been declared a hazardous waste zone. Since my son went to a local university, he was in and out. Some semesters he lived in the dorms, some were off-campus with a bunch of others, and some were at home. During that time we just made him clear out the garbage, but left the rest alone and just closed the door. Once he left for BC, we knew he may come to VISIT but would never LIVE here again, so I was in cleaning his room by week 2. It took me a while, but I can now see the floor, any dust is less than a week old, and the "funky boy smell" has been aired out.

[maria]

Tracy,
College is collage,we can visit , call when we want and it's totally different. What your experiencing is total lack of communication, well for awhile anyway. My son is in Iraq, and when he was in boot camp I cried and cried , because the fact is your child is becoming a soldier a sailor and us moms know what is ahead of them. Our children have chosen this, It is their wish their dream , to support our country and keep the rest of us free. God Bless your son, and congrats to you on his Pir, just wait till you see your sailor, you will burst with pride and all these feeling will ease. God Bless you and Happy Thanksgiving. Maria

[navymomBonnie]

Dear Tracy: My son is 22yrs old. He went to Fl to go to FIT to learn to fly planes, then 3 semesters later he decided he didn't want to do that and then went to Boulder, CO for college, then after one semester thereh is father said enough and pulled him home to CT to go to the local community college there. He spent 3 semesters there in a physical ed, trainer/coach program which is where he should have been all along but he needed those other experiences to help him realize that. All along, though, he never lost the desire to want to be in the navy SEALS. So he trained all the time, went to college and worked. Finally, he got word that they were sending him to boot camp. Luckily, his professors let him finish the semester early and earn the credits. I tell you all of this because each time he did something new I was always worried. This time it has been the hardest because at least when I was missing him before I could call his cell or email him. I have had one letter from him since Nov. 10th the day he got to GL. I know he is safe. They want him to succeed. It's in the Navy's best interest for that to happen. Some moms say it is good news if we don't hear from them because they are not hurt or injured. I hold onto that thought. Keep your chin up. Your guy is fine. If I can be of further comfort just holler.

[Lea]

Hey Tracy! Garry, my sailor, spent two years in college. His sisters - both older - went to college 4 years each and graduated. Each time I left one of them in that dorm - I left unable to breath! However, I could talk to them on the cell phones, e-mail them several times daily! Also, college was not preparing them for a life that was "unknown" to me! A life I never lived! Though not trying to add more stress - a life of war! And for mine: a life of secrets!!! It is so different! Dad's love their boys - but it is oh so very different for mom's! And YES! BC is so much different and more stressful! So don't listen to others - and I hate to tell you, BUT there will be more of them! But ya know what? That PIR/Graduation will all be worth it! Oh, my gosh - just wait!!! As much more stressful as BC is - this is that much more exciting, prideful, comforting and just awesome!! My prayers are with you as you finish this stressful time. But know, it prepares you for their life - a wonderful life they have chosen! God Bless!