What to say to my parents? Please help!

[Jessica]

Ever since a friend of mine left after graduation from high school as a Nuke in the Navy, I looked into what he was doing, and found the Navy and the military in general very interesting. Since then, there has not been a day that goes by where I don't think about, or daydream about, being in the Navy. My parents have what I guess would be expectations, that I should stay on track with college, my mom thinking I should be a teacher. But, really, I have no idea what i want to do and my second semester of my sophomore year of college is right around the corner. I feel like I'm wasting my time and my parent's money by going to college with no career in mind. I have a different plan of action. I figured that I would enlist in the Navy as a hospital corpsmen and then, if I want still be a teacher, use my G.I Bill to get through the rest of my college classes. At the moment I'm working on an associates degree that would go towards teaching if I wanted to pick it up later. My parents have never supported my idea of the military and I'm afraid never would. They won't talk to me when I bring it up or say anything positive, just that it's a stupid idea and I'm being influenced by my boyfriend (in DEP currently). I've asked them to see a recruiter, but their convinced that my recruiter will tell me whatever i want to hear. But i trust my recruiter, he's helped 6 people in my graduating class join the military! He actually goes to bat for his soon to be sailors and has told me more downsides of the Navy than most people probably do. He started out by asking me why i wanted to join and then trying to talk me out of it (strange approach). But really, the only thing that scared me was the part of bootcamp where we get vaccinated (I have a terrible fear of needles). I really think i can do this. I am a hands on type of person, a visual learner, by no means a read the chapter and take a test person.
Any advice on what to say to ease the blow when i make my final decision?

[lilfeet]

Say yes, it's an opportunity of a life time. While serving you will eventually be able to take on line classes. Why not have the best of both worlds.

[Gefyon]

Don't express your feelings. Lay out the facts. Find out what their concerns are and address them. Show them that you have done your homework and that it is a sound, well though out decision, one that will further your goals in life - and not one that is being made on impulse because of your boyfriend.


For instance for your mom, point at that there is a special program out there that helps ex-military transition into teaching careers. It is called Troops To Teachers. http://www.dantes.doded.mil/dantes_web/troopstoteachers/INDEX.asp

In addition to GI Bill, you also get tuition assistance while in the Navy. You can take classes even if you are on ship.

You get VA loans for when you want to buy a house.
You get 4-6 years of job security, all while getting both the education and the real world experience in whatever you choose to pursue.

The Navy is going to make an investment in you. Will a university? Nope! You pay them and they don't care whether or not you succeed or fail.

[MamaBear kk]

Jessica,

So you want to be a hospital corpsman...hmmmm...so maybe nursing could be in your future. My son is in boot camp as I write this. I am proud of him! I am proud that he researched before sitting down to discuss this with me. As a parent, I took it upon myself to research, speak with current Navy, veteran Navy, current Marines, and veteran Marines, etc.

People fear what they do not understand. Your parents owe you the respect of researching the Navy experiences and educational opportunities with you.

Go with your heart. Do not think this is an easy route. If you are bored sitting in your college classes, maybe you need more acceleration or hands on. I believe the Navy can help : )

One proud Navy Mom ~ kk

[Michelle (EOD Mom)]

MamaBear...I just had to say I was going to say the same thing.LOL

..So many are against because they dont understand...Come join the DEPPER group and then have your parents get on your name and read alot of the posts and discussions...See if their objections change...Alot of parents come on here upset and scared and under the wrong impression of what the Navy can offer...They change their minds after reading alot of the things that are posted ...Good luck to you. here is the link to the DEPPER group


http://www.navyformoms.com/group/deppersinbutnotyet

[Mrs. Andy]

Jessica --

I just went through ALL of this with my son about a year ago. When he was in high school he expressed an interested in the military. I was VERY against it. I wanted my baby to experience college life. I thought it was so important to have the first year of college like all other young adults. So my Andy went to college for 2 1/2 years and that first semester of his third year -- he just wanted out -- college was not for him -- he still wanted to go to the military. Me, like ALL mothers, did not want to hear that. I was afraid for his safety. However, he WAS 21, a legal adult, and old enough to make the decisions in his life. I realized then that he was NOT my little boy anymore, that he had grown into a mature young man and that regardless of whether or not I like it, I HAD to support him and his choices. So, the only request I had was that he take either his dad or myself with him when he was looking at the different branches and that he had one of us with him to help look through the paperwork before he signed any dotted lines. After researching the different branches he chose the Navy and he is now in Power School in Goose Creek, South Carolina. I am SO very proud of him. He is with the BEST OF THE BEST -- the smartest minds.

So, if you are interested in being a Hospital Corpsman. Do some research -- talk to a recruiter, get all the information you can. Feel free to share what I wrote with your parents. Have them log into Navy4Moms and access the a medical section. They can ask any and all questions they might have and they can see how much support us moms have for our kids and for each other. Of all of the branches in the military -- the Navy is one of the safest and provide WONDERFUL opportunities -- not to mention a steady paycheck in these tough economic times.

Jessica -- if this is what you REALLY want -- you have to do it for yourself. Not because of a boyfriend or any other friend. There will be a lot of times when you are alone -- but just remember one thing -- you are NOT alone. There are thousands of mothers out there praying for every sailor in the US Navy -- and I am one of them!

[Jim Gramza]

Jessica,
I don't think I can add much to the advice already given here. Your parents will get over the empty nest. It's time for them to let go of you so you can be the person YOU want to be. Have them look around on this site for a while and let them see just how big the community is. Navy for Mom's is over 25,000 members strong. We can't all be wrong! Also have your dad come on over and check out NavyDads.com. Lots of us there too.

Good luck to you!

[Shellon]

Jessica, I just would like to say two different things....My husband has ALWAYS wonted to be a FireFighter...but all threw his high school days and after, his parents ALWAYS told him , "that is dumb, you can't do that, What are you thinking, You CAN"T be a fireman" he second doubted him self year after year....My husband is now 40yrs. and to this day he still talks about it..."I should have tryed, I should have did it" he is soooo upset with his self for not even trying....GO FOR YOUR DREAMS AND REMEMBER THE NAVY IS NOT FOR EVER....enless you love it....
Second, my son is now in his 5th week of bootcamp....He graduated high school this past May and left for the Navy in Sept...He did this ALL BY His self...He didn't talk with any of us...BUT I now support him full hearted...and can't wait for graduation....I think you should go for it...If this is a daily thought, then there is something there for you...God is telling you, you are needed in the Navy...I hope all your dreams come true..and god bless you...
Rechelle

[Jessica]

I am 20 years old, brought up the idea when i was 19. It has been a year and I'm certain this is what i want, but i am very close to my family and would like their support. :(

[Tammy]

If you can...have your parents read this site! Maybe they will have a sense of peace and understanding! Don't give up on what you want to do...joining the military is a very big decision and not taken lightly! Make sure you have a sit down with the recruiter..it would be helpful if your parents can join you. 9 out of 10 times they will come to your home. Have some snacks and drinks available, get your parents involved. Your parents maybe feeling this way because of the war right now? I am not sure! But, good luck to you! Let us know how it all goes

[Charla]

It sounds like you've done some research into the Navy and know what you want to do. Be as kind as possible, but let your parents know that you love them and appreciate what they are doing for you, but you have to make your own way in life. Let them know that they have taught you to be independent and that you believe this is the best choice for you. You are young and should experience the things in life that matter to you. (reassure them that you will keep the standard they instilled in you) You may find that the military isn't for you. You don't have to re-enlist. Once you make the decision to join, don't do anything that will get you out early. It will not look good on a resume and make your future difficult. If you find it's not for you don't re-up. Just some advice, as a Navy mom. Good luck and best wishes for a wonderful future!
Sincerely,
Charla

[Open C]

Some information...

The Navy spends about $100,000 to train a Nuke, and if viewed as (3) semesters, (a-school, power school and prototype), that is equivalent to $33,333.00 !! That's Ivy League territory!!

The US Dept. of Veteran's Affairs Montgomery GI Bill website has conveniently listed, along with a brief explanation of each, websites dealing with how to utilise the benefit, who is eligible and so on. One link is to a website of an organisation that deals with transitioning to civilian jobs.

Have you taken the Navy's "Accelerate Your Life" online quick tests yet? It is quick, easy and fun, and helps show you your strengths and which job you are apt to accelerate well in.

Finally, some understanding of your parents' position could be helpful. Many parents fear the worst when hearing their child is/wants to enlist. The potential of losing your child that you nutured is just how parents are programmed to think--protectively foremost, and years of experience of weighing worst-case-scenarios while making split-second decisions to protect and guide their child, isn't just a skill they can turn off at random. It sounds like they are frightened, do not have enough information, and are responding this way because they love you dearly.

Being the parent of a Sailor is never something you "get comfortable with." There is always a real and present danger to the life of one of the people they love most in this world. Not all parents can effectively communicate that, but that is what drives their fear, which in turn fuels other negative emotions and conversations. Essentially, "trusting" their child to the Navy leaves them helpless and powerless.

How do your parents like to take in information ? By watching television? Internet? Reading? Perhaps watching some of the positive videos here might help your parents. Or leaving some written materials in the bathroom (what? who doesn't read in the bathroom??)

Finally, I commend you for caring enough about their feelings to come here and seek answers! That tells me you love them just as much. :-)

[Marty (Kelly's mom)]

Jessica, lots of good advice here, but I especially agree with Tammy, to get your parents to talk with the recruiter and get all THEIR questions answered. You've answered yours, now encourage your parents to do the same. I understand that most, if not all, recruiters will come to your house for a talk. Arrange a time when you and your parents can sit together with the recruiter - not rushed - and make a point not to be confrontational. Let them seek the information they need to feel comfortable.