Birthdays

[Pat/Angelinas' mom]

My sailor has been in Japan for 4 months now (Okinawa) today is her 19th birthday and the first ever away from me. I have been so depressed not knowing what to do with myself, my other 3 children all live aways from me so there is not much at home now except memories but at lease I have those my daughter was able to call me and it was great to talk to her but how do you keep going I do work and thank God that helps but there are so many lonely hours at home. Do you ever get used to it?

[kgcfsu]

Dear Pat,
I agree with Jeannie's answer. I had problems adjusting to my sailor being gone, but we write, e-mail and webcam as much as we can. Getting involved in a local service organization helps me, and I try to focus on this new phase of my life. It's even worse when you can't see your sailor on the holidays. We try to celebrate when she can get leave in January. My house just stays decorated.

You can honor her and love her in many ways that will help you know you've let her go while celebrating her independence. My sailor has been gone 5 years, and no, I don't ever get used to it. It's just the way our life is now. I hope this helps.
You are not alone feeling so lost and confused. We are with you, Karen

[maggiedaniel (Mary's mom)]

Hi Pat! I agree with what Karen and Jeannie have said. My daughter is in the NROTC at Texas A&M Galveston, so she is over 1000 miles away from home (Indianapolis). Last January was the first time she had been away from home on her birthday (her 19th birthday), but we just celebrated when she was home during Christmas. It had been August since we had seen her, and after she returned in January, it was another four months before we saw her. Since I'm a teacher, I have the chance to work with young people on a daily basis; even though it's not the same, it does help me. My husband is also a teacher, so we have a lot in common. We also both enjoy music and drama at our church, and it is nice to nurture our relationship. It does help that I've learned how to text message on my cell phone because that is Mary's primary means of communication. I take great pleasure in putting care packages together for her, and I do call her once a week. Sometimes we talk for 5 minutes; other times it might be nearly an hour. Mary is our only child, so I guess I probably won't ever totally get used to her absence from home; in my heart, I know she is doing what she feels led to do, and she is becoming more independent every day. I do want that for her.

Let yourself grieve and don't feel guilty about it. Remember the sweet times of the past, and prepare for the joyous reunions of the future. Meantime, be good to yourself; consider your needs and do some things for yourself. I remember the first day or two after I joined Navy for Moms, I must have spent hours working on my profile page; I also attended a local Navy for Moms event. I've also started a much needed weight loss program, and this summer, while I'm out of school, I'm working on getting my home in better order. Just remember that your Navy for Moms support team is here for you. God bless you!

[Barbara (Derek's Mom)]

Ditto! I couldn't have said it better than Jeannie did. Both my sons left the same year for the Navy and after 6 years I still don't like it but I've moved forward with my life just like they have. They are both married and each have a son now, one is out and one is still in and making the Navy a career. It takes time, that's all there is to it. I raised them and let them go, now it's their turn to raise their children. Now I have grandchildren and they are such a joy, it's the best job EVER! Hang in there and turn to your fellow Navy moms because we'll be here for you and understand what you're going through! Hugs!!

[Michaels mom Karen]

My son will be 23 on friday. His brother is flying up to Washington to see him but he wont get off to see him. My son just told him today but hes already got the tickets etc. This is his 3rd birthday gone. He was Iraq last year so I guess its better that hes in the states. I really miss him!