Undesignated...What's Up With That?

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Comment by Sheila Clark on January 25, 2009 at 4:54pm

Princess, thank you for your kind words. Often, I think I blow too much steam off here, so if it gets annoying, just let me know. There are times I think I might explode if I don't put some of it into words, so if anything I say helps anybody else, that's the miracle of it. I hope I can help in some small way. I care about what happens to your sons, along with mine, because we are Navy Moms who's Sons are Undesignated, and we'll get through this together! I'm with you...worry is the opposite of faith, so I steer away from that. But cautious concern and Mom's intuition is very powerful sometimes. When you mentioned the nonchalant attitude, it reminded me of the last time Martin was home in November (the week before Thanksgiving) I know I cautioned him at least six times during the week before his flight on Friday, to make sure he did the whole "covering the bases" protocol before leaving base (sign offs, permissions, duty stations covered, etc). One reason I did so, was because the other time he came home, his Dad drove to get him, and saw first hand how many hoops Martin had to jump through before they let him go. Also, there were a few comments that came out of his mouth that caused me to pause and wonder if he was doing all those things, and I voiced that to his Dad, too. Well, he had been here less than 24 hours, and our phone rang...it was a chief, saying Martin was in trouble. OMG, I thought I would be sick, and then I was so mad....it all worked out though. Martin had taken 90% of the steps, but failed to get one signature. It just so happened that signature was of the chief who "didn't get the memo", and apparently, he was not happy. The point of the saga is, Mom's can tell a lot about their sons, even when we're not face to face with them....it's just a Mom thing....others wouldn't understand~so, we know them as well as they know themselves, and we can tell when their heart is in what they are doing. Martin's heart is to be a sailor....so that's my heart too. The details, like saving some of their income (which Martin hasn't done either) will come with time [I hope and pray!]....

Hi Ami! Good to hear from you again, and it's good to know Adam is safe. I guess it's all part of the Mom Makeup....whether they are going down the street to get a Coke, or if they're flying across the continent, we always feel better when we know they arrived safely.

Hope the rest of your weekend is good!

Comment by Princess on January 25, 2009 at 12:27pm

Sheila, your writings are absolutely beautiful. I feel exactly the same way about my young sailor. He was always a "mommy's boy" and seeing him make decisions about his life on his own without my intervention is very exciting. There are some things that I disagree with like the way he spends his money and does not save; although he was taught to save. My son is very nonchalant and I think I worry more about the "undesig" status more than he does. He tells me that he will try and get a rate and he leave it at that. I kind of believe that is what faith is... faith teach us not to worry. I also believe that to worry means to be without faith, so I am trying faithfully not to worry about him, but to trust the process and God's ability to provide His best for my son.

Comment by Ami E. Bird on January 25, 2009 at 12:07pm

Hi, everyone--
Well, Adam has safely arrived in Norfolk from GL, having only one day's notice that he would be leaving. Now he is waiting to see if he will be taken to his ship, the USS San Antonio, or just wait around until it comes back to port. I understand how frustrating it can be--nobody seems to know any kind of time frame, then, boom--let's go!!! Adam finally got curious about his ship and read up on it, so now I think he is looking forward to finally getting on board! At least he is away from the cold, cold Windy City--he sure did complain enough about the cold weather--said it sure was a lifestyle he COULD NOT get accustomed to!!
Take care,
Ami

Comment by Sheila Clark on January 25, 2009 at 11:23am

Sandy,
You are in my prayers daily! Hang in there~that's what he's counting on you for.
Hugs!!!

Comment by Sandy ~ Tom & Michael's Mom on January 24, 2009 at 9:34pm

Thanks, Sheila, Julie, Joan and JGM, your response's to my plees were so apreciated I cant tell you!! Ive been really busy with work this past week did not hop on here for a couple of days... But your so right with, each case is differnt And all you want is clarity and good direction when they went marching in, but now its like its all blurry and cloudy, but Im hopefull there is some good guidence given to these kids. Im praying for that, He was suposed to hear something Thursday, and tonight is Saturday, I have not heard one peep... Of Course I didnt expect to yet, but Im so nervous and uneasy right now..No letter today... Hey really thank you guys so much for you suport and information When I hear something youll all be the first to know! ~Sandy~.

Comment by Sheila Clark on January 24, 2009 at 8:05pm

Hi Joan,
I'm not educated well in the ways of the Navy, and I've seen enough inconsistency to prove to me that similar situations are not always handled the same way. Bryan was lucky to be moved somewhere before his ship was ready. Martin was told he would only be moved when he was going to a ship....hence, that's the explanation we (and he) got for the wait from mid August until December. I'm so happy for Bryan, though...I know Martin would have been climbing the walls if he had to deal with subzero temps on top of being bored too.

Martin's ship will be deployed to Southeast Asia in June. I've been told by folks that have a lot of Navy experience, that since his ship has been refitted, there will be short shakedown cruises before the "biggy", so the crew can see what it's like with the upgrades. Martin is confident he'll get leave before they go, and come home to Kentucky to visit. He is pretty homesick, and we miss him terribly too, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the Navy agrees too. He has made a couple of friends on the ship so far. They are ones who are Boswain Mates, and that's the rate he wants to strike for, so they have something in common. Martin has always kept his circle of friends pretty small, so if he started talking about a lot of different people, it would surprise me. I've cautioned and adivsed that he choose his friends wisely, because, he's had some trouble with that in the past. Of course, he's 21, and I don't have any control over that part of his life at all....what am I saying?....I don't have any control over ANY part of his life!!!.....all I can do is pray that he would use wisdom and counsel him when I'm allowed, and hopefully, he will make good choices in friends. He is not allowed much liberty time because of the schedule for the refitting, and the fact that he is on the mandatory galley duty that all new sailors must serve. After that, he'll have more free time. Frankly, I'm a little relieved that they are keeping him on a short chain! Martin is friendly and fun, but rarely lets many people "in" to the parts of him that are the most vulnerable. That attitude has it's advantages and it's disadvantages. As far as being in the fleet, Martin is ecstatic because this is what he's dreamed of since he was 6 yrs. old. 2008, for Martin, was a roller coaster ride that flew a little, jerked at lot, and came to a screaching halt a couple of times. It's torture to hear your son on the end of a telephone call from 300 miles away say, "Gosh Mom, all I want to do, is be a sailor, and they won't let me." ....talk about helplessness with a capital "H" (there's another word that starts with H that is appropriate for the way things felt)...it's the name of a really hot place that rhymes with the word "well"....we felt like we were right in the middle of it.

But we're very optimistic that 2009 will be much better for our sailor. I almost feel like we've spent the last several months riding that roller coaster with him, but soon, we'll just be watching from the ground. (when he is deployed)....I don't go to that place where danger enters the picture, because, frankly...safety is a relative term in our culture and world. But I know he is training for the job ahead, and that he will be prepared when it is his time. I will attempt (am already attempting) to prepare, but I'm sure I'll have to lean on everyone here at N4M to help me through, without a doubt.

He is growing and learning every day, more about what makes a great sailor. I've learned his success is not measured by his rate or rank, but what he sees as success for him. If he is pleased with his progress, then I'm as happy as a clam. I don't know about Bryan, but Martin had a pretty bad case of the "I don't want to grow up, 'cause that means I'll have to do something" right out of high school. He told me that word for word, more than once when he was 18 and 19, so for him to be setting goals and reaching for them is awesome, even if it's not on a level that's big in someone else's eyes. Martin's eyes are the only ones which matter to me.

We have wonderful sailors for sons who are doing something only a fraction of the youth of today have the guts to do~serve our country....and no matter what rate or rank he ends up at, that will always be a major accomplishment for him in my eyes.....I could not be more proud of him, as you are Bryan....
Go Navy!....

Comment by Joan (Bryan's Mom) on January 24, 2009 at 11:53am

Hi Sheila,

The last sentence on your comment was perfect. They are all great sailors that are just having a little trouble getting started. Sounds like Martin and Bryan are in the same position at the moment. He has arrived in San Diego but it is a lot of hurry up and wait. Since his ship is still being built in Mississippi he is working everday but won't be able to strike for another rate for sometime. He is so happy to just be out of Great Lakes...Bryan has been raised in AZ so 10 degrees was not working for him...lol.

Do you know yet where Martin's ship will be deploying to in June? Has he found some buddies to do things with after work? Right now that is the hardest for Bryan. He gets off base alone but will feel better when he meets friends his own age. Bryan will be in San Diego until March then to Mississippi for the shake down cruise. He at least seems happy to be out in the fleet.
Hope Everyone has a great weekend!
Joan

Comment by Sheila Clark on January 22, 2009 at 6:43pm

oOOPS, I hit the send button by mistake...anywho....as I was saying, he was wanting some direction, and out of the blue, there was none. I was very concerned that he would be taken advantage of, but so far, the worst thing that has happened is, he's had a LOT of 'hurry up and wait' time. The only sure conclusion I've been able to draw is this: every sailor's situation is different, and there are circumstances that will warrant his situation being handled in a unique way...almost without fail. I know that's not much consolation, but until you know a few more of the details and what 'the powers that be' say....you can only speculate about the outcome. And don't be surprised if things change even after that! Since your son's undes status is due to a health issue, it seems only fair they would offer him another A school, but who knows. My son was on hold at GL from mid August until the first week of December, when he was sent to Hawaii (what a way to suffer) to the USS Crommelin....sounds exciting, hugh. Well, the ship was in dry dock until the first week of January, and is still being worked on, so he's STILL in a sort of limbo. He is working everyday and is learning, but until they are deployed in June, I doubt he's going to be getting much attention with regard to working toward striking a new rate. We've tried to encourage him about taking the bull by the horns himself, and I think he wants to, but he also knows there will be plenty of time, too. When our son knew he was not going to get into another A school, it really upset all of us, but after a few days, we were just happy he had some good officers there to help him with the decision, and then the waiting game began. By the time he got his orders, he would not have cared where they sent him, as long as it was away from GL. We had to remind ourselves very often, that we had absolutely no control over what was happening, or what was going to happen, and that was rough....You and your family will be in my prayers, as you go through these difficult days. Don't let anyone let you feel that your son is not a "good sailor"...because he IS good....I like to think about our's as one that just had a little trouble getting started. Take care, and I'm here if you need to talk

Comment by Sheila Clark on January 22, 2009 at 6:29pm

Hi Sandy,
I'm Sheila...I started this page because I was feeling just exactly the way you feel right now. Our sailor has never been one to "push the envelope" with anyone (except us, when it came to those teenager rebellion times), so when he was calling and talking about his possible "undesignated" status, I had several meltdowns (not while we were on the phone with him)....it's the total lack of clarity and direction that got to me the most...My goodness, that's one of the BIG reasons my son joined, was for DIRECTION

Comment by Sandy ~ Tom & Michael's Mom on January 21, 2009 at 11:12pm

thank you janet, info and prayers are what I need right now Im sure all will work out it always does, but thanks for the kind response...♥

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