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Navy Beaner's Mom commented on Michelle's group 'USS Essex Navy Moms'
Thanks for the poem Cindi! It meant alot to me, especially when Josh can't come home this year.
1 hour ago
Navy Beaner's Mom commented on Michelle's group 'USS Essex Navy Moms'
No, there are so many mom's out there who have it way worse than me but I have been feeling kinda sorry for myself. I need someone to help me put it in perspective so that my other three boys will have a mom that is focused on them and not whining f…
December 15
Navy Beaner's Mom commented on Michelle's group 'USS Essex Navy Moms'
Guess I am just a REALLY selfish mom!
December 15
Navy Beaner's Mom commented on Michelle's group 'USS Essex Navy Moms'
So true Tina! I am going to be doubly loving on Dan the next couple of weeks because he is to report to Ft. Hood on January 4, and is scheduled to deploy in July. So I can truly love on him fully and make many wonderful memories to last. I just want…
December 15
Navy Beaner's Mom commented on Michelle's group 'USS Essex Navy Moms'
Congrats to all those whose kids will be spending the holidays at home. I found out yesterday that Josh will not be able to come home. I am struggling but am way better than yesterday. Yesterday I was a mess! My middle son is coming home from his Ar…
December 15
Navy Beaner's Mom commented on Anita's group 'Japan Mom's'
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
November 26
Navy Beaner's Mom commented on Michelle's group 'USS Essex Navy Moms'
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope everyone has a really great day with their families. I will be lighting a blue candle today.
November 26
Navy Beaner's Mom commented on Michelle's group 'USS Essex Navy Moms'
Tina, I am so sorry about to hear about James' grandmother. Your family will be in my prayers.
November 20

Profile Information

About me:
I have three boys who are my pride and joy. I work as the Senior Pastor's Secretary at Parkside Baptist Church in Denison, Texas. I have been married to my DH for 23 years.
I am here to support or represent my:
Joshua
Stage of (Sailor’s) Navy Career?
Enlisted, Overseas
When I heard “Navy,” I:
Was proud, Encouraged him/her
From my experience with the Navy, the most important thing I learned was:
To write often, even if you don't get immediate or any response at all.
Through this Navy experience, I now believe:
This was the best decision he/she could have made

January 16, 2009-I love Skype!!!

So I have Skype loaded at home on the laptop but had not loaded it on the computer at work. Well for some reason today I decided to download it, and noticed this afternoon that my Josh had logged on. I tried to start a chat with him, but nothing.

I am at work, so I was away from my computer but when I came back, noticed that the task bar at the bottom of the computer was lit up. Josh was on and he had messaged me! I LOVE SKYPE!!! It was a very short conversation, and my husband was on the laptop at home as me, (which was kind of confusing) but how great that I can talk to my son in Japan!!!

All is right with the world today.

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At 12:54pm on August 28, 2009, Julie-Kyle's Proud Mom said…
Hey Lauri,
I was thinking about our last emails and what we discussed and I remembered this post (maybe you've already seen it) I had read it a while back. I had to have N4M administration help me find it (and I am so glad they could help) but when I had first read it I thought it had A LOT of GREAT ADVICE and sure made me think and look at things from a different perspective and from other points of view. With what you had told me about Daniel and his girlfriend I thought of this and I know they are not married (I know your thinking thank goodness) but you might be able to take some of the information to help you understand your feelings and his a little more. Like it says read it with an open mind and hopefully you can take what you need to relate to your situation. I know since Kyle got a girlfriend and he talked about going back to Japan from his leave early to spend time with Saori I was briefly crushed that he wanted to leave early but this helped me understand that he is growing up, moving on, and I will not always be the only "woman in his life". I know he has several years yet to spend in Japan, he is a long way from home, misses everyone and gets lonely and I want him to be happy. I just try to remember that he did leave home at a very young age without having really been anywhere before yet alone in a whole other country/culture so this is probably a much bigger adjustment for them than it is us considering we have years of maturity behind us in dealing with/understanding things like this. Hope you find it helpful. Let me know.
Julie

"Hi All,

My Name is Meg and I'm an old Navy spouse and military brat. During my time as a spouse, I've been an Ombudsman among many other rolls. My sailor and I have completed seven crusies together. Recently I was asked to address the issue of the emotional cycle of a Deployment for a Navy family and the best advice I could offer for those Navy Moms who might be struggling. Read the info below with an open mind and decide what is best for you and your family but please take to heart the advice I am offering is born out of years of experience. This information is offered with the best of thoughts for Navy Moms.

Just like in life, Change is constant in the Navy. Deployment is filled with Change.
If you are a Navy mom, If your sailor is on cruise right now you have been going through a real challenge. It is important to remember we all go through these challenges when our sailor is deployed.

1. Anticipation of the deployment:

At first when we hear about the upcoming deployment we get nervous, scared, angry, and sad. At some point it starts to feel like an old band-aid that you need to pull off. You want to rip it off and get it over with. In reality you want the deployment to start so you can start counting the days down until your sailor comes home. This feelling causes confusion, you might feel guilty for wanting the deployment to just start. The truth of the matter is, we dont like when our sailors are gone.

2. Separation:

You might find yourself emotionally pulling away from your sailor. This is a surprise. During this portion of the deployment... you might find yourself separating your lives. You realize you face taking care of both your lives without the most important person in your life with you. You might lose a bit of yourself when your sailor first leaves.
Personally, at the beginning of one of our deployments I flooded the second floor of our house the first night he was gone. I got to cry some more. I was definitely out of it.

3. Catching your second wind:

You need to survive. You start trying to make a daily schedule for yourself. You find yourself looking for things in your life to help the time go by. Then you find things to do in life that you really enjoy. You might feel guilty thinking you don't really love your sailor. Don't worry you still love your sailor, right now you are taking care of the immediate needs and it's ok to put your needs on the list. Actually, this is one of the healthiest steps you can take during a cruise. It means you are still you and not just a mom. You have your own life and every Navy mom should have their OWN lives. It is important to include your other family members what you know. Provide your family with the Ombudsman contact and enroll their email in the command newsletter. You will be surprised how much your family appreciates being included in news about their child/sailor.

For moms you may be a great source of help for your sailors girlfriend. You have already gone through these steps when your son or daughter joined the Navy. You already started doing things for yourself when your kids moved out. You can help your son's girlfriend by encouraging her to take care of herself. So call her once in awhile. This will also help to bring you two closer to one another as friends.

4. Reality hits again:

Just as you find your stride in your daily life with your job or a new hobbie you took up while your sailor was gone, you realize you have past the mid point of the deployment and now you have to start thinking about your life changing again because your sailor is going to come home. This is a time you were certain you would never get too in the beginning and you would NEVER have believed how this might make you feel. You're excited about the homecoming but you're also nervous. You have been in charge and you feel pretty good about how you have managed to pick yourself up.

You know the plan was always to raise productive citizens. Think about the time when you realized your baby was a grown-up and perhaps she or he didn't need you at every waking moment. You might have been a bit ticked off too. I mean How dare that kid not need you? Does your sailor realize how long you were in labor with him or her? All kidding aside, these mixed signals about homecoming are very normal

HOMECOMING

Moms have been waiting for much longer than the deployment. You had to say goodbye when your sailor left the house. You brought this kid into the world and you can't help it. You can't wait to see him or her. You have worried, your child may have been in harms way. You just want to touch them and see they are ok. You spent a huge portion of your life trying to get this kid to become an adult. He or she means everything to you. You won't stay long but you just really want to be there for this important day. After all you have never missed any of the special days in this kid's life. You are so proud! You have told all your friends and you got a great rate on airline tickets the moment you found out about the homecoming date.

The Sailor's side

Tough as it is... there are two sides to this story. You see, you forgot your sailor. Your sailor has been deployed where everyday the living quarters have been a challenge. They have been told what to do, when to do it, how to do it, and judged if they have not done it correctly. They have been responsible for lives and they have been under stresses we have not considered. On board ship, they have had very little privacy. They have not been able to get away from work. They have been lonely. Being the emotional basketcase is not the way to get ahead in the military so they have compartmentalized their emotions. They need to destress too. They may actually have a plan of their own! This thought seems to be a shocker for Moms. After all you know exactly what he or she likes. If they have been on board the boat, they have not been driving. (This is just a side note and not from personal experience, but slowly give back the car keys.)

They may surprise you, they may let you down. They may want to do what they want to do. The last thing they need or want to do is to have you at their throats. They don't want to come home to competing for his or her time. No matter what you THINK they might want this next bit of advice is so important.....


ASK first... . Before your sailor comes home, ASK your sailor what he or she would like to do when they first get home. This also gives you a chance to express your desires. Your sailor is going to need to remember your needs matter too and that goes for EVERYONE.

You will ALL be so much happier if you talk about what is expected and wanted.

Remember your sailor is a person too. They will be thrilled that someone asked them what they wanted rather than Ordering them to do something else. They have been doing that for the entire deployment.

IMPORTANT
When these situations are not handled right... feelings get hurt, and no one is happy. The worst thing that can happen is that you can ruin Homecoming. You will all be left with bad memories and hurt feelings. You are Navy Moms. You support your Sailor and the last thing you want is to ruin what should be a happy time for all. So TALK to each other already and each of you make compromises. You will all be happier you did.

The only change you might need to acknowledge is that your child will always be your child but the rest of the world sees him or her as an adult and a Sailor in the United States Navy. Let them be the adult you raised them to be. You did a great job! Avoid trying to get involved to fix things for them. They are grown ups and their job requires they act like adults. Rest assured, you did a good Job.

I hope this helps and sparks a healthy discussion between both sailors and Moms about what will be the best situation for their family."
At 9:54am on April 24, 2009, Janis Bahr said…
Lauri, Patrick is doing well, I asked him if he was doing anything on his liberty time and he said he is concentrating on school. He will get to come home somewhere between June 15th and June 25th. He will spend a week at his Dad's in San Antonio then a week with me. I can't wait. I will take time off work for him. He is also checking his options for when he gets out of the Navy. He said he may go to college then go back in as an officer. He may do Radiology he checking it all out. He seems to like school. It is a lot of work he said. His world view is growing up too. I guess this is all good that he is thinking of his future too.
At 1:02pm on March 25, 2009, Eagle Mom said…
You made me laugh with your, "WAAAAHH!! Can you say busy??" Some times things can get so busy and you're running around like a shrew and other times nothing! Why does it come all at once?

I heard from my son! the conversation went like this:
Mom: Hello?
Buddy: Hi, Mom!
Mom: Oh, hi, Buddy! How are you?
Buddy: Fine. Do you have the recipe for dad's coleslaw?
Mom: Yeah, I think so.
Buddy: Alright! I have a picnic this afternoon I want to make it for. Send it to my email address, okay? I'll talk to you later. Bye!
Mom: What! No chat?
Buddy: Don't have time! Love, you mom!
(Dial tone)
Mom: Well, at least we know he's in one piece! LOL

They are such wonderful communicators!!! (NOT!) LOL
At 7:50pm on March 24, 2009, Eagle Mom said…
Hey, girl! Did you fall off the face of the earth? : )
At 12:59pm on March 19, 2009, Eagle Mom said…
I understand! I can spend HOURS on this thing! You get on thinking you are "just going to check the mail" and 4 hours later you realized you haven't made dinner, your spouse came home without your knowing it and he fed himself, your pets are starving, and you missed your favorite TV program!!
At 10:13am on March 19, 2009, Eagle Mom said…
Making our own Minimeet (as I call them) with the Navymoms that you know sounds fun.

I knew that you lived in Tom Bean and where it was, that's why I picked McKinney. I was just making a lame attempt at a joke! (Forget limping! It didn't even MOVE! It went over like a lead balloon!! crash! Ha! Ha!)

Something that made me laugh was the group "N4Ms Anonymous" a twelve step program for Navy for Moms moms that are addicted to Navy for Moms! --And it's motto is: "Keep Coming Back!!!" Oh, that'll cure you, right? NOT! (LOL)
At 3:56pm on March 18, 2009, Eagle Mom said…
Yes, you are so right. We just want them to be happy in their new lives while at the same time not forgetting that we exist!! (smile)
Well, I am sorry to say we won't get to meet this time but maybe we can get together in McKinney sometime. (Do you like Mexican food? There's a good restaurant there. There's also an IHOP if I remember right.) Serena, Teri-Boo, and Louise met me at the IHOP just south of Denton about 2 weeks ago. We had a great time! We talked for about 3 hours. I know Serena wants to get out and meet new people, so maybe we could get together again with you.
Blessings on you and yours!
Since you're a Navy Beaner's Mom, do you like Navy Bean Soup?!! LOL
At 10:34pm on March 17, 2009, Eagle Mom said…
Hello! i was just looking at your pictures and was thinking how nice it is too see a family together! It looks like you had a lot of fun at Halloween and Christmas! --Are the glasses that Josh is wearing the ones the Navy gives out in bootcamp? My son had a pair of those hideous things!! i almost didn't recognize him at the graduation ceremony!! LOL
Are you going to Waco? On Saturday?
Blessings!
At 1:24pm on March 2, 2009, Debbie said…
Thank-you for the helpful hints and tips. Brian has already received a sponsor. Yes I will remember tissues. Everytime he left to go back to Pensacola they came in handy. Again thank-you!!
At 9:30pm on February 22, 2009, Julie-Kyle's Proud Mom said…

Lauri glad you like Kyle's scrapbook. I do so enjoy doing it. Oh, by the way I attached a picture of one of our cats. He could be your cats brother.

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