This New Year's Eve is going to make us or break us

[char2008]

Finally after 7 months, boot camp. PIR, A school, halfway through C school I get to see him.  He hasn't been here to support me through any of it and I haven't been there to support him.  Things haven't been good between us, he doesn't call or skype or anything like he should.  I'll admit that I held on for a long time and was an awfully good sailors girl waiting for him to get his shit together and man up.  I almost feel like I have fallen out of love with him.  We aren't engaged so I'm just his girlfriend.  He is in C school in norfolk at the moment. He's coming home for a week to ring in the new year and we have definite plans to meet up. He says he's gonna show up in his sailor blues and I said I'll be waiting in a new dress.  I get to party with his family and everything. But am I really just supposed to melt at his feet and pretend that everything is fine?! I already told him we're not 'doing' anything because I don't hook up and I have a feeling that would feel a whole lot like a hook up if we did. I'm 22 years old and I want some answers and I think at this point I deserve some.  I've stuck it out with him for 7 months and I need to know if he's serious.  I'll be honest I compare every man I meet to him and none compare at all but I can't get hurt anymore.  I don't want to be just a girlfriend anymore if we're going to continue this.

[BunkerQB]

If I had a daughter your age, I would tell her to get her own shit together, don't hitch your future and happiness to ANY man. You can accomplish anything you want to on your own. The more independent you are, the more attractive you will be. Get you degree. Get a job. Learn a new sport or skill. Stop comparing everyone to the sailor. Instead, get to know each man you meet and look for the good qualities - so what if you become just friends with these guys. Ya, if you were my daughter, I'd probably break your arm before I let you go crawling after some guy. It sure sounds like he is keeping you on an emotional string just so he'll have company when he rolls into town. He is probably NOT ready for a committed relationship (to anyone - has nothing to do with you).

But you have to decide what you really want and how much you want to take. He should man up and communicate his intends in any case.

[abbyblue]

no man should hold you back from good things in life job,friends ext.can break her other arm  ? 

[BunkerQB]

BTW, my son broke up with his girlfriend when he joined the Navy after graduating from college. He was not ready to settle down. They both went out with other people. After 2-1/2 years apart, they got back togehter -  they decided what they had couldn't be replaced. They got married this summer and are so so very happy. It's perfect. 

[char2008]

I guess I forgot to mention that I am currently seeking my bachelors of science nursing degree as an RN with a double major in Biopsychology.  I balance a full time student status with a full time job as a CNA at a nursing home.  I also balance a worship band as I play keyboards and sing. I have my own life.  I met him when we were both freshman in college and we were just friends for a couple years. Yeah he probably isn't ready for a committed relationship, as hes more of the motorcycle riding guitar playing punk and I'm more of the good little church girl.  But I've known him for four years and we've only dated for one.  Yeah he does have his hangups but so do I I suppose.  I just suppose that I've seen a lot of change in my life and I'm being more independent that I have ever been with paying my own bills, not living with my parents, going to school, and balancing a social life.  I just feel like it takes a strong woman to handle a military relationship, even though he is just in the reserves.  I feel like I can definitely do it and I want to.  I just want him to.  I think everythings gonna be fine next week and I'm going to get to meet his family and everything it's just that I want everything to be more than fine. :)  Yeah if you had a daughter my age you'd probably want to lock me up.  Especially if she was me because I've got my shit together and he is aware of that.  Like I constantly get that "you're too good for me" stuff from him.  I probably am.  But girls like me love country boys. And that's alright. But we all have to make our own way.

[Anti M]

You will let us know how it goes?  Because now we'll all worry.  I think you will make the right decision for yourself, you have  so far!

[abbyblue]

find your self a good church going man,you will not change him to your style

[BunkerQB]

I want you for my younger son who could be phenomenal catch if hooked up with a strong young lady who has her shit together. He is adventuresome, very intelligent. 5'11" 155 lb. Plays guitar & sings. Good chess player. Great golfer. Passable cook. Will be going back to college to finish his degree next fall. This offer comes with a great mother-in-law and father-in-law and very nice extended family. All he needs is a good woman by his side. :) 

[Anti M]

There is something to be said for arranged marriages!  

I do agree that religion can be a deal breaker.  My husband and I are both non-religious, which works for us.  I've seen more than one marriage hit the rocks because one spouse will not attend church.  I know my husband 's family blames me for his lack of faith, but that's who he always was, he just went along with what his mom wanted until he joined the Navy.  Causes tension when we go visit.  Definitely have the faith talk if you two intend to move forward.

[Steph Proud AG Mom]

Hi- sounds like you have your stuff together  good for you.  keep your options open.  If you love something set it free, it comes back it was meant to be.   Maybe everything is ok-  and he's just been busy with C school and duty watches.  My niece married a Navy man and it got tough for awhile with his schooling.   My daughter is leaving for bootcamp in the beginning of March- Keep us posted- hope all works out in the end

[Beckyt559 Ship 12 Div 347]

I love the prospective mother in law set up approach in the earlier comments. I'm praying my new sailor son (former football player) will find the right woman at the right time in his life. Our pastor just gave a sermon to his daughter and, he said, let the congregation listen. His daughter is a teenager. He said, "Don't ever settle!" Be the Godly woman that a Godly man would want. Pursue your dreams, live life and be so wrapped up in God that any man that wants you will have to go through God to get you!" As a Christian mother of all sons, I thought that was good advice. You need to be a priority and not someone's second thought. Maybe your boy-friend has been tied up with school, etc. so give him a chance to explain. Please let us know how you're doing?