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Comment by Anti M on September 28, 2018 at 9:36am

Jack's Momma ... you are in a hard spot because he's an adult now, and the Navy very much expects him to be one.  Underage drinking will get him sent to Captain's Mast, as well as anyone who provides him with alcohol, or who is around and does not stop him.  

As for a fiance, if he is having doubts now that he is a sailor, and is that young, they need to wait.  Trust me, he is trying out his freedoms, learning more about himself than he ever has before, and she might not have a place in all that right now.  I saw it dozens of times.  Hometown sweethearts do not always make it through the first duty station, especially long distance, and especially Japan.  If they cannot survive a long distance relationship over a year or two, the marriage won't hold in the long run.  Usually I don't discourage a military marriage, but this is setting off alarm bells for me.  They need a nice long engagement, and to finish growing up.

Comment by Indiboxer on September 28, 2018 at 6:52am

My FC went to C school in Dahlgren, VA. He really liked it. He is in Japan now.

Comment by drmary on September 27, 2018 at 11:40pm

are there any mom's who have an FC who has left Great lakes?  where are the places they usually end up? 

Comment by drmary on September 27, 2018 at 11:36pm

thank you anti m

Comment by Jack's Momma on September 27, 2018 at 1:33pm

Thanks Allison, it is very hard to  parent adult children , we have 2 other children and we are all very close. The fact that he is not sharing is very hard for me and I will try to  be patient waiting for him to talk to his siblings or his dad or I. He is underage and has been offered alcohol, not everyone thinks that's a bad thing we occasionally indulge but he was raised to know that underage drinking is not cool. the fiancé,/girlfriend shares too much and that is frustrating for me.

Comment by Allison on September 27, 2018 at 11:51am

I can’t offer much on how to cope because I’m not a parent, but I think I’d want someone to tell my mom that she did raise me right, and so although I might mess up sometimes, she doesn’t need to worry, and I’ll always go to her if I start to reach a point where I don’t think I can handle things, emotionally or physically. 

Comment by Allison on September 27, 2018 at 11:47am

I think that unless the issues are life threatening or destructive, it’s best to stay out of the direct conflict between them and out of his personal business. Of course every parent-child relationship is different, but I know with my parents, outside of those two things, it wouldn’t be worth the damage to our relationship and trust both with my husband and with my parents for them to get involved. I’m not a parent yet, and I’m sure it’s really hard to stay out of, but from an adult child’s perspective, he’s an adult and trying to parent him while he’s exploring his freedom to make his own choices and choose his own path just isn’t going to go over well. But again, if he’s making choices that are self destructive like drugs or alchol, or it’s something life threatening like severe depression/self harm, then I think that’s different because you’re protecting your adult child’s life, not trying to control who he is or what he does. Otherwise, if he’s just unhappy maybe with the navy and wants to get out, maybe he blew off a couple watches and pt, or he’s unhappy with his fiancée and they’re having problems or infidelity or whatever, I think all of that, again, from a child’s perspective, though it’s not okay, it’s just not worth getting too involved. That being said, I think it would be okay to guide him if/when he asks for help, and it’s okay to express dissappointment or disapproval if he shares things with you. I just personally feel as an adult child that if my parents chose to be confrontational about my personal issues or tried to get involved in them, I would be very upset. I hope this helps in some way :)

Comment by Jack's Momma on September 27, 2018 at 9:55am

morning to anyone ready to listen, our son got his orders yesterday, he will be in San Diego for 9 months then off to  Japan. He is very happy and got what he wanted. We are glad for him it is a bittersweet day as his fiancé is not as happy because what she wants it to be married. Even though the official date is next year. there was some drama as he broke it off with her and then called her last night to  talk things through. she was told some things from him that he has been doing, not terrible things mind you but definitely stuff we are not happy about. we aren't even suppose to  know. so I cant talk to him about the behavior. any advice? We try to  encourage him and I thought he sounded happy yesterday but according to her ,he is not happy. I feel like i could have a panic attack and I've never had one before so this is scaring me a lot.

Comment by Anti M on September 25, 2018 at 9:20am

drmary, yes, the two are counted separately.  There may be hold time between also, and potentially even after, waiting for orders. Hurry up and wait, stay flexible, and be glad they are paid to be somewhere safe and boring.

Comment by Ramon. on September 25, 2018 at 1:00am

HAS ANYONE GOTTEN ANY TYPE OF ORDERS YET??

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