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Comment by ktssong on January 17, 2012 at 10:53pm

Hi Ladies,  I am increasingly on here more and more with deployment nearing.  I know not to say dates and never will but because we don't want to miss the opportunity to give a physical hug before he goes I'm going one more time to see him for a long weekend.  I leave in two days.  This week my throat has a lump in it.  I'm choked up and have indigestion so bad which is abnormal for me.  I don't want to be a cry baby so I hope when I'm there I'm able to pull off the positive mom I like to be as always but deep inside I know that I will have a long twelve hour drive back bringing his car home and hopefully I can save the tears for the trip home.  I want to encourage him and let him know my support is always going to be with him even stronger than I promised when he started bootcamp this time last year.  But what if I do have a tear roll down my cheek? The tears seem to have a mind of their own some days. 

I was in Zumba class tonight remembering that last year I started taking Zumba to help keep me occupied during his bootcamp, now I think I'll have to stay in it through this year for deployment.  Even while I exercise, I think about him.  I don't think there is anything on earth I can do to take my mind off this.  So when we say "keep it real".  This is real.  I am not looking forward to this, I have a goal to be a strong and positive support system, send care packages, be happy if I have any word from him during this time and hang in there even if I don't.  Tonight I didn't want to go to exercise class,  I feel a little depressed but I made myself go.  It's a high energy exercise and I really felt like someone would have to drag me in but I went and was glad I did and by the end of the class I did give a little Zumba sqeal  out during the workout.  I didn't think I had it in me.  Times like these, I think we have to make ourselves do what we don't want to for our own physical health because if we get sick it will make them worry so we have to keep healthy so we can encourage them. 

I just need to get this off my chest.  If it wasn't for Navy Moms, I don't know who I'd talk to because I feel like alot of people I work with just don't know what to say and try to avoid the topic and my family seems to not need to talk about it as much as I do.  It makes me feel like I'm obsessed but I know I'm not.  I have given birth to him, raised him for 20 years at home and then he continued to live at home several more years and only lived away from home a year and half before he left for bootcamp.  We've always been close.  I have five kids and he's my youngest and they all helped keep him safe all these years since I was a single mom, this is the first time we can't be with him to keep him safe.  I believe God will but I'm not doubting God's ability when I want to talk about it, I just need to "keep it real" and say I need to talk about this.  Somedays more than others.  This week more than others so far. 

Anyway, thank you for being on here to let me read all your posts and see that I'm not alone.  Many moms feel the same way and we're not crazy, we are just moms that love our kids no matter how old they are. 

Comment by TexasDocMom on January 17, 2012 at 9:40am

DJones...I know an instructor spot open in San Antonio! maybe he'll get that one...actually it kind of sounds like the same job...teaching combat technique to military and nonmilitary medical personnel. If so, my son loved that job almost as much as being greenside with the Marines.  I loved it because he was close to home for the first time in years, he was almost always off when I wanted him home for family gatherings. Usually off weekends, except when class is ongoing, or they have that 24hour on/8 hours off thing. This particular job is not necessarily easy to go to school with the hours they work during the classes they teach. My son did do some night classes, but today he starts full time at UTSA! so moving forward!

Welcome Inga! to the group no one ever wants to join! we've know each other so long on these boards, you have been so much help with your daughter being the source for so much information about our corpsmen and what they can expect, and school, etc...and now, she's headed to a war zone. We're right here with you. You, of all people, know you are not alone, you and our little group held me together for the months my son was deployed, and I'm proud, if not a little sad, to do the same for you. We'll pray her home, Inga. Much  love to you. and Happy Birthday!!!

Comment by DJones on January 17, 2012 at 8:21am

WEll, my son called to tell me some interesting news.  He thinks he is re enlisting. Says he is not ready to leave the military and is going to try to be an instructor at  Field Medical Training.  Oh my.  Deep inside I knew he wouldn't be ready.  He needs the structure, discipline and knows he has a great paycheck right now.  I did tell him he must get his degree done if he re enlists. Hopefully he won't have to do another one of these deployments.  I don't think I can go through it again.

Comment by TexasDocMom on January 12, 2012 at 10:04am

I forget sometimes that we have an everchanging bunch of participants here on this board, altho some of us old timers remain....so I guess it's okay if I show my age and repeat stories I've told before in these 500 ++ pages of heart and soul and pragmatic posts here. I made a video of a walk with Rosie, our dog. We walked around the neighborhood, you can hear her little fur padded feet "plop, plop..." and I talk about the neighbors..."look at Dom's new flag, just for you..." (Dom, a Navy vet neighbor), " what do you think of that color on Kathy's house...? will she ever finish it..." and Kathy's greyhounds that my son has walked a thousand times peering through the fence....the dogs in his best friend's front yards, including the one he and Jerrod rescued from the park, dumped with a broken jaw....just around about the neighborhood he grew up in. He LOVED it. I put it on youtube as well, so he could go whenever he was at a base with a media center to watch. I record the musicians that play the house concerts in our backyard, he could watch and see his back yard, a touch of Austin music...and share with his friends.It was myspace then, I watched everyday for his page date to change to see if he had a chance to jump on....and every day I put up new photos from home.

When he bought this new home, his girlfriend asked me for photos she could frame for his office, etc. "The only photos he keeps are the ones in that little book, he won't let me remove any of them". That "little book" was  a tiny photo album from the dollar store, the only place I could fine anything that small....pocket size, that I had photos made to fit, of all of us, his dog, his room, our home, our friends, his family here at home that fit in his pocket. I gave it to him the night before we took him to the plane to go to deploy....and 3 years later, he still has it, it's still important to him. Something from home with love he could touch anytime in his pocket no matter where he was, no matter what was going on.

I do want to say one thing. Everyone of us have a different relationship with our kids, some ways similar to others, some not. My son would not share anything over the phone from deployment. At all...when he got home, we had some serious discussions, and there was a lot to share....but he said "you could not change anything that was going on, Mom, and you had enough worry "...that's how he felt. Many of our sailors, soldiers and Marines feel that same way, and many times they are told to not share those things with home folks. They feel protective of us, I guess.  So, if your child doesn't talk about his day to day in Afhgan, that's not an abnormal thing. If he/she does, that's not an abnormal thing, either. It's just how it is, and over the years on this board, we have both situations all the time.  

Just remember to pay attention to OPSEC regs about sharing what anyone says at all anyplace (and, no one has done that, but reminding you is what I do) and that if any one approaches you, at all, telling you they can do anything or help you through this time....make sure you know them and their motives, and do not hesitiate to contact the FRO if anyone makes you uncomfortable by contacting you about your deployed loved one.

Comment by ktssong on January 12, 2012 at 9:35am

I'm trying to do something proactive for this first deployment in case there is no chaplain or in case there are issues with homesickness or depression.  I have a little recorder with ear phones that my son left here he used to use to try to write music and listen back to it.  It's smaller than my hand but holds hours of time and is battery operated.  I'm giving it to him next week but maybe DJones could buy one for your son and do what I've done.   I've took it to family gatherings or visits to friends and neighbors.  I've had a co-worker that impersonates Arnold Swartzenager say a few words on it.  I've had neighbor play some guitar tunes they used to play together on it.  I passed it around to all his brothers and sisters and they all said funny things to him.  I also recorded some Joel Olsteen sermons that were very positive, and some songs from church and some prayers throughout it that were praying over him and then I'm wrapping it up in a paper that has the number next to it that he can click on for whatever it is he wants to listen to.  Even an interview with his new bride and a few messages from her and from me.  My hope is that he can put the earplugs in while he's laying in bed and listen to some of the selections and take his mind off a rough day and chuckle some.

It costs about 30.00 at Target and everyone was excited to participate.  I've worked on it since Oct and giving it to him next week.  I will pray for your son but I agree....try to get him on another topic and maybe this will help time to pass. 

Comment by DJones on January 11, 2012 at 11:31am

Paymaster, Yes I love my son can talk to me.  He tells me just about everything and all his feelings.  I must have done something right raising my 2 kids.  I think it is because I have always listened to them and not judged them.  Even if I knew it would make me mad or upset..I have always been there.  I've gotten so many calls in the middle of the night because they were dealing with some major issues.  Staying positive is all I have.

Comment by DJones on January 11, 2012 at 11:27am

TexasDocMom, you are so right.  The draft would change everything.  Unfortunately my son just informed me that he is heading out on a mission now for a week and hopes he comes back with all the same parts he had when he left.  OMG....can someone please tell me why we are still there?  I really stay positive when I talk with him,  but he says he also is having a hard time dealing with his friends death.  No Chaplain there.  Everyone keep him in your thoughts and prayers.  I wish I could give him the biggest hug ever

Comment by Paymaster on January 11, 2012 at 9:58am

Djones....Count your blessings that your son talks to you about his concerns.  Its a good sign that he can express his feelings.  It worse when you know something is wrong and they won't talk about their fears and issues.  Remember that we are their sounding board, " safe habor".  They know they can say whatever they are feeling and we will not judge them.  Listening is a gift. 

 

Please keep coming here and venting, that's what we are here for.   

Comment by TexasDocMom on January 11, 2012 at 9:22am

DJones, it's so good for your son that he can share all his pain and frustrations with you but it sure is a heavy burden for you to carry. Is there a chaplain with your son's unit? tell him to go talk to him, that chaplain handles those fears and frustrations from those warriors everyday and might have the words to comfort him and keep him focused on the job at hand and help in other ways, too.

I've had a couple of people say to me (and about me!) that since my son was leaving the Navy they wouldn't "have to listen to all that crap about the war" anymore. They are so damn wrong....put a piece up yesterday about it on facebook and got a huge response from a wide variety of people. The consensus from my friends is that every voice should be raised telling and reminding people every day we have these young warriors in a war zone in our name, we have them on the high seas fighting pirates for all of the world, we have the bravest and the best in our uniforms around the world and every American should support them...but every day I also hear and read of idiots who think because we finally pulled all of the military out of Iraq, that we are no long at war. The one thing about the draft back in Viet Nam days is that it kept EVERYONE aware of that war and it's victims.

Extra prayers, thoughts and positive energy to you and your son today, DJ.

Comment by DJones on January 11, 2012 at 8:56am

I see on the chat room a Sethsmom.  Is that for Seth Michaelis?  Would LOVE to hear from you as I am good friends with him and Alex.  My son is in the same area right now in Afghanistan.  

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