I have been feeling so sad lately, my fiance is in school in GL and we are moving to San Diego so he can finish his schooling, and that has been the more important issue than the wedding at the moment. But as things are coming together for the move, I've been able to spend more time thinking about the wedding. And the more I think about it the more I think it is just going to be a disaster. First of all, I am from New York, moved to Florida in high school, and the wedding will be in SD. So I've been struggling with knowing that most of the people I want there probably won't be able to come, like my grandma who I have lived with since I was 13 but can't travel anymore due to her health. Also, and this is the part that has really been the hardest for me. My mom died when I was 10, so not only has she never met my fiance, she never will, and aside from that which I have come to terms with, now that I'm able to start focusing on planning the wedding it's been really hard because most girls have their moms to help them with it. She won't be able to go dress shopping with me. She won't be with me to pick the venue or give me her advice or even just talk to me. I'll never be able to hear what she thinks of him or how happy she is for me, and that has really been holding me back from being able to get into planning my wedding- and I am a wedding planner, that's my career, so it should be easy for me. It's also making me wonder if I even want to have a "wedding" or if we should just leave it alone after our JOP (which we are going to do first anyway.). I guess I'm not really looking for advice or help or anything, I just haven't had any to talk to about this who understands so it's been bottling up inside me and I needed to let it out so I can hopefully jump into planning what is supposed to be the happiest day of my life.
Thanks for the support. It's just difficult going through this without my mom around.