Girlfriends, Fiances,and Wives of Sailors

I know about marrying during A school and orders.  First, they are all told not to marry during PIR weekend, and sign a page which states they will obey all liberty weekend rules.  Technically, the Navy cannot forbid any legal marriage, so I have yet to hear of anyone being punished.  I ONLY suggest PIR marriages if a pregnancy is involved, as it is in the best interests of the child to have Tricare prenatal care and a fully paid for birth.  And paternity leave, as only married sailors get that.

I'm assuming you are not pregnant, so on to the topic of A school.  Marrying during A school requires that you go to him, and work around the liberty phases.  At all A schools, he is required to put in a special request chit to let them know he is marrying.  In most cases that will be approved after he takes a class or sees a chaplain for counseling.  This is to screen for fraudulent marriages, and to prevent them from marrying local gold diggers (sounds awful, but it is a thing).  Then you two marry according to the local county and state rules.  He adds you to his page two, enrolls you in DEERS and Tricare, applies for BAH, and all that good stuff.

Moving to A school is on your own dime unless you were married before boot camp.  The exception may be nukes, but they are always a special case.  He probably will not get permission to live with you in school, except for the longer programs over 6 months/20+ weeks long.

"Getting on the orders" is the most common reason to time a marriage during A school.  Orders come in two flavors, accompanied and unaccompanied.  That means a paid dependent move is authorized.  For a detailer to issue the proper orders, they need to have up to date information, and usually begin cutting orders four weeks ahead of any graduation date, perhaps longer.  Orders show up roughly halfway to the end of school, and usually will not be amended from single to married.  So it is possible to be included on his orders to his first command, but you have to time it right.  In some cases, with short schools, it simply is not possible.

One big concern is sailors who are E-3 and below cannot take dependents overseas.  They must be an E-4, and only a few ratings (jobs) advance them that quickly.  While you can move yourself anywhere in the US, you cannot just go live overseas. 

After A school, he gets a week or so of leave to come home on his way to his new command.  Some couples marry then, but he's already got orders and your move would not be paid for.

@Ashley, the big question is, what A school will he go to?  Do you know the rating he contracted for?  His job?  If I know the school, I can be very detailed about the time frame you have in front of you. 

LOL, while I am writing novels, here are the liberty phases for Great Lakes:

https://www.facebook.com/notes/training-support-center-tsc-great-la...

Every A school follows a similar liberty phase policy.  What varies most is the liberty mile limit.  Great Lakes is 300, Pensacola is 250(??), but every training command has one.

 Heck, EVERY Navy command has one.  That's why they get to take leave, so they can travel freely.  Here's my blog on the difference between leave and liberty:

http://navyformoms.com/profiles/blogs/leave-vs-liberty?xg_source=ac...

@ Crush, you will be able to live with him in P-cola, but your move down there will be out of your own pocket.  Once he gets there, and gets married, he can apply for Live Ashore/brown bagger.  Expect it to take a month or so.  Begin prepping for a move now, sell, toss, donate, and organize your important papers, and get your car ready.

@Ashley... if he is a nuke, you can take a nice long breath and feel relieved.  Once he gets to A school, they ask during indoc who is getting married, and walk them through the process.  I have seen cases where they allow them to go home and get their spouse, but you will probably need to go there to marry.  Should be no problem, and you will get to live with him.  As usual, expect the process to take a few weeks to finalize things.  Base housing is available, and encouraged, for married nuke students.  

@ Allison, thank you for the kind words.  I don't know everything, but I try to keep learning and updating. 

Anti M you are seriously a Godsend! Even though all of us girlfriends and wives tend to ask the same questions (because we all seem to run into the same problems and have the same thoughts) you always take the time to give such a detailed and informative answer. I truly appreciate you! 

Also I think I saw a few girls that mentioned moving/getting married during A school. I'm a girlfriend that moved on her own dime to my boyfriend's A school location, if you have any questions feel free to add & message me!

Thanks Bronco.  I no longer work outside the home, and have been laid up after an enormous surgery last December.  I have plenty of time, and have lots of bookmarks and links, and am good with getting google to know what to search for!

There are so many comments I am sorry if this has already been asked/discussed. In regards to mail, does anyone know if the SR's mail is sent out on a daily basis or is it collected throughout the week and sent out Sunday/Monday? I check my mail far too often waiting for my letters from my SR but if they are only sent out one day I will have a better idea of when they will show up during the week. Thank you for any help! 

Ashley, the sailors are technically only allowed to write letters on Sunday and I believe they get collected and mailed out on Monday. You also won't start receiving letters for about 2 or 3 weeks after he arrives. When my boyfriend was in bootcamp I would receive his letters every Thursday, which seems to be the typical day. If you live closer to Great Lakes, it may be Wednesday. Hope this helps!

@Bronco14

Thank you very much!! That helps! My SR has been away for 5 weeks now so I have received a few but on all different days but usually at the end of the week. I live on the west coast so it has been taking a little longer to receive them but I felt awful because he wasn't receiving mine for like a week after I sent them so he thought I wasn't writing him back. I can now stop checking my mail box 3 times a day Monday-Wednesday. Thanks again for the help! 

Gotcha! My BF didn't receive my first few letters either and he was worried- but he ended up getting all of them just like your SR will! It just takes a while to get the mail sorted to every recruit once it arrives on RTC. Keep sending letters diligently! And your letters may come Thursday or Friday- I live near the West coast too and that seemed to be typical. Good luck!!

Kara,

Yay! That's so awesome. I hope I get mine soon!!! I'm struggling. Only 3 weeks to go though! :)

My husband, who is retired Navy, loves his G-Shock. It is one tough watch.   Watch Amazon for sales, there are many varieties. I paid under $200 for his, and it was about half off.

As for the uniform regulation, it simply states not faddish, so conservative.  No bright colors for sure. Black is the usually accepted color, and nothing over-sized. Enlisted sailors usually wear silver if you go for anything in metal tones.

I was an ET, and I had a cheap pocket watch because I could not wear one when working on the gear.  I had some plain watches too, very basic ones, but the technology wasn't in place yet. I also had a couple nice watches for dressy occasions.  I'm a jewelry girl though, so I did love me some watches.  

A colored face, maybe, depends on the overall look.  Back lighting is fine, makes it easy to see in his rack when the berthing lights are down.  Seiko is good quality, so it would work nicely too.  Noting says he can't have a work watch, a pocketwatch, and a dress watch.  You'd be set for gifts for years that way ....

Challenge coins are nice, but not something he'll want to carry around with him. No way to display them, and they are pretty easy to have stolen.

They simply were not a thing when I was active duty, or my husband, or my three war father, even though the coin makers claim they have a long history.  Still, they are quite nice and will look good in a shadow box.  

This may be old news, but it's new to me! I just wanted to let spouses know that TurboTax lets you file federal and state for free E1-E5! I've always liked using them, but that just makes me appreciate them even more!

@Allison, if you sent a package to Great Lakes A school, then it goes to a mail room, and whoever is there signs for it (well, same with RTC).  They send a notice to him, and he has to pick it up during mail room hours.  Someone failed to get his notice to him is the most likely answer.  Usually they have to open packages in front of someone for inspection, so that will hold things up too.

If he's getting a notice, then the package hit his mailroom.  While there is one post office, there are mailrooms for different schools and barracks (I don't have new details, unfortunately).  It probably is on a shelf and someone is not seeing the darn thing.  If it was insured, I think they have to lock it up.  There's about a dozen potential dumb reasons he hasn't got it.  

In any case, they have to take the Navy provided bus to the airport early in the morning.  If you are staying later, it is so you can go to the airport to sit with them at the gate or USO.    They do not get time off Sat morning if their flight is later in the day.

Hi! My husband is in A school right now in Pensacola and received his orders.First duty station is San Diego :) He has been to fleet and family and started the process of setting up dates with a moving company and hopefully we can get our housing app in soon! My question is about the actual moving and how much I should get ready for the moving company? Never had anyone pack our belongings before and other then organizing things and possibly pre- packing things I want to take care of are there any other suggestions out there that will make our first move experience go smoother? We have 2 young children so this is going to be quite the adventure! :) Thanks!  

If you have packers coming, you do need to organize.  Are you driving out to CA?

First, do not pack anything, as that can void the insurance against damage.  But be sure everything is tidy and clean; I had a friend who had to re schedule a packout because he had a huge going away party the night before and well, they wouldn't touch the place.  I am sure no one else is that extreme!

First, get everything you want to take with you such as your clothes and luggage, important papers in a file, and small valuables, and PUT THEM WHERE THE PACKERS CANNOT GET TO THEM.  They move fast once they begin.  Do not be the spouse whose purse was packed!   Get a babysitter for your kids the day of the packout, it will be less stressful for everyone.  

If you are driving, you can put your staple food and household cleaners in your car for transport, otherwise you have to get rid of all that.

Right now, toss, sell, or donate anything you do not want or want to replace.  Thin things out.  If you have boxes for electronics, you can put them in, but leave them open for the packers to see they are not broke, and let them seal the boxes.  Again, do not prepack anything, as you can't claim it against the movers if it is broken.   

Only prepack what you are carrying or taking in your car.

When you get there, it is so tempting to have them deliver the boxes and leave.  Don't do that, let them unpack for you as they have to take away the boxes and packing materials.  you do not want to deal with all that on your own.

Be sure to have him ask if you qualify for an express shipment.  Sometimes they will separately pack essentials such as towels, pans, dishes, and sheets and ship those faster.  Might just be for overseas now, but he should check on that for you.

I was also raised Navy, some of my best childhood memories are those cross-country drives.