Anyone with Sailors/Soldiers/Marines in War Zones and Combat Areas

It was a very emotional day for me yesterday as well Deb...I can remember crying just as hard the day "shock and awe" began, and I see now the effects of that on our world, and on our children who serve. I listened to my son in law who just kept saying "we were 90 miles from Bagdad, we were battle ready and experienced, why are they sending these kids  in?"...and how the Gulf War has affected him even now. And the families of those lost in Iraq, I cannot imagine their pain as this war ends now....Our lost warriors did the job, served their country, followed orders, and a life lost in the honor and service of this country is never a waste....we just have to make sure intelligent, thoughtful leaders are in charge of our military.

This is a tough time (as if ANY time isn't!) to have a deployed kid....so just know, that you are not alone, someone will always be home here to respond to you if you need to vent, laugh or cry or scream really, really, really loud over this holidaze period.

Thinking of you....

Not looking forward to anything lately, it just means deployment for my son is coming closer and closer.  It's his first and I'm very uneasy.  I'm trying to keep my faith strong and asking God to help me just totally trust Him with my son's life and his Battalions.  This is soooo hard.  It's easy to say when things aren't difficult but when you are facing real life danger then it's a challenge that I believe is possible to accomplish but not so easy to do.  I'm a mom.  I feel like my heart is going to be in Afghanistan.  So very soon, I will probably find myself on here everyday.  It helps to not feel like the only mom feeling this.  Love all you moms.  It's so nice to come on here and feel like I know everyone just because your hearts are the same as mine. 

Cancer(theCrab)!! what a great photo! and the pin is great too!! but that great photo, what a Christmas treat!!! Make a copy, put a hole in it and tie to the tree or garland!! send him a photo of that!!!

ktssong, Susan has given good advice. Prayer, staying busy and taking care of yourself. We'll give you the same advice we always give...make that list of topics to talk about on the phone so you don't turn into a gibbering mess of tears when you hear his voice and he gets to hear about home, his dog, the neighbors, the weather at home, green grass....all those things that matter to him. If you go to a gym, go often, meet other folks. The older women at my all women gym just were the best support....most had been through the Viet Nam war, the Gulf War, and WWII (one 96 year old in my water aerobics class!). That support was critical to me.

And you have to remember, your son is well trained. The men and women around him are well trained. Their commanders are focused on bringing each and every one of them home, safe and sound. When that young Marine that had been injured in A, came to Austin to spend that time with my son here at the house, I was so impressed with his stature, his confidence, his focus on getting back with 2/2 to continue his job. And I remember thinking that if I had met some of those young men with whom my son served before he deployed to Iraq with them, I would have had a tad less worry. Okay, we know I would have just added a little worry for those guys, too...but still, it's a good thought to know my son is a military professional and serves with others who are exactly the same. So is yours.

And at some point, after this war is an experience behind them, and they are home, focused on their lives and moving forward, you're going to still be so proud of the men and women they have become as they move forward in their lives. Until that day, we are right here, you are not alone.

I pray each day for you, your children and all of our warriors serving around this world, be it in the warzones, or on bases, or on ships....safe, doing their jobs and calling their moms and dads. God bless SKYPE!!!!!

lynda n....Congrats to your son!

Cancer the crab, thank you for that photo!! Yes, I know the Navy has a lot of facebook and other social media pages, but they are always overhauling their OPSEC for social media. It's an on going fight. We do err on the side of caution, but we started this group before facebook took off, and we hold to OPSEC here. One reason is simply to make each person aware of what they post, our concern is that a parent might share something told to them in confidence by a son or daughter in a war zone, and that that information should not be shared in a public arena. So, we stay on it. There's lots of information out there, but hopefully there will not be anything classifed released on this board.

Lyndan! oh, man I know how excited you are! let us know the second he hits boots down USA!! we love news like that!!

Hope you all are going to have family and loved ones close by this holiday weekend, and know that you are all in our prayers for that phone call or skype call every single prayer from this household.

My last Christmas as an active Navy mom....I guess. I've always been a Navy brat, don't know if it goes away.

lynda!! good for you and all those families of that Army unit waiting at home, pass those Navy mom hugs out liberally...

Happy New Year to all...and prayers for peace around this world, so we have our military home near family and loved ones as they defend and serve our country.

Malamama, I hope you had a great holiday with your son, and I'm thankful that he was able to come home to be with you before he deploys.

First of all, let me welcome you to the group that no one ever wants to join, but never seems to leave once we're here. And let me reassure you that your fears, thoughts and tears are normal. Your son will be in a war zone...and it's a dangerous place. We do have to remember that he is very well trained, those serving with him are very well trained, and their focus is taking care of one another and their commanders focus is bringing each one of them home safe and sound to their families. I know it's hard to think of our kids as military professionals, but that's what they are...with us they are still our kids, still the ones we cook for, making those favorite dishes, etc...but to those with whom they serve, they are the ones that are counted on to do the job.

There will be lots of people by there later this morning, with all kinds of good advice, and so many words of support and sharing. I'll start with reminding you to take care of you. Stay busy, clean the house, paint a bedroom, walk the dogs, join a gym, concentrate on sending packages to your son and his unit, go to school, do what ever you can do to keep your hands and brain busy, and it helps. It also gives you some great topics to discuss with your son when he calls, and he'll hear his mom's voice without so much fear in it. That helps him do his job, stay focused....not worrying about home, but just knowing you are there waiting and doing things that you love....Put a list on the table, jot down every topic you can think of...the stories your neighbors tell, the things the dog did, the scores of his favorite teams....so you don't forget when that phone rings and instead start crying. Because you will cry....sweetie, when you have a kid deployed, you cry all the damn time....you'll hear stories here....if you have younger kids and crying frightens them, cry in the shower. It just helps. Then, dry your eyes, wash your face and get on with the day...

You are not alone. Just remember, you are not alone. and again, welcome.

TexasDocMom, thank you for the kind words of wisdom...I'm new, too, I followed Malamama here from the Seabee group.  My son is heading out on his first deployment and I'm so glad I found this group

MalaMama, TDM said it so well, and I can feel you taking a deep breath and your shoulders relaxing a bit.  The thing is, every one of us has felt exactly the way you feel.  I would be more worried if you treated this as just another assignment.  Don't keep things bottled up...come here and talk to us.  This is a "safe place" for you.  We will never tell you that he is fine and you are being silly to worry...or that things aren't so bad over there now.  That is just a crock of poop you might hear from idiots that haven't a clue.  (They ARE actually trying to make you feel better, so try to forgive them.)  This group is the BEST!  My son has been home for over a year, and while I don't post my daily doings anymore, I am here ASAP to talk to that Mom who just felt her heart drop to her stomach.  You WILL be okay...one day (or one hour) at a time.  When you have time, scroll back through all this and read how others have coped.  Laugh with us and, yes, tear up a bit as you read someone else expressing YOUR thoughts and feelings..  People in the service, especially in war zones, can form bonds that last a lifetime.  This is OUR war zone, and it is the same type of bond we have.  You WILL get through this, and we will be walking beside you all the way!

Hi mom2nw!  What we said to Malamama applies to you, also.  I swear this group saved whatever sanity I may have had.  Welcome, and jump in.  This is the place where you can stop being "brave" and say what you really feel.  You may not believe this, but in a very short time you may be reaching out to another terrified mom, offering love and support.  We are all in this together!

Mom2nw! welcome! and please listen to MT, come here when you need to vent or share....just all we ask of new moms/dads is that no one shares information that your Bee or deployed family member might say in letters or phone calls, other than generic stuff. We do not want any mom or dad reading here about injuries or experiences that have not been released by the DOD.

Please share our information with your Seabee group and let them know we would love to to listen to them as well. My son is a FMF corpsman, now an instructor, and actually, now leaving the Navy on Jan 9th after 8 years in. He deployed to Iraq in 08 and that's how I found this group.I'll be sticking around this group for a while longer as admin, and even when I pass that torch, I'll still be a member. Once a Navy mom, always a Navy mom.

One of the good points made today is about those well meaning friends and family and their comments. I have one friend who told me my son had better odds at getting hit by a car than injured in a war zone. They really do not know about fear. And really, I don't want any parent to feel that fear, but geez...get a grip! A hug will do, no stupid comments, please!

Susan...my heart to you and your son, my friend. I'm so sorry.

thanks everyone for the warm welcome.  TDM...have a story about 'well' meaning comments that people make....About 2 months ago I was sending a package to one of my son's HS buddies in A'stan.  The post office lady was commenting that her nephew came back 'not the same'--the experience changed him (DuH!).  Suddenly I'm bawling in the post office and now she's trying to comfort me.  Guess I can never mail a package from there again.

Mom2nw.....it's the perfect place to mail from....my meltdown was in a Walmart over the bacon with an aunt whose nephew had just deployed (and who I had never ever met before..)...you'll hear a lot of meltdown stories here...it's what we do.

Believe me when I say...you are not alone!! and you'll be reaching out to other moms in a year or so to talk them through this same thing....unless a miracle happens and they all come home!

Welcome Malamam and Mom 2nw.....Just remember there are no dumb questions here. 

TexasDocMom say its best when this is the group  no one wants to belong too. 

My meltdown was late at night when I was home alone.  It was on his third deployment.

I don't know how the moms with multiple deployments as well as those moms with multiple kids with multiple deployments get out of bed in the mornings. Really.

A friend said to me the other day as we discussed my son leaving the Navy that now "you can leave it all behind and get out of 'those' groups." Truly, I love her, but she doesn't have a clue. I can probably walk away from the Corpsman mom's group because I'm twisting Inga's arm to take it and I don't have the up to date information for the new moms, altho I'll probably stay a member to send moms with deploying docs over here. But this one, this group is too important, at least to me. Every one of you carry such a burden, it's up to us that have "been there, done that" to help out, carry a little of the load.

I cannot tell you that you are not alone, unless I'm doing my share to make sure that is true...although I have perfect confidence in my moms/dads here on this board to always pay attention to this group until that day comes that we do not need it anymore.

If I hear one more person say the stupid thing that since we pulled our troops finally out of Iraq that they thought there was "no more war", I'll throttle someone! I'll say this about the draft and Viet Nam, EVERYONE kept up with the war!

Someplace in that discussions unit is a blog I wrote when my son was deployed....about the numbness that takes over to keep you sane.

MalaMama, my son was also over there as an EO, and that was something he enjoyed.  He LOVES working with heavy equipment, but he was in the reserves and his regular job was as a superintendent at the public library.  He has told me many stories since he has been back, but unless I bring something up, he does NOT talk about the fighting.  I know all about the "what ifs" and you have to tell those voices in your head to just shut up.  Remind yourself that MOST of our guys and gals return physically and mentally intact.  (If something does happen, we are here for that, also, but you might as well wait until that day...why put yourself through the horror over and over again.)  When I see videos of our troops, I see highly trained professionals, but when I look at my son, I see a curly headed toddler in footie pajamas.  Watch those videos and tell yourself that your baby boy is one of those professionals!  I bet if you don't already have one, you will soon be putting out a flag.  LOL 

Most of all...remember, you are NOT "weird" and you are NOT losing your mind!  You are a MOM...with normal Mom type thoughts.  We will get you packing boxes and such...at least then you won't feel quite so helpless.

I don't know what to say except the time is coming soon to give one hug that will have to last 8 months.  I'm looking forward to pouring my love onto my son in that hug but not looking forward to what this is preceding.  I am having dreams and alot of anxiety.  People tell me don't worry, he will be fine.  I am praying and I have faith and I will trust God will go with him and his Battalion  but I still am concerned.  This is my youngest out of five and we've always been close so it feels like my heart is leaving with him.  I know they are well trained and ready to go but it doesn't make it easier.  He makes me proud and I hope I do the same as a mom and make him proud.  To do this I will be popping on here more and more to gain strength from the numbers on here.  God Be With Us this year.

ktssong...there IS strength in numbers, you are not alone these next few months, and he'll be home for Christmas! maybe even Thanksgiving...two holidays, focus on that!

Thank you.  I will.  That is good news.  I usually do his income tax returns and he asked me to do them again this year before he goes. Do they get W2's from the Navy?  And when he deploys, he wants to take his guitar with him.  Do they allow them to take those?  Anyone know?

Well, I know Visher in the 2/2 had a guitar when he did that song Merry Christmas from Afghanistan in 2009. I think he should buy a cheapo guitar to take if his is a good one.

There's some info up in the discussions about financial logisitics and if there isn't an answer, we'll ask Debby, she's good on knowing that stuff.

Ok.  I'll keep reading up.

wow, so glad this is an active group!  Thank you Thank you.

My son was home at Christmas and he deploys in a few weeks.  He is an EO2 out of GP.(he said something about possibly joining a Det..I was not encouraged)

I've tried to read through 582 pages here, but usually end up stopping and crying so maybe someone would be so kind as to answer a question that already has been answered?  Is there something that I can send with him that would make life more comfortable for him over there?  His birthday is next Saturday and I'd like to give him a nice b-day gift.  Can't believe the little baby I held in my arms 20 years ago is heading off to war.(MT--totally related to the footie pjs comment)   He said something about getting a camera.  He has a little notebook laptop and an I phone. I certainly would appreciate any suggestions! thanks in advance.

ktssong  they get w2 through their mypay they wont be available until Jan 24 so he just logs in and downloads it my son's were in Iraq during one tax season so I just logged in but I will say this disclaimer.. they are instructed to NOT give that info out however it was a necessity in their case :)  So you should have no issues doing his taxes for him!

malamama and ktssong welcome to the group... I can promise you this is a great group of women who have been there done that and we bear the battle wounds of being mom's of sandbox soldiers.. if we dont know we know where to go to get an answer for you.. and we are here to share your meltdowns and support.. my sailor has gone the way of civilian life after 3 deployments however now works for the VA. My soldier is still active military and dealing with some issues due to the fact his old unit is in Afghanistan and suffered some losses survivors guilt is hurting him right now... My little brother is in Afghanistan presently however he's an MD so on a base fixing up our boys.  my survival was to become a workaholic and then when that wasnt enough i went back to college.. but I do highly recommend something to keep your mind busy. Please remember no news is good news.. my poor mom going through this right now with my brother is coping but my dad is in a constant state of worry.. not good for a heart patient so I constantly have to remind him... he then tells me I dont understand.. well Dad guess what?? haha... Hang in there mom's remember YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

Mala..I don't know....the Det sounded more in harms way than driving around a dump truck.

I heard they didn't have file taxes either, but even if they do, they can file for a delay until October.

Socks. Ladies, lots of socks...really good soft ones like from foxsox.com (they have a program that will mail to military addresses) and another sox company whose name escapes me right now. Also cheap white socks that can be thrown away for the wet days. Lots of socks. If they're going to be there over the summer, send lotions and sun block while it's still cool. Sam's used to have a big yellow jar of Vit E cream that my son loved. I also sent Dove soap, and all kinds of powders and shower gels. And food, lots of food. Find out if they can cook, send a rice cooker and an elec skillet and box macaroni, rices, gravy packets....spices. Can food...go to Molly's Adopt A Sailor group for more suggestions on packages and what to send.

I do not know if they get a delay in doing taxes.. their combat pay and regular pay is not taxed while deployed.. it wasnt necessary in my son's case because i was able to do their taxes for them.. I would check IRS.GOV for facts on if they have to file or not i wouldn't want to offer advice on that and be wrong :) They can take their cells but there is no service over there.. mine took his for the purpose of an IPOD since his cell was an Iphone.. I remember when Iraq first started some unscrupulous cell company was trying to say they would.. they do not..(of course there are exceptions here but I would just so no service). also read some of the discussions on communication while they are gone.. My brother has utilized the yahoo msg a lot due to poor internet service for skype and net phones.

OH and mine took their computers my brother has his in AFG ...

I think the smart phones or tablets would be the best bet unless you are going to skype...and skype is great!! Thank goodness for chats, we met on google chat occasionally when my son was in Iraq....that's sad that SKYPE doesn't work for your brother, Deb.

thanks for the info on the socks! Very nice that they ship free to military. My son said he was putting his cell service on hold while over there...AND he taught me how to Skype while he was home, LOL.

Tenn Navy Mom, my heart to you. Doesn't it just slay you to hear them say "mom, don't cry?" and bless his heart for calling back to check on you. I've shared this before, but my son never gets off the phone without an "I love you, mom" since he returned from Iraq...not once. They know who is in their corner, mom.

Don't stay away when  you're upset, that's exactly the time we want you to come to this board, and share...scream, cry, laugh or meltdown....you are not alone!

Yes, the do hate to hear us cry.  Mine most of all.

Don't forget dryer sheets, they help with the smell. Baby powder, it helps when they can't shower and also removes sand from the skin. 

The things we learn from our children being deployed.  We sound like ask Helouse:)

Just posted that little video that a friend sent me...he's a good friend, he'd send me this type of stuff when my son was deployed....made me smile.

Susan, I ache for you.  When my son went over there he assured me he was headed for the "safest" place in Afghanistan.  While he was still in transit, I was hearing all kinds of news reports telling me the terrorist activities were concentrated in his area.  Just what a mom wants to hear...right?  All I can suggest is to park your butt here, until he finally returns home.  We will wait, pray, and cry with you.  Try not to think too far ahead...focus on your "now" and savor every moment you have with him before he leaves.  You will have plenty of time to worry, when the time comes.  (I find the "what ifs" just put me through horrible feelings when they might not even be necessary...no sense in doing that .) 

BTW...We DO laugh a lot in this group...in spite of our fears.  Stay here and laugh with us, also.

My son deployed on my 60th birthday. It took him a long time to tell me the actual date of deployment because of that. I had arranged to have his cell service terminated the day after, so he called me every single chance he got....even at midnight his time on the 21st! and then once during the day, and once right before they got on the plane. I think it was then I realized that he was well aware of the hell he was headed to, and he wanted to keep me calm and connected.

He was on the Syrian border, his battalion was where 3 Marine battalions had been previously, cleaned out the town and now only one was needed. I don't know actually what he was doing...simple me, I assumed he was there all the time, but he was all over that area. He'd email or come on to chat or call when they hit different bases. Right before he was due to come home, the US bombed right across the border in Syria! I almost had a freakin' heart attack...but he came home on time. He told me a little about going out to "measure sand" with the Seals about that time. Long story short, they do not know where they are going exactly until they get there, and they do not know what they will be doing, but we do know they are well prepared to do it, and that they are very well trained. If the news upsets you, turn it off. All that matters is your sanity for the next few months....you cannot change anything else, you can only handle your own changes.

Isn't it a blessing to have such great kids? who love us so much, and serve so well the country they love?

Over the years, we've had more than one mom come to say that she can only come to this group on N4M because she just had no patience with Boot Camp moms or newbies to the Navy world any longer...because all she wanted to do was scream at them that no one was shooting at their kids in Boot Camp. And if Boot camp is too tough for them, then they don't belong serving side by side with our deployed kids...because we want the toughest and the best watching the backs of our kids.  That's why it's good N4M is huge site, because life changes for us all as military moms and dads,just like our kids...

I've read the Marines will be withdrawn first, so hoping that happens soon. My granddaughter is dating (and has been for several years) a young man in Army ROTC who will be coming out of college as Second Lt in Infantry. That should be in about 3 years. My grandson is turning 18 this year, and we all know what boys think..."if nothing else, I'll enlist"....please, please end these wars soon.

I am with you TexasDocMom.  We need our troops home and now.  I am worried sick about my son being there and the new offesive that is about to occur.  I have not slept in 2 nights and actually feel sick about what he is doing there.  I try so hard to stay positive but it's hard when you read the above info about all the casualties. Five months is going to go by so slowly.  Just want my boy home and give him a big hug.  God I miss him.

DJ, first of all, you have my prayers. Second of all, call your doctor, if you are not sleeping, call him and get something to help you sleep.You can bet a majority of the folks on this board have done this, you have to take care of you. You have to get some rest. You cannot change anything happening in A...but you can make yourself as strong as possible so when that phone rings your son hears the voice of the mom he remembers that always stood tall for him and took care of him. Get some sleep.  Please do this. If it takes going to the gym and running until you drop, do it. Much love to you. You'll get a call, that will help you sleep....but call that doctor!

I don't think I can work out any more than I do.  6 days a week.  Do weights and my cardio is an hour on treadmill and one hour walking my dog.  For the last 27 yrs. I have worked out like this.  I just need to maybe take some melatonin and see if that helps.  My poor friend has been texting me saying she is scared and freaking out cause she hasn't heard from her husband in 6 days.  She said he usually calls daily.  I feel so bad for her.  They are only 22 yrs. old and she is so far away from family.  I ended up calling her and trying to comfort her.  What we all go through.  I told her and my son's gf to get on this site immediately.  Hope they do.

DJones! you must be the fittest woman in the world! wow!! you make me feel very lazy...geez!

Simple truth that seems trite,...no news is good news....if you do not hear anything, your loved one is not injured or worse. That's a fact. The military will immediately be in touch with the next of kin if anything happens. We went weeks without hearing from our son in Iraq...they simply are busy. They have a job to do, and it's not concentrating on us, we are the relief in their daily lives while deployed. They are in a routine we could never do, and it requires their total focus. When they are back "in the wire" someplace near a place with phones or online support, their COs will have them (if they were not already wanting to) call home or email. No news is good news.

One thing to remember is that if they are not calling, they are not bathing...I know my son went weeks without a shower...ewwww.....

I had valium perscribed by the doctor, I never used it but I wanted something so if I was a manic mess when my grandkids came over, I could appear calm! To sleep, I used benedryl....my old friend that's saving my butt now in cedar allergy hell here in central Texas.

Go to an herb store to see what teas and things they might suggest for sleeping....but get some sleep, girl! 

Lynda, I'm so happy for you!!!  You didn't have to say that you cried...I knew that and was crying with you as I watched the video.  LOL  I have to say that this whole experience has sure taught me what is important in life!!!  Anyway...Thank you for sharing your joy...and feel free to come back and help the moms who are just beginning this awful journey.

DJ...I agree...you are getting plenty of exercise.  Maybe you should try some form of meditation or guided imagery.  I think you need to be able to shift into a lower gear to relax.  Does certain music relax you?  If so, play it before bedtime.  Do you knit or crochet?  Sometimes sitting quietly, repeating motions can be relaxing...or utterly boring.  LOL  There are ways to relax and sleep...you just need to find what works for you.  The most important thing you can do while your son is over there, is keep yourself in top form.  He should NOT be worried about you.  You are HIS rock.

Lynda, my God did I bawl like a little baby watching the video.  I can hardly wait til I am standing there waiting to hold my son.  

Is there not moto mail in Afghanistan? I'll have to investigate.

So glad to see this group active and in full support mode!  It's a bitter sweet day for me on this site, my son is officially out of the Navy after signing some paper work this morning....7 years of my life that have changed me forever. I never knew fear and pride in the waves that has taken me over as a military mom, I've met people online because of N4M that have become fixtures in my life, and who will continue to be part of my life forever. Deb has started a group called Transitions here on N4M, and I will be posting there as well, as I watch my son learn the ropes of being a civilian again after being a military professional, and the ends and outs of the GI BILL, etc....sharing the stories and concerns, watching Congress as they provide for our vets. My concern is to avoid my generations trauma of seeing our Viet Nam vets homeless and on street corners because of their PTS and inability to cope in civilian life. We owe these young vets a better life at home after their sacrifices in two war zones, and we owe their families for the sacrifices each one has made. Paying this "debt" will make our country stronger, with an educated group of strong people, with decent health care to keep them safe and functioning.

And I can say to you here on this group, the relief running through me that my son will never ever again deploy to a war zone in the middle east is just over whelming. Just tears of joy, and feeling so guilty because all of you are still in that hell.. a tiny, very tiny bit like the survivor's guilt that so many of our young vets carry, I guess....we all suffer secondary crisis issues from these wars, it's just how it is..

Now, one granddaughter's boyfriend in Army ROTC Infantry, and one grandson kind of floundering out of high school....a great nephew definitely thinking military....but one son on his way to a new beginning, with many benefits from his military experience....not just the education, etc....the man he has become is the man I always knew was inside that spoiled rotten 5 year old all those years ago...the man I saw appear for the first time on the day after 9/11 when he told his friends in my car that day "we were attacked, I'm going to enlist". He's livin' his life.

Sorry to rattle on, I just know you are the people to know what a relief this will be for each of you as this day comes to you as well. And it will.

okay, explicit lyrics in a couple of spots, but lots of faces of Marines and corpsmen...