Anyone with Sailors/Soldiers/Marines in War Zones and Combat Areas

Don't worry about the meltdown, Mama Bear...that is VERY normal, and in the long run, probably healthy for you.  Anything like that gets to me under the best circumstances...and believe me, when my son was over there, anything patriotic would set me off.  People couldn't understand why you were crying???  Hon...I wouldn't be able to understand if you were NOT crying!!!  I'm sure you will hear from your daughter soon...

Cry with pride, Mama Bear, you're not alone...the Fourth brings out all those emotions and when you have a child in the military and certainly one deployed, those emotions are at the top..and like MT said, it IS good for you, gets the fear out, and makes you stronger in the long run.

My son is in LA, being best man for his best friend's wedding. And so I've been in tears as well, but so different to be crying from joy instead of fear. And thankful, that he's moving on with his life, and that he has friends like this one. This young groom was the one who would sit by my son's bed when he drove in from Lajuene, while my son slept, Sesar would sit and play the video games and just "watch " him. "gotta watch the kid" he'd say when I'd check on him. He'd stop by to check on us, too, when my son was gone...and now they have both found smart, beautiful young women (who knew those two bozos were that loveable/) and I'm seeing amazing photos from the last 3 days. South Austin hit LA!  My point....is that there is a future, we don't know what it is, but it is there and there are happier days in it. And crying is always part of it when you're a mom.

Mama Bear. Be proud of your daughter and let the crying out.  It is definately therapeutic.  I cried so many times for no reason when my son was there.  Sometimes I would be out in public and just break down.  It is normal.  Those who have never been associated with the military really don't know what it is like.  That's why you need to come on here.  Not sure where you are from or live, but if you were here in DC I would get you out and do things with you.  I had no one around who understood what I was going through.  Just know we all care deeply and are thinking of you and your daughter daily.

I am from a very tiny community in Iowa.  But how funny is it for you to say you live in DC because my son is heading that way tomorrow for little over a week for FFA Convention that is if you mean Washington, DC.  I am going to miss him too like crazy it's going to be a lonely week for me but aleast I know when I will get to see him again.

Mama bear and others, I suddenly don't feel so strange...Even if you were alone crying, I think what each of us are feeling more and more of from being on here, at least I know it's true for me this year....I felt alone in what I was feeling with those emotions topping out on the fourth but I sensed a great feeling that NavyMoms all over could relate to me and no one else could.  We were with you in spirit...It was what helped me that day too knowing that there are moms somewhere from NavyMoms that would understand completely and that brought a great comfort this year....Thank you for being here and sharing.

Mama Bear...Your FFA son must be pretty high up in the organization to be going to the convention in DC.  What did your son raise?

I was wondering that, too, Paymaster...my brother raised capons and a calf (only the capons got to take over my playhouse when I was a kid) and my niece raised a pig. 

He raises milking goats.  It has been quite a project because he knew nothing about this project so he had to start from scratch where most kids start with a project that their parents and/or are already raising them like cattle or pigs.  We live on a farm but we raise beef cattle.  He didn't want to go that way he wanted to have a project he could call his own and his dad wanted to start drinking goat milk.  If you buy goat milk in the store it is quite expense, $6.00 a half of gallon.  Lakota did all the research and set the area up.  He went out and bought on goat, and at this moment we have I think four mother goats, 6 babies and 2 billy goats.  The highlight of the school season is when Lakota takes the goats usually two a mother and a baby in the back seat of the old car for the day.  He shows teachers and town kids especially elementary children how to milk a goat and that milk just doesn't start out in a store.  If they are brave enough to taste the milk they are welcome too it.  The goats all have names and different personalities.  They know Lakota's voice and will follow him around.  Even when he took the one goat named Sally two years ago.  They pinned her up in a pen in the AG room, someone let her go so she went looking for Lakota and the next thing he knew she was following him down the hall.  If that wasn't an ordeal.  He is also an officer for the local FFA. 

We heard from my daughter who is in Afgahansitan she is doing better have some headaches and still experiences some flashbacks. Back to her normal duties.  She wanted to give her brother some advice about traveling to other states.  She missed him he had already left to board a train.

Goats!! my brother in OK used to breed and raise goats! I'm glad to hear you heard from your daughter, and that she's doing better....

My heart goes out to the families/friends who lost a military member this past week.  My heart breaks for them.  

Mamabear.....Congrats to your son.  Thankful you have heard from your daughter.

One of those listed from Sunday is from my town of Austin, Texas. Cpl Juan Navarro obit

He's only 4 years younger than my son. I don't know if he was part of the 6 that got hit together or the one that was later.

Finally, my son had his first visit for PTSD.  I'm so glad he made that step.  I think it helped that 2 of his buddies who deployed together are going.  So proud of him.

DJones! I'm so proud of him and his buddies, too....thank you for sharing. Let us know how it goes, anything you learn about coping and taking care of yourself and him while he finds his way back to his old self. And I know he will...

Communication is key.  Be there for them. LISTEN to them without criticizing.  I am so glad he talks to me.  It may not be every day, but when he really is needing someone and his gf is not around, I am next in line.  Makes me feel proud that maybe my parenting skills paid off.  I've learned never to give up on my kids...be proud of them and support them.  I am in my last week of CNA class and next week I will be in clinicals.  I cannot begin to tell you all how much I want to work at a VA hospital and give our men and women the care they deserve.  This is my contribution to them.

A friend posted this on facebook, it says what we all try to say to our friends and neighbors all the time...hope everyone is hanging on, thinking of  you all.

Military Mom's note to the world

Cheryl, welcome to the group no one wants to join...! but welcome, and don't try to carry it all alone, we have broad shoulders here....

Cheryl, that is funny that you said lurking in the background made me smile and so did all the posts about goats.  I'm from Cincinnati, there are goats up here but I don't have any myself.  I do love visitng the farms though especially in the Fall.   Well, I am getting ready to soon help my daughter in law travel to Mississippi to get moved into that apartment on the Gulf Coast for when my son returns.  Did a bridal shower for her this weekend.  It's actually a belated one just to keep her and myself busy through the tail end of this deployment.  We hear less from him right now because he's out there somewhere.  Anyway, they got alot of goodies to put in their new apartment and start their life together when he gets home.

What we are wondering moms...does anyone know how to tell us to do a giddy move so they can get reimbursed for it?  Also, about the PTSD, DJ, I'm glad you are talking about it too and that you are sharing with us.  It helps me.  I feel like I've noticed a slight difference in the undertones of some messages from my son like he is so tired, tired of the country over there, tired of sandstorms, it just seems like he's having to press himself and I'm thinking this is an indication to me to not be surprised when he gets back.  I'm glad he's saying it but I have noticed this.   Is there anything you read about it like  things to look for that I don't have to search to hard to find...I work 13 hour days and when I get on here I don't want to surf the web too much.  I like getting on here and do banking then emails an I'm off.    Please pray for me and my daughter in law...we are both very nervous about getting from Ohio to the homecoming at the right time.  Ombudsman...we don't want to miss it i

ktssong,  My son took it upon himself to seek help.  He lost 2 very close friends while there and it really affected him.  I spoke to him and told him he needs to see someone and talk about it.  At first he said no way, but after a few weeks of nightmares and insomnia and boughts of anger, he agreed.  His 2 good friends that were there with him also decided to seek help with him which I think helps.  Talking to your child helps.  I didn't read anything, but knew in his tone of voice and things he was saying he needed to see someone.  I think it is fair to say that most of those who return have some form of PTSD whether it is a very mild case or severe.  Good luck and talk to your child and try to get  a feel of their emotions or tone of voice.  

Hello Ladies...  Yep, I'm still lurking here, but you are doing such a good job, I usually have nothing to add.   I got my PTSD info from this site (at the top of the page) and had some websites and contact information handy for when my son came back home, but luckily I didn't need it.  We ARE shaped by our experiences in life, and our troops are no different.  Your kid WILL be different when he or she comes home.  Yes...my son has changed, but the biggest change is that he shows his love for family, friends, and this beautiful country.  (At one time, he seemed to feel it wasn't "manly" to show those feelings...but not a day goes by now without him appreciating what he has.)   One more thought...When he got back, the Navy was constantly contacting him about his experiences.  Even after he got out of the Navy (almost a year after his return) he was being contacted with follow up questionnaires.  I don't know if this is standard with the Navy (military) or if it was his reserve group doing it, but they haven't let him fall through the cracks.

One thing I haven't mentioned before...While he was gone, I had a change to talk to some Vietnam Vets, who had a booth at a local event.  As soon as I said my son was in Afghanistan, The Vet I was talking to, put down his handful of usual pamphlets, went into his tent and came out with a fistful of special material about PTSD, gave me contact info with local vets groups, and kept telling me to contact them for ANY reason...even if it was just that I needed to talk to someone.  There IS help, if you or your kid gets the run-around...come here, and we will steer you in the right direction.

I don't know about the move, ktssong, but I'll ask around.

Yes, I think each deployed Marine, soldier, sailor, comes home with changes, and probably at least mild PTSD, or possibly Traumatic Brain Injury that hasn't been discovered. But change is for sure...

Here I am supposed to be supporting you all, but I have something to share.  A couple of weeks ago, my son went to be best man at his best friend's wedding in LA. We were following one groomsman's posts on facebook, from their arrival through the wedding. And I saw my son smile. I mean REALLY smile, a happy smile, the one I hadn't seen in years, especially in a photo. Every shot, there was HAPPY. I kept watching those photos, still do...new ones coming up all the time. Yesterday his gf posted her nephew's 5th birthday party, my son in a goofy matching Tshirt for this little guy, smiling that happy smile. And I say to friends, look at that...look at that smile, I think he's better, I think he's finally learning to live again, not be so serious all the time. And I burst into tears. They don't get it, they don't see what I see, they don't know that we watch for every single sign that war did not take away the child we raised, and that I am on my knees thankful to see that smile. He was last in uniform in January, and finally maybe some of that responsibility he felt is being lifted off of his shoulders.

I got a note from the bride, thanking me for my "great son. He was a rock" for the groom, and the crazy stuff going on. Well, first of all, he was working catering weddings at 15, second of all, one groom isn't nothing after you've been an FMF corpsman in a Marine unit! And he smiled! Dear God, thank you. Now, being a Navy mom, I wonder if he's burying it, but right now, I'm just going to enjoy that smile!

His gf posted a photo of my son and a corpsman buddy visiting over the weekend (they deployed together) and captioned it "reunited and giggling like preteen girls on the living room floor" playing video games. 

Prayer for this day is all of our kids get their smiles back, their lives back and move forward. I think I'm going to post this in the "Transitions" group, At some point, we'll all be there. And we still will not be alone!

Absolutely terrified.  My son signed his release papers today and is going to sign up for school next month.  He was told he will not get his BHA for 9 months????? How the hell is he to live without it?  He has an apt and bills to pay.  I don't know the whole process but that just doesn't sound right.  They also told him they are wanting to do away with the GI bill.  I am so scared as he is living in southern Calif. on his own and we are on the east coast.  How will he make it???  Anyone have any insight?  I am truly sick to my stomach.  He also said his HM1 will not let him go to his medical appts?????  I know they cannot keep him from going esp if it is for PTSD.  He has only 4 months to get everything done and will have so many diff apts and stuff he needs to do during work hours.  This is crazy that there is no one there supporting him.  This is why he says he's had enough.  That and the only option was a 3 yr reenlistment and he says he cannot go through another deployment.  Anyone else going through this or has gone through this?

DJones....check out our Transistions group, a few moms there, as well as some links to help you out.  BHA is for active duty personnel, right? My son had his GI BILL in place when he left, he started living on it right away. And no, "they" are not getting rid of the GIBill, at least while Obama is President, no one knows Romney's plans, he doesn't say. I'm not getting political, I look for this stuff.

Molly, from Molly's Adopt A Sailor as well as Debby from this group are on the Transisitons group. Go there, post your concerns, I'll round them up to check in !  It's going to be okay, he'll be fine.

Will TAPS guide him? He only has 4 months to get everything done. I am so scared for him.  He has no family out there.  Two of his close friends are getting out and one of them is moving back to PA.  I'm so afraid he will fall into depression.  He's only known military life.  He's a military brat.  Will they tell him how much his GI bill will cover as far as living expenses?  I figured there would be no way they would get rid of the GI bill.  Someone is feeding him a load of crap.  Still very nervous about him taking this step without any support from family and it being southern California.  So expensive there.

Why is it that our worries never end with our children?  

DJones, go to the link I gave you about the Transistions group, and there are links to resource there. Check out the MFIT online demo, and the Resource Directory.

http://www.navyformoms.com/group/Transistions

Does anyone have  any information on how to do a giddy move.  We need to do one and need to know the requirements to get reimbursement for his move of his furniture. 

I don't know what a giddy move is...I found Dity move http://www.ditymovers.com/

They have this about reimbursements: http://www.ditymovers.com/dityprogram/reimbursement.php

My son started pulling his GI Bill as soon as he registered for school...he did screw up on date, but our Congressman, Lloyd Doggett, got it fixed for him in a couple of weeks. Are your sailors checking with the Veteran folks in the Financial Aid area of their colleges? I would again encourage you all to go to the Transistions group on N4M and check out those links that will help with all of that....

DJones my son left the Navy 2 years ago this December.. there are many unknowns.. . My son also got a job with the VA 3 months after leaving the military.My son started college the January after he left the Navy... he started collecting his BHA in March... Please come join Transitions , your son will be fine.. he's Navy Strong!!! and they will make sure he's ready to separate...   There is a lot of good information to get you started on his separation...

OH and about the furniture moving.. When my son left he was stationed in VA Bch.. he had to pay upfront for his moving expenses but turned in the receipts and was reimbursed with in a couple weeks.. They will be given all that information when they start the process of separation..

Angel...Welcome to the group and fasten your seatbelt...you are going for a ride like no other!  I did the same thing...The whole time my son was getting ready, I ignored my fears then the day came that he left, and I felt my stomach fill up with rocks and my heart move up into my throat.  I was raised as a military brat...two of his older sisters were in another branch of service, and I thought it was wonderful when he joined the Navy.  Not only that, but Afghanistan was his 4th deployment...I'm used to that stuff...right?  WRONG! He had never been anywhere the people wanted him dead! 

Your son is in an elite group...that means he has had elite training.  The best thing is if you can think of that great group and how "professional" they all are.  Do NOT think about the baby you held in your arms, or the little toddler in his footie pajamas, throwing his arms around your neck.  That may be part of your son, but only to you.  Now, he is a grown man out to do a man's job.

Stay here with us, Angel...it is the one place you can come to laugh or cry, and we WILL understand.  In fact, we will hold your hand, give you lots of hugs, and laugh and cry with you.  The other ladies will be here soon...they have great ideas about how to survive this deployment.  But the first thing you can do is find an empty box and put it on your dining room table.  It, or another like it, will there the whole time he is gone, while you collect all kinds of goodies to send to him.  It really helps, because it let's you do something positive. 

I hope to see a lot of you, Angel...think of this place as your sanctuary.

Angel....I just want to reach out and give you a hug.  I wish none of us had to be here.  Stay positive, BUSY and send lots of care packages.  Maybe keep a diary of your thoughts.  Stay on this site and release your emotions on us.  WE ALL know what your feeling and how much your emotions will change.  Never hold back a tear.  We are here for you ANYTIME.  

Welcome, Angel....these ladies are exactly the ones to turn to, they know your emotions way too well.  You're going to have many ups and downs, and we will walk and hug you through all of them. Remember to make a list of topics to talk about on the phone, things like football scores, the dog's antics, who had a baby, the neighborhood gossip, so that your mind has something to focus on when you hear his voice. He will want to know about home. 

And as your friends send their kids off to college and say things like "I know just how you feel, my daughter left for college"...don't hurt them. Do not pick up any heavy objects and brain them with it. They really do not get it, and deep down, as hurtful as their remarks seem, they think they're being helpful. And really, deep down, we don't want anyone else to feel this fear.  Come here, we already know. You are not alone. 

It is so good to hear from you again, Chief!  Yes...You will forever be the "jerky" lady...I think you supplied all the military population over there.  Thirty years from now, a bunch of little kids will hear Granddads war stories about a nice lady that kept making and sending jerky.  How wonderful...The guys seemed to really like it and it helped you stay in control!

Angel...I think you've GOT it!  Stuff like like will help you stay in control of those horrible feelings of helplessness.  Let those blue eyes roll...I hope that in a short time his whole group will gather around as he opens a box and they can all roll their eyes. Yes...You belong here!  Maybe you can get comfort at times, but I also see you GIVING comfort to other Moms.

Texas Doc Mom thank you for the link on "ditymove"  I'm sure that is it I'm reading it tonight.  I have to laugh at myself and my daughter in law...sometimes the new lingo we are getting used to doesn't come through clearly.  We thought giddy, I'm sure it is dity...

Also thanks to all for the PTSD info.....we are preparing for homecoming....it's keeping our heads in a good place even though it's still sometime off.  But closer. 

Angel, welcome to th group....there is always something on here to help you be constructive with your time....Like I love your idea of putting the post it's on your items with where you thought of him...I will probably use that sometime...I put a letter in my boxes and told him about some of the items but many times I was like you, in an aisle and would see something and go this is for my son.  I gotta get it.  So you are doing good.  Keep coming back

Ok.  I 've caught up on all the posts and feel so refreshed after I read because I don't feel alone.  Anxieties seem to melt on here.  Peace starts to shower over me... I can't say enough about Navyformoms...I really enjoyed the story about your son smiling again TexasDOcMom.  My oldest son was concerned about those smiles of his baby brother too so he is, along with me hoping that after deployment his smile will return...We don't know that it has left but we will be watching closely to make sure he's ok.  So, I've heard several talk about second and third deployements....and my son is under the impression that he won't go back to the desert again, that he will go somewhere different everytime.  Again we are new to this...is it possible he would return on the next deployment to the same place?  That could be discouraging..But I'm not going to worry about future ones already, but I have a feeling when he gets home they tell them sometime between then and 8 months where he's going next. 

ktssong, anything can change. My son ended up NOT deploying to A after his Iraq deployment because, bless his little heart, he put off signing his enlistment papers, he kept thinking he had time to do it....He was offered to lead the corpsmen there, but all of a sudden on March 1, he called frantic, because of his procrastination they had transferred him !! Of course, for once, I was delighted that he procrastinated, but he was so pissed off. So he hurried up to reenlist, but too bad, his career path had changed. He went to Nevada for a while, then was working in the methadone clinic at Camp Lajuene ( a real education!) and ended up as an instructor for the last two years of his enlistment. It can change. The Navy may have a career path for your son, you just don't know.

We're not the only proud moms and grandmothers....

So even though my son is home, it is not over.  He is really having some issues and I am so scared.  He called me at 2 a.m very upset.  I knew he had been drinking and he says he cannot sleep without drinking as it helps him sleep.  He has nightmares and has become very anxious.  He has never had an issue with anxiety before.  He is getting out in 5 months and I am scared to death he will be another military member shoved to the curb.  He has an appt. today for PTSD, but he needs to be going weekly, not once a month.  I am afraid he is going to use alcohol as an outlet and afraid he will not be able to adjust to civilian life.  I feel like having a breakdown as I am 3000 miles away.  It would be nice to know if anyone else has these issues and would like to talk.  I am physically ill over this.  He says all his friends have changed.  Most have or are getting out so he is having to deal with his deployment friends moving.  

DJones, I'm no expert but those folks on those web sites listed above us are, please utilize them. That's why they are there...they have the answers to your questions about how to help your son, please let us know what they say and if they help you or if we can do anything to help you in any way. Check that "secondary PTSD" link, it's important to help yourself as well....xo, thinking of you.

Facebook PTSD Support page

Support groups on facebook have a lot of good information, and sharing it pretty freely.

DJ, just wondering how you're doing today? poking around facebook, I found another page....https://www.facebook.com/VeteransMTC  

Dj, I am going to be praying for your son.  God Bless him.  I just know, when no one else is around, God is always around..I am praying for a touch on you too...I just can feel your concerns when I read this...I would feel the same as you if it were me...I think this is the concern of all of us for our sons...I hope he also keeps in touch and just keep encouraging him...He's going to get through this...We have to keep hope and faith and I don't want to sound preachy but when I know I can't be where my child is, I ask God to send someone,  just put him in the path of someone that will be a big help so I'll pray that for your son too...Keep us posted....it will get better.

My son called today and talked to my daughter in law.  He didn't get a chance to pass the phone around like he wanted and he had to get off but he did say he is going through a rough time also and didn't want us to know.  She hopes he tells me.  She cried.  I just told her that we would get through this and that I was reading up on PTSD last night also..They have a dog and one story I read said that pets are a great help because they help a soldier calm down by stroking the dog with a petting movement is a calming effect and that a pet comforts and doesn't talk just responds and that it helps them get out to get fresh air by having a need to go out so that helps to.  So I'm hoping when he gets home the dog helps in recovery time too.I followed the link TexasDocMom put on and it helped.  I just suddenly feel in the same boat.  They did say he got some help there by talking to someone and gave him the day off to rest and he said that helped.  But he is apparently feeling short tempered, tired and "feeling not himself"..I pray Dear God, bring them home soon and help them all recover....THey've worked so hard.  I just feel numb today.  Like I should be crying or feeling something and I'm just feeling like I wish I didn't hear what I heard and hope it isn't serious and praying that when I show up for homecoming I can say the right things....So I'm ending this comment with also a prayer for my son.  Thank you moms