Anyone with Sailors/Soldiers/Marines in War Zones and Combat Areas

JerseySusan, I sure wish I had known you were coming here.  I work one block from Tristan.  Very nice place.  The Marriott is wonderful as well.

WAHOO Kathy....I know that's a good feeling!!!

Tamme, can't believe just how close we were to meeting up with you. If you kow Dr. Mark & Judith Green of Charleston, that's the family our son married into. I know they are very active in their community.

Hello everyone,

I do not post often but so enjoy reading everyone else's comments. I would like to share about being a BC mom for the first time.  It was just last summer.  My fears were very real because I knew the 'boy', 'son' I had taken care of all those years was never coming back to me.  It is all about perception.  I grieved over losing him.

My husband is now realizing that his 'son' will never return to him. Our corpsman will deploy in September to  Afghanistan. Each of us reach that REAL fear at different times. When we are called on the home front, to stand firm, face our fears it is difficult.  Inside I am trembling but what I want to show my corpsman is a smile, laugh, and a happy time.

I know that my son chose to serve and I am proud of him.  I also know it was selfishness on my part to want keep my 'boy' the way he was.  Our dreams for our children do not necessarily match their dreams. I am learning my children have far better dreams than I could ever hope for them.

My corpsman will be coming home soon on his pre-deployment  leave. Any thoughts or suggestions to keep from crying while he is at home.

Where do I go to get general news of deployments?  How do you know when boots are down?  Where do you go to get mail cut off notices?

Curleytop....you have found your rock. Right here. These women will help keep you somewhat sane (no guarantees, believe me!) and help you and your husband remember that you are not alone...We know your fear. We know your pride. We know the pain, and the sleepless nights. Kathy gave you great advice, do everything she says. You will cry. It's terribly hard to not do it in front of your son, but I have to share with you a moment at the airport when we put him on the plane back to NC to leave for Iraq. His dad lost it, I sent him to the car...and I hugged my son, and looked up at him and saw those eyes twinkling at me, he was so proud I was keeping it together. Of course he had no idea we drove around the corner and lost it. So...from then on, I held together on our goodbyes, just knowing I'd get that adult look of "approval" and love. He knew. They know how hard it is, they love us so much and they have to stay focused. So, take care of you. Walk, exercise, eat good foods, stay healthy...so when that phone rings, he hears his normal mom voice....and save the I miss yous and I love yous until the end. Make a list of things as they happen, keep them by the phone, tell him everything...the dog next door had puppies, the woman across the street is still a grouch...everything about home. And listen. and remember that neither one of you are alone. He has a strong team of trained brothers to watch his back, and a CO whose focus is to keep them all safe and bring them all home. You have...us! Keep coming back, post when you feel like it and read all you want. Your husband is welcome to join us. He is not alone, either.

Curleytop, I was born with sensitive emotional "genes" that runs in my family!!! I married the "Love of my Life" that had the strong & secure "genes" on his side of the family, the total opposite. It is with that balance that tought me to be "tough" when I really need to be. I pray hard to help me be strong during these times. I know everyone says to "always be yourself", but when pre-deployment comes around, I have to work exceptionally hard to be strong when I'm around our son. It's not until after, that I can finally be myself & be a "blubbering idiot". But I know, that is what is "Best" for him & I can be proud that "HE" left knowing in his heart that  "I will be OK".  

Curleytop, I have always been around the military and I had already sent off two of my daughters to the Air Force...so while it was lonely, I was able to keep my "Mom" feelings to myself.  It was something like sending the kid to kindergarten for the first time...a bit sad, but also looking forward to seeing the "man" emerge.  I was great until my son got his orders for Afghanistan...and I went into a total panic.  Thank God for this group!  They laughed with me and cried with me...but most of all they KNEW how I felt.  When something horrible happened over there, the other Moms were right there reminding me that if I haven't heard a thing from (or about) him, it was GOOD news...he was okay.  When I watched a parade or saw a flag or something else that set me off, they never seemed to get tired of hearing about those "Walmart moments".  By being able to vent in this group, I was able to (most of the time) appear strong to the rest of the world.  Stick with us until you hear he is back here, boots down.  You will be amazed at how strong you really are!!!

Much Trouble, after reading your post, I had to go get Kleenex. 

I have been very lucky that my son's two deployments were not to Afghanistan.  I worry about where he will be stationed next as his next assignment is "sea duty" but need to learn to put that worry aside until I actually have something to worry about.  He is still a year plus from PCS, thank goodness.   

IDCmom...Don't worry before you have to do it!  lol  (I'm very good at projecting worst case scenarios in my head!)  My son was in the Seabees and was land-based, and when he was sent, it was part of that huge offensive we made a few years ago.  Afghanistan seems to be gearing down quite a bit, but unfortunately, as things seem to get better one place, more trouble is brewing in another.  At this time, I can't help much as far as knowing how things are being done, but I will keep coming here as long as there might be a scared, hurting mom, who needs an understanding hug. 

Oh thank you one and all. I was having a very weak moment when I posted last night. I was afraid all day at work that I might have offended someone. That was not my intent.  I was just sharing my heart.

All of you are so kind. Kathy, now I can be focused with things to discuss with my son when he is home.  I would not know anything, if it was not for this group.

Thanks TDM for continuing to support all of us.  I want that same look you got from your son so I will work hard for it.

MT, I will never know how you handled your daughters serving.  What a sacrifice.

JS, I am afraid I have the "emotional" genes in my family also.

I imagine you will be hearing from me a lot more in the next few months.  Not sure how I am going to handle all of this, but I know it is where my son is called to be at this time in his life.  He has been happy this past year becoming a corpsman.

Curleytop...with your son leaving for Afghan in September....you will get the well meaning comments from friends who say "I know just how you feel, my son/daughter just left for college." Please. Don't hurt them. Just walk away and come here....that made me furious at first...then I realized they just don't know. And really, we don't want people we care about to have this same fear for their children in their lives that we have or have had...really. We just want them to shut up with stupid comments. We joke about cyber bail bond here....

Curelytop, we are all here for you.  I am a Corpsman mom as well and my son is in Afghanistan right now.  My other son is an EM on the Stennis but I was just as worried when he was in the Middle East from last August through this April.  TDM hit it on the nail.  Several moms in my office are sad right now because their children are leaving for college this weekend (2 hours away).  I just reassure them that empty nest syndrome is real and that they will still have plenty of contact.  The others that bother me (and I have to run to my fellow Navy Moms for sanity) is the comments "it's slowing down over there and our servicemen are okay."  What???????  Not where my boy is for sure.  Hang in there and always fall back on our total understanding and support.  My heart still sinks when a new mom comes on board for the first time telling us their child is going to boot.  Even after going through it twice, those memories still stick.  LOL

Thanks also to everyone who has been voting and spreading the word for our son's wedding photo contest.  They are at 3,600 with the second place at 509.  They have until August 23 but I think they should be okay.  My son is overwhelmed by the outpouring of support and love he is getting from everyone.  God Bless. 

If I hear one more idiot say that "slowing down" comment, I'll need the cyber bail bondsman. I mean..REALLY?  Now that my son is out, I also get "well, he's out so everything is okay..." REALLY? not while we have military over there. And with this crazy stuff in Egypt, now...one more worry. 

My son is president of his student vet organization at UTSA. He's becoming more and more involved in vet issues and is considering a run for public office after he does his grad work here in Austin at UT. Being in the military, and especially becoming a combat vet, has changed his life direction. He's the one person I can talk to about this group, and what we share here, and I don't get the shake of the head and hear "but you don't have a kid in the military any longer" remark. Because he thinks everyday of his peers in combat. I read the posts from his Marine and corpsman buddies, and they all are involved and concerned, in or out of the military. We have a great generation of kids. I'm so proud of them all.

Yes, I have heard those comments.  "It is slowing down.  I know how I felt when my ...... moved out.  Don't worry everyone is coming home from Afghanistan.  Your son joined the military at the right time."

So far I just smile and say "I suppose." Then try to leave as quickly as I can.

My son's Marine unit deals with heavy weapons.  Yet, I know he does not want to be any place else.  His comments are along the lines "I have to go take care of 'my' marines."  He is very protective of them.

I did get a text today.  First one in a month.  He is back in from the field.

Again, thank you for sharing and being here for me.  I think I will be able to rest tonight.  The past two weeks rest has not come easy.

Tamme, it was a privilege to vote for your son. 

Curleytop...just remember...when I said something to my son about not hearing from him for 3 weeks or so...he said "try not having a shower or changing clothes for that length of time...and I called you before I hit the shower!"....now we know why the dog rolled in his clothes out of the trunk that came home from Iraq before he did.  I hope you slept well, Mom....and will tonight as well. Like ktssong says, the stress can take a physical toll. My mouth broke out in fever blisters so bad I could hardly be seen in public during that last couple of months (and a couple of those "no hear for 3 weeks" stints.). Take care of you. If you need help sleeping or coping, see your doctor. I had valium on hand, just in case. If I needed it, I did not want to be a liquid mess in front of my grandkids.  Whatever makes you calm...walk, exercise... I painted 3 bedrooms while he was gone on one deployment. Alone, no help! Ceilings too! Dug a garden.  And keep coming here. You are not alone.

ktsong and tdm, I got a phone call today.  He was much better.  The last phone call was the day before he left for the field. He was not having a good day.  To have to think fast on your feet and make your brain work while you are on the phone, trying to say the right things.  Then hanging up only to have thoughts race through your mind, I should have said.....

This past month has been a long one, but the phone call was wonderful. He told me of some things he wanted to do when got home but mainly he just wants to be home.  I am so thankful for my Navy moms.  I would be so lost with you.

I plan on treasuring every moment I can while still giving him his space. I have lots of good ideas from all of you.

I did rest well last night and plan on do the same thing tonight.

Make that list of topics by the phone...football scores, dog stories, whatever...it really helps to keep you going without breaking down....you're gonna sleep GREAT tonight, mom! sleep in tomorrow morning! 

I can't believe it.  I slept 8 hours straight.  Have not done that for about 3 weeks.  Looking forward to going sleep again tonight.  It has been a long time since I have looked forward to going to sleep.

Navy moms,

You have helped restore hope and peace to my heart. Thanks so much for being here.  Those phone calls and texts are also priceless. I am a grateful Navy mom.

Good for you, Curleytop...feels good, doesn't it?

For those of you new to the group, you may not know that I'm from Austin,  Texas, and host house concerts in my backyard...where my friends and touring singer/songwriters come to play ...."Walking on the Moon" is a song by my friend Taylor Pie. This song helped me when my son was deployed. It seems to mean something different to each person who hears it, that's the sign of a well written song. This song always gave me hope...especially in the middle of the night. https://myspace.com/tpie09/music/song/walkin-on-the-moon-45899050-4...

Wow, TD, what inspired you to host concerts in your backyard for songwriters? Just out of curiosity, are you the KH she mentions in her biography?

House concerts are just the best way to hear acoustic oriented singer/songwriters. Listening venues, with the focus on the music and the musician, we take donations and have a potluck and all the money goes to the performers. Google house concerts...I started them right after my son enlisted, they really kept me occupied and I got tremendous support from my friends and the musicians during his deployment. That is probably not me, there is another KH in the crowd, one she went to high school with. We went to different high schools in the same home town. 

TexasDocMom......You are an "Amazing" person!!! I would "Love" to be your neighbor!!!!

Please come be my neighbor!  Anyone can do a house concert!! it's fun, it helps touring musicians...if you want some folks that play music in your area, message me with your location.

Now...just found This article on PTSD and several things for spouses and partners, thought it might be helpful for us, as well, Know this was a big topic here on this board not too long ago. I'm posting this in the Transitions group as well.

Thanks so much for everyone who voted for my son for the photo/flower package.  They won!  Please read the very nice blog from the photographer.  The military family support is phenominal will never be forgotten.  This wonderful photographer also has asked to photo his homecoming at the airport.

Oh Tamme, that is WONDERFUL!  It sounds like the photographer was voting for them, also.  lol  I love hearing happy news.

Awesome Tamme!!!!!

http://stripes.us2.list-manage.com/track/click?u=f141047f5265cca1bc...  

Just thought this was a nice article to share of puppies being raised to help train our Veterans.

PS....Sorry "Not" "Train" our Veterans, just "Help" our Veterans post deployment.

My dogs have me quite well trained! that's not a bad thing!!

Hah TD.....You are so right about that one!!!!

Hello everyone,

I have only cried twice this week.  Not what I wanted but that is really good for me.  We are taking him to the airport tomorrow so we are talking things over.  I remember Kathy telling about E-Marine and FRO.  My son said he had not heard of it.  Could someone tell me what FRO means, again?  I know that I have asked once but I cannot find it.  Thanks.

Hi Curleytop...Whether he is starting the journey tomorrow or returning to his base to prepare to leave, when you say goodbye to him, come back here and we will pass you the kleenex and help you hang on to your sanity.

Thanks Kathy for the info.

I will be back this evening.  Taking him to the airport is a all day event from where we live and the tears are already wanting to peak out as I write to you but I am fighting to keep them at bay.

Curleytop, thinking of you today, hang in, hang on and let us know how the day goes...you're not alone and you know what? neither is that son of yours, he's in the best of company. 

Curelytop, we are here for you and thinking about you. My Corpsman is still over there and I totally know how you feel.  We are down to the little over three months countdown. 

Hello Susan, Tamme, TDM, Jersey Susan, Much Trouble, KathyPCM, and everyone else.

I thought I had prepared myself for today.  What a laugh. I fixed my corpsman his favorite breakfast.  Everything was great.  Then I walk in the bathroom and his toothbrush is gone.  From then on it was off and on tears all day.

I tried so hard for him not to know.  He did not know until we were half way to the airport and turned around in the car.  I got caught.  He asked why I was crying and I said I wasn't, it was just allergies.  It seemed to lighten things up a bit.

The airport was nice enough to us passes so we were able to stay with him until he boarded his plane.  He was very appreciative of that.  It helped all of us to be together a bit longer and we were able to have lunch with him.  His older brother arranged to go with us so our entire immediate family was there.

I managed to tell him how much I loved him and smiled as he left (no tears).  I took my husband's arm, turned, took two steps and the tears started again.

The waves of emotions that overcome you indescribable.  I prayed on the way to airport and away from the airport, recited verses from memory, and tried to sing songs in head to keep myself somewhat sane.  I still had a husband and son with me.

My insides felt like they were turning inside out on me, like right now as I write to you.  Every nerve seems to be fire.  At times it is seems like it is a struggle to take the next breath.  Then, I am calm for a time, until another tidal wave hits.

Ladies, please tell this gets easier.  I don't know how you do this.  This military mom stuff is tough work.

My husband was great today.  He held everything together until we were by ourselves this evening.

According to my son, we will see one another in a year.

I know this post my seem like I have rambled on and on, but that is how I feel.  As if I am in a fog, just wandering around not knowing what to do or say.  I was upset at the airport because all the cashiers kept asking me if I was having a nice day.  I wanted to say something but could not.  No words would come but I felt like punching something.

Day 1 over and thankful.  Looking forward to my Hello.  I do not like good-byes.

Hi Curleytop!  You did just fine...and it DOES get better.  At least for a while until something pushes your buttons.  Cry when you need to...I would try not to cry...and kept getting more and more squirrelly.  Tears can be healing, and they are nothing to be ashamed of.  The important thing is to be upbeat when you are talking to him.  Your post was not a ramble...it was a very honest picture of life as a "Mom", and I hope you post often.  It will help you and it will also help others.

Curleytop, believe me, reading about your day is what we've all been through.  It sounds like you did a very good job.  The day our son left, I tried to be so brave.  He kept sitting by me though and letting me hug on him and it was so hard.  When we all hugged good-bye, I lost it.  I just couldn't help it.  He got a speeding ticket on the way and I felt so bad because I know he was distracted.  Good news is though - your son hopefully will get a R&R trip home around the half way mark or so. Not sure if all Marine teams do that but fortunately ours did.  However, it was goodbye again back to another six months of worry.  It was harder on him than us.  We are down to our 3 1/2 month count down.  Hang in there and remember we are all with you.  God Bless

Hello ladies,

I came home after work and wrote to you.  So I was checking back in.  Guess I forgot to post it.  That is how I have been today.  Out of sorts.  Not as bad a yesterday.  I did discover when I was going to bed last night that I had not taken my daily medication.  Yesterday was certainly not the day for me to go without it.  I take blood pressure, acid reflux, and a "coping" pill.  Some of them twice a day.  Saying good bye was bad enough but there I was without my extra help.

I texted my corpsman when I realized what I had done.  He mentioned it was a "hard day" for me.  My sweet doc told me not to forget my meds again.  Guess mom made an impression.

  I come here and write to all of you because it makes me feel less alone.  Right now my melt downs happen when things get quiet.  My mind starts to race away with me.  I must stay in the present.  Take the next breath, change the next load of laundry.   A friend of mine told me something that I am trying to do.  "Look up and move forward."

Looking up is not hard for me.  It is the moving forward.  My son went back to work today so that is why mom went back to work.

Signing off again for today.  Talk to you tomorrow.

The boxes really do help.  I get stickers and decorate the inside flaps of the box so when they open them, they get an extra surprise.  Also, taping pictures of family members, etc. are great as well. 

Hello everyone,

Thanks for the encouragement.  I do keep coming here because this is the 'only' place where other moms understand.  A mother's heart, how can you describe that to someone.  Let alone a mother's deployment heart.  I usually would not be posting during the weekday but awoke with a migraine this morning.  I am getting ready to go to work this afternoon.  Keeping busy is the best.  When it is quiet, with no one around and nothing planned, I tended to panic.  I am thankful for my job, coworkers, friends and this board.  I have always been a praying person but sometimes I get stuck on things.  I am glad I am still a work in progress.  I have a lot to learn.

Wanted to say hi to the group.  As with all the other families, I am missing my Corpsman and not being able to talk to him during his deployment.

Curleytop...You will be just fine!  Keep coming here and sharing with us...Once the initial panic passes, we also have a lot of laughs.

Vipergirl...My son wasn't a corpman, but he is married, so the few calls he could make went to his wife.  Luckily, my daughter in law and I are very close, so she would pass messages back and forth.

When my son was over there, a box lived on the dining room table.  When I sent one out, it was replaced with another one.  That way I could stick things in as I got them.  Don't forget things such as childrens drawings, the local newspaper, or programs from local concerts, plays, etc.  You want to keep sending them a bit of "home".

Well the news for today is that my son is not going to sign up for an emarine account.  His seniors advised him against it.

It seems that the word is the FRO assigned to his unit would worry me, more than help me with news.

I was counting on that connection to know when to mail packages, know when things like boots down in the USA might happen.  Now I have nothing.  My son texted "No news is good news."

I know I must look at this situation as an open door not an obstacle.  That phrase was in an article I read.  Am I the type of person that looks for open doors or obstacles?  This seems like an obstacle.

Vipergirl, I understand.  The emarine account and FRO were going to be the ways I could keep in touch with my son's unit.  Now, there is nothing.

How did you know when to send boxes?  How long does it take for a box to get there (Afghan)?  How long before they leave for home do you stop mailing boxes?  Do they have internet?  Phone services? Anything?  See, I am in my panic mode.  Sorry girls.  I am just upset about no FRO, but this too will pass.

Curleytop, it's going to be okay. Your son wants to share any news with you instead of having the FRO do it, that's all. My son was the same way. Check the website for the unit your son is assigned to, sometimes they have an address there that all you have to is add your son's name and rank.  Start sending boxes as soon as you want, and it seems to vary between 2 weeks to a month to get to them. I'm more experienced with Iraq, so the Afghan pros will have better info. It's all changing as we draw down tho, so it could change somewhat. Keep your phone with you. He will call when he can. 

It's all gonna be all right...you're not alone, and you'll hear from your son as soon as he can do it. The command knows it is critical to keep those guys in touch when they can do so. 

Curleytop, many of the answers to your questions depends on where your son will be in Afghan.  My Corpsman is in a security house way up north with a Marine team but they have internet so he can e-mail and Skype.  Packages and food arrive only when a trip is made to a base which is a helicopter trip.  My boxes have taken from two to four weeks depending on how many times someone makes a trip to the base.  I use the large priority mail boxes which don't hold much but doesn't matter how heavy so I load them down.  I am sure you son will contact you as much as he can but won't know how much until he arrives.  I wanted so many answers up front but had to wait until he got there to really find out how things work. 

Thanks again for the reassurance.  I just feel so uneasy about everything.  Any little thing sends me over the edge.  It is the not knowing.  For all the years as a mom, we plan, we know, we arrange.  Now someone else is doing all that.  It is very disconcerting. 

I guess you can tell by now, letting go is not my strong suit.  I really thought I had improved over this past year.  Much has changed and my son has grown immensely.  But deployment makes me feel like I am back to square one and I don't like it.

I am so blessed that I can write to all of you.  Thank you for listening.

Hi Everyone,

Last year when my son returned from Afghanistan I didn't leave this group since I felt he would be heading back there again. I now know that it is official he is heading back there soon. I guess I should not be surprised when I recognize  a few of your names. Your children are doing the same thing. I believe all of you understand the feelings that I can't seem to put into words. Thanks for being here.