Girlfriends, Fiances,and Wives of Sailors

Stephanie, I hope your visit was fun and joyful!

In my long experience, all bases have a dress code, even for dependents and visitors.  It is enforcement which varies.  Great Lakes is a training base, so likely to be one of the stricter areas.  In Japan, they were very strict.  Big CONUS bases tend to ignore dependent dress as it is difficult to enforce.

Hi all!! I come from a non-military fam and my boyfriend left for BC on Monday... We received his civilian clothing and phone in a box, and are awaiting the arrival of his letter. However, i am impatient and want to know more details asap. My major question, as silly as it seems, is what can we send our sailors in their letters? I was once told that we could put small photographs in them, as long as they were "appropriate" obviously. Is that true? Or should I refrain from doing so... also, my sailor was made to send his envelopes and stamps home, they came in the box. Can I send him a big envelope containing paper, stamps, envelopes? Thank you to whomever takes the time to answer me :)  

He will get envelopes and stationary there, they make them use the stuff they can buy at the NEX, so everyone has the same thing.  You can send stamps, he probably got nervous and didn't think to put them in his wallet. 

It is alright to send small photos.  He will need to keep them in a small drawer for personal items, so to save space, you can print them on paper and write a letter around the pictures.

Hello Everyone,

I was wondering if anyone else has a spouse that has recently left for bootcamp. I’m having a much harder time dealing with him being gone and having no contact than I thought I would be. I don’t know how I’m going to ever get through a deployment if I can barley handle 2 months then the extra 3 of training just hoping that time flys. 

I’m new here my boyfriend just left for bootmcamp January 10th, could someone please tell me if they give out any extra tickets for graduation? There’s already 4 people going. Or if anyone has any information on tickets for graduation could you please let me know

Hello everyone!

My fiance left for OCS last week, but unfortunately he was rolled and will now start with the 10-18 class. Looking forward to getting to know some of you and read up on any information that may be offered on here!

So we finally got through the boot camp phase, woo! Haha but I haven’t learned much info on what happens after that for us and moving. My husband arrived Saturday night in SC for nuke school. So far today and yesterday his briefs were nothing about the living situation. what should he do about getting info on housing and starting the process? I know he just got there but I’m just making sure that it will either come up soon in a brief, or does he need to go ask himself or if even I can do anything at the time being while he is readying up for school.

thanks. 

He will be briefed, but he should also pursue information and getting stuff done.  A balance of hurry up and wait and making sure nothing falls between the cracks.

Nuke school is one of the few which may actually allow him to take leave to assist you with the move.  None of the other training commands allow it.  Mostly it is approved.  

Read up on the PPM (personally procured move)/DIY.  There is a ton of paperwork in order to be properly reimbursed.  He should talk to the personal property office to see what is needed.  You can look online, but you probably need a copy of his orders (or at least all the pertinent info like his orders number).

Be aware you will need to weigh the rental truck/trailer/your vehicle both empty and full, so look up CAT scales in your area now.

Begin sorting your things.  Toss, sell, or donate everything which is of no use, is not sentimental or valuable, or which you may replace once you move.  Prepare a folder or file of important papers.  Inventory your expensive stuff.  Since you are looking at a DIY, begin finding sturdy boxes and packing materials.  Save all receipts for the travel claim.  Start saving pennies, there will be out of pocket expenses.  Download the gas buddy app for the best fuel prices along the way.  Get a paper map in case you hit a bad signal area and cannot use GPS.  

Most of my advice is tailored to a packout by movers, but DIY is all over the internet.  Used to be you could make good money on a move, but not so much anymore.  The military wised up to how much cash was leaking out.  Finding specifics for nuke school is harder, as they tend to be secretive.  Have you found the nuke spouse group here?  They should have more detailed info on housing.  From much of what I have read, being in military housing is easier on the students, less of a commute.  When they have 14 hour days, that makes sense.

I think he has to get through the first two weeks before he really can do much other than gather information.

Would anyone happen to know how I can get a dependent mil ID while my wife is in boot camp?

Thank you! I suppose the next step is to wait for her to ask for those items from me.

Thank you for the advice! Ill look into that tuesday since my bank is closed until then

Did your spouse do any of the married dependent paperwork with the recruiter?  Seems like more and more aren't asking their recruits for the right documents up front!  Never send your originals, you will need those in hand to get your ID. 

Once your spouse has you enrolled in DEERS, you will get a signed DD1172 in the mail.  You can use the RAPIDS locator to find the nearest military facility which issues cards.  Many make appointments, and some do walk ins.  You can call ahead and find out exactly which documents they want to see.  

https://www.dmdc.osd.mil/rsl/appj/site;jsessionid=BQqpKQPhbq6bJI0lV...!-2112340909?execution=e1s1

I believe so, i had to bring my marriage cert, id and social to the recruiter a couple months ago. I also signed one or two papers, but i dont remember what they were for

Yeah, someone somewhere messed up and didn't submit your documents properly.  It happens, and more often than it should.

Navy spouses need a special paperwork file of stuff they have submitted but will need to show again and again. with copies and copies of the copies.  I wish I were just joking!

Anti M is right, you DO need to make a file. My daughter got a nice binder with lots of sheet protectors and folders. She has copies, notarized and non-notarized of everything in that thing. Her and her husbands social security cards, birth certificates, marriage certificate, copies of their military IDs, everything they may need in case of an emergency. It has come in handy twice so far. (We also have some copies in our safe) Because you will be without your Navy spouse a lot during some years, and you never know when you will need something.  

Hi! My boyfriend just got accepted to OCS and he leaves in April. His scheduled graduation date is July 20. As far as I understand there could be more training after that? I guess I was hoping to get an idea how long (after OCS) until he is "settled" for pilot training? I am a teacher and I am trying to gage if I start the new school year or could maybe plan to move where he is (given we are engaged/married)?

Hi you all, I have a quick question, my husband falsley reported to his Senior Chief and peers on base that hes in an abusive relationship. Its serious because i'm the one being abused and the situation is serious because we have a child. I need to know who I can contact because today hes being assigned a social service counselor. My husband has a mental health condition and he is in the early process of medical discharge and he was told not to discuss anything with me. I'm in Norfolk VA, what can I do? Their is no physical abuse from him, however he threw a pillow and screamed at me and since he yells and often displays anger and a temper. He has an anger issue. My husband doesn't have a license, I'm the sole driver. I take care of all the domestic responsibilities in our house, for our child and my husband. I'm responsible to transport him to anywhere Navy related, plus multiple medical appointments for a year and a half. He has been on LIMDU for a year, and hes always threatned me that he would take our toddler child who he does not have a relationship or physical bond with. Who do I contact so that my story is being heard, i'm hugely concerned about my reputation being tarnished.

Paige, if an investigation has been launched against you, your side will be heard. Depending on the severity of his report, they may simply send you both to counseling, or they may conduct an investigation, in which case you’ll be called into a secure room to be interviewed on the incidents he’s reported, as well as a timeline of your relationship, in as much detail as you can remember. This information will be turned over to the command to make their decisions.

If the case does not go anywhere but you are still fearful of your situation and feel someone needs to know, you may speak to a counselor at Fleet and Family Support Center, the MAs at the security office, any medical staff at the military hospital/clinics if those are available to you, and chaplains from any religious background. Keep in mind that excluding chaplains, you will not be offered an option for a restricted report since you have a child. You may also go to local police, but keep in mind that you will then be dealing with military and civilian proceedings, so if you are just trying to speak with someone about what is happening to you, it is best to go straight to your base security office, but if you are in immediate danger, please don’t be afraid to call the police. 

If they have not put one in place already but you feel like you need one, contact legal for a Military Protective Order (like a restraining order). While you can request it, it is not your decision, it is the command’s decision whether or not it is necessary and for how long it will be in place, standard is 30 days no contact and the servicemember cannot be within 200ft if you, but it can be modified at any point to allow verbal contact or extend the length of time for example, but again, it is his command’s decision. Once you ask, it is out of your hands. 

If you have any more questions, let me know, and I’ll do my best. I tried to keep this pretty general as these FAP cases can go many different ways depending on many factors. 

BC wife here. my wife just called me saying she needs me to send the originals of our marriage license, my drivers license and social security car. has anyone had to deal with this? am i really sending the originals or am i supposed to go to her recruiter to get certified copies made? please help! it was so good to her from her though, she sounds a little different but in good spirits. i hope they are all doing welll     

micheal k, thanks. i could of sworn her recruiter did all of that, but i guess this is just the start of missing/ lost paper work. ill b on it first thing tomorrow.

Thank you to all who gave me advice on my previous post, but I also have another situation that ties into the previous post below.

My husband told his Senior Chief and his peers on base that he feels very unhappy and in an abusive marriage with me, they immediately sent him for advocacy counseling and I was blindsided because I had no clue this was going on or how he could ever feel this way. Through all of his other medical appointments he always shared what a great wife he has.

I have been the most loving Godly wife any man could want from cooking everyday to cleaning to washing ironing to transporting him back and forth to work and all of his medical appointments, being a comfort non argumentative because he does not have a driver's license and that's because he's always been too afraid to learn how to drive and he's 25 years old. I'm 24.

This all stemmed from me writing an email that expressed concerned for some of the things he does that keeps us apart. He took the email and shared it with everyone on his base that probably at least 10 people if not more including Senior Chiefs etc.. And it was made into a mockery..

The email ironically was loving and kind had nothing that was derogatory. It was regarding him spending 100% playing video games and not telling me the truth in matters and his addiction to things that could divide us.

Since this occurred last, I am no longer welcomed to know when his appointments are via email and he was told not to let me have access to any of his appointments of which I'm still responsible to take him to. He is playing the victim card..

His Senior Chief is very involved and now she primarily is running our marriage giving him advice on how not to include me what to say and provide resources that are hurting our marriage verses helping us as whole.

I want to know where do I go for counseling advocacy..?

Where do I go to talk to someone, what resources do I have? It feels like if i reach out i'm in trouble..

I currently have no more faith in him or trust him or anything that he does say, I'm here with him in Norfolk, VA and we have a 2 year old child. My family lives 1100 miles away.. Can anybody shed some light on this for me? What rights do i have? 

Thank you!

Hey ladies,

I am new to this group, but my fiancé is currently at boot camp.

Do you guys know about how long it takes to receive information with his address where I can send letters ?

It takes two to three weeks to get the official letter with the correct address.

Thank you Anti M !

Hello my name is Carissa and my boyfriend left for OCS back in February. It has been fine, just going from living together to not seeing each other was hard at first. We have 5 weeks to go starting next week and I was curious if it is guaranteed if they get at least 2 week to come home before he is off to his "A" school? Thank you! :)

 I got the official PIR letter yesterday :)

OCS is completely different path than the enlisted sailors have.  Officers do not go to A school.  I know they do get a break in their training, but since I know very little about officer training, I don't have the answer first hand.  We don't get a lot of OCS experienced people returning to add to the knowledge.

Anti M, thank you for responding. I apologize, I am still learning all of the terminology, I should have said Flight School. Thank you. 

I found a link which gives a good explanation of what happens after OCS.  Yes, they do go to school, I knew that, but it differs from A school.  They earn leave at the same rate the enlisted sailors do, 30 days a year at 2.5 days a month.  Yes, they should get an opportunity to leave at some point, but whether it is after OCS, Officer school (knife and fork school), or after their training in their specific specialty, that I don't know.

http://thedashoflove.blogspot.com/2014/10/what-happens-after-navy-o...

My husband left for boot camp on the 4th of this month! It has already been almost a month and time is flying. I am so happy I found this page!! :) 

I hate to be a Debbie Downer but I could use some advice. Is it normal to feel some type of depression while your significant other is on deployment? My sailor went to boot camp, then to A school and literally once he graduated he was sent on a deployment. I've spent less than 5 days with him ever since hes joined and im honestly miserable. People say to keep busy but I've been trying that..sorry for the rant but any advice would be great. :).. some days I see other sailors significant others and I hate that I'm putting on this happy face while I'm not..

Everyone handles the separation as best they can.  Even those happy faced SOs have their moments.  Some people find ugly crying in the shower helps, others turn toward helping others, or working on themselves, or pets, there's a thousand ways to deal with it.  Totally natural to be depressed at being away from the one you love.  It sucks.  

Do turn to professional help with a counselor or therapist if it all gets overwhelming.  No shame in asking for help when life gets tough.  

Welcome Iris! The first week or so of bootcamp is spent in P-Days, which is in processing. He’ll get everything he needs, PT gear, stationary, stamps, basic toiletries, a lock for his drawer, a backpack, even underwear and socks. They’ll also go through medical, get the bootcamp glasses if they wear glasses or need them, another physical, vaccinations, all that fun stuff. They label all their items and learn how to fold them. If he’s lucky, the next week he moved to his “ship,” which is his barracks, and they’ll PT every day, start swimming, start going to some classes, go to uniform issue where they get their NWUs (the blue camo, although theyll start issuing the green as soon as they run out of blue as everyone has to switch by next fall), they’ll startgetting and completing all the benefits information, and they’ll have their first test the next week. Bootcamp days are PACKED full. Days usually start at 0600, excluding “hell week” which usually starts earlier, and end around 2200 and they’re always doing something, even if it’s just waiting in long lines lol. In the coming weeks, he’ll have two more tests, at least 2 more official PRTs (fitness assessments), he’ll learn to shoot and fight fires, regular inspections of his compartment (the room the recruits stay in), his rack (bed), and his uniforms. They’ll also learn about tying knots, aircraft and ship identification, military code of conduct and laws (UCMJ), and so much more. If you’d like to learn more while he’s away, the Blue Jacket Manual is the book issued to each sailor in bootcamp, and it’s everything they’ll be learning about. It’s usually very cheap at a used bookstore, or you can find it on amazon, as it is available to the public for purchase, unlike other textbooks they use in bootcamp. 

Recruits can only write and send letters on sundays, though many still choose to write in secret after taps, they can still only mail their letters on sundays. Depending where you live, it could take 3-5 days for the letter to get to you, if you live in the continental US. Recruits are only guaranteed 2 phone calls, one when they arrive at Great Lakes, and one to let their families know they’ve passed their final assessment, Battle Stations 21, it’s often referred to as the “I am a sailor” call. Some divisions get an additional phone call about halfway through bootcamp, and some are fortunate enough to call every week. The important thing to remember is that no news is good news in the Navy. Even if you hear a group of sailors in your husband’s division we’re able to call home, but your husband could not, everything is fine. There’s lots of reasons sailors don’t call, they may be on watch, have an appointment, running an errand if they’re ship staff, go to church, long lines at the NEX, etc.. If anything is ever wrong, you WILL be contacted, so never worry. 

This time is really hard, but it’ll be so worth it when you see him on graduation day! If you have any questions, there’s lots of us in this group that have been through it, the people here are really supportive and helpful, and we’re all happy to help when we can! I’d also recommend joining your husband’s PIR group when you get his letter detailing his division number and projected grad date. Again welcome, and hang in there :). 

How I can get more information about div248?

The boot camp group will have info, and a PIR group for that division.

http://navyformoms.ning.com/group/bootcampmoms

cm1999 it’s not surprising that it hasn’t come yet. They can spend a week or more in P-Days (processing), and then the mail takes a few days to be sorted, sent out, and arrive at your house. Give it another week or so, and I’m sure you’ll hear something. There’s nothing else you can do except know that as long as you’re on the list, you will have a ticket to graduation. 

It is especially busy in the spring and summer as well, so I wouldn’t be surprised if his division is still waiting to even have that briefing and send out those letters. 

Welcome.  It has only been two weeks, so expect a letter very soon.  Have you joined the boot camp moms group yet?  They have very good information about what to expect when.