Girlfriends, Fiances,and Wives of Sailors

Hey Leslie, 

You can send any paper mail, including photos. I wouldn’t send a bunch though as the drawer for personal items is very small, and they have to put a lot of stuff in it already. Wallet size photos are best. Obviously there can’t be any pornography, drug, alcohol, violence, etc. references and to be on the safe side, I wouldn’t send anything that could even be interpreted as such. If you want to save the letters, photocopy them before you send them, so if she doesn’t have room in her drawer, she can recycle them, but you’ll still have the letters as a memory. You can send calling cards and stamps and stuff, but they have the ability to purchase all that, so I wouldn’t stress about any of that. Also they’ll go back and forth on the rule about only using the RTC headed stationary, so it may end up being a waste. Postagram is a great way to send a small photo with a note on the back. It’s an app where you can upload photos and pay the postage and everything right from your phone. The only package you can mail is a small address book or a pocket size religious text (like the Bible), but they can pick up free copies of several religious texts at the chapel. It will have to be opened in front of her Chief, so it will draw attention, but she won’t be in trouble if it’s one of those things. And that’s pretty much it, period. Definitely no food/snacks, clothes, books, or anything like that. 

Hi you all, i'm a military spouse and I have a queation. Is it mandatory that my husband list me as his health care derective? My second question, does he have to list me as his primary beneficiary for his life insurance policy, we do have child together also what resources do I have in finding out this information? Thank you

Paige, no, he can list parents or children as well. For his life insurance, he can also list a percentage for each person…for example if he wanted to list two children each getting 50% or if he wanted to give you a majority, but also put it so your child gets something. In a Will, which the paperwork can be picked up from JAG, he can also list more specific instructions for end of life care, how funds should be used/distributed, etc. 

Leslie, mail call is M-F, but there is no point in overnighting a letter. It will spend a couple days being sorted in the mail room at RTC anyway. When I went, I lived (literally) across the street because my husband was in A school down the street at TSC. It still took 4-5 days to get his letters. 

Mail call is M-F for incoming mail from home, but their outgoing mail only gets picked up on sundays. There’s a box to put letters in, and Sunday afternoons, after holiday routine, someone will come from the post office to collect it and send it out Monday. Even if recruits write every day, their letters home still don’t get picked up until Sunday. That’s why you’ll hear people talking about only Sunday…they can only SEND mail sundays, but they receive mail every week day :)

And technically, they're only supposed to write on Sundays, so if your SR is writing after hours on weeknights, pretend they do not.

My boyfriend of 4 years is in basic and called me this morning but I missed it because I was sleeping. He left voicemails and sounded really upset and now I can’t seem to stop crying. I feel like it’s my fault for not being awake to answer... 

Kristian, the first time my husband called me in bootcamp, I wasn’t expecting him to call because I was told he probably wouldn’t call again until maybe halfway through bootcamp, but he called the first Sunday after he arrived. I was at the store, and my phone was on silent because I wasn’t expecting it. I could barely understand his voicemail because he was on of the broken phones. I sat in the parking lot and cried for over an hour until someone finally knocked on my window to ask if I was okay, so I pulled it together long enough to drive home and cry in private. The point is, I totally get how you feel right now, but it’s okay! My husband called again eventually, and here we are two years later, and the only reason we even remember it at all is because I still haven’t deleted the voicemail lol. I think there’s a lot of things we see as partners/spouses of military about being SO supportive and SO available, so when things like this happen, we feel SO guilty, like we’ve failed, but the truth is, none of us are perfect! We’re human, we have to eat, sleep, bathe, etc., and we have to live our lives, they don’t stop while they’re gone, so sometimes we’re working or running errands or taking care of the kids or whatever. Put your phone ringer on full blast for the rest of his time in bootcamp, so you hopefully don’t miss it again, but don’t beat yourself up that you did! You can write a letter letting him know you’re disappointed you missed his call, and you can’t wait to hear from him, respond to what he said in his voicemails, but really, don’t beat yourself up. It’s so hard to miss a call, but you don’t need to feel guilty for sleeping, you have to take care of yourself too <3 

Leslie, Yes Sandboxx is great! It only takes 1 day for your recruit to receive and you can track it and see when your letter arrives. Buying the bundles is definitely worth it. My husband loves the attached pictures too. Have had no problems with the app. 

Navy Federal Credit Union and Armed Forces Bank pay out a day early for Navy. All other banks will be paid the day of, and however long it takes to clear depends Bank to Bank. 

Leslie-  yup! That’s exactly what I did, she won’t be able to stay with you overnight but you’ll be able to hang out almost all day Saturday and Sunday. 

What kind of food does he like?  A nice big meal is usually one thing they like.  Some want to go shopping for new underwear. Some want to see the newest movie!

Going to Chicago, use the train.  Be hyper-aware of curfews,  

Others just like to relax in the room, catch up online, and take long showers all by themselves.  

That is not too far if you have a car.  Their curfew tends to be 2000 or 2100, and they need to be there early as they need to be signed in and to walk back to the barracks.  The Boot Camp Moms group has more detailed information, so join that group, it is very, very active and you'll find all your answers.  There are smaller PIR groups there too, one for each graduating training group.

http://navyformoms.ning.com/group/bootcampmoms/page/liberty-during-...

http://navyformoms.ning.com/group/bootcampmoms

Im at the final Lap!!!! Thank God. Me Baby is in Div 944. he graduates friday week!! oh god I've missed him. i haven't booked my flight yet but I'm 100% going to be there. i don't know how long i have to see him

Hi everyone, I just joined.  My husband arrived at boot camp this past Wednesday, the 26th.  I miss him like crazy.  I have two kids, one is 2 and the other is 7.  I know he will do great and I am so happy and positive about this.  It is definitely an adjustment. I am so glad I found this group.

Hello everybody! I'm very excited to join this site and group for support since im new here and dont know anything at all of whats to come! My husband is leaving in February for boot camp and our 7yr old son and I are going to miss him so much!

Hi y'all! I'm new here. My wife ships out to basic training late November and then to A school in San Antonio. I'm super nervous because this will be our first Christmas married and she will be gone. I'm glad I found this page though (I've been looking through it for months already!)

Christmas in boot camp will be harder for you than for her.  She will have 80 other people going through the same thing, so be sure you have family or friends to rely on too.  I suggest that even if she is not religious at all, that she attends a church service of some kind.  Not for the message, but to sit for an hour with no one yelling at her, and to listen to the music.  

You can send a card, but be certain it has no glitter, and no music or voice chip.  

Hi you all, just a quick question! Can my husband who is active duty obtain our marriage license, me and our childs birth certificates & ssn through military?

Hey Guys! My name is Erica and I’m new here. My boyfriend is out at sea for the next 2-3 weeks! Surprisingly I’m doing really well emotionally. Just trying to keep busy. Anyone find it hard to sleep the first few days your man is gone? 

Alicia,  What he will have for liberty during A School and Thanksgiving may depend on where he will be.

Join the group for your husbands PIR, you may find some information there for you.

PIR: November 16, 2018

Thanksgiving is a federal holiday, so unless he has duty, he will have the day off.  He will be in Phase one liberty, so must stay in uniform, have liberty buddies, and an early curfew.  Friday is a work day, but typically they get off early in the afternoon.  Without knowing of he has duty, hard to say which day he will have off.  Chances are good though.  

https://www.facebook.com/notes/training-support-center-tsc-great-la...

Can a new Sailor hold his children at his PIR in uniform?

Short answer is yes. It shouldn’t be a problem. 

Thank You Allison

Your sailor can go to JAG (legal) to give you power of attorney. We’ve only done a letter of authorization for car insurance because my car at the time was still in my mothers name (she had better credit when we bought it), and the Navy needed proof of insurance to move with the vehicle. We attached the letter to the policy, and basically it went like this:

To whom it may concern,

I (my mother’s name) authorize my son-in-law (my husband’s name) to drive my (car year/make/model). 

Sincerely, 

(my mother’s signature)

date 

And she had the document notarized. 

Very short and sweet. Basically just identified herself, identified who she was giving privileges to, what privileges she was giving, and then she had it notarized to verify it was truly her that had written and signed it. I hope that helps somehow.

hi all!

I wrote out on this attachment my experience of my boyfriend going through bootcamp and how we're doing now.

Reading this page and your stories helped me tremendously over these past few months, and I wanted to share mine as well. 

If you ever have any questions, always feel free to reach out to me! And I will try and keep you all updated. 

(sorry the attachment is so long, I tried to keep it as short as possible!)

bootcamp.docx

This note is very sweet. If you’re open to edits, I would suggest separating the 900 division from the idea of extra days in PDays. How long you spend in PDays is dependent on a lot of factors, and a 900 division can sometimes fill quickly while a standard division can take over a week to fill. Maybe you didn’t mean to imply they went hand in hand, but it was a little confusing to read.

Assignment to a 900 division is pretty special as there’s typically only like 2 per PIR group if any. 900 divisions are different than regular divisions because they are performance divisions. They will have extra skills to learn/practice for the graduation ceremony (or sometimes multiple graduation ceremonies if other PIR groups do not have 900 divisions), so they only assign recruits they think can handle the extra work and do well with less time to focus on the skills and knowledge required to graduate bootcamp. Assignment can be based on lots of different things, height, exceptional military bearing, physical fitness level, ability to play a musical instrument or sing, prior service, etc.. Those within a 900 division are divided into three groups, sticks (those you saw carrying all the flags at graduation),  triple threat (those in the choir band and drill team), and the honor guard/ship staff (those “guarding” the doors, greeting people, escorting Officers, and a few others wandering around). These divisions do overfill to prep for seps/asmo/illness/injury, so the rest will help prep and clean up and march the same as the other divisions, but they are still held to a higher standard throughout bootcamp. Just a fun side note, there are also 800 divisions, which are typically those going on to special forces. If your recruit is in an 800 division, it is better to be cautious and keep that info private.

Also, yes, they do try to have 900 divisions perform battle stations early because they need to be well rested for their performance. It doesn’t always happen this way though. 

I would also add a disclaimer that every experience will be different. I saw you mentioned it in a couple spots like “no news is good news,” but I think one right from the beginning would be good because there’s all kinds of little things that can change the experience for everyone, and I remember hearing stories that stressed me out back then because it was different for my husband, so it might help those that have a different experience from you.

Thanks for sharing! This has a lot of useful information, and I’m sure users will find it very helpful and comforting on their own journey. 

Thank you Isaabelr!! It was refreshing to read from your stand point!

Allison - yes I would definitely love to add that everyone's experience through bootcamp is extremely different and my information may not line up with how others go through this, just wanted to share my experience throughout the time!

Im glad you did! It’s a nice concise record of everything that happens. Even on this great site, it’s hard to find all that info without digging through tons of posts because it’s in different places. If you haven’t already, you should put it on your profile to reference it quickly to others :) 

You can also post it in the blog section, and link to it there.

Daniella, Facebook isn’t for everyone, I get that, but I would recommend joining just for navy related things. The Facebook groups are much more active than these forums here, you can follow command pages for updates and events, and you can connect easily with ombudsmen.  

Anyway, good luck to your recruit, sounds like he’s halfway there! Let us know if you have any questions! 

The FB groups can be a good thing when your recruit is out of BC. Many of the schools have FB pages and so do many of the ships.

Do be very careful if you join a group for a PIR date. Your full name and personal information is visible to the group.

You can marry during A school, just google the county clerk there for information.  The biggest obstacle will be that you are not a citizen. He needs to talk to his school command as soon as he arrives, because if he needs a security clearance, marrying you might put that in jeopardy.  He could lose his school and need to take something else with a lower clearance.  That's not good and can be quite disappointing for you both.

Hi  everyone... This is a hard one so brace yourself please.

My Husband is active duty but has been on LIMDU for two and a half years, he went through the MED BOARD process but they found him "Fit for Full duty" to go back to the ship, he just received his orders to go back to the ship but he said he failed the SEA DUTY/OPERATIONAL SCREENING because of what his psychiatric doctor put in his medical file, He also said he can't go to the ship.

My Husband also told me that PERS which I can't find information on can override everything for him and they will decide if he goes on the ship, or another shore command or another LIMDU..

Everyday I receive a new and confusing updates I live 1000 miles away he is at the barracks and he is truly dodging going on the ship.

He has never been on any deployments and it is so unfair especially to the families who have had to sacrifice their loved ones to serve.

I also read many news reports that the military can separate him because he has been non-deployable for over 12 months .. he has been non-deployable for 2 and a half years

I feel there are so many untruths by him and I wanted to know the protocol ... Can he request to separate from the Navy as an option? I surely hope not...

How can I learn of the truth or get the facts on the process. If he does get separated how long does it take before he actually dismissed?

He is not giving me any correct information and being deceitful and I do not want to be blind sided. He is trying to stay on LIMDU for his final 4th year which is now and trying to orchestrate this with his psychiatric doctor. It is almost like he is gaming the system. My husband is trying to be non-functional for the ship but only functional for shore duty so he can work part time and play video games all day.. Can't anyone else see this?  I am so disheartened and sad. He needs to serve the Navy in full form and do his duty and be a true Sailor and should be demanded to make up this frivolous time he spent sitting around.

Your answers and direction are so very much appreciated. 

Paige, PERS or NAVPERS is a really broad term that covers like the “handbook” for service, everything in his service record, all the “HR” paperwork, and more. Some of the things in the service record impact what you are qualified or unqualified to do, which obviously impacts where you can go. I think what your husband means is that whoever is reviewing his service record and cutting the official orders in NAVPERS (not the unofficial orders given to him in person), has the final say in how the information they’ve been provided with will impact your husband’s placement. By “override” he probably means they’d submit addendums to other pages in his records in order to qualify/disqualify him from certain billets.

Now, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, I’m really just trying to be helpful and not pick a fight, but I don’t think it would be a good idea to accuse someone, especially your husband, of “faking” a struggle with their mental health in order to rip off the Navy. That’s a very serious accusation, and maybe he does just want to sit around not working and playing video games, but those can be qualities in someone who is struggling with their mental health too…video games may be a way he “escapes.” And if he’s truly struggling with his mental health, the Navy will give him a chance to overcome it and move on, or they’ll separate him, which is better for EVERYONE. And if he’s “faking” it, he can’t ride that forever and will eventually be separated or denied reenlistment either for fraud or just for underperformance. And regardless of if he’s “faking” it or not to avoid sea duty, there could be very real side effects of sending him to a ship with that mentality. 

As for your other concerns, I suggest reaching out to the ombudsman or chaplain at his command first. They’ll be able to help you move forward with contacting the CoC or having them contact you if necessary, but they can also help decode the info your husband shares with you and give you info on the process. 

I don’t know exactly how this will work in your case, but for my husband and I, we both had medseps. Mine was in boot camp for a pre-existing condition, i had to attend some info meetings, do paperwork, and was given an option to re-enlist after one year following further medical evaluation, and it took about a month. It was classified as just “early desperation.” Some of the girls in my compartment were psych cases, and it depended on the severity, some were gone in a week (usually the ones that just didn’t want to be there) and some were there for months being evaluated (usually the more true and severe phsych cases), none were eligible for re-enlistment, some were given “dishonorables” but most were early sep depending again on severity. My husbands was things in relationship to his service after almost 3 years, so he had lots of appointments to determine how severe stuff was, his eligibility for disability, etc. He had tons of paperwork, a whole class for the transition, and it took about 8 months. About 5 months in they sent me home and paid for the move while he transferred to Norfolk to finish the process before he could join me. He is unfortunately not eligible for reenlistment, but he got an med sep under honorable conditions or something like that and still has all his veterans benefits and a small disability benefit. They only paid to send him to his home of record, and we paid for him the rest of the way to join me at our new home in my hometown. 

*early separation not desperation. Auto correct lol

Hi all! Just some questions for some of the more experienced people on here. My boyfriend and I are looking to get legally married so I can move down there once he is graduated from A school (mid June). We want to still have a wedding, but when we are a couple years older and timing is easier. But, I am wondering when we should get this done. Does anyone know the process of getting a newly wed couple living together? I have talked to a couple people down where he is stationed and they say it takes a few weeks, so is this something that should be done in April? He's a nuke down in Goose Creek if that helps.