Girlfriends, Fiances,and Wives of Sailors

My daughter and son-in-law got married while he was on leave between A school and his first duty station. They got married in late September, he left in early October. She joined him in mid-December. In that time, she had to obtain her military ID and enroll in DEERS. Your sailor will have to tell his command that he got married, and do all the things that he has to do on his end. It would be in your best interest to get married BEFORE he gets his orders to his first duty station. It makes the process easier on both of you. That way you can be on his orders. If you are on his orders, it will be much faster to get housing. My SIL had to apply for housing, but they wouldn't assign it until she was actually there with him. Fortunately, he was able to find housing on the adjoining Air Force side of the base pretty quickly, and they only spent one night in a hotel. (They are on an OCONUS joint base). We know others who have spent months in a hotel waiting on Navy housing. 

Katie, there is no Spring Break.  He will have the opportunity to take leave and come home for about a week after he finishes his A school.  Can you go visit him?

They usually get leave after A school and before their first duty station or C school. Depending on how long he's been in will depend on how much leave he's allowed to take. And if he's in school, and his designation has different classes within the school, he could have to wait to "class up" for each class. If they don't have enough of a group to take a class, they will wait until they do. Meaning, they may anticipate all of the school will be finished by March 19th. But due to certain conditions, it could be postponed until April. Get used to this, it's Navy time. You may never have a specific date the rest of the time he serves. 

Is there there a group for Buckley Corpsman 

Buckley?  A specific group like that would probably be on Facebook.  

Good afternoon beautiful ladies,

My SO has been in boot camp since 05/28/19. My question is I haven’t received anything from him.  Is box with his cell phone and other belongings as well as any letter. Is there a way I can find the status of him ? Just a bit worried since I’ve heard of other people already getting stuff and I still haven’t received anything. 

Thank you all for your time .

There’s probably been processing delays and such because of the holidays. I wouldn’t stress too much. They can spend anywhere from a couple days to over a week in processing (P-Days). Lots of reasons for delays, but they WILL call or have someone else call if something is wrong, so not hearing anything is just as good as hearing good things…though less enjoyable haha. 

You could check with his recruiter, they sometimes have access to that information, but I wouldn’t recommend getting that involved in the Navy’s workings. 

Don’t worry, nothing abnormal about this situation. 

Hi all! My name is Reese and I am new to the group. My boyfriend left to boot camp on June 3rd and should hopefully be graduating on August 2nd. We have not gotten the first letter from him yet but we are expecting to get it sometime next week. I was wondering if anyone could confirm with me that if there are more than 13 divisions graduating the sailor is only allowed to invite 3 people to graduation, not four. Thanks in advance!

Welcome, ReeseB.  This is not the most active group, do you belong to bootcamp moms too?  It says moms but is for everyone.  It is active daily and will have individual PIR groups.

Yes, if the training group is large, there are only three guests.

Hi Everyone - I hope all is going well. I need your help understanding the re-enlistment process regarding my husband.

His contract ends on Jan 2020  - He is currently Fit for Full, but has served on land duty for 3 yrs due to health reasons.

If he re-enlists next week for example,  would he receive his orders right away and then immediately proceed with the new orders i.e go on the new ship get stationed somewhere else etc.. OR will his orders start in Jan 2020?  What is the deadline for re-enlistment prior to the contract ending? Or since it is only 6 months away is it too late to re-enlist?

,Also please, does he get the opportunity to choose his re-enlistment date or does the Navy assign that?

I am receiving too many different responses from him and not sure how this could work out and I know this fine group will give me the answers. 

My last question, if he does not re-enlist can he extend his existing contract past 2020 for 2 yrs and remain at his permanent duty station?.. I appreciate your responses and thank you so much in advance... Have a great day!

ReeseB123 - Yes, the 8/2/19 PIR group is only allowing 3 guests due to the size.

Paige - your question is an interesting one - hopefully someone with more knowledge regarding re-enlistment will be able to answer it for you.  Anti M might even be able to help on this one.

Thank you all for the reply on my previous comment, but do you guys know if their is someone I can call to know more information about the re-enlistment process and or finding information about my Husband to see if he is going to re-enlist ect.

Paige, 

I hate to cause trouble, but I do feel some concerns over your recent questions. I don’t want to make assumptions about what’s going on and risk offending you, so I’ll just put some resources here for you that you may/may not know about, that are appropriate places to direct your concerns and find support as a spouse.

Ombudsman:

The ombudsman is a spouse of a sailor at your command. They are typically experienced/have been at the military spouse thing for awhile, and they do training as part of becoming a registered ombudsman. They act as a middle man between families and the command. They can help spouses navigate all those confusing aspects of Military life, they can talk you through those stacks of constantly changing info, provide info on additional resources and support, and they can communicate with the command when reasonable and necessary to help you. My last ombudsman before my husband got out was an angel, she drove around taking pictures of base before I moved, helped me figure out my train ticket, helped me get in contact with someone in legal to figure out my visa and passport paperwork, and provided resources and contacts for house hunting, buying a car, loaner furniture, finding a job, and a laundry list of other things. Find yours here (proceed through any message, the webpage is fine):

https://ombudsmanregistry.cnic.navy.mil 

Chaplain:

A chaplain is a religious officer in the military, they lead worship for one or more religious groups on base, hold religious study meetings, lead retreats… basically like a priest/pastor/rabbi/etc depending on the religion. However, many people do not know that you can also just sit down and talk to a chaplain, for free, and it’s COMPLETELY confidential. I emphasize completely because you can literally tell the chaplain anything and they are bound by their vows as a chaplain to keep it secret. Chaplains are not mandatory reporters like everyone else. Of course, they will encourage you to file reports if necessary, but they cannot tell anyone what you’ve said without your permission. 

Chaplains are an excellent source for information because 1) they are in the military themselves, and they can help interpret info for you, and 2) they are trained to provide resources and direction for just about every scenario you could possibly present them with. 

You can always meet with them in their office, but some chaplains are also willing to meet elsewhere on base, or even in your home depending on circumstances. 

You can find a chaplain by asking your ombudsman, visiting the chapel on base, or here: 

https://www.navy.mil/local/chaplaincorps/chaplaincare.asp

Military OneSource:

Military OneSource is pretty much what it sounds like. They compile resources and information in one spot for military families. Everything from parenting resources, common base ammenities/groups,  transition assistance and more. The key feature of military OneSource though is their confidential help resource. Military OneSource will ser you up and pay 100% for short-term, non-medical  counseling sessions. Typically it will be something like 12 sessions, per issue, per year, or similar. This remains available to qualifying candidates up to a year AFTER their spouse is discharged. While they cannot address certain issues like “depression” and “abuse,” they can address things like parenting issues, marital problems (including marriage counseling), transition assistance, etc. Keep in mind the counselors they set you up with ARE mandatory reporters

Their website is here:

https://www.militaryonesource.mil

Family Readiness Group (FRG):

A local FRG is usually easy to find on Facebook by searching your base and/or command +FRG, or ask your ombudsman about it. At smaller bases and some joint commands, FRG might be supporting all navy personnel families, while at larger Navy bases, there may be a couple FRGs for the different commands. 

Fleet and Family Support Program (FFSP):

The FFSP is designed to support sailors and their families through a variety of outreach programs and services in order to promote fleet readiness. They offer a wide variety of services from clinical counseling to tax assistance and financial planning. Your local Fleet and Family Support Center is a great place to start when you know you need help  and need more specific and local assistance. Typically you can Google your base name + FFSC and get results. But your ombudsman and FRG leaders can also easily connect you to this service. For general information on FFSP and their services, you can go here:

https://www.cnic.navy.mil/ffr/family_readiness/fleet_and_family_sup...

While none of these resources are likely to get you specific information regarding your husband, they can all provide general information on re-enlistment and any other concerns you may have. 

Of course, this site is always great too for little bits of information, but I think you will find more help/guidance for your situation from one or more of these resources. 

I don’t know why the first part of the FRG didn’t post, but it is a “social and informational support network” for spouses. They host a variety of events from pre-deployment meetings as necessary to BBQs and Christmas parties. Many of the spouses will be dealing with similar situations or have dealt with them before, so they can be a great resource, and they are lead by trained FRG leaders, typically including the ombudsman, that are prepared to provide knowledge and support. Meetings are also a lot of fun! 

Hi you all, I have a question regarding BAH. Can my husband use our BAH to sign up for military housing for himself? Or can he pay for military housing or off base housing using only his base pay? Can he pay for 2 households?

@abuon18 Thank you for the info, yeah I thought originally that service members can apply for housing for themselves without their dependents, he said its called PPV housing

And if he were to get housing for himself using his base pay only, I would assume he would need to use some of the BAH to cover some living expenses?!

PPV housing is offered to both single and married sailors, and even more commonly to married sailors. It is basically just when a private third party operates military housing. So if you’ve ever lived in Lincoln housing (a common military housing group) that is PPV housing, and eventually (supposedly) all military housing will be privatized. Sometimes these housing communities are former military housing, which I think is where the confusion of what PPV housing is comes from.

Unaccompanied housing (UH) is where single sailors and married sailors without their dependents live. These may be on base “barracks” style or more like apartments. There is also the option for sailors to move off base into either a place they find or in a PPV housing community...this kind of just depends on the options available where they are stationed and were they want to live. This typically becomes available at E-4, so they have to be in on base UH until at least then (I think this might be a command dependent thing), but single rate-BAH doesn’t kick in until E-5 like abuon18 mentioned, so it will be an out of pocket cost before that. Exceptions to get off base early include (sometimes) sailors on sea rotation or when there is a severe lack of availability in the on base UH.

Another important thing to remember about BAH is that a sailor gets it for having dependents in their care...there is a minimum amount of time I think, but the point is basically that they don’t have to be married to be considered to have dependents. They may have children or even in some circumstances have elderly family in their care. It is also possible that a sailor has dependents and is even married but does not receive BAH, receives single-rate BAH, or that the location influencing the BAH rate will be for a different location than expected. I wish there were clear consistencies that I could explain, but it is dependent on so many factors. 

Anyway, if you and your spouse are separating or divorcing, you need to get someone else involved...preferably not command though, that’s not their job, and they won’t really be able to help you. They can harp on your spouse to get their ish together, but without someone breathing down THEIR neck, that’s probably all they’re gonna do...and maybe start ignoring your calls. They can’t just tell a sailor to give you money because you ask and they should...that’s not even up to them, that’s all dealt with in PSD and DFAS. Based on your previous questions, I would probably start with Family Advocacy, but if I’m misreading your experiences and you disagree, try Fleet and Family Support or a civilian attorney (i.e. not JAG). If you are separating, whether temporarily while you sort it out or in preparation for a divorce, file for a legal separation so there is a clear agreement of things like child custody, child/spousal support, and you’re protected against any big financial moves...this will also help your case in any disagreements or non-compliance on your spouse’s part.

If you are just going to be living separately for a different reason, like when I had to finish my semester at school and my husband got sent to Italy, you just need to make sure your spouse is on it with PSD and that you both understand what’s going to happen with your spouse’s pay when this happens. PSD likely won’t deal with you directly, but you can go to the meetings with your spouse. It might also be worth checking if they’ll accept special power of attorney to be involved with you while your spouse is away, and unlike divorce or separation, JAG actually can help with POA.

Hi you all, I have a quick question.

My husband just got orders to be on a ship that is in the ship yards and he has an option to live on the barge but he doesn't want to.

He said that if he stays on the barge, the BAH will be taken. I live in another state with our child, and I use the BAH to support us and I'm under the impression that BAH is for spouse and dependents.

My husband thinks he can use BAH to qualify him and his mother and sibling who are not legal dependents for an apartment. 

Can he use the BAH plus his base pay to get an apartment? & will BAH be taken away if he stays on the barge?

Thank you

Hello fellow Navy Wives, 

I need your advice!

My husband just got stationed in VA a week from today already. He is staying in barracks. I didn't move with him to VA because we wanted to get a house already. 

We wanted to get a house already because we wanted to invest early while we can. (Thinking that properties could appreciate in value in the next years to come). And as much as possible we wanted to maximize the use of BAH by using it to pay mortgage. 

With that, we may have a house but there might be less time he'd be able to go home because he still have to travel (from his duty station).

Another option is we buy a house, and if we plan to be together where he is stationed at, then we will rent out the house. 

Anyone, please advice or share any pros and cons. 

Thank you. 

I’m thinking the thing as you too. We r also married and have 1 kid. But, as my research i don’t think he can stay in barracks for long time since he is getting his BAH. Also, i heard ppl say that housing in VA isn’t cheap. It will be more than whatever u rent. But, i still like the idea of investment into a house. 

Sorry, my husband just graduated and i don’t have any  advice for u. 

@ Kristy, Thank you for your comment. My husband just graduated too. PIR 11/08. 

Ugh. I wrote out this whole organized thing for you, and then my phone glitched and deleted it. Anyway, long story short, I personally would not recommend buying a house right now, but I don’t know everything about your financial situation. Consider speaking with a mortgage broker that is not directly affiliated with a bank. If you find a loan with them, you have to pay them, but it’s SO worth their help. I can also give you more information if you like about my thoughts, but I was worried I was making it sound terrible and impossible, which it’s not at all haha. So I’ll leave it out unless you ask for more.

One important thing I want to mention though is that if you’re going to use the VA backed loan, you cannot rent out that property unless you also live there. The VA will only back financing for your primary residence. Also, depending on your state, it may impact how you file taxes to own property there. Virginia I know is one of them because my husband was a resident there before he got out and we moved to my home state, and I’m so glad we never bought any property there. 

Also, if you go with any other financing and think you may want to rent out the property, make sure you take a look at landlord tenant laws and stuff in your state. You may find it’s not worth the trouble at this point in your lives, but if you were to (or have to in some states) hire a property manager, you need to weigh out whether the rental value of your property is enough to cover the mortgage, mortgage insurance, insurance, HOA (if applicable), property tax (if applicable), maintenance, paying the property manager, etc. 

Hi Allison, 

Thank you for taking time to respond. 

We are new military couple and are hoping to be first time home buyers so we really do not have any idea on what is about to happen. We are so excited and overwhelmed. 

(at this point...I don't know what else to type) It's just a lot to think about in so little time since my husband might get deployed anytime soon.

I think you should rent a place there first, and see how is the housing market in the area before you decide on any big decision 

He definitely cannot live in the barracks if he begins to pull BAH. Even if you do not move there, they will make him move out once they catch on.  Only during boot camp, A school, and sometimes when they are at isolated duty stations where dependents do not go do they get to double dip on BAH and a free barracks room.  Now that he is at his new duty station, that all will change.

Of you read up on BAH, it is based on average rentals near the duty station.  It is not intended to cover a mortgage.  Honestly, we didn't consider using our VA loan until my husband retired, because we were flexible on where we would end up.  You cannot use your VA eligibility to buy a home to rent out, and it is worth hanging onto until you are truly ready.
As a homeowner, I know there's much more to a house that just that mortgage payment.  It's crazy how expensive it can be.  Property usually appreciates, but not if you get stuck with paying for a home you cannot use, or get bad renters, or it sits empty.  

I would suggest a LOT of research before making that decision.

Hi you all, I know I've had previous questions about this topic, but I need clarification on BAH & Base Pay. So my Husband got a new set of orders to stay on land duty in Oceana, VA. He has a barracks he can stay at, but he said they will take the entire BAH if he stays there, he said they no longer accept Geo bachelors that have dependents. My husband also said that his command told him that he is entitled to BAH and Base pay, and that if he needs to get an apartment, he can use his Base pay and BAH to do so. I'm getting so many different answers from Navy, and I'm not sure if he can use BAH or even a portion of it to get an apartment. I live across the country with our child who is starting school and my Husband will be moving with us when his contract is over in 3 years. What are my rights regarding BAH and what are his? Thank You kindly

Hi Paige,

When a service member is a geo-bachelor it basically means that the family is welcome and able to move with the sailor, but they CHOOSE not to. So my first piece of advice is that if for any reason that’s not correct, like his orders are unaccompanied/you’re not sponsored by command, you or your child need access to services that this base cannot provide, you’re legally separated, etc. he needs to talk to his command and PSD about that. But if at the end of the day you are in fact just choosing not to live with your spouse for any number of other valid reasons like cost of living, school, family support, anticipation of long deployments/shifts etc., he is in fact a geo-bachelor. 

So normally, how housing for service members works is that they are allowed only one form of housing. There are some exceptions like when a sailor is in a long A or C school, training, or routine cruises and required to have a barracks room but also “live ashore” (basically just not a barracks or ship) with their families, or sailors on deployments that have accommodations on the ship but also have a home with their families. But essentially the standard is you get one form of “free” accommodation. 

When a sailor and his family choose to do geo-bachelor tours, they may, though obviously not always, be able to get a free or low cost barracks room while also receiving their BAH, this is command dependent and based on mainly on accommodations they have available. So when his command says they’re not accepting anymore geo-bachelors, what they’re probably saying is they don’t have the space in the barracks to give rooms to sailors that have access to other accommodations, so he has to choose. His options become either move into the barracks and give up your BAH, or use your BAH to move out into town. I’ve heard cost of living there is high, though I don’t know first hand, which is probably why he’s saying he’d need all of it. Unfortunately, this is the situation, and there’s really nothing you can do to get the BAH, it’s a use it or lose it situation, and if he uses it, he’s obviously going to need it to live. 

Hopefully this helps :) 

Thank You all for the help. So I understand, my Husband is allowed to use all the BAH and Base pay? Could he leave us with not having enough money to support our financial needs for our child and I? I just want to make sure I understand

I gave the long version first because the short version sounds harsh on its own. The short version to answer your question is that your husband has a right to military provided accommodations, in the form of actual accommodations OR funds to find them nearby, which he is getting right now. He will either have a barracks or BAH to find an apartment. The military doesn’t owe or promise you, as a spouse, anything because you aren’t the one with the contract. Yes, they provide service members with BAH to help support their families, but the benefit is coming from their contract, for their promised accommodations. If you CHOOSE  not to live with him, you’re pretty much SOL because they don’t owe you anything. Emphasis on choose because it’s different if the military forces service members and their families to be separated. 

Okay I understand, thank you for the help. :)

He shouldn’t just not support you if he has the means to help you, but if it takes all of his base pay and BAH for him to survive with just the essentials in VA, yes, he can do that. Obviously he should be sticking to a tight budget and cutting back on whatever he can to have more to help support you and your child, but I know just the couple months we were apart while I finished some classes, it was a little rough, even though I worked full time. He was in the barracks during that time, so no BAH for me or OHA for him. It can work though, and I hope you guys are able to make it work too. 

One thing to be prepared for is that if you guys can’t make it work where everything is getting paid, everyone is clean and fed, and has the basic necessities etc. is that there can be consequences for him for that. Financial stability is really important in the Navy, more so too if he holds a security clearance. They have great, free resources on base for financial planning that you guys should look into as you prepare for this change. I believe you would contact Fleet and Family for them.