Corpsman Moms

Just finished week 2/8 FMTB Camp Pendleton (Socker Bob'ems - Marine Corps Style)  I can hear the exhaustion and frustration in his voice  :(    Liberty rules are complicated and keep changing making it near impossible to get the most basic errands done.  Forget about seeing anything outside the base including his uncle that is up in LA.   He is most surprised that this training was supposed to be learning how to work with the Marines, yet they are not allowed to even talk with them.  Too many conflicting rules and consequences for trying to do the right things.  If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger is true, then this week our boys just got a lot stronger.  He doesn't even want anyone to come to graduation at this point because "its just another line up."  He's looking forward to a 4 mile hike hauling extra equipment just so he feels like he is moving forward and making progress!  Yikes!   He had watch duty last night 12-2 and then 5 a.m. muster.  Hope he can get caught up on some sleep soon.    Mom's in full worry mode!

ProudNavyMom - what you were saying about your son having just started A school & getting a 92 on his 1st test reminds me of when my son started A school nearly 2 years ago. I was worried sick that he wouldn't be able to handle the course work because school & him had never mixed (he barely scraped by in most of his subjects all through middle & high school) - but I did my best to keep my worry from showing when I spoke with him. I was so grateful & relieved when he told us he got a 90 on his first exam; as things turned out he did quite respectably in A school, though he wasn't at the top of his class. He stayed on in SA for an additional 6 months for C school (pharmacy tech) and is now stationed in Italy (Sicily actually - NAS Sigonella) and really seems to like it over there. I guess his dad & I are somewhat relieved he didn't choose to go the greenside/combat training route but I would have highly respected such a choice if he had made it (albeit plenty of worrying) - I have the utmost respect for those who have chosen to go that direction.

If I recall correctly, there is a list somewhere of the things they should bring to FMTB.  Most importantly, a lock for their locker.

They are learning how to work along side the Marines, not necessarily with them, at this point.  Our sailors don't do long marches with heavy backpacks during boot camp so they learn to do that FMTB.  They learn how to transport the wounded.  They learn what to do if they need their gas masks.  This is serious stuff.  If they are going to go to a Marine unit, they will have more intensive training.  When my son started FMTB, he was out of shape (a year of school with limited PT and in his 30s) and was barely making it up the first hill.  Drill sergeant yelled at him for setting poor example for the sailors under him.  By the end of FMTB, he was in the lead.  That was important for not only his ego but because you don't want to be at the of the line because it is tougher back there (stop and go). 

I  know that the Marine instructors are tough on our guys.  I think part of it is because it is their personality (it takes a special kind of Marine to drill these students - some are real jerks) but also because they are teaching our sailors things that might save their lives in the future.  I saw a video of two students acting out what it is like to be in FMTB with a drill sergeant screaming at you.  The mother in me was appalled yet my son thought it was hilarious.   

They have Marine instructors so they are interacting with Marines on a daily basis.  The other Marines around them are recruits and those fellows have no time to socialize with our guys.

As they progress, they will be allowed liberty and will go to the MCX to shop.  I know, I saw them there, and was with my son there during FMTB.  

Yes, it is kind of unreasonable for us to ask what exactly our sailors are doing.  They are doing it, not us.  They are the ones who joined the Navy, not us.  What those in charge want us to know is told to our sailors.  It is up to them to tell us (which I realize comes back garbled to us).  Saying that, I do know how you feel.  I always want to know everything.  Drove me nuts that my son had the schedule for everything they did in FMTB because he was second in charge of the group) but didn't share it with me.  Also, schedule changes.  I tried to pretend he was deployed and couldn't get the info to me.  That did help me when he really was deployed and couldn't contact me.

As to graduation, my advice is to ignore him and have whatever family members can go, go.  He will be glad to see them at the end of this.  I felt sorry for the sailors who didn't have family at graduation.  I always feel sad when I read about families attending A school graduation but we didn't go because he told us it wasn't a big thing.  My husband did fly out for his IDC graduation and son was very glad to have him there.   

Go watch the training video OC mom mentioned below.  It is really informative and shows why our guys can be grumpy.  

As a mom who only went to PIR as per my son's request, besides the fact of the cost which is prohibitive for many parents and families, I have to speak up. 

There is a reason that when your son took his oath that you were the ONLY parents there. For one thing, recruiters do not encourage or invite families to go.  Parents put their sons/daughters on that bus from their hometowns to send them to start their military careers and take that oath.It never entered my mind to tag along.  Like my son said to me once "please, mom, don't be one of THOSE moms, it's embarrassing, I'm an adult". The only graduation we attended was PIR, which is the only one he invited us to...besides the fact that A School grad was in Great Lakes and we live in Texas and could not do that trip twice. Also be aware that their COs watch everything and you never know what will catch their attention. My (now ex)  son in law sent a package to my son while he was in basic, knowing full well it was the wrong thing to do. When my son was hauled into the CO's office and asked if he wanted to claim it, he saw my daughter's name, felt it was safe and said yes. He had to open it then and there.That is how my son became know as Captain Condom for the rest of training...and that name was heard over the PA on a daily basis. While we have tried to raise our children to stand out, be the best, the smartest the highest grades, in the military they want team players and learn to be one of a very highly trained elite group. The military will decide who the leaders are. 

Please realize that your son/daughter is starting on a career, with intense training, and will be pushed to a new maturity that will send you home a young professional. Treat them like one. Please wait until you hear from you son/daughter about events they want you to attend. They will direct you on how to handle it. Do not call their commanders, or anyone on the base  without their knowledge, no letters, nothing that can come back to haunt your son/daughter's career.  This isn't college or high school. It's the military.Ma Navy is in charge. No exceptions.

What is sometimes hard for new military families to understand is that the Navy, the Army, the Marines have all been training young Americans for a very, very long time. They have their system and procedures and they know what works. It may not be what parents have in mind for their kids, but it turns out exactly the kind of military professional that the military needs. Once your son/daughter signed that dotted line, the military took over. Over the last few years, I've seen the military more open to families, such as this web site, but I grew up in a military town as a Navy brat, and we learned early....the Navy comes first. 

I totally agree with TexasDocMom.  

  My husband and I did not going to his swearing in since it was six hours away, and we both had to work.   My son understood that, and he was fine with it.

We went to our son's PIR because he reallly wanted us to be there.  We did not go to his A school graduation from San Antonio, though he wanted us to do so, since he was flying home the next day.  We live in Northern California, and I always buy my son's plane ticket home when he wants to come home.  He has only been home twice, and he has been in almost 2 1/2 years.  I was raised as a "Navy brat,"   and I respect the Navy personnel.  They know what they are doing with these young men and women in helping them grow and mature.  My son has matured greatly from his experiene in the U.S Navy, and I am grateful.   My son always lets me know when he needs something.  I am there for him, but he needs to live his own life, as well. 

Oh, I forgot to mention, that the U.S Navy did a special swearing in on a decommisioned Navy ship where I live for all the families and recruits.  It was a ceremonial swearing in, but the Navy knew that we lived 6 hours away from where our sons and daughters would be formally sworn in.  I was impressed that the Navy did this special ceremonial swearing in for the families.  I was also very grateful!!!

power0806, I'm smiling :-) because you just brought back all the memories of the first couple weeks of FMTB West that my son went thru three years ago...Please Don't Worry!  What he's going thru is normal!!!  They're back in bootcamp, Marine style.  A LOT of mustering for hours on end.  And, a LOT of yelling.  Their reward will be when they get all their Marine gear!  My son loved the Marine cammies and boots!  Just wait until he has watch all night and then a big written test the next day!!!  Then, when they get liberty after the first few weeks, they'll head to the night life in SD and hopefully don't spend their entire paycheck...ahhh, the life of a sailor!  So, Don't Worry, he'll be fine and will survive and you'll get to see each other at Graduation if you're able to attend!  He'll be well tanned as well with the "farmers tan".

power0806, Oh, and there's no sleep in FMTB...LOL  He'll have plenty time for that after training.  :-)  They want them learn how to do their jobs when exhausted...

FMTB...sent the long lanky Sailor boy I knew back to  us  as a stocky long legged man with huge thighs from all that running with 250 lbs of dead weight over their shoulders...so they can pick up Marines and run to safety. They'll also have great stories "Mom! 14 Marines went down in the heat today, and we took care of all of them! One even arrested! It was so cool!"...yeah, right, probably not to that Marine's mom. "Mom! I hit 8 IVs in a row in the helicopter today!" or about how the Marine instructors tell you to get to the wounded Marine, pick him up and protect him with your life but the Navy Corpsman instructors say "we've already got one man down, we don't need two...use the Marine as your shield and make it to safety." I told him to follow the advice of the Navy Corpsmen instructors. Altho, my Marine friends say it was okay with them if the Doc used them as a shield.

FMTB is a real learning experience for our Navy folks. It's hard, it's tough and it will make them survive in a war zone. Believe me, it's exactly what we want them to be doing before going greenside. 

Thanks TexasDocMom. As usual, you hit the target right on. I agree with everything you said even though I am a newbie and NOT from a military family. Maybe its because my son went to an all-boys high school and played mulitple sports (football and lacrosse) at a very high level of competition. When my son went to sign up he didn't tell me he was doing it that day. I knew he was thinking about it but I didn't know that he was going to do it that day. I wasn't told of any of the MEPS events, nor his swearing in ceremony. He wanted to do it himself. It was his decision and he wanted to have it be his.

It also makes it easier in our discussions now. He has to take responsibility for his decision to enlist. Even though he loves it, he knows he did it. Good and/or bad. That matured him. I went to his PIR but didn't go to his A-school graduation. He did have my sister and her husband (USAF pilot); and my son was glad to have him there because of his military experience. I will be there for FMTB graduation because this one is a big thing for my son and and its local.

BTW, just wondering, since it is local for our family, is there a PIR-like restriction of the number of attendees to FMTB graduation?

My son got his hard copy orders to go to FMTB at Camp Pendleton. He is very happy, and I am happy for him.  He really wants to do it, and I know that he will rise to the occasion and do well!     I will go to the FMTB graduation if he wants us to be there.   It is in the same state where we live, but at the other end.   We will drive since I hate to fly unless I have to do so.  

Bobbo, there's no restriction on the number of attendees at FMTB West so load up the cars...:-)

Well...here's the yin/yang of me and TDM about ceremonies - plus I like to travel!  :)  And I agree with all she says about FMTB.

I've been to swearing-in at MEPS; PIR; A school graduation; and FMTB graduation; and glad I went to all.  

The XO who swore my son into the Navy at MEPS and who I got to know through later events, has told me they encourage families to attend swearing-in.   However, many recruits sadly don't have family there, because they don't all come from a great family situation, and join the service in search of that.

Hospital Corps school graduation at Great Lakes was a powerful and emotional experience, heavy on Navy tradition; I can't see it being the same at San Antonio though.  

I counted over 200 family members at the FMTB graduation I went to (Camp Johnson NC) and it was great to see.  

Sailors can't really know what a ceremony will be like until they experience it, and may feel later they would have liked to have family attend.  I think it's up to each sailor and his/her family when it comes to attending ceremonies - there's no "right way" but what's right for them.  

Please, do not feel sorry for my son because his parents did not attend his swearing in at MEPS  or A School Grad or his FMTB grad. I also was not at either one of his homecomings. He didn't want it, he didn't expect it, and it was his call. He's an adult and wanted to be treated like one. He didn't want copter parents. 

If that makes me a lousy mom, so be it. Both my grown kids seem pretty  happy with me, who knew they were mistreated so badly. or "sadly". good grief.

My son is one that encourages us to come to every event available. We just last weekend attended PIR, which was amazing and so worth it! He is already planning for us to be in San Antonio in December for Corpsman graduation, and is excited about the opportunity to go to FMTB school after that.  Then C school he says-- lol! (Side note here-- he did NOT want us at his swearing in because he knew I would audibly be crying in the back and he needed to do that one on his own he said)   We have always been close, however, and he knows it means the world for me to see him make each accomplishment. It also gives him the opportunity to get a hug from me each time and he loves getting his hugs!  Every child is different however. I think that we need to take our cues from each individual Sailor.  Some want space and independence and some want that daily support.  And always in respect of the Navy wishes! It needs to be the Navy way or the highway my SA says.  If we do it the Navy way, it is an "easy day"--- He has already picked up so many sayings. I love that Corpsman son of mine!!

Thank you vettespace. I hadn't heard of any and, in fact, had heard there wasn't any restrictions. We have many friends who have a stake in my son graduating and plus the two sides of the family. Who knows how large it could be since it next door.

Kathy, not all sailors go to FMTB.  Seems like someone dropped the ball with your son, though.  Is he assigned to the Marines or to the hospital?  If he is at the hospital, he doesn't need FMTB.  If he deploys with the Marines, he might be sent beforehand.

My son went to Great Lakes for both boot camp and A school, then off to Quantico for several weeks to care for OCS students, and then to his first assignment in Pensacola.  He didn't go to FMTB until he had been in the service for over six years. 

It really depends on your child, and you know them better than we do.  My daughter, who was 20 years old at the time, was pleased to have me attend her swearing in ceremony.  She didn't have a PIR because she failed the PFT and I had to tell her that I couldn't make it to A school graduation because I would have to take three days off from my job, teaching school.

After contemplation I ended up making another plan without telling her. I left school an hour early, drove breakneck speed from Southeastern Oklahoma to Love Field Dallas, took a plane to SAT and had my parents pick me up at the airport.  I wish all of you could have seen the look on her face the next day when I met her in the hall on the way to the A-school ceremony.  I took the plane out of SAT that afternoon and drove home missing only one day of work.

The truth is we would all move the world to make our kids happy, and someday they will understand that.

There is no right or wrong. That's the point...saying that families and parents who do not go to every little thing that their adult children do in the military means that that family is dysfunctional and the reason that the kid joined the Navy in the first place is insulting. Implying that 60 sets of parents do not care about their kids because they do not go to see them sworn in is insulting. The insinuation that our kids do not understand that their parents want them to be happy is insulting. I am very close to my son, and I give him the respect of having control over his own adult life instead of making my wishes more important than his (except at Christmas, I get Christmas). I resent insinuations that I have been a bad parent because people on this board choose to be copter moms when I make the decision to respect my son's wishes and not hover over him or embarrass him in front of his peers. I've spoken with several Navy and corpsman moms who have left this board because of these type of comments  in the past. It won't happen again. All moms and dads are welcome here, I don't care how you raised your son/daughter and I will not assume I know your home situation or circumstances by a post on this board. 

There are thousands of parents that have been on N4M and making general comments condemning others because they do not make the same choices as someone else do is simply wrong. 

I would also suggest that now your kids are leaving the nest, it's time for you to do something for you. Same advice we give those moms trying to stay sane with their kids in a war zone, take care of you. Paint a room, dig a garden, join Blue Star moms or Molly's Adopt A Sailor...those groups find lots of useful ways to keep busy and have good results. 

Well said TexasDocMom! And every child is different. We are ALL good parents because we raised children who wanted to be heroes when they grew up! That is the bottom line :) 

TexasDocMom, I know you are one of the veteran's here and we all really appreciate your advice, but I have to chime in and say that I personally wasn't offened by Mom in the OC comment about them being the only parents at the swering in. I even went back and read it again just in case I missed something. Obviously you were though, and I have to say that I am offened by your comment about helicopter parents. Every parent/child situation is different, I think we should all leave it at that. This group should be encouraging and supportive, and I have not read any of that here so far.

To All Navy Moms, Dads and Families.  No matter how your sailor got there or your level of involvement, I want to extend my thanks to you for raising someone who has the drive and guts to endure the training and service sacrifices in order to help protect my sailor, his unit and our country.  Your efforts started many years ago and continue every minute no matter your location.

Just looking a yesterdays posts and calculating all of the time we spent communicating, tracking, searching, worrying, and supporting each other so we can better support or sailors is amazing and a credit to each of you no matter how small or large the effort.  When a surprise call came from my sailor late last night, all of your posts were in my head.  All of your different observations enabled me to pick the best responses that I would have never come up with on my own.  The 1 1/2 hr conversation was amazing!

 It all just makes me wonder what the alqaedaformoms people think about? 

I think we can all agree that every relationship is different and we all get to have our own with our own children without being condemned en masse with general statements to a massive group of over 1000 members in this one particular group, much less the others who drop by to read it without joining. 

I know lots of copter parents....it's how they raise their kids.At most points in our lives as parents we have to be copter parents, it's the job. My daughter is in that mode right now, and I have to say as much as I do not want my grandson to join the military, it would probably be easier for her to let go if he did because he would be in an atmosphere that will allow (or make) him mature and figure out that mom is not there to be an enabler as far as praise and cash goes. Once she saw that happening, all she'd have to do is be proud (and scared at times as we all know.) My son knows me well, and he made it clear that my copter days were over when he enlisted. I am so thankful to him for that, we are now closer than ever and have a mutual respect for one another. 

When we put him on the plane to go back to NC to get on another plane for Iraq, I wanted to walk him all the way to the gate. I think he summed it up pretty well..."No, mom. No more emotion. Not now. Just remember I'm coming home. Don't forget." It was time for him to put his Doc hat on and be professional. And the look in his eyes when he saw me NOT cry there by the car....a grown man recognizing my pain and thanking me for not going over the line. Of course he had no idea that we stopped around the corner and cried for 20 minutes until the cop came to tell us we had to drive on.

So, if I've offended you, I'm sorry. But I was personally offended as well. I was happy to accept the apology and we can move on. Just remember, when you write in these groups around N4M, you can be read by literally thousands of people, and remarks condemning other parents can, and will many times, be taken quite personally. I belong to a group of Navy moms (and now ex Navy moms) that have a private group, and we can share our thoughts and frustrations without fear of hurting feelings. They suggest that I should leave this group and perhaps they are right. I know it would make Marcy happy to not have me butting in. Good luck, ladies (and gentleman).

I think some of us who sit back and read were offended, I know I was. I could not afford to go to my daughters C school graduation. Would I have wanted to be there? Heck Yes but she knew and understood why I wasn't. That doesn't make me any less of a Navy Mom. As for calling base to find out this or that? Offend I will with this comment but come on, if you child can be deployed to a war zone, I honestly think they can handle getting a letter on their own, going to the NEX to purchase supplies and check their own bank account. If your adult child can't do these things, how are they going to make it in the Navy...my guess is they will, you wont!  Texas..I know alot of us appreciate your input. Stay put!

I've been reading all the posts the past couple of days and as always appreciate the input by all Moms.  I too did not attend my son's graduations and have always been told by him that my attendance was not necessary and he always knows that I am there in heart.  I did regret missing the one at San Antonio because received awards and spoke to the class but he made sure we got lots of pictures.  I too felt somewhat offended by some of the posts but realize that I have choosen to allow my son to grow up.  He has learned how to work hard for what he wants, to be responsible and accountable for his actions and in summary to become a "man" I am so proud of.  I have always been greatful that there training has been intense and somewhat impossible at times because I know in the long-run this is what prepares them for the most dangerous and stressful situations.  In fact there training is what keeps them and their mates alive. 

-Texas Mom- I hope you stay with the group and continue to offer your advice and comments.  I is and has always been appreciated.

Hello all just wanted to say if any of you get a chance to go on a Tiger Cruise with your sailor it will be an experience of a life time. I am so thankful for the experience. I knew the bunks were small but when you have to sleep in it you have a new respect for what they go through on a day to day. He is on an amphibious assault ship so there were a lot of interesting things to do.   

My son didn't tell us that we could go to either of his swearing ins (Army Reserve in his teens and Navy as an adult).  Until I read OC Mom's post, I didn't even know we could go.  I would have driven the 200 miles to watch it but if he didn't tell me, he obviously didn't want us there or didn't know either.  I can assume he didn't want his crying mother there or that he wanted to start his new life on his own.

I wish I had gone to his A school graduation but he told us it wasn't a big deal (darn it for not telling me the truth).  Even though we had just braved the snow in Great Lakes, I would have gone back to freeze again.  Long drive from Florida but I wasn't working so I could have done it.

I would probably have not attended FMTB graduation due to the distance and expense.  Fortunately, I was there taking care of my granddaughter and we did attend. 
I hope I didn't offend anyone with my advice based on my or my son's personal experiences.  I find I take what I need from NavyforMoms and leave the stuff that I don't like or agree with behind.  For every person I don't agree with, I know there are ten who are on my same wave length. NFM has been such a source of comfort and support for me as I have gone through the ups and downs of my son's life.   

I know there will be lots of ceremonies in the future that I will have to weigh the importance of attending or not.  Until the other day when my son mentioned his ex wife's father would probably fly out to San Diego her Chief pinning, I didn't realize how big a deal it was.  Hopefully, in the next two years we will be going to his!
   

My son is in the top five for a contest to win wedding photography and flower package for their wedding on June 15, 2014.  Please vote for them "Wade & Kaitlyn on the following link.  Thanks!

Tamme,

Done, cute story about "stay away"

Tamme: Okay, done.

However, they are ONLY 2 VOTES ahead of 2nd place couple that lives in Washington, DC. Probably a couple of liberal anti-military bureaucrats who could easily pay for theirs. ;-) 

Come on people, rally up!!!

Tamme, its in the bag. I just asked for the calvary...and they are already in the fight!

Bobbo - you are fantastic.  I can just see the amazement this photographer will see having votes from all over the world.  Plus such a great pick-me-up for my son during deployment. 

Thanks so much familything & Sheryl. 

Done Tamme!  And what a handsome son that Corpsman is!  Hope they win!

This liberal just voted for the corpsman...and put it on my facebook page so my other liberal Navy moms would do the same...we're like that.

Thanks, Pam!  Kaitlyn took the picture when they were Skyping one morning.  I remember her e-mail to me saying "I caught him smiling."  It was right after he returned to Afghanistan after R&R and he had been feeling a little down so it was so refreshing for her to see him laugh and smile. 

Terrific TexasDocsMom!  Thanks so much. 

way to go TexasDocMom! I couldn't resist with the comment when I saw the 2nd place couple was young and had moved to DC. Just too perfect. Just don't tell my girlfriend I used that term!!! She's from Nor. Calif., a college professor of psychology, and (Lordy!!!) even wears tie-dyed T-shirts!  :-O

This Liberal also voted for Wade and Kaitlyn, and thank you TexasDocMom for letting me know I'm not the only liberal patriot on here.

I cast a vote for Wade & Kaitlyn also - if anyone deserves something special for their wedding, it's them!

Just wait til tongiht, Tamme. I just got word that it will post on a military FB page with almost 500,000 followers! That should be worth a few votes! hee hee.

Bobbo, think you stepped in it. 

This liberal, military brat of a retired USAF vet of WWII, Korea, Vietnam; wife of airman who worked 40+ years federal service; and mother of a Navy corpsman also just voted for Katelyn and Wade.

Not offended; I don't mind being a free thinker.