Son ignores phone calls/letters from home....

[becciquilter]

My son started school in October and we didn't hear anything from him until he came home for Christmas.  I made him "pinky swear" that he would stay in closer contact.  While I know school is demanding and keeping him busy, could it really keep him so busy that he wouldn't call home for my birthday?  I knew I would get a phone call on Mother's Day, but so far haven't heard a word.

 

Is this normal behavior?  He hasn't contacted anyone from home.  I've checked the cell phone records and he's only called Papa John's (no relative!!!)  I'm planning a trip to Goose Creek around the first of June to try to find his carcass. I've gone from being upset to just plain old mad!  If he's this bad about communicating, what's it going to be like later?

 

p.s. This isn't the first time he's been away from home.  When he went out of state to college, he was better about staying in touch.  Of course, those phone calls were necessary if he wanted to keep the $$ in his school account.

 

What should I do?  What would you do or what have you done to reach your sailor?  I had written a letter to the Commanding Officer a month ago, but didn't receive an answer from him either. I am grateful that we haven't had a real emergency or death in the family or this would have really driven me off the deep end.

 

Also, what do you tell people when they ask how's he doing? I've had a great family friend send him cookies a couple of times and she's never heard if he's even eaten them. My last package was returned as he wouldn't/couldn't get to the Post Office to pick it up.

 

Help!!

 

Becci

[NicksMom-Nuke-MM- ELT Training]

Becci- My husband I plan on making the 14 hour drive to Charleston in December for Power School Grad. Plan to get their on Thursday so we can see a little of the area having never been there. Not sure if we will be helping him move to an apartment in the area or loading his stuff and then after Christmas making a trip to Saratoga to help him get a place. Either way I always love having a trip to look forward to hopefully the weather will be okay for traveling, either way I am going.

[Elisa T]

Becci,
I have not been on this site in several months as we are going through the same thing and it just got so hard to read all the joyous posts. He has is orders for the USSN Rhode Island based out of Georgia and that's pretty much all we know. We also considered contacting the Commanding Officer, but after speaking with our Pastor, decided not to involve a CO. Our next step may be to contact Navy Chaplain. Like you, I just don't know what to do other than pray.
My heart goes out to you and feel free to send me a private note.
Elisa

[algerine]

Hi Elisa -
I'm right there with you! It is hard reading other posts about sailors coming around, we have to believe we'll get there too! Thanks for posting. I've found alot of support on this site - and I've also learned so much from Becci and the others. Hang in there and don't give up!!

[Elisa T]

Nope, I'm not going to give up, just staying busy and I know I'll start checking in to the site again on a regular basis. To "happen upon" Becci's thread, and now your response, I could cry from relief. Maybe I'll be able to have an idea of what is going on in his Navy life from others who's kids are at the same stage in the program. Any others out there with a son going to GA assigned to the USSN Rhode Island?

[becciquilter]

Elisa - I think the most important thing to keep in mind is to not give up!! I understand about the tears - I cried myself to sleep on Mother's Day. I think that's when I started getting the most anxious - it's just not like him at all to not remember any of us on our birthdays or special holidays. The fact that he hadn't been in contact with any of his friends or other family members brought a little bit of hope (it meant that he wasn't just dissing me!!!)

I'm glad you happened upon this thread. If you look back, I really did try out all the suggestions everyone made. I did contact the ombudsmen several times. All she did was forward my email to my son's chief. I did a little research and found that her job is really the middle man between the military and the civilian world. She's supposed to help the newest members of the military to adjust to the military life and the families that are left behind. I was very, very disappointed in the handling of this. It could have been handled so much better. I do see though that the Navy has some issues with communication and I think it begins at the top! I had also written the CO of the base 2 times. The last time I had written, I showed my letter to someone and they mailed it out. They thought I had touched on some real issues and offered up good solutions. Needless to say, this wasn't received really well by my son. Of course, I could have told him that if he had called and kept his promise, I wouldn't have felt so worried and have taken such drastic actions.

One of the best pieces of advice that I've received several times was to continue to keep the lines of communication open. Every week I've sent a card or note letting him know that we were thinking of him, missing him, family gossip and the latest antics of our dog. Now that we're "talking" again, he said he really appreciated the notes and found the dog stories funny and a brightness to his day. I've had to bite my tongue and not be accusatory. You know - "why haven't you......." It's been hard for me to let it all go, but oh, the end results have been worth it.

Please keep us posted on how YOU are doing and maybe in a little while, you'll be able to tell us some good news, too! We'll keep you covered with prayers and will even include your sailor. I still say, I should have gone to Goose Creek and pinched that precious, little darling's head off. Forgetting Mother's Day?!! I could show him a thing or two......!! OK, I still have a few issues I need to work out!!!

All my best --
Becci
p.s. I accidentally joined a running group..........you should ask Cindy or BLW how crazy I am!!!!!

[algerine]

'accidentally' joined a running group??? You go Becci!!!

[Elisa T]

Hello all, I finally realized that I needed to go back to the very beginning and read every post. Many great suggestions and insights from others in the same situation. I especially appreciated the post about all the hours spent studying. I knew that there were long days but ........... The post about the prodigal son hit close to home as that is what we call our son. I will be re-reading, and digesting, and probably taking notes! Haha. I guess I shouldn't have stayed away from the site for so long as I feel so much better. It's not that misery loves company, but that others understand and we are not alone.
I don't really know how to touch base with other moms whose kids are in the same "time frame" as mine. Isn't there a rule about TMI?
Thanks again for the kindnesses you share.
E

[Cindy: "Proud Mom of a Nuke"]

Hi Elise! I am one of Becci's friends on here that know she is CRAZY to have joined a running group! Her stories are hilarious! Were you a member of a BC graduating class before? If so, that is the best place to look. There will probably be a discussion group at the top part of that group that will say something along the lines of NUKES going to GC. If so- click on that discussion and read what they have to say. Then, send a friend request to some of them. Ask them when A school graduation is or Power School graduation is. This will help you a lot! All my best to you and let me know if I can help you investigate this. Ask Becci- I am an undercover investigator/stalker on here. LOL
Cindy : )

[Elisa T]

Thank you Cindy. Two yrs ago I was just on the main page really. Wasn't in a good enough place emotionally to share my story and ask for input the way Becci did. And I too, find Becci uplifting and funny.She should be a writer! Then I fell into, as Becci called it, the pity pit. Whew-glad I'm out of that place.
Anyway, I will go back and research and keep you posted.
Elisa

[algerine]

Hi Everyone -
Just wondering if it's possible for a sailor to move off base before Power School Graduation. According to FB, my son and DIL are moving in 10 days - and grad is Dec. 17. It doesn't seem like that would be ok - especially of he ends up going to NY, which I don't think they find out until much closer to Dec. Any insight on this would be great!

[Elisa T]

Hi there--
Well, possibly married housing came open for them, and I think that's off base. Or at least some is. I know my son & DIL are off base. ( hahahah-a bit of unintentional humor.) Growing up our family never lived on base and we did move a few times for what seemed like no reason to me. But what do little kids know.
Hope you are well.